Without a Doubt

by Lindsay Paige

  I return to the room, thinking Eva will be done, but she's only three-fourths of the way through her stitches. The paramedic wasn't lying when she said she would need a lot. Eva looks at me with questioning eyes.

  “Glen and Lori are on their way. They're going to make sure we get both us and our vehicles home. Catherine wants you to call her when you feel up to it. So do your parents.”

  “Thank you.” She turns her hand palm up and I take it, kissing her knuckles.

  We sit silently until the doctor is finished. Glen bursts into the room and rushes over to her. He looks her over before kissing her forehead.

  “Glad you're okay, Eva.”

  “Thanks for coming.”

  Lori hovers in the doorway, but no one says anything to her. Eva does glance her way in acknowledgement. She's probably still annoyed no one will tell her what happened between the two of them. At first, I didn't tell her because not only is it not my place, but I figured if Glen wanted her to know, then she would know. When I brought it up to Glen that she was asking me about it, he made me promise not to tell. Of course, I agreed.

  Lori, apparently not one to be ignored, speaks up. “Do y'all need anything?”

  “We're fine,” I answer with an appreciative smile. “Thank you though.”

  “When are you being discharged?” Glen asks Eva.

  “I don't know. Whenever they get the paperwork in order, I guess.” Eva shivers and Glen immediately takes off his jacket, slinging it around her shoulders when she sits up.

  He looks at me with a wry smile. “Sorry, I don't have one for you. You're going to freeze your ass off when you go outside.”

  I shrug. A few minutes of cold weather I can handle.

  “You should be a better girlfriend,” Eva tells him, making us laugh.

  Our laughter dies when an officer enters the room. “I'm sorry to bother you twice in one night, but I was wondering if I could show you some mug shots and see if either of you recognize anyone.”

  Eva nods. “Okay.”

  He hands us three sheets of paper with nine mug shots on each of them. On the third sheet in the upper right corner, we point out the guy. The officer smiles.

  “Thank you for your time. He's already been arrested.”

  “How?” Eva blurts out.

  “He was arrested an hour ago for attempting to buy drugs from an undercover officer. With the descriptions you gave earlier, the amount of cash he had on him, and the bloody knife found in his vehicle, we suspected he might be the same man, which is why I hauled tail back over here to see if you two could ID him. We'll be in touch if needed. Have a good night.” He tips his chin before leaving.

  Shortly after, Eva is discharged. Glen takes us back to Sub Grub where I get my truck and Lori drives Eva's car back to my apartment. Glen hugs Eva tightly before promising to see her on Thanksgiving. She's been awfully quiet since the officer left. It worries me. We change into clean clothes and I carefully wash her hair in the kitchen sink, rinsing away all the blood.

  When we're in bed, I pull her to me. That one action seems to break her. Sobs pour out of her as her entire torso shakes from the tears. I hold her tighter, repeatedly kiss her temple, and run my hands over her.

  “It's okay,” I whisper. “It's over now and you're safe here with me.”

  “I was so scared,” she says, managing to hiccup three times.

  “I know. I was too, but you're fine. You're safe.”

  She cries herself to sleep and I hope the meds she took for any pain and discomfort helps her sleep soundly.

  Thanksgiving goes really well. This time, I was able to see Eva actually interact with her family more than I did when we came for her mother's birthday. Her mind isn't weighted down with doubt over our relationship. However, Eva seems happy to come back home because everyone was fussing over her the entire time. I think she was tired of them acknowledging something had happened. She wanted some normalcy and she wasn't getting as much as she wanted with her family.

  Thankfully, she hasn't had any issues sleeping and she hasn't cried since that night. However, when it's time for her to return to work, she quits. Eva never makes it out of the apartment. She sits on the bar, dressed for work, and stares at the door, her hands trembling. It's painful to watch, to know that he fucked with her mind, that she is panicking before she could even stand to leave. I hold her in my arms once the tears start falling, trying to calm her down.

  She can't do it. She feels bad about it, feels weak, but she says she can't handle walking back in there again. I can't blame her. I don't know if I could ever watch through those doors and not see her sprawled on the floor with blood seeping into my t-shirt. So, I tell her I'll support whatever she feels she needs to do. She calls Barry, who is very understanding, and doesn't go into work. I call in sick and stay with her for the rest of the day.

  On the bright side, she's able to quickly find another job at a store in the mall.

  On the not-so-bright side, Eva frowns every time she walks past a mirror and sees the raised skin of her scar. Every time I catch her doing it, I walk up behind her and kiss it. She hates the scar. I remind her it'll get better as it heals. She still hates it, calls it ugly. Sometimes, she'll laugh when I tell her if I can find her beautiful after she burps, then the scar won't change that either.

  Sometimes I wonder if what happened haunts her more than she lets on. I'll have nightmares every now and then about it, only they're so much worse than the reality. I don't tell her about them because I don't see how it could be helpful. Could she possibly be thinking the same thing if she's having nightmares? I don't know. I hope she will talk to me if she is struggling though.

  Tonight, we're lying on the couch watching Home Alone, her favorite Christmas movie, who knew? It's Christmas Eve. There's a tree up in the corner. We decided to spend Christmas here together, just the two of us. We'll be making visits home later in the week. We waited until yesterday to put a tree up. Considering there isn't a lot of space to store Christmas stuff here, we bought a live tree we can throw away later and a grand total of five ornaments.

  “We don't need much,” Eva had said. “Just a little something.”

  So, we picked out five ornaments, bought some lights, and spent the afternoon decorating. Tonight, instead of baking cookies, we baked brownies. We've already eaten half of them. I sigh happily at my life. It's too much sometimes, but damn if it's not amazing.

  “Would you ever want to marry me one day?” Eva asks without looking up at me. Every so often, she'll ask a question about our future. Where would we want to live? What would our house be like? What are we going to do when she graduates? How many kids could I picture? Her questions alter between things we should think about, like what happens when she graduates, and fantasizing about our lives after college, like her question tonight.

  “Yeah. One day,” I repeat her words. “Without a doubt,” I add. There's no need to tell her I've already started putting money aside for a ring. The plan is to wait until after I've graduated. Two years to go. Well, two and a half really. We'll have been together for three by then and be much more ready to handle a marriage. I don't mind waiting. I want to wait. I'm content with how we are right now. But I also know what I want and even if Eva doesn't realize it, I'm planning and preparing for our future together. She'll answer her own questions usually, so she's supplying me with the information I'll need to make our dreams a reality.

  She lifts her head with a smile and kisses me. “Good answer. Maybe by then, I'll be okay with burping the entire abc's for you.” I laugh and her smile softens as it always does when she says, “I love you, Emerson.”

  “I love you too, Eva.”

  Every day I wake up with one goal in mind. Make Eva happy. As long as I reach that one goal, everything else falls into place. It's not always easy, especially when we argue over stuff that doesn't matter in the long run. Things like how I didn't like how she cleaned. Eva was quick to tell me I was stuck in how I've been doing it and it
's the only reason I said she was doing it wrong. I stared at her dumbstruck because my first thought was she's not doing it how I do it. But at the end of the day, we're happy.

  Without a doubt, we're happy, we love each other, and all the troubles makes it worth it when she's with me. There's a saying about how endings aren't so bad because it opens the door for a new beginning. Eva was my new beginning and I don't think either of us plans to let our story come to an end.

  Lips of an Angel - Hinder

  Without You - Hinder

  Not Meant To Be - Theory of a Deadman

  All or Nothing - Theory of a Deadman

  100 in a 55 - Pop Evil

  It's Been Awhile - Staind

  Far Away - Nickelback

  Someday - Nickelback

  Never Gonna Be Alone - Nickelback

  I'd Come for You - Nickelback

  All or Nothing - O-Town

  Used To - Daughtry

  Crashed - Daughtry

  Let Me Go - 3 Doors Down

  God Gave Me You by Blake Shelton

  Mine Would Be You by Blake Shelton

  I Can Love You Like That by John Michael Montgomery

  Dear Reader,

  I've included four bonus scenes. You'll be able to read a scene with what was said when Eva and Glen escaped to Emerson's bedroom to make up for his withholding of information, the scene where Emerson giving Eva a key to his apartment from her point-of-view, Kelly's full letter to Emerson, and finally, a scene which fast-forwards to Emerson's proposal. I hope you enjoy these bonus scenes!

  Thanks for reading,

  Lindsay Paige

  Eva and Glen making up

  “CAN I BORROW your bedroom for a second?” I ask Emerson. When he nods, I turn to Glen, “Can I talk to you?”

  Glen nods and I lead him down the hallway to Emerson's bedroom. We take a seat at the foot of the bed. I open the bag of cookies and pull one out for him and one for myself.

  “Thanks,” he says.

  “You're welcome.” I take a bite and then get on with it. I wasn't lying when I told him I stopped being mad at him before now, but it's time we officially make up. “I'm sorry for ignoring you. I was pissed you lied to me. You were my cousin way before you became his friend, so I automatically assumed that you would tell me any news no matter what. So, I'm sorry for putting you in the middle of my relationship with Emerson. I shouldn't have and it was unfair to do so.”

  Glen shrugs. “I get it. I thought about telling you, but I didn't think it was that major. Emerson seemed to be shrugging it off and I knew you were freaked out—”

  “I wasn't freaked out,” I object.

  “You were worried about the situation,” he corrects with a roll of his eyes. “Either way, I trusted Emerson to handle it as he saw fit because he's a good guy.”

  “Yes, he is,” I agree. “I promise I won't put you in the middle again. If he tells you something in the future, you don't need to tell me either. I think he'll tell me if it happens again.”

  Glen's posture seems to relax as he finishes off his cookie. “I don't want to be in the middle of y'all either because that is definitely between a rock and a hard place, even though I would choose you every time. If for some reason Emerson doesn't tell you something I think you need to know, I will tell you. Otherwise, y'all are on your own. I'm hear to listen, but I don't want to play ref, or take sides, or stand in the middle.”

  “Okay, that works for me.” Having finished my cookie, I lean over and hug him. “We should go watch the game before Emerson comes looking for us.”

  Eva receiving the key to Emerson's apartment

  “I HAVE A surprise for you,” Emerson says.

  I almost forgot! I lift my head and grin at him, excited about what he may have for me. “When do I get to have it?”

  “Now, if you want it.”

  “Of course I do!” I tilt my head with my best Are you kidding? expression. When would I ever turn down a surprise? Never!

  I sit, fold my legs underneath me, and cover my legs as he leans over to open a drawer of his nightstand. I lean to the right a little to attempt to peek at what he may have, but I can't see anything. My eyes are glued to his fist as he faces me again.

  When Emerson clears his throat, I glance up at him. He takes a deep breath and I realize he's nervous, which is starting to make me nervous. “You stay over a lot and I thought I would give you one in case you ever needed it.” As he finishes, he opens his hand.

  Oh. My. God.

  There's a shiny, new key just lying in his palm.

  He's giving me a key to his apartment? This is huge. I feel like I've been trying to wrap my head around how perfect we seem together, even with our issues, and now, to make it even better, he's letting me in a little more. He's sealing me into his future a little more. Itching to hold it, I gingerly reach out and pick it up. Wow. No wonder he was nervous. And I haven't said a word yet. I look at Emerson, speechless for probably the first time in my life.

  “Thanks, Emerson.”

  “You're welcome,” he replies.

  I can't help but let my eyes fall back down to the key. This may just be the best day of our relationship yet.

  “I have one more thing for you,” Emerson says. He stands and walks to his closet. After he fumbles around with something he picked up, he comes back to bed, holding up a keychain. It's a cute and simple silver E hanging from the chain. “E for Emerson or Eva,” he shrugs, giving it to me.

  “Thank you.” That seems to be all I can say. I easily slip the key onto the ring. This is really happening. I smile at Emerson as what this means. “Does this mean I can come over unannounced and whenever I want?”

  “You do that already,” he jokes with a smile.

  I can't help but laugh. “Yeah, but this,” I hold up the key, “gives me permission.” As usual, I have to embarrass myself in some way around Emerson. My stomach growls like a freaking lion and Emerson's phone rings. I can't even find it in me to care. He gave me a key! Who needs doubts when I have a key to his apartment?

  Kelly's Entire Letter to Emerson

  Emerson,

  You are the love of my life. I could go on and tell you how much, or the exact moment I knew, or discuss our time together, but I won't. You know our history as well as I do. I know you didn't agree with my decisions, but I'm hoping to explain them if you're willing to listen.

  In short, I asked for a break because I knew there was no way you'd accept a break up without an explanation. I wasn't ready to explain and I knew I could convince you to a break at the very least. It wasn't fair of me, I know, but I've always been a little weak when it comes to you.

  I wanted you to have time without me. To see other people so you'd know you could be happy without me. Based on what you said in our last call, my mission was successful. You've fallen in love with her, haven't you? Even though you said you could love her and be happy with her, I knew then that it was already true. I hope she's as perfect for you as you said. I hope you two live long and happily together and if things end with her, I hope you can fall in love again.

  My intentions were to never call. But things here were looking gloomy and I missed you so much. I had to know how you were doing. I had to hear your voice. I had to know if you had moved on. I had to know if you were truly happy.

  You were.

  And I'm so, so happy for you, Emerson. It makes writing this letter easier. I asked for a break because I learned I was sick. If you want to know the terrible details of it, talk to my mom. Otherwise, I don't want to discuss it. My time is short and there are better things to dwell on than that.

  I knew about a month before I asked for the break. I was conflicted because I wanted to tell my best friend, the love of my life, but at the same time, my heart was already hurting at imagining what this was going to do to you. It killed me to see your reaction to my asking for a break, but it also made me feel better about my decision.

  If I had told you, it would have crushed you. We mad
e so many plans for our future and to know that those plans were unnecessary now would have been too much to handle. If there was any way I could possibly make this experience easier for both of us, I had to take it. I couldn't handle the thought of you seeing me at what would turn out to be the worst time of my life. I couldn't handle seeing this break you and it would have. I was selfish and put my needs first, but it also helped me put you first. I wanted the rest of my time to be as normal as possible, even if it meant letting you go and keeping you in the dark.

  If I had told you, you wouldn't have left my side. You would have worried about me while you were at college, probably come home as often as you could, and Emerson, I couldn't let you do that. I didn't want that to be your life or mine for that matter. Your life didn't have to end while mine was. A break between us would force you to be normal and hopefully, find someone who is a life-long love.

  You found that someone in Eva.

  Thank you for being the best person I ever knew. Thank you for loving me and letting me love you. Our time together was inarguably the best time of my life and I wouldn't have traded it for anything. You're going to do great things in life.

  I just want you to be happy, Emerson. I hoped that if you found someone else, possibly fell in love with her, but definitely lived away from me, then you could be happy after I died and that it would make the grieving process just a little easier.

  Please accept how I handled this, and forgive me for any problems I caused with you and Eva.

  Forgive me for my decisions, and go be happy. It's all I've ever wanted.

  Kelly

  Emerson Proposing in his POV