Something to Talk About

by Melanie Woods Schuster

  His voice was thick with emotion and Adam was almost sorry that he’d begun the conversation. Maybe it would have been better to leave everything the way it was, but it was too late for that. He was about to suggest that they talk about it later, but his father continued to talk.

  “I was sorry for the way I’d treated him, even though I never forgave him for what he’d done. I just couldn’t forget what he’d done with the girl I was in love with. I couldn’t let it go. Cassandra was everything to me, Adam. She was my whole world. She made every day wonderful. And with a few words, everything was destroyed. I had a long time to think about it, about how she and my father betrayed me. I never wanted to see that town again and none of those people. I just acted like I had no family, and as far as I was concerned, I didn’t. After what I’d found out about my father and Cassandra, they were dead to me. I was a bitter man for a long time until I met your mother. Your mother saved my life, son. She taught me how to live again, how to love again.”

  Adam stared at his father with the intensity of someone straining to understand a foreign language. “Okay, Pop, that was a pretty raw deal. You loved this girl and you lost her because you were told things about her that weren’t true. You turned away from your family and went out on your own. Then you met Mom and you say she taught you how to love again. That’s pretty huge. So how did the rest of this happen, if you loved Mom so much? This is what I don’t understand. How could you cheat on her?” he asked tightly.

  Benny fell silent and stared at the backs of his hands for a long time before answering his son. “Lillian Bennett was one of a kind. She was the kind of person who drew people to her. Everyone loved her; they just couldn’t help it because she was so sweet. I couldn’t help it; it took about two minutes for me to fall in love with her. She was everything a woman should be; she was the best friend, the best wife and mother anyone could hope for. I’ll go to my grave regretting being unfaithful to her. It wasn’t because of anything lacking in her, she was a wonderful woman and I loved her dearly.” He looked Adam in the eye defiantly when he said this, and Adam was shocked to see a hint of moisture in his father’s eyes. It wasn’t enough, however, to stop him from asking the inevitable question.

  “I hear what you’re saying, Pop, but you still cheated on her. If you loved her so much, how could you do that?”

  Bennie fell silent again, taking another swallow of water and directing his gaze off to the side. After a long, uncomfortable silence he started talking again although his voice was noticeably weaker.

  “Lillian and I had been married for a long time and they were without question the best years of my life. We had beautiful children, healthy children. Nobody could ask for a better family. I was out of town on business, over in Gary, Indiana, and I went into a Mom-and-Pop type restaurant. There she was, just like I remembered her. Cassandra Hightower was having dinner in that same restaurant and she looked up at me at the same time I saw her.

  “I should have turned around and left when I laid eyes on her, but I couldn’t I went over to her table and she asked me to sit down. I had my speech all planned. Hell, I’d been rehearsing it for twenty-five years. I told her what I thought of her for what she’d done, and took great pains to let her know just what a wonderful life I had. But it didn’t end up like I planned. She had no idea what I was talking about, son. She looked at me with those great big eyes full of tears and asked me why I hated her so much since I was the one who didn’t want anything to do with her. I was the one who’d run off without a word to her and she never knew what she’d done to deserve that from me.”

  “It took about ten minutes to get everything out on the table, but the bottom line was I’d been had. My mother, my own mother made up a pack of lies and my aunts backed her up. I’d fallen for the oldest trick in the book and ruined my life and Cassandra’s life as a result. Oh yeah, her life wasn’t what she wanted it to be either. She was so torn up after I ran off that she came back to Indiana and never left again. She finished school, she became a teacher, but she never did get married. Never had another boyfriend after me, she said she couldn’t face that kind of heartbreak again.”

  Adam’s eyes never left his father’s face during this recitation. He could see that Benny was in another place, another time, reliving the past as he remembered it. It just wasn’t enough to sway Adam.

  “Okay, so the both of you got a raw deal. You were what, eighteen at the time? By the time you saw her again you had a new life, you had a family and a wife who loved you and trusted you and deserved a faithful husband. What about her, Pop? How did you get from regrets to paternity?” he asked, none too gently.

  “I made a mistake, that’s how,” Benny answered angrily. “We kept talking until the restaurant closed and I took her home. And I stayed. Just that one night, one night to make up for all the time we’d had stolen away from us. I’m not trying to justify what I did, I was a grown man and I knew when I was doing it I was wrong as two left shoes. But it wasn’t about right and wrong, it was about something over which I had no control.

  “We said we’d never see each other again after that and she kept her end of it I never heard another word from her until she was about to deliver our child. And the only reason she got in touch with me then was that she was dying. She knew she didn’t have much time left and she wanted to make sure that the baby was taken care of. I went to see her then, and I helped arrange for the baby to be adopted. She died a few days after the baby was born and the boy was adopted. And that was the end of it” he said with finality.

  “The end of it? Pop, if that was the end of it we wouldn’t be having this conversation now. Why did you dig all this up? What possible good can come out of confronting this man and bringing him here? What are you trying to do, atone for your sins?”

  “I don’t like your tone, Adam. Let’s not forget who the father is here. Who the hell are you to judge me, boy? I’m doing what I have to do, not what I want to do or what’s going to be convenient for the family. All of y’all are grown, educated, you have good careers and good lives, and I’m the one who made that possible. You never lacked for anything; you had everything you could possibly want. So don’t make it out like I was a terrible father, somebody who abused you and mistreated you.” His face was taking on a familiar red hue and his breathing was growing harsh. “Name me one thing you did without when you were a child, one thing!”

  Adam’s jaw was so tight he could barely get the words out but he managed. “One thing? Since you ask, I’ll tell you. The one thing I did without was my mother. You couldn’t make that right.” Pale with rage, he left the deck without another word.

  For the first time in many, many years, Benny felt real tears sliding down his face as he sat alone on the deck.

  ***

  As summit meetings went, this one wasn’t bad. After Benita and Andrew assured Ruth they weren’t trying to crucify her, she came to lunch willingly. All of the Cochrans were there, with the exception of Adam. Bump Williams was also present, along with Renee and Angelique. They had all convened at the home of Andrew and Renee and after a buffet lunch, they were ranged about the living room talking quietly and listening expectantly. Aunt Ruth looked around at her niece and nephews and had to swallow hard to conquer the lump in her throat. Ruth Bennett was an absolute original. She was a career soldier, an army officer who’d resigned her commission when her only sister was killed in a car accident. She’d stepped in as best she could to help raise the children, and the results of her love and devotion were now strong, admirable adults. She’d done everything she could for them; she only hoped that what she had to tell them wouldn’t destroy the loving relationship they’d always had.

  Clearing her throat, she began. “I don’t know how to explain this to you, other than to say that what I did, I did to protect my sister. When Benny called me and told me about the baby, I was the one who found a family to take him. I had a very dear friend, Consuela Flores, who wanted a family more than anything in this w
orld. She and her husband, Nestor, were so happy to have the baby, being parents meant everything to them. We arranged a private adoption and they moved to California. I had a chance to help my friend and keep my sister from finding out her husband had lost his mind and I did it I didn’t see any other way out,” she said with a catch in her voice. She paused and pressed her fingers to her temples, trying to maintain her composure.

  “I’ll understand if you hate me for it, I really will. Everything happened so quickly; I just reacted to the situation at hand. Your father had done something incredibly careless, something that he would regret for the rest of his life. I could compound the situation by telling my sister and destroying her life, or I could make it all go away, and I chose the latter. My sister’s happiness, your happiness, was all I cared about I don’t know if it was the right thing to do or not, but it was done a long time ago. I was frankly amazed when Benny told me what he was planning to do, but I understand it, to some extent,” she said in a quiet voice so unlike her normal brisk speech.

  Donnie was sitting next to Aunt Ruth on the love seat and he put his arm around her protectively. He’d always been her favorite, according to his siblings, and his actions proved it.

  “Aunt Ruth, look, none of us could ever hate you. At this point it’s not a question of who did what or when. That’s all over. But there is something we’d like to know, and that’s how John Flores came to be Benita’s therapist in California. Did you... know anything about that?”

  Ruth leaned against Donnie and bowed her head briefly. She raised her head almost defiantly before answering. “Yes, I did. I knew where John was and who he was because I’d stayed in touch with his mother. Consuela wrote me and I wrote her. She sent me pictures of John as he was growing up, so I would know what had become of him. I knew he was one of the best psychotherapists in California and Benita had to have the best. Her depression was so profound; well, I don’t have to tell you that, you all saw her. I asked for John and he was available and he came.”

  “Aunt Ruth, Donnie is right, we couldn’t possibly hate you. I know you did it out of love for my mother and compassion for my father,” Bennie began.

  Ruth grimaced and gestured with her hand. “ ‘Compassion’ might be stretching it, Benita. I was in panic mode, quite honestly. I just didn’t want Lillian to find out.”

  “So you knew who John was,” Benita marveled. “It’s so funny, everyone always says how much he favors Adam, and I thought it was just because of their height and their ponytails. I never really saw that much of a resemblance. Of course, even if I’d seen a true similarity it wouldn’t have occurred to me that he was a relative,” she added with a half smile.

  Bump spoke for the first time. “As long as we’re confessing, I have to tell you that I knew, too. Benny told me about it, not too long after the boy was adopted. When I saw John with you and Clay at the airport in LA., I knew who he was immediately,” he said, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “I’ve always felt bad about not telling anyone about it, but how could I?” Angelique was sitting closest to Bump and reached over to take his hand.

  “You couldn’t. No one blames you for anything,” she said fiercely.

  Alan and Andre concurred. “Maybe we’re just too cynical for our own good, but this isn’t the first time something like this has happened in a family and it won’t be the last,” Alan said.

  “Yeah, it’s pretty much time out for all the who did what and when and why. If Mom was still alive it would be a lot different but since she’s gone, God rest her soul, it’s up to us to deal with this. We all know what Pop wants, but the question is, what do we want? Are we ready to deal with a new sibling, a half brother? Do we just let it go or do we do as Pop wants?” Andre asked the group at large.

  Andrew spoke then. “Benita and I think it would be pretty impossible to ignore it. We want to meet with John and break it to him as gently as possible that he comes from a nest of cuckoos.”

  Everyone laughed gamely at his lame joke. Donnie agreed with his oldest brother, though.

  “Yeah, I think that’s the general consensus. We can’t pretend like this never happened, we have to move forward. Carefully, of course, because this is going to be really awkward,” he said thoughtfully. “Even on a good day we’re pretty unruly. We don’t want to scare the guy half to death.”

  Benita smiled, thinking about John. “It’s amazing that none of you ever met him. Renee did because she was with me every step of the way, and of course Aunt Ruth and Clay and Angelique, when she came out to see me. But none of you men ever did, you were just never around when John was visiting. That’s really odd," she said, more to herself than anyone else.

  Tm very relieved that you all are so accepting of this,” Ruth said, “but there’s something you’re not thinking about or someone, I should say.” When all eyes turned to her, she elaborated.

  “There’s one person who isn’t here right now, and that’s Adam. This is going to be very hard on Adam, for a number of reasons, not the least of which is John’s birthday.”

  Everyone looked blank until Ruth explained. “I’m sorry; I keep forgetting you all don’t know these things. One of the reasons I ran to help Benny was that my sister had just given birth to Adam. He and John were born five days apart.”

  No one could think of a thing to say to break the silence.

  ***

  Alicia was in her office working on an intricate plan when her door opened and Adam walked in. She stopped what she was doing at once and looked at him. “How did the meeting with your father go?” she asked softly.

  Adam didn’t answer at first. He shoved his hands into his pockets and his jaw tightened. Finally he answered. “It was fine. I just stopped by to let you know I’m leaving. We have that project out west, remember, and I’m flying to Seattle this evening.”

  “You’re going to Seattle? Why do you have to go now, Adam?” Alicia didn’t care that her voice sounded demanding and anxious, that was how she felt Adam was standing in her office looking like they were talking about the weather when in fact, he’d just announced that he was leaving town.

  “Alicia, I’ve been planning this for weeks. You’ve known about this project for a least a month and a half, you knew I was leaving this week,” he said. He was looking at her with eyes so devoid of expression they looked dead.

  “Yes, of course, I knew about it,” she said hastily. “But with everything that’s going on, I thought that you’d want to stay here. Hannibal or Paul can go in your place; you don’t really have to go now, do you?” Her anxiety made her sound harsh, not understanding, and she was about to try again when the ice in his eyes melted slightly.

  He crossed the short distance between them and put his arms around her. “Believe me, Allie, this is for the best. I need to get out of here for a while and clear my head. Staying around here and having to deal with all this drama is the worst thing for me. I’ll call you when I get there,” he said promised.

  Alicia stared at him with unhappy eyes and he leaned down to take her lips in a long and tender kiss. “I’m not leaving you, Allie. You’re my heart. But I’ve got to put some space between me and this whole mess. I’ll call you.” Before Alicia could say anything else, he turned and left the office.

  Chapter Seventeen

  John Flores sat behind his desk in a big swivel chair dutifully putting away the files he was taking from a corrugated box. He glanced up and realized this one box barely made a dent in the sea of cartons all waiting to be unpacked before the place would resemble an office. He was bone-tired and this was the last place he wanted to be, but the job had to be done. Thank God he had a helper, albeit a rather unwilling one. He pulled open the drawer in the center of the desk and located a small glass container of paper clips. With a smile on his handsome face he began pitching them into the very perfect updo of the woman who was kneeling next to a partially unpacked box, taking out books and arranging them in the floor-to-ceiling bookshelves that made up one wall. A small ti
ghtening of her lips was the only indication that she was aware of his activity.

  “Do you know how irritating that is? How childish?” she said in her ultra-precise diction.

  “Yes, Miss Parker, I do. That’s why I’m doing it.”

  She rose, and with a toss of her head, dislodged all the clips. “If you want me to get this office in some kind of order, I suggest you stop it now. And can you please explain to me what this is doing here?” She held up an oddly shaped piece of sporting equipment with a look of forbearance. “There’s a whole box full of this sort of thing, whatever it is.”

  The apparatus in her hand was a long metal stick with an oval ring attached to the end of it, a ring that was strung with heavy cords like a misshapen basketball hoop. John smiled as he looked at the device.

  “Careful with that, that’s my favorite lacrosse stick. I’ve been playing lacrosse since I was a kid and some of those sticks, the wooden ones, are antiques. I was planning to mount them on the wall.”

  Miss Parker leaned the stick against the wall and dusted her hands together briskly. “Moderation is pleasant to the wise,” she murmured. “Wouldn’t a couple of nice diplomas do for decoration instead of these . . . things?”

  Before John could reply, he was rescued by the ringing of his cell phone. With a grateful grin he answered it. “Hello?”

  His grin turned into a real smile as he recognized the friendly voice of Benita Cochran-Deveraux.