All In (The Den Boys Book 1)

by A. T Brennan

  I heard him shouting my name as aftershocks rocked through me, and his rippling channel milked every drop of my orgasm out of me long before our bodies stopped shuddering and shaking.

  “Fuck,” I managed to get out when the fog of pleasure had lifted and I let go of his softening dick.

  “It really was.” Galen gave my lips one final kiss and shakily moved off me.

  I wasn’t doing much better, but was able to sit up and slide off the bed. My legs were shaking but I managed to get into the bathroom without falling and quickly rid myself of the used condom and wash my hands. I wet one of his washcloths with warm water and wiped down my stomach and groin before rinsing it and bringing it out to clean Galen up.

  “Toss it on the floor,” he instructed when I turned to head back to the bathroom.

  “You sure?”

  “Yes. Now toss it and come here.”

  “Yes, sir.” I did as he said, and when I was lying next to him he immediately rolled his body into mine, resting his head on my shoulder and his hand over my heart.

  I looped my arm around him and let my hand rest against the side of his head so I could play with his hair as we lay together.

  “So why Blaze?” he asked suddenly.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Why did you choose the name Blaze when you decided not to go by your birth name?”

  “Believe it or not, it was kind of as a ‘fuck you’ to my parents.”

  “Really?” He looked up at me, a smile on his lips. “How so?”

  “My father used to preach about how we had to stamp out the flames of the ungodly influences in the world. He used to talk about how homosexuality was like a wildfire, and if we didn’t put it out at the source and burn the surrounding area to make sure it couldn’t spread any further it would engulf the world and destroy everything God had created for us.”

  “Wow, who knew us gays had that much power,” he said with a chuckle.

  I noticed how Galen had included himself with gay people, but bit my tongue. It might have been a slip, or he might have just figured out who he truly was.

  “I sure didn’t.” I kissed his forehead and resumed playing with his hair. “It was the thing he hated most, even above famine and war, because he felt those were God’s way of testing us. Being gay was the same as being possessed by evil, and our very existence was a plague.

  “After I left home I was sitting at a bus stop wondering where the hell I could go and what I was going to do, when this older guy came up asked me if I was alone and if I had anywhere to go. I told him I didn’t have anyone and he offered to buy me something to eat at a diner across the street. I was so hungry I said yes, and while I figured I’d have to repay him somehow, I didn’t care.

  “While we were eating he told me about how he’d lost his wife to cancer when their son was only two. Then he told me how his son had died in Iraq and how he was having a hard time finding a way to live without him. When he asked about my family I told him I’d been kicked out, but I didn’t say it was because I was gay. He asked me what my name was and all I could think about was fire and how my family truly believed I was a test from the devil or some stupid shit like that. The name Blaze slipped out and I’ve been using it ever since.”

  “What happened after you ate?”

  “He took me to a motel and booked me a room for a week. He told me he hoped I would be able to work things out with my family, then he shook my hand and left.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah. He was one of the first people I interacted with after I was kicked out, and that act of kindness got me through some pretty dark thoughts.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I had a lot of internalized homophobia because of what I’d grown up listening to. I knew I was gay, but a part of me didn’t want to be and I hated that I’d been made like this. I believed I was defective and there was something evil inside me. Thanks to that man, I had a week of safety and I was able to use the money my dad gave me to buy food instead of sleeping on the street or starving. I realized that I wasn’t defective and there was nothing wrong with me, and I was finally able to accept who I was and embrace it.”

  “Wow. So he saved your life?”

  “He did. I honestly don’t think I would have survived that first week if it hadn’t been for him. I don’t even remember his name anymore, as fucked up as that is. But I do remember what he looked like.”

  “You’re amazing, Blaze. I’m in awe of how strong you are, how resilient.”

  “I’m nothing special.” I gave him a one-shouldered shrug so I wouldn’t jostle him about, but Galen shook his head.

  “You are, and you’re very special to me.”

  “You’re special to me too.” The words almost caught in my throat as I tried to choke on the wave of emotion that washed over me.

  Galen leaned up to give me a sweet kiss before settling his head back on my shoulder.

  “Stay here with me tonight?” he asked softly.

  “I’d love nothing more.”

  He sighed contentedly as I kissed his forehead and gave him a little bit of a squeeze. We had to pull apart to get the blankets up and over us, but resumed our original position as soon as we were settled.

  “Goodnight, Blaze.”

  “Goodnight, Galen.”

  Even though my mind was going a mile a minute, I immediately felt my body relax as my eyes grew heavy and my breathing evened out. I was vaguely aware of Galen’s hand as it traced an idle pattern on my chest, and then blissful sleep claimed me.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Galen

  I listened as Blaze’s breathing evened out and his heartbeat slowed slightly.

  Tonight had opened my eyes to something I hadn’t even realized was true until I’d met him. I wasn’t straight and I wasn’t bi.

  I was gay.

  It was true I’d never faked sex with women, but I hadn’t felt connected to them at all. I found them attractive but they didn’t stir up any lust in me. I could get hard and fuck them, but it was all very mechanical, and the only reason I’d started messing around with girls in the first place was because it’s what I’d assumed I was supposed to do.

  I might have never had feelings for another man, but I’d found them attractive in the past. It was kind of like with women, I noticed their features and I enjoyed their beauty, but it didn’t stir anything in me. There had been a time when I’d wondered if I was asexual, but I enjoyed orgasms and fucking, just never felt anything for the person I was with.

  I’d never messed around with a man before because I hadn’t found one I wanted to spend time with, and that could be tied back to my penchant for being a loner. I’d never looked for a partner, male or female, and I’d never had many friends. I’d spent so long seeing people as an obstacle, that being open to being with someone hadn’t been a thought. Then Blaze had come along and flipped everything upside down.

  Now I couldn’t imagine not having him in my life. I needed him in a way that was almost frightening, but it comforted me at the same time. I felt whole with him. He made me laugh and think about things in a different way. Here was this gorgeous, caring and compassionate man who’d known nothing except hatred and violence for the first twenty-one years of his life. If he could find a reason to smile and make his own family, that made my struggles seem minor and put things in perspective

  I felt him shift slightly so his lips were resting against my forehead and he gave me a sleepy kiss.

  Did I want to risk losing this, him, because I was too fucking stubborn to give in to every instinct that told me Blaze was my future? I wasn’t sure what he wanted, but as his lips grazed my forehead again, I knew what I needed.

  It was time to say fuck you to my doubts and throw myself into this relationship. I’d never be happy with only having a piece of him. If being honest scared him away then so be it. It had to be all or nothing with Blaze, and I was going all in.

  * * * * *

  I have n
o idea when I fell asleep, but for the first time in months, I woke up to the sound of my alarm going off.

  “Too early,” Blaze grumbled as I reached over him to turn it off.

  “I can tell you work nights if you think six a.m. is early.” I chuckled and then full out laughed as he rolled over so he was laying on top of me.

  “Six a.m. is fucking early. It doesn’t matter what shift you work.”

  “If you say so, sleepy head.”

  “I say so.”

  “I need to take a shower before I get ready. Want to join me?” I asked suggestively, rubbing my morning erection against his hip.

  “Hell yeah.” He nodded and bent to kiss me before rolling over. “Even if it is fucking early.”

  We made our way into the bathroom and Blaze leaned against the counter as he watched me turn on the shower and set the temperature.

  “You know, it’s very environmentally conscious of us to do this.”

  “Do what?” I stood and drank in the sight of him. He was fucking gorgeous, and as hard as I was.

  “Take showers together. We’re practically eco warriors.”

  I laughed and pulled him away from the counter and into my arms. “Are we now?”

  “We are.” He nodded solemnly, wrapping his arms around my waist. “We should get an award of some kind.”

  “Here I thought you just liked fucking me against the tiles.” I sighed dramatically. “And now I find out you’ve been doing it for some sort of award?”

  “Sorry, I like awards.” He winked cheekily and gave me a quick kiss.

  “How about rewards?”

  “Big fan of those.”

  “How about this for a reward; if you can fuck me until I come, but you don’t, I’ll suck you off.”

  Blaze’s eyes darkened and his cock nudged my stomach. “Challenge accepted.”

  He gave me one last searing kiss before grabbing my hand and dragging me into the shower.

  I’d like to say that I was so good he finished before me, but the man had stamina. He made me come so hard I’d seen those damn stars again, and then he’d held me as I’d come down from my orgasm. His reward was actually a dual one, because last night I’d discovered that I loved sucking cock. I’d been a little disappointed that I hadn’t gotten to taste him last night, but I got my wish in the shower, and it was incredible.

  After we finally washed up, we went to my room to change. Watching Blaze put on his clothes was somehow just as sexy as seeing him undress, and I couldn’t help staring at him as he buttoned up his shirt.

  “Your phone is blinking.”

  “What?” I looked up from his chest to find Blaze smirking at me.

  “Your phone. The notification light is blinking.”

  I glanced over at the night table and then went to check my messages.

  “Hey, do you want to stay here today?” I asked, looking up at him.

  “In your apartment?”

  “Yeah. You don’t work today, right?”

  “No, not today.”

  “I just found out my court case has been shifted to next week. All I really have to do today is go in and work on a few files, then I have a meeting at eleven. I’ll cut out at lunch.”

  “Whoa, really? Mr. Straitlaced Lawyer is going to cut out of work early to hang out with me? I’m flattered.”

  “Is that a yes or are you going to keep making fun of me?” I asked teasingly.

  “Not making fun of you.” He closed the distance between us and swept me into his arms. “Just playing.”

  “I know. I like it.” I tugged him toward me for another kiss, and groaned when he pulled away.

  “I’m going to wrinkle your fancy ass suit if I don’t let you go.”

  “And I’m going to beg you to rip it off me if I don’t let you go, so I should probably do that before I completely forget that I have a job and stay here all day with you.”

  “Mmmm, now that sounds awesome.”

  I dropped my arms and stepped back. Blaze was addictive, that was for damn sure. I could still feel our last two sessions every time I shifted or bent over, and my body was jonesing for another go.

  “Are you sure you don’t mind if I stay?”

  “Not at all. Make yourself at home. There’s food and drinks in the fridge. I have pretty much every station you could ever want, and Netflix.”

  “Thanks, but I think I’m going to crawl back into bed for a few hours.”

  I laughed and watched him strip off his clothes. Yup, watching him take them off was definitely sexier.

  When he was snuggled into the bed and under the covers I bent to give him a kiss. “I’ll see you around lunch.”

  “Have a good day, or half day.”

  Blaze lifted up to give me another kiss and smiled sweetly.

  Something about seeing him in my bed alone, thinking about him hanging out at my place while I was at work felt natural. And it felt right.

  As I left the apartment I made sure to set up the coffee pot so all Blaze would have to do was press the start button. It was a pretty complicated system and it had taken me a few weeks to fully get the hang of it.

  As I was heading out the door I sent him a quick text about the coffee machine, and then added a heart emoji before I could think about it. Using an emoji made me feel like a twelve-year-old girl, but fuck it. If there was one person in the world I could completely be myself around, it was Blaze.

  * * * * *

  When I came home it was just before one in the afternoon, and I was almost giddy. I’d spent the morning doing everything I needed, and the second my meeting had been over I’d been out the door with no more than a quick explanation to my secretary.

  The entire drive home I’d been excited to see Blaze, even though I’d seen him less than six hours ago.

  I’d expected to see him on the couch watching TV, but as I walked in I could hear music in my kitchen.

  Blaze was standing at the gas stove with a pot and a pan going, and he was nodding along with the music on the radio. I didn’t know the song, but it was heavy and loud.

  After a moment of watching him I reached out and turned down the radio so I could get his attention.

  “Oh, hey. I kind of got hungry, is that okay?” he asked, looking over his shoulder as he did.

  “Of course. Is there enough for two, by any chance?” I asked as I came up behind him and kissed where his shoulder met his neck.

  “There is.” He grinned and looked over at me so he could kiss my cheek.

  “What are we having?” I asked as I looked at the pan and the pot.

  “Tomato soup and grilled cheese,” he answered, then gave me a look when I chuckled. “What? You don’t think I can cook because I eat off a hotplate and a microwave?”

  “You think grilled cheese and condensed soup is cooking?” I teased wrapping my arms around his waist.

  “That’s it. No lunch for you,” he said sternly as he flipped the two sandwiches he was making, and it was then I saw he’d already made two and they were sitting on a plate beside the stove.

  “Too late. You offered. No pulling out now.”

  “That’s what she said, or he in our case.” He glanced back and waggled his eyebrows at me.

  “Pervert.”

  “Sometimes. Now go be useful and get bowls and cutlery.”

  Moving around the kitchen, joking as he cooked was very domestic, but at the same time it was amazing. I’d never wanted to do this kind of thing with someone, and now I was realizing just how fun it could be to share all the parts of your life with someone.

  After I got what we needed, Blaze filled our plates and bowls and we took our food to the table. When I saw him dunk his sandwich half in his soup, I paused.

  “What? You’ve never done it?”

  “Can’t say I have.”

  “Trust me, it’s a whole new experience. Try it.”

  After a moment I picked up half of my sandwich and dunked it in the soup. I had to be careful not to
spill since I’d only taken my jacket off, and when I took a bite I looked up in surprise.

  “Good, isn’t it?” he asked with a knowing grin.

  “It is.”

  “I can’t believe you never tried it.”

  “My parents are big on food groups. I didn’t have my first grilled cheese until I was at a friend’s house in the first grade.”

  “So I’m guessing you skipped most of the kiddie favorites. Spaghetti with hot dogs?”

  “I don’t even think hot dogs were allowed in the house.”

  “Chicken fingers and fries?”

  “Chicken breast and baked potato.”

  “That’s not fun. Hmmmm, mac and cheese out of a box?”

  “From scratch cheese sauce and fresh pasta with veggies cut up in it.”

  “I almost feel sorry for you. I’m guessing it’s a no on peanut butter and jam?”

  “Not until I figured out what it was and could make it myself when no one was around. Peanut butter and banana slices was allowed. Made with sugar free all natural peanut butter, of course.”

  “Your family is weird.”

  “They are.” I nodded and took another bite of soup drenched grilled cheese. “I used to love going to my friends’ houses for dinner.”

  “I imagine.” He bit off a large chunk of his sandwich and looked at me thoughtfully.

  “What?”

  “Last night, when I was talking about my dad’s sermons, you said ‘us gays’.”

  “I did.”

  “Was that a slip?”

  “No. It’s what I am. I guess I’m a bit of a late bloomer to only figure it out now. I know I’m gay, I just didn’t really know for sure before...if that makes sense.”

  “I get it. What will your parents say if you tell them, not that you’re going to, just—”

  “I’m sure they’ll be fine. They might be all about outward appearances, but they’re pretty open-minded about things.”

  “That’s got to be a relief.”

  “It is.” I watched him carefully as he ate some of his soup.

  “So, what did you want to do today? I’m assuming you didn’t let me chill here just so you could send me home when you were done.”