My hands clenched on his forearms. They’re so thick my fingers didn’t come near to circling them. I wanted to look away from the intensity in his eyes that made me feel naked in front of him, but I couldn’t. Somehow, I was trapped there with a question I had no idea how to answer. It’s simple though.
Was I in love with Caleb?
A few days ago I’d have eagerly answered yes with an offhand shrug as if it’s a ridiculous question to ask someone who had been in a relationship for the past two years with the same man and who had been living with said man for the last year or so. But now… with Maxen there in front of me, confronting me as if he knew me so well, I had no idea. Everything was foggy in my head. Nothing made sense anymore, not even my body’s answer to my rock star husband’s closeness.
Then he smiled at me and pulled away. My hands fell back to my sides as I watched him bite his lip in what looked like a move to keep him from laughing his trademark loud laugh. “It shouldn’t be so hard to answer that, Lark.’’ His voice was light suddenly, and I narrowed my eyes at him.
“You find this funny? Everything in my life is going to shit right now. Just because of you.’’
He shook his head and pointed at my face, eyes turning hard on me as the mood flipped once again. “Don’t put the blame on me, sweetheart. As far as I know, we both said ‘I do’ that damn night in Vegas. And it’s not my fault if lover boy is a douche.’’
I crossed my arms over my chest and tilted my chin up. “You really enjoy this, don’t you?’’
He scoffed and toyed with the piercing in his eyebrow. “I’ve never wanted to see you hurt if that’s what you think.’’ He turned back around and headed back out the kitchen, but right before he left, he glanced over his massive shoulder. “Come on, the guys are waiting for us.’’
***
MAXEN
Dex sent me a concerned look when I walked back in the built-in studio followed by Lark, but I discreetly shook my head and went straight to my engine red drum kit. I sat heavily on the stool and watched Lark’s green eyes taking in the professional looking studio as Floyd and Harley explained to her quickly the wide panel on their side of the room, the room divided in two by a thick glass and a door I closed after me.
In her eyes, I was sure it’s all impressive with the hundreds of buttons on the control panel and the different instruments laying around between my drum kit, an old one I always kept at Dex’s, the guys’ guitars and bass along with the keyboard in one corner of the room. And one look at the walls made the studio less barren and more personalized with some of our album covers, the huge logo of the band painted just behind me and the few expensive guitars Dex had collected and displayed here.
When in LA and not out there doing who knew what, we could often be found in this room, jamming or recording some stuff. It’s a second home, and while I was usually shooting the shit with the guys, I was currently subdued and aware that it bothered them. Since rehab, I had been going back and forth between my usual loud self to this quiet man I didn’t recognize sometimes.
I twirled the sticks between my fingers and hit the cymbals to gather the guys’ attention. They all turned toward me. Otis was laughing quietly while Beckett shook his head, but the barely-there smile on his mug talked plenty for him. Dex smirked at me and replied by strumming his blue guitar.
“We’ve been going over this so much I don’t fucking remember. We’re going to play ‘Take Me, Kiss Me’ or ‘Louder’ for our opening performance at the radio station?’’ I asked and twirled the sticks again, trying like hell not to look back to the other side of the studio where Lark was now sitting next to Harley, sandwiched between the Floyds.
“’Louder.’ It’s our latest hit, and you said that you were ‘too fucking annoyed with us pansies to play anything else so we’d better follow your lead if we didn’t want to make asses of ourselves.’ I’ve paraphrased, of course,’’ Beckett said with his smartass voice that easily drove us all nuts. The dumbass had too good of a memory.
“Thank you, parrot,’’ I mumbled and shook my head. I checked the height of my stool and got ready to start counting down.
Dex and Otis strummed their guitar and bass one last time, tapped on their mics and nodded back at me. I glanced at Beckett who did the same, and I finally let myself have my fill of Lark’s face.
She could deny all she wanted, but while the situation we were in was less than stellar, she’s happy to be back with us, even if only for a couple of days. I remembered how she used to be enthusiastic when we would have a jam session or practice back in college. She wouldn’t miss it even if she would never acknowledge that I wasn’t some half-assed drummer. She missed it, and if I was honest and let myself feel it, I had missed having her around. It’s nothing new to me. It’s not like I had had an inkling since she walked back in my life out of the blue. I had always missed her and her pain in my ass temper toward me.
Damn, I had missed her so fucking much…
I took a deep breath and pushed everything else away to focus only on the music. I closed my eyes for a second until I could hear the beat of Louder, hot and heavy, then slow and tender to go back to loud and fast and back again. It’s like sex, the thrust a man made when fucking his girl.
I re-opened my eyes, twirled my sticks one last time and counted down. “One, two, three!’’ And I started playing, followed immediately by Beckett. We’re perfectly in sync, like every-fucking-time. I smiled down at my drums and upped the rhythm, beat down harder on the drums when Otis and Dex joined us with Dex’s voice belting out the lyrics of the song he’s written. The lyrics about sex, about sweat and moaning, went straight to my cock, making me hard when in my fucking mind I pictured Lark writhing with desire, begging me to take her in all the positions I knew to make her scream my name.
And the funny thing that made me laugh while I kept playing my ass off was that…I had never felt that song so strongly when playing it as I did right now with my wife watching us.
I was already sweaty when we neared the end of the last bridge, and I slowed down the beat, hit the drums more softly as Dex’s voice, rough and called smoky by our fans, quieted. And then, we glanced at each other quickly, and I nodded imperceptibly, hitting the drums perfectly when I should, leading the guys to a flawless end, strangely deafening after playing for exactly three minutes and forty-eight seconds, the exact length of “Louder.”
I was breathing faster and my forehead was damp. One glance down at my shirt showed it’s not yet plastered to my skin with sweat, but it stuck to me a bit. I had never been a half type of guy. When I did something, I did it by investing myself fully, and when I played the drums, it’s like sex for me. It’s equal instincts and attention.
I laughed loud and twirled the sticks between my fingers, smug to see we had killed this song yet again. We’ve played it a thousand times already, but it’s always good to see we didn’t need a song to warm up and sync with each other.
Dex was grinning at me, and Otis and Beckett bumped fists before they glanced at me with appreciation. We all knew that if I was off, even a bit, it pulled the whole band down, even if they played like gods. The drummer was the one setting the beat, the energy, and a certain woman had me going with energy in spades.
“Not bad at all, guys,’’ Floyd said through the intercom by pushing a button on his side of the studio.
Harley shook her head at her father and leaned to the intercom, pushing her father away from it. “He must be getting deaf with age because you were fantastic!’’
I laughed again and saw Dex standing straighter under the praise of his girl. The guy was truly a goner, but I couldn’t exactly make fun of him considering my situation.
When I looked back at Lark I saw her asking Floyd something who pointed in front of her, and before I realized what it was, her voice came out loud and clear, and my cock twitched in my pants. Now it’s definitely impossible for me to stand up if I didn’t want to flash them the boner I had. Normally I wouldn’t
give a fuck, but with Lark around…
“It was amazing. I forgot what it’s like to see you play live.’’
“Don’t compare this to what we did back in college. We had bad amps and cheap instruments in comparison,’’ Beckett said with a frown, probably bothered that our professional band could be compared to what we used to be when we formed Kinky Shine at eighteen.
“It’s not that,’’ she said again, and the conviction in her voice had me smiling at her, and it’s nothing like the smile I had used in college to annoy her. “You have that energy together, that feeling of togetherness that’s just…’’ she trailed off and shrugged with a little smile on her lips.
Harley nodded next to her, and I saw Floyd smiling, visibly more relaxed these last few weeks since we had been back on track and working like hell to launch our new song and the new record with the best of our abilities.
“Let’s play ‘Naked Love’ now,’’ Dex said, drawing our attention back to the practice.
I nodded and moved my head from one side to the other to try and relieve some of the tension gathered in my neck and shoulders, but it’s not helping much. I groaned and took a deep breath, ready to play our new song, hoping we weren't going to mess up or else I could see Beckett and Dex exploding with nerves and butting heads when they’re actually thinking very much alike when it came to the music.
I held up my sticks, and the guys nodded at me. I counted down and again led the song.
LARK
After the two-hour practice at Dex’s, Maxen led me back to his house where he disappeared upstairs to take a shower. I could have gone without the visual, but unfortunately after watching him literally sweat for Kinky Shine’s practice, after listening to their songs about sex—and love—I was hot enough without thinking of Maxen stripping to his birthday suit to take a shower. I may hate the guy, but he’s still a piece of man candy, and all my annoyance toward him couldn't change it. I had eyes.
Also, now I wasn't exactly sure I didn't like him. It wasn’t like I was falling for him or anything like that, but there’s something about him that drew me in a little, and with Caleb’s behavior it’s not helping one bit.
I sighed and leaned farther into the couch, my eyes opened to the high ceiling without really seeing it. I should be booking my flight back to New York right now, but instead, I was procrastinating and thinking about my naked husband upstairs while remembering our ‘moment’ in Dex and Harley’s kitchen. The thought alone had my heart speeding up. If someone asked me what happened, I wouldn’t be able to put into words what that had been, but there had been something.
Maxen was something else.
The doorbell rang, and I startled, sitting upright and looking at the front door. I bit my lip and wondered if I should get Maxen or just answer it. The doorbell rang again. I stood up and cursed under my breath. By the time I climbed the stairs to find Maxen’s room the person would be gone.
If he didn’t live in a gated community, I wouldn't go around and open the door, but considering people going in and out were monitored, I felt safe to open without risking facing a reporter or paparazzi.
I pulled open the door and came face to face with a woman who must be in her thirties. She’s a pretty brunette wearing a short dress. After that, I didn't go into detailing her anymore. I knew full well what she was doing here, and my stomach revolted. My grip on the door tightened until my nails dug into the metal of the knob.
I offered her a stiff smile and gestured for her to walk in without a word right when I saw Maxen striding down the stairs and smiling at us with his winning smile. I was sure the woman was already wetting her probably scant panties. If she had any on.
“You’re on time for your ‘date,’’’ I said with a fake smile and a glare in Maxen’s direction. I had told him yesterday I wouldn’t feel comfortable if he had a fuck buddy over while I was here, but the sex was too much of a draw for him. He couldn’t go without for one fucking day. And I had thought things had changed.
The brunette’s dark eyes widened, and she shook her head right when Maxen’s smile turned mischievous.
“I’m…no, there must be a mistake,’’ the woman said and held up her right hand where she was holding what looked like a medical bag. “I’m here to draw Mr. Walton’s blood.’’
I blinked back at her, at her bag and then at Maxen who then let out the building laugh he had been trying to keep in while I made an ass of myself. My cheeks warmed as I offered the nurse an apologetic smile.
“Alright,’’ Maxen said, breaking the awkward silence as he kept on guffawing like an idiot. “Is the kitchen good for you, Miss…’’
“Miss Teague.’’ She smiled at him, and I saw her cheeks getting red too. I couldn’t blame the woman. I doubted she often had to draw blood for young rockers. “And yes, the kitchen will do.’’
He nodded and with a last mischievous smile for me that brightened his green eyes, he led her to the kitchen while I went back to the living room. I’d rather not see blood right now, and I needed a few minutes to calm down after my less than stellar moment.
I brought both hands to my cheeks and shook my head thinking back to my behavior. I acted like a jealous wife when I shouldn’t have. I needed to stop this spiraling mess.
I strode to the couch and swiftly grabbed my phone I had left on the coffee table. Without a second thought, I booked a flight back to New York for tomorrow morning. As soon as I charged my credit card, my heart did a weird painful thing. I frowned down at the screen of my iPhone and put it back on the coffee table when it turned dark.
I’ll be back tomorrow in New York and will let my lawyer friend and Maxen’s lawyer handle our divorce. I needed to go back to my life after that short interlude that had been a lot more different from what I had expected. I didn’t need more confusion.
Not five minutes after I had finished booking my flight, the nurse followed by Maxen walked out of the kitchen and shook hands. She offered me a smile and let Maxen open the door to leave his huge house. As soon as the door was closed behind her, he turned around and stalked to me with his annoying smile back on his face.
“What was that, huh?’’
I groaned and squinted at him. “Obviously, not my finest moment. I told you I wouldn’t be comfortable if a woman was here for you to…you know.’’
“That’s called fucking, Lark.’’ He crossed his big arms over his chest, and I was temporarily blinded by the thick muscles bulging at the hem of the short sleeves of his t-shirt.
“You’re crass,’’ I said with disgust in my voice, but inside, I wasn’t that annoyed with his language. After all, there’s a real difference between making love and fucking. While the ‘gymnastics’ was pretty much the same, the feelings couldn’t be more different. So, fucking was pretty apt considering this man didn’t know what love was even if it hit him in the face. “What was that drawing blood thing about? Are you making sure you don’t have an STD?’’
He lost his smile immediately, and his green eyes turned thoughtful before he walked around the coffee table to sit on the couch much closer than I was comfortable with. But we weren’t touching. I was just not used to being in the same room with him, alone and not trying to tear each other apart or drive the other away. We’re treading on a thin line, and unfortunately, it made it more difficult for me to see him as the bad boy and to keep my body in check.
“I’ve always been careful with women, but that’s always nice to know how low you think of me. Thanks,’’ he said with a bone-tired sigh that made me bite my lips with embarrassment. Why was I always trying to put him down when he’s only teasing me? Shit, he had comforted me earlier after Caleb’s call.
“I…I’m—’’
“Save it, Lark.’’ He shook his head and grabbed the remote on the couch next to his thigh and turned on the huge flat screen in front of us. “You hate me, I know that already.’’
“You’re supposed to hate me too. Remember?’’
He scoffed
and shook his head once, his eyes still on the TV. But I saw his lips pursing, the way his strong jaw locked and how his hands tensed on his strong thighs covered by old jeans that started to fray on the pockets over what I assumed was a tight ass, all of that indicated how unsavory this conversation was to him.
“Hate is a fucking strong word, don’t ya think?’’ He turned his head to me. “You’re a pain in the ass, but you’re also a great woman. I respect you even if you don’t respect me.’’
There and then an odd thought struck me suddenly. It made my stomach do something funny, and I was left wondering how long I had been deluding myself with that supposed hate I had been feeling toward him. I remembered hating that he’s going through girls like there’s no tomorrow, but he had never been a jerk about it with them. He had been upfront even if some of them wouldn’t listen. I had always hated how easily he would laugh even when I didn’t find anything funny, and I had always thought him self-centered…but hate for him? Lack of respect? That’s never something I had truly felt toward him.
“I respect you, Maxen,’’ I whispered and looked away from him before he registered my words. I was many things, but I wasn’t the kind of woman who easily bared herself. I didn’t like talking like this, didn’t like facing my own damn emotions. An old boyfriend once told me I was like a man when it came to emotions.
I wasn’t in love with Maxen, that’d be crazy and ridiculous, but I was also not antagonizing him as much as I used to. Maybe that’s a sign we were definitely older and more mature. I wouldn’t say wiser because he was still a jackass, but things were different. We were different.
Maxen (Kinky Shine Book 2) Page 6