“Let’s not pretend here. It’s not like I don’t know you. It’s no coincidence when you heard about Lark moving in with her boyfriend you snorted your first line.’’
“Man, I don’t know what it is about her,’’ I said quieter, my hands clasped in my lap. “She’s annoying, she drives me crazy and yet…’’
“You want her.’’
“Not that it’s surprising considering how I want to fuck any good-looking woman,’’ I shot back with my usual grin, but Dex didn’t buy it. He knew me too fucking well.
“If you want her, go and get her.’’
“It’s easy for you to say now that you’re happily settled with the pretty Harley, huh?’’
He frowned and crossed his arms. “At least you’re not denying you want her, fucker.’’
“Stop it. I’m not into relationships. You know that.’’
“Yeah, and Lark has always been different to you. I’ve kept my fucking mouth shut for years, but that’s over. If you want her, don’t waste time convincing yourself settling down isn’t for you.’’
“I’m not supposed to have sex yet.’’
Dex chuckled. “She needs to listen to you first if you ever want to get her naked. We’re talking about Lark here. Remember that stubborn woman who spent a whole semester in college saying she would never quit her Russian folklore class even when she didn’t understand a damn thing. When she ended up barely passing the class, she wouldn’t shut up about it.’’
I smiled at the memory, seeing a nineteen-year-old Lark with her long hair in a high ponytail, her chin tilted up at us and showing the picture on her phone with her grade for that crazy class of hers.
“Shit, you really are a goner,’’ Dex mumbled and scratched his cheeks again. “You should see your face, Maxen. I’ve never seen you quite like this.’’
I glared at him and then looked down at my lap. I had never felt like this for another woman, and the years had only served to make these emotions swell in me to explode now that she walked back in my life. But I fucked up. I blinked quickly when an odd prickle started in my eyes.
“She’s going back to her boyfriend tomorrow. In a few months, we’ll be divorced… There’s nothing I can do and, honestly, I don’t think I should. Fuck, look what happened with Harley and you when your relationship got out. That mess was insane. I don’t want that for Lark, and I’m not sure if what I feel is only lust or—’’
“Oh come on,’’ Dex interrupted me with a shake of his head and a look on his face that told me he thought I was really stupid. “If it were just about the sex, you wouldn’t be feeling miserable, only frustrated. Don’t kid yourself here.’’
“For what it’s worth.’’
“We’ll be in New York next week, fucker. I bet you I can have Alan inviting Lark for a catch-up dinner now that we’ve seen her again. You’ll have another chance.’’
My heart beat faster at the thought of that opportunity to do something, anything. It’s wishful thinking, and honestly, it scared the fuck out of me to think about pursuing her when I couldn’t remember ever being in a normal, healthy relationship before, but saying goodbye to that woman was too damn hard.
“Let’s hope lover boy doesn’t wake up in the meantime and realize what a lucky bastard he is to have her.’’
The thought of another man touching her, being inside of her, made me want to puke, but I didn’t have a say. Yet.
For the first time in a long time, I wanted something that had nothing to do with the band or drugs. For the first time, I wanted to do something to claim my wife.
My craving for drugs vanished, and only determination filled me, steadying me again.
***
LARK
I had been back in Manhattan for a week now, and I had not stepped foot in the apartment I was sharing — used to share? — with Caleb. Instead, I had been crashing on my cousin’s couch in his bachelor pad above the bar. Not only had I been sleeping for crap, but I had mad kinks in my back, shoulders, and neck.
That wasn’t so bad, though. It’s good to spend quality time with Alan after not seeing much of him these last few months, and he did a lot to distract me. The only thing was he thought I needed a distraction from the crap Caleb was putting me through by not taking me back and giving me a hard time at work as if I became an incompetent idiot overnight.
No, the thing I needed a distraction from were my own thoughts about a certain blonde guy who happened to be my husband.
Since that day when Maxen kissed me on his couch, I had been feeling off. I didn’t need to close my eyes and think to remember the feel of his expert lips on mine, his deft tongue slipping into my mouth, his beard against my skin. It was always there in my mind, and at night, when I was able to catch some sleep, it was in my dreams. But where I had stopped back in LA, in my dreams, I didn’t stop Maxen from going further, from exploring my body with his hands and his mouth. And the worst was when I would wake up, not because I was ashamed but because I was mad it wasn’t real for a few insane seconds.
I took another sip of cold beer at the bar as I watched my cousin training a young man, probably a student, to cover the bar. Yesterday, he finally found a new bartender, and while it was obvious the young man wasn’t exactly an expert yet, it didn’t take much to see he desperately needed the job if you took into account how old his clothes were and they were sagging off his thin body. Knowing Alan’s big heart, he didn’t give a damn if this man had experience as a bartender or not.
I smiled around my beer bottle and tipped my head back to finish it. After the day at work and this hellish week under Caleb’s supervision, I was glad it was finally the weekend. It’s safe to say at this point my relationship was over, and while it made my heart hurt a bit, it wasn’t that bad. I hated not having a place to call home anymore, that my job became hell and mostly I hated realizing how wrong I had been about the man I was planning on building a life with.
Maxen had been right when he said Caleb didn’t deserve me if he couldn’t pardon me for not telling him about that sham marriage.
Wow, I never thought I’d ever think Maxen was right about anything.
Alan walked back to me after another pat on the new employee’s back that shook him a lot more than it should have. My cousin frowned at my dejected form hunched over the bar. I didn’t try to sit up straighter.
“Stop moping around,’’ he said and bent down to grab me another cold beer.
I thanked him with a little nod and took another sip. “It’s not like I have anything to boast about.’’
“What about being a worldwide famous rock star’s wife?’’ He wiggled his eyebrows at me, and I chuckled with him, but it’s a bit forced, echoing hollowly through my body.
“I don’t look forward to when that comes out in the papers. My parents are going to go nuts.’’ I cringed at the thought of my parents’ call, if they didn’t decide to brave New York’s traffic from their suburbs to grill me and possibly lecture me as if I was still a kid living with them.
“Uncle Paul and Aunt Ellie aren’t going to be thrilled at first, that’s true, but they’ll laugh when we explain to them the whole story. You haven’t done anything wrong, Lark.’’
“Alan, they’ve been married for thirty-one years. They have a certain viewpoint when it comes to marriage,’’ I replied after another pull of my beer bottle and a long sigh.
Alan’s mouth twisted into a wide grin and he shook his head after his eyes briefly glanced over my shoulder. Probably new patrons walking in. But after another sip of my beer and without a come back from my cousin, I found him smiling even bigger, finding something strangely funny as he kept on looking at me. I frowned and sat a bit straighter on the stool, my elbows firmly planted on the top of the bar. “What are y—’’
“Hey, Lark.’’
That voice made the hair on my neck stand. My eyes widened immediately when I recognized that low timber and the rumble. I glanced to either side of me and didn’t see anyb
ody recognizing him yet, but it shouldn’t take long. What was he doing here? I knew he had the launch of the new song tomorrow, but what was he doing in Alan’s bar right now?
Because that voice was none other than Maxen’s.
Alan nodded at me in encouragement, and I turned around, swiveling the bar stool until I was facing a standing Maxen who wore a beanie on top of his head, pulled low to hide his light blonde hair, a sure tell-tale sign of his identity. One quick glance showed me his tattoos were concealed by a dark blue hoodie that made his eyes seem more green than usual. I knew his clothes wouldn’t hide him for long, but for now, it was strangely working, considering no one was looking at him longer than a quick glance at this tall and muscular man.
Seeing him again after that kiss in his living room and after I had run away was difficult for many reasons, too many reasons to pinpoint one. So, instead of saying something I kept my eyes locked on his, unmoving.
He fidgeted from one foot to another and finally broke eye contact to fix my cousin over my shoulder, and his smile, bright and unassuming did something to me.
“Hey, man. It’s good to see you.’’
“You too, Maxen. You look good.’’
I frowned at that and at the tone of my cousin’s voice, but what was more odd was the brief tension around his eyes.
“Yeah, I’m good.’’
“You shouldn’t stay here. Someone’s bound to recognize you. Are the guys coming too?’’
Maxen shook his head, and his eyes found mine again. “Nah, they’re at the hotel. They’ll be here tomorrow.’’
“That’s great. Follow me. You can’t stay here,’’ Alan said, and he appeared beside me, surprising me from my weird trance-like state upon looking at Maxen.
Alan started walking to the ‘Staff Only’ area locked behind a simple dark door, and Maxen followed him but stopped when he realized I wasn’t coming. I was still seated on the stool, my hands on my thighs, my sweaty palms drying over the fabric of my anthracite suit skirt.
“Come on, Lark. We need to talk,’’ Maxen said in a calm voice, coaxing me to follow him where I knew Alan would leave us alone. I didn’t think that would be such a good idea. Not after LA.
I cleared my throat, mustering some control back now that the shock ebbed off. “I don’t think so.’’
“Oh fuck, you’re really going to do this,’’ he muttered and tensed when his eyes stopped on something on the other side of the bar. I followed his gaze and found a group of three guys and two women watching him with too much intensity to be nothing. “Shit. Please, Lark. I’m asking for five minutes.’’
I bit my tongue and finally nodded when I noticed the group talking animatedly, as they probably debated who would have enough balls to talk to Maxen first. “Five minutes.’’
He sighed with relief and strode quickly to the staff area, me on his heels to escape that group of fans ready to corner us.
As soon as I passed the threshold of the door, I closed it behind me and leaned against it. I released the breath I hadn’t realize I had been holding and my shoulders sagged again. “That was a close call,’’ I mumbled and found Alan and Maxen waiting for me at the end of the hall at the bottom of the staircase leading to the loft above the bar where Alan had been living in since he graduated college. The loft was spacious enough, but it was a bachelor pad through and through. Whenever I stepped foot in it, I always wondered when he would finally let a woman stay in his life. He deserved that kind of life and he deserved a nice woman that wouldn’t play with his feelings for once.
We all climbed up in silence and Alan unlocked the door to his place and let us in. As soon as I closed the door behind me, Alan and Maxen gave each other a warm man-hug with a big pat on the back and a huge smile on their faces. While Alan wasn’t lanky by any means, Maxen being taller and more muscled dwarfed my cousin. I hadn’t seen the men together in so long that I forgot how close they used to be, and still were considering how frequently they’d call each other. The band liked Alan, he had helped them find bars to play at when in college. These rockers had their flaws, but they weren’t the type to drop people along the way.
“It doesn’t look like you’re here to see my pretty face, huh?’’ Alan said with an elbow in his old friend’s ribs who laughed his loud laugh.
Damn, it didn’t irritate me like it used to. I frowned and crossed my arms, frustrated with myself.
“Your cousin is prettier, fuck face,’’ Maxen retorted with a smile and his eyes found mine again and damn if I didn’t feel all kinds of bothered by his not so veiled compliment.
“Oookay,’’ Alan said, stretching the syllables and laughing like an idiot. When he walked past me, I glared at him, but of course, it didn’t stop his hilarity. “I’ll be downstairs if one of you need to hide the body.’’
This time, I wasn’t the only one glaring at my not-so-funny cousin who disappeared out the door and down to his bar.
We were alone again.
“When I thought we were starting to find an understanding. I really screwed up,’’ Maxen said after what felt long minutes but had only been a few seconds of silence. His green eyes had a hard time staying locked on mine. He tried to smile at me, but his lips barely twitched. Everything in him screamed how uncomfortable he was with facing me right now. His arms were crossed over his large chest, his jaw was locked and his blonde eyebrows lowered over his eyes.
“I don’t really want to talk about…um…that.’’ I bit my lip and went to the back of the black leather couch that I remembered seeing at Alan’s parents’ house years ago. It was now my bed and wasn’t as comfy as it looked. I leaned against the back and supported my upper body with my hands.
With a nervous gesture, he took off the beanie from his head and fidgeted with it with his big fingers. His blonde hair was all over the place, sticking up in some places while other strands were plastered against his skull. Unfortunately, that look suited him too. I scowled at him like the bitch I always was when around him.
“You don’t have to, but just listen to what I came here to say, okay?’’ When I didn’t say anything and didn’t try to leave the room, he nodded and walked to me, stopping in front of me, a bit too close than was necessary, but nowhere close enough to touch me. I tilted my head up to keep my eyes on his. “I know you’re going through a tough time with your boyfriend, with the divorce we’re filing and all that. For these reasons, I shouldn’t have kissed you. Even if you don’t show it, you’re in a vulnerable place right now, and I’m sorry I overstepped my boundaries.’’ I blinked, and I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from gaping at him. Not only did his little speech not have any curse words, but he also apologized. That’s unexpected. “But I can’t say I regret it, Lark.’’
I startled at that last part and tensed up again, right when I was starting to relax. “You don’t regret it? What the hell are you talking about?’’
“Fuck, you think I’d regret a kiss like that?’’ He took a step closer and crouched until our faces were aligned. I couldn’t look away from him as the smell of his cologne hit my nose. “Deny it all you want, but that was a fucking hot kiss. The timing was off, but the kiss—’’
“It shouldn’t have happened, Maxen. It shouldn’t have.’’ My voice wasn’t soft between us, but it was nowhere near as biting as it was in LA after that kiss. I had been obsessing over it for a damn week now.
“Maybe not, but it happened, and I don’t know about you, but I can’t get it out of my head.’’
“What do you want?’’
His eyes left mine temporarily to settle on my mouth, and heat crept up my face, remembering that same look right before he had leaned into me to kiss me with an intensity I had never felt before.
“I better not tell you what I really want, Lark, or else you’re going to run in the other direction again.’’
The gruffness in his voice, the way his chest expanded at his deep breath and the darker green his eyes turned into, had me feeling t
hings I shouldn’t be. Heat pooled low in my belly and my skin tingled in such a way I knew what I was craving and it’s nothing innocent. But I didn’t get this. Why did he have such an effect on me? Why now?
“You’re scaring the shit out of me, Maxen,’’ I said, and I had never spoken truer words.
He brought his face closer to mine but made sure to not touch me. His heat teased me, made me want to feel him against me and see if this madness was as intense for him as it was for me.
“Don’t be. I’m not going to make another move because I know you’re not over that asshole that makes you miserable. I may be a lot of things, but I’m not one to go with a woman already taken when I respect her. Just…’’ He tilted his head to one side, his eyes taking in my whole face and not just my eyes for a brief few seconds as if he was caressing me with his gaze. “Just don’t strike me out of your life because I kissed you in LA. You and I and the guys have a past. I don’t want you avoiding me again.’’
I nodded without thinking. “I won’t.’’
He nodded in turn and took a few steps back. His eyes still on me until he was near the door. And after another minute without talking, he walked out, leaving me stunned and oddly bereft against the couch in Alan’s loft.
MAXEN
“Let’s move onto some more personal questions now that you’ve teased us with that new album,’’ the radio host, a guy in his mid-thirties with a beer gut, told us with a big smile and dark brown eyes that turned suddenly more shrewd.
I glanced at my bandmates, and we exchanged a look that told me I wasn’t the only one feeling the crap about to hit us. I clenched my fist under the table, making sure I wasn’t betraying the tension invading me when there’s a fucking camera on us in a corner of the room. Nowadays, even when on the radio, you had a camera turned on you. I broadened my smile and leaned back in my chair.
Maxen (Kinky Shine Book 2) Page 8