by KL Donn
Just as soon as she allows me to.
We got confirmation that Hunter arrived in Joplin late this afternoon and has already met with the detectives who were assigned Thea’s case. He has a feeling they were threatened into dropping the charges and giving Judge Dane what he wanted.
That’s not good enough for me, though. I want Thea to have the justice she deserves, and if that means taking down the cops who bent to the pressure, then I’m all for it. They shouldn’t have failed her so profoundly that she needed to run away. That she attempted suicide on more than one occasion.
Thea has more reason than anybody else I know to distrust the world, and no matter how much I try to show her that we’re not all bad, I don’t know that I’ll succeed. I’ve never met anyone like my blue-eyed girl before, so I’m treading on thin ice. Not wanting to say or do the wrong thing even if my intentions are noble.
Arriving home, the neighborhood kids are out playing a game of street hockey, and I grin, hopeful that one day, my kids will be doing that, too. As I’m exiting my truck, I see Ember coming out the front door. Thea is in the window watching me.
“Hey big brother, how was work?” Ember is a little too happy, so I know she’s up to something.
“It was work. What’d you do?” She grins wider, pats me on the shoulder, and bounces off to her car without an answer. “Shit.”
Gazing back up to where Thea was in the window, I see she’s gone now, and worry balls in the pit of my stomach. Striding up to the front door, it opens before I get the chance to turn the knob.
“Hi, Kol.” Thea’s soft voice is a balm to my nerves.
“Hi, blue eyes.” I don’t hesitate in running the fingers of one hand through her hair and leaning forward to kiss her lightly on the lips. I’d love to explore her deeper, but she’s not ready, and honestly, maybe I’m not either.
I still have to hold so much of myself back so as not to scare her, and I know if I go for that bolder exploration I crave, I won’t be able to stop.
“These,” I pull the daffodils from behind my back, “are for you.” Her eyes widen with shock before they soften with contentment.
“They’re beautiful.” Thea takes them from my hand and inhales deeply as she turns and heads towards my kitchen. The entire moment is so natural that I take a second to absorb it. I enjoy the smile I put on her face, the happiness in her eyes, and the comfort she possesses as she walks into the kitchen to find a vase—or more likely a water pitcher.
Following behind her, I stop at the closet under the stairs to hang up my coat and lock my gun in the small safe. Asking, “How was your day?” like we do it every single day.
As I enter the kitchen, she’s trimming the stems before placing the flowers in the water-filled pitcher she found. “Ember and I talked a lot,” she says. “This is all very normal.”
Our eyes meet, and I see so much flicker across her face. The desire to keep going on as we are, being the most prevalent. “It is,” I confirm.
“I haven’t had normal in a very long time, Kol. I’m not even certain I’m doing it right.” Her hands fidget on the counter with the cut flower stems.
“There’s no right or wrong way to do it, baby.”
“Did you…” She swallows roughly and looks away before finishing her question. “Did you find out anything about him today.” The way she struggles to say Dane’s name is more revealing than any evidence. You don’t have such visceral reactions to people unless they’ve done something horrific to you. Which he has.
“Come here.” Holding a hand out for her, she waits a beat before rounding the counter and clasping my palm. “Let’s sit down and talk.” Leading her into the living room, I relax and tug her down with me, so she lands on the cushion beside me. Placing her hand on my thigh, I wrap an arm around her shoulders.
“Just tell me,” she whispers.
“We’re investigating him. My captain agrees with mine and Noah’s assumptions about Dane. He’s sent our division lieutenant to Joplin to quietly investigate the department you reported your assault at. He’s one of the most honest men I’ve met in my life. Hunter has no time or interest in games. He will find out why that bastard was able to get away with what he did to you with barely an investigation.” Thea is vibrating beside me just listening to me talk about the actions we’re taking to give her some peace.
“I can’t sleep in a bed because of him.” Her silent confession makes my heart cramp and my fists ball. “I can barely shut the lights off at night, terrified he’s going to be sneaking in the room.”
“Saying I’m sorry isn’t good enough, but I am, Thea. I wish I could have been there to protect you.” I’d have probably killed him and tossed him in the same river Thea dumped her belongings in.
Scraping her nails along my jeans, my girl is lost in thought as I try to comfort her. “There was a time in my life when I believed in soulmates. One man for every woman. I wanted desperately to be loved so completely by someone that I would be able to give them the one thing no one else would ever have.”
She stares up at me then, and I have a feeling I already know the answer to my next question.
Thea
* * *
“What’s that?” I’m lost in his intense gaze.
“Me,” I answer softly, swallowing the lump in my throat. I need for Kol to understand I’m damaged goods now. “I never wanted to kiss a boy until I knew I was going to marry him. Until I knew he loved me with his whole heart and soul. I would recognize him because I’d get butterflies in my belly, my heart would skip a beat when he walked in the room, my lungs would cease to function for a minute.”
Kol’s easy smile gradually appears as he tells me, “You can still have that, Thea.” Running a finger tenderly along my jaw, he lowers his mouth to mine. “A real man will love you know matter how you come to him.”
“Even tainted?” I ask before he can capture my lips with his own. The slow caress is more than I could have hoped for when he came back into my life. The way my heart stutters and my breath catches in sharp puffs of air.
Could he be it? The love I’ve always wanted.
“You’re not tainted, Thea. You’re a little bent, but bent can be fixed.” I should be offended, but the way he holds me, touches me, drops little kisses along my jaw and across my cheeks, tasting every inch of me, I can’t be. “You can still have love, blue eyes.”
“With you, Kol, I almost believe I can.” Pushing my fears to the back of my mind, I allow Kol to tenderly run his hands along my shoulders, down my back, and pull me into his chest as his tongue penetrates my mouth delicately.
“I’ll keep you safe,” he whispers in my ear. “Your heart.” His fingers draw the shape across my breastbone. “This beautiful mind.” His fingers massage my scalp. “This frightened body.” I close my eyes as his hands roam from my head to my thigh with subtle touches of adoration.
Kol gathers the minutest fragments of faith I have left, and they implode with his promises. Believing in him when I doubt I can. “I want that, Kol,” I declare as his lips find their way back to mine.
“Then let me, Thea. Let your fears of love dissipate, and I’ll show you just how intoxicating and deliciously overwhelming I can be.” I hear the cocky smirk in his voice.
“Slowly, though?” I know myself; I can’t go too fast. When I do, I spook, and I run. I don’t want to run from Kol. I want to flourish in his love.
“As slow as you want.”
His soft lips kiss my forehead as he pulls back and holds me on the couch. He shows me, without a doubt, that he’s putting me first even when his own desires and needs are calling for something more.
This display goes to prove he’s a man of his word, so when he asks me, “Let’s go for dinner?” I don’t hesitate to say yes and call in to cancel work.
Chapter 11
Thea
At first, I was nervous when we arrived at the restaurant. A small Italian eatery in the center of town that gives off a very intima
te vibe. But now, after we’ve ordered dinner and they bring us water, my tension has died down to inconsequential feelings of doubt.
“Tell me something, blue eyes.” Kol hasn’t taken his eyes off me since we arrived. Not even as the hostess flirted playfully with him, or when the girls at another table tried, and failed, to gain his attention.
“Like what?” I tilt my head, allowing myself to enjoy the atmosphere.
“Anything you like.”
I get the feeling his simple question isn’t so simple. Taking a sip from the cool water glass, I allow the liquid to soothe my dry throat. I’m not a fan of being put on the spot, even if it is innocently done. I try to think of a time in my life when I was happy, not wanting to dwell on all the sadness as a teenager.
“Well, when I was about six, I found a stray cat in our backyard. Mom was working a lot then, so I was free to roam the fenced-in yard, even if she was sleeping. He was black and white and so soft. He nibbled food right from my hand.”
“Did your mom let you keep it?” He smiles, already knowing the answer.
“Well, when she woke up, I already had a can of tuna open and a water dish. However, her scream startled it, and it turned out to be a skunk.” I shrug. I still remember the awful smell.
Kol blinks, his face neutral before his laughter takes control, and I revel in the sexy sound. It’s soothing, and I’d love to lay my ear against his chest so I can really hear it, feel the vibrations. “Jesus. You skunked her?” Tears are leaking from his eyes at his amusement.
“I wasn’t allowed to play outside without her for close to a month after that.” I grin, remembering how mad she was the first couple of days, but then her laughter would fill the house, and it was a source of amusement in our small world.
“I miss her some days,” I say quietly. “She used to read me bedtime stories. She always made time to tuck me in at night, made sure I had healthy meals every day. I never went without, even if it meant she did.”
Reaching across the table, Kol grips my hands in his. “I’m sure she misses you, too. A mother’s love doesn’t just dissipate.”
I give a watery smile. I appreciate his faith in her, but he didn’t see what she turned into after Richard came into our lives. “She didn’t look for me.” Angrily, I wipe the tears from my face because I hate thinking about it.
“I’m going to get this all figured out for you, baby. Even why she chose him.” I just nod because it hurts to speak when I think about her too often.
“Here we are!” The waiter appears with a fresh water jug and our food. The aromas are enough to make my mouth salivate. The large plate of lasagna and garlic toast he places in front of me is enough to feed the entire restaurant.
“I don’t think I’ll be able to eat all of this,” I whisper to Kol as our server walks away.
“Don’t worry”—He winks.—“I will.”
With as large as he is, I don’t doubt it at all. Deciding to put the gloomy thoughts of my mom to the back of my mind, I dig into the meal and eat the single most satisfying lasagna of my life. The noodles are cooked to perfection, the crisp cheese bubbling on top has the most amazing crunch. And the sauce isn’t too heavy on the onion and garlic, giving it the most satisfying taste.
“I think I’ve died and gone to heaven,” I mumble around a bite of garlic toast.
“Me, too.” The way he says it as he watches me leads me to believe it’s not because his food is as delicious as mine, but rather because he’s enjoying the sight of me as I devour what’s in front of me.
Blushing, I try to ignore the heated looks Kol keeps sending my way, but my body refuses to let it go. I’ve never felt this rush of desire race through my veins, and even though I’m terrified of what might possibly happen next, I also anticipate it.
Kol knows…everything and still he accepts me. He cherishes my damage like colorful shattered glass. He doesn’t make it the most important part of who I am; instead, he sees it as building block to who I’ve morphed into and have yet to become.
I’ve always feared that when I met a man and he found out about my past that he’d run the other way. What man wants to deal with so much baggage?
Kol Daniels is who.
After befriending Ember for so many months then meeting her brothers, I felt that connection the moment Kol stumbled over the auditorium chairs to sit next to me. Maybe it’s why I ran then; I wasn’t ready for the feelings he elicited in me.
Over the past year, I’ve had more time to think about what happened to me. I’ve been able to reflect on the ways that my life has been ruined because I keep ruminating on my fears of being found.
Unwarranted as they may have been at the time, I have been located, and Kol has shown me over and over that, if I stay, fight for my freedom, he’ll join the battle with me. I get the feeling that even if I had the energy to run again, he’d search for me now that we’ve been able to spend time together. We’re growing towards what could be an epic love story if only I allow it to.
I’m what’s holding us back from exploring further. I desire Kol. I want to be with him, but my body only remembers pain. Force. Agony. My mind tries to fight it off, but as soon as I see a bed, I freeze and regress to those nights.
One step at a time, though, right?
“Sex doesn’t have to happen immediately, right?” I pause as I lift my fork to my mouth, realizing what I just said out loud. “I didn’t mean to say that,” I whisper, completely embarrassed.
Kol
* * *
I’m not sure what stunned me more, the boldness of Thea’s question or how erotic the word sex sounds coming from her plump lips.
Either way, I’m mute as she backpedals because I don’t know where her thoughts have led her. Even as she was chewing, I could see she was thinking deeply. Lost in whatever war was clashing in her mind.
“Umm, what?” I stutter as I take a long drink of water, needing a moment to compose myself.
“Crap. That was supposed to be an inner thought.” I nod because what the hell else am I supposed to do? “Can we forget I said that?” She looks doubtful.
“I mean, we could.” She takes a deep breath. “But maybe it’s best we talk about whatever you were thinking. Get it out in the open.” Waiting is pure torture.
“Well…I was thinking…” She laughs at that, and I can’t help joining her because it’s clear now what she was thinking. “It’s just that, I’m worried I’m not ready for everything a potential relationship entails, and I wouldn’t want to lead you on. Maybe there’s another girl out there better suited for you–”
“Stop right there,” I interrupt her. Pushing our plates aside, I grab her hand and drag her over to my side of the table, uncaring that she’s sitting on my lap. “I know you’re new to this, to having feelings for a man, to relationships, to anything positive being a part of your life. I understand, Thea, but we need to make one thing perfectly clear, right now.”
She swallows as she looks down before peering back up at me. “What’s that?”
“There is no other fucking girl for me. You’ve been it since the day we met. Is it love right now? Maybe, for me. Maybe, it’s the intense desire to help you understand that you can have love with me. My sole focus is you, baby. I haven’t begun to process what I feel yet. I do know that I spent an entire year consumed with you. It drove me mad that one day you were here, and the next, you were gone.” Just remembering the time Ember couldn’t find her has my heart palpitating again.
“How do you know?” She places one hand on my shoulder while the other—unconsciously, I suspect—rubs along my neck as she searches my eyes for answers.
“How do I know what, blue eyes?” Christ, I could get lost in her gaze for days at a time.
“How do you know this might be love?” All her insecurities are simmering just below the surface.
Reaching up, I cup the back of her neck as I bring her head down to mine. “Because I feel it in my bones. You ease my own fears. My heart s
kips a beat when you enter a room.” Her breath hitches. “I just know.” I utter the words against her lips before delving in deeper. The kind of kiss I’ve been dying to give her since the day we met.
I allow her to explore my mouth in such an innocent fashion that I can’t control the reaction she evokes in my dick. I know the exact second she feels it pressing into her thigh, too. Her body freezes, and she stops breathing.
Opening her eyes, she pulls away only enough to remark, “He’s safe,” before pressing our mouths together again. Fusing us like magnets.
I get the feeling I’ll be hearing those two words a lot more in the immediate future. I look forward to showing her just how safe I can be.
Chapter 12
Kol
Thea fell asleep on the short drive home, so as I’m carrying her inside, she curls up into me, surrendering to me her fragile trust, and I know I’ll treasure it forever. “Can we talk?” she mumbles as I’m about to head upstairs with her.
Gazing down at her sleep-filled eyes, I nod, redirecting us to the couch, and I get the feeling she wants to talk here because of what she told me. Her fear of beds is as real as anyone’s fear of spiders. To me, it may seem odd, but I won’t dismiss it either.
“What do you want to talk about?” I sit with her in my lap.
I feel Thea inhale deeply, and when she does speak, I’m surprised at the topic. “I know you’ve been holding something back from me, Kol. I’ll have to relay my story, won’t I?”