Tin Hats and Gas Masks
Page 17
It was nearly a week before they could return to the basement flat, after Charlie Bookman had helped his son get it shipshape again and Annie promised herself that once the child was born and she could walk and run again instead of waddle everywhere, she would sort something out about finding somewhere better for them to live.
She dreamt one night that they were in Bushton, by the river, and had their own little business with a row of boats for hire … Why not? she thought, when she woke and it was still vivid in her mind. We both liked it there and now the war’s over people will be wanting holidays. If Johnny can find work there for a while, one day it could be more than a dream.
Annie carried on with her job until a week before the baby was due. Then, enveloped in one of the pretty smocks Johnny’s mum had made for her and with a suitcase filled with nappies, matinée jackets, tiny wrapover vests and nightgowns, bootees and little romper-suits she left London for the Sussex village and Aunt Bessie. The case had been presented to her a few days before and was a gift from them all. The entire family had been knitting and sewing to give this first grandchild his or her layette. Annie herself had knitted a couple of tiny garments, under Mrs B’s guidance, and felt proud of her efforts. All her life, if they had needed something they had gone to a shop and bought it, but Johnny’s family almost always made it themselves, even unravelling old garments, putting the wool into skeins to be washed, before winding it into balls for re-using. Annie had never done anything like that before and at first didn’t know what Johnny’s mum was talking about when she said, ‘Hold your hands out for five minutes, love, so I can undo this jumper.’
Mrs Bookman was a fast worker and Annie marvelled as the knitted rows of the old garment were wound round her outstretched hands at a terrific speed.
‘It’s all crinkly,’ she said, ‘won’t it look funny?’
‘Bless you, no Annie. Once it’s washed and dried it will knit up a treat. Nice soft wool this and as it’s lemon it’ll do for a boy or a girl.’
Johnny went with her on the Sunday morning, returning in time to get to his evening job. ‘There’s no need,’ she said. ‘We could save the fare because it isn’t as though you can stop long.’
‘Poo, bloody poo,’ he said, ‘you don’t think I’ll let you go alone, do you?’ Laughing, she hugged him. ‘I expect someone would have insisted on coming, but I’m glad it’s you, Johnny. I’ll miss you, you know.’
‘I jolly well hope so. Aunt Bessie’s got a phone so I’ll be able to talk to you. Can ring from the box on the corner. You’re not scared, are you, gal?’
She shook her head. ‘No, well, not much. A little, if I’m honest. But your mum says the pain is one you forget quickly. It’s not like an illness. Once the baby’s out the worst pain is over, that’s what she said.’
They were silent for a few moments, then, her voice quiet, she said, ‘In a while, maybe a few months, I’d like to tell my father he’s a grandad. I thought I could telephone the hospital after the baby’s born to see how he is, and maybe talk to the doctor about his condition. He’s going on fine and should be going home soon. I don’t know what my mother is going to tell him to account for my absence but once I know he’s better I’d like him to know about us and about our baby.’
Johnny kissed her. ‘After we’re married. That’s the time I reckon. Then you can tell him you’re married to me and we now have a child. He will be welcome in our home, wherever it is, Annie, any time. He’s a real gentleman. Remember when you introduced us outside Buckingham Palace that day, he shook my hand. But your mother will not be welcome, Annie. I’ll never forgive her for the way she’s treated you. If you ever want to see her it’ll have to be without me. To turn you out like that …’ His eyes flashed, cold as steel, and then suddenly he said, ‘What on earth are we doing, reviving old scores? We’re on the way to being a real family, Annie, you, me and the bump.’ Gently he touched her stomach. ‘Won’t be long now gal – remember you said once you were glad you weren’t a man, well I’ll tell you this for nothing, I’m very glad I’m not a woman.’
She smiled at him, then became serious again as she returned to her theme.
‘If they won’t let us marry until I’m twenty-one, Johnny, it will be five years and I’d like my dad to know before then.’
He thumped his head dramatically with his hand,
‘’Course you would, and we’ll tell him, just as soon as it’s safe to. When the doc says we can, how about that?’
‘Mmm. All right.’
‘Listen Annie, I’ve bin wanting to say this but didn’t know how. I know we said we wouldn’t ’cos it seems like cheating, but – well, I’ve thought about it all a lot lately and I’ve changed me mind. I’ll marry you prop’ly, in a church, just as soon as it’s possible. Meanwhile,’ he fumbled in his pocket and brought out a small, white leather pouch, ‘you don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to.…’
She took the gold band from its soft casing, her thumping heart suddenly still. ‘Oh, Johnny. Yes, of course I’ll wear it.’
‘You don’t mind – that I had second thoughts, like. See, I don’t want anyone saying things about you Annie, specially when I’m not there to protect you.’
She swallowed hard, more ashamed than ever before in her life, of what she had thought he was about to say, about changing his mind. Blinking away the tears that threatened she handed the plain gold band to him.
‘Here, will you – will you say the words?’
Awkwardly he took her hand. ‘With this ring.…’
That night, by her single bed in Aunt Bessie’s pretty spare room Annie knelt and prayed for her family. Johnny, her father, Johnny’s mum and dad and his brothers and sister-in-law, for Aunt Bessie who had welcomed her into her home, and lastly for her mother, that somehow she might find peace, because Annie knew already that there was no way that she could abandon the child now kicking inside her, the child that was the result of their love for each other.
Annie’s labour began early one morning, a little after six, and by ten o’clock Bessie had called the midwife. Between them they massaged her back and tried to keep her comfortable. She spoke to Johnny at midday when he telephoned during his lunch break. She tried to sound cheerful and confident but it wasn’t easy. A huge pain caught her as they said their farewells and she was sweating as Aunt Bessie took the phone from her and told Johnny not to worry, everything was going well.
She tried to do what she was told, puff and push in the right places, and she hung on to Aunt Bessie’s hand with such force that the poor woman was forced to cry out herself. Just when she thought she couldn’t do it an excruciating pain almost made her pass out and dimly, she heard the midwife say, ‘Good girl, one more, come on, you’re nearly there.’ She could hear herself screaming now, then suddenly it was all over, and the midwife was saying, ‘Well done, Annie, you have a beautiful baby boy.’
Suddenly she felt herself going, heard the anxious voices and realized with horror that the baby hadn’t cried. That was when she did pass out.
Annie opened her eyes to find Aunt Bessie still beside her.
From a great distance she heard her own voice say, ‘He’s dead, isn’t he? My son was stillborn.’
Bessie’s arm was supporting her as she said quietly, ‘No Annie. He’s alive and well.’
‘But – but he didn’t cry and you were all bothered and—’
‘He only needed a slap to get his breath. He has a powerful voice I can tell you. It was you who needed the attention for a few moments my love. You fainted on us.’
Aunt Bessie eased her up in the bed and the midwife gently placed the baby in her arms. He seemed to be making little chuckling sounds and he looked like a miniature Johnny.
‘Oh,’ she whispered, holding the fragile bundle to her breast, ‘you are so beautiful.’
‘I’ll make you a cup of tea,’ Aunt Bessie said, ‘then you can have a good long sleep and be fresh for when Johnny comes down this evening. You can stay h
ere as long as you need, you know, Annie, and when you are back in town I hope you’ll often come for weekends and holidays in the country. I should like that and I’ll be able to see more of this little fellow too.’
Aunt Bessie touched the baby’s downy head gently.
‘We will, Aunt Bessie. And I’ll never forget your kindness, never.’
‘Don’t be silly, you’re keeping the room aired for me, aren’t you?’
She turned when she reached the door. ‘Ben and I couldn’t have children, you know, it was the only thing missing in our marriage. We both wanted them.’
Quietly she slipped from the room and Annie looked at her baby son’s dimpled hands and perfect nails. A tear fell on to his soft skin as she kissed his forehead.
‘That’ll be them now, Annie,’ Bessie said when the doorbell rang that evening. ‘I bet Maggie will be the proudest grandma in London.’
Annie gazed at her baby son. She looked radiant. Johnny came in alone.
‘You all right, Annie?’ He kissed her tenderly and laid a huge bunch of bronze and yellow chrysanthemums on the bed.
‘I’m fine, darling.’
He gazed at her adoringly and gently took hold of her hand.
‘Don’t you want to see the baby?’ she said.
Almost shyly Johnny looked at his son. ‘He’s a funny-looking blighter, isn’t he, Annie?’
She smiled. ‘He’ll do all right, Johnny, I’m sure he will. Your mum has promised to help me, and we’ll make up to him in love what he hasn’t got in money.’
‘You bet we will.’ Johnny bent over the tiny head cradled in her arms. ‘Tell you something, Annie, he’s already the luckiest little chap alive except for me, because he has you as his mum.’
Copyright
© Joan Moules 2007
First published in Great Britain 2007
This edition 2012
ISBN 978 0 7090 9914 7 (epub)
ISBN 978 0 7090 9915 4 (mobi)
ISBN 978 0 7090 9916 1 (pdf)
ISBN 978 0 7090 8235 4 (print)
Robert Hale Limited
Clerkenwell House
Clerkenwell Green
London EC1R 0HT
www.halebooks.com
The right of Joan Moules to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988