Thirteen Mercies, Three Kills

by Liv Olteano

“How many are there?”

  She sighed. “A few. But with Verner out of the picture, they’ll be more reasonable. None of them has gone as far as he has. And he was always a sort of leader for them, the head of the research team. Without him they’ll be less daring, less cruel.”

  Well, at least there was that. “So how will this float fuel idea of yours work?”

  “You’ll drink it before the ball. It’ll enhance all your talents, all your senses.”

  “And we’ll just hope for the best,” I added doubtfully.

  “Sometimes, Mer, that’s all one can do.”

  She leaned in and softly kissed my cheek. I felt my face grow impossibly hot, but before I could do or say much, she simply got up and went for the door. Well, wasn’t that just adorable?

  “Nikola?”

  She stopped before the door but didn’t turn around. Her shoulders looked tense, her body rigid. Was she that nervous about our plan? Or was the kiss on the cheek the reason for her fleeing?

  “That means we’ll attend the ball… together?”

  “Yes,” she answered tightly. “Will that be a problem?”

  I sighed deeply. “It might. I really hate balls.”

  She chuckled and turned around, her posture more relaxed. “So do I. But this will be a cheerful one, we hope. We’ll talk more in the morning. We all need to rest. And Mer?”

  “Yes?”

  She smiled. “I love your hair like that. Much better than with those squiggly octopuses stuck in there.”

  I made a face, and she blew me a kiss as she left.

  Another knock came on the door and I grinned. “Who is it?”

  The door opened and Nana peeked her head in. “Just me, Miss. Want help with taking that dress off?”

  I flushed and nodded. She hurried to help me out of the dress and put the hair rollers back in my hair. When she was done, she turned me around.

  “I want you to know I don’t blame you for wanting none of the resident business. We understand. Nobody would want to be… that. And you shouldn’t have to when Skazat might as well do it.”

  I smiled. “Thank you, Nana. But I decided I might give it a shot in the end. We’ll just see how things go at the ball.”

  “Oh? What made you change your mind?” she asked, frowning.

  I shrugged. “Something of a change of heart.”

  “You’ll do great at the ball, Miss. I’m sure you will. I have faith in you. You’ll take the black lace dress?”

  I grinned. “Oh no. I have an even better idea. I need you to ask Nikola if I can borrow a pair of black pants from her and those knee-high black boots.”

  “Miss?” Nana asked, frowning.

  “I’m pretty sure she will say I can. I’ll wear pants, boots, and the black lace shirt with the puffy sleeves. Nikola and I are going to be the talk of the ball anyway. Might as well earn all the attention.”

  “Wouldn’t Verner see the change as a provocation? You taking on Nikola’s clothing style?”

  “Why wouldn’t I? I’m a new apprentice enamored with her master’s occupation, ideas, perhaps with her whole person. It would make sense that I mimic aspects of her, right? Horrid as these social functions may be, wearing my outfit almost makes it worth it.”

  She grinned. “Almost. I’ll have it ready for you by tomorrow. Good night.”

  “Night.”

  I blew out the candles and got into bed. The fireplace now hosted a lovely fire. I looked around the room, half expecting the ghost of my mother to appear. But it didn’t. In a strange way, I wanted it to. Even if her face looked horrible with her lips sewn shut, it was still her face. And I missed her so much…. I missed hearing her laugh and her voice.

  Was my father one of Verner’s servants? I shivered all over at the thought. Was he his butler like Tach was Nikola’s? Did he serve Verner tea and coffee? I pulled on my lip piercing hard and allowed the sting to settle my nerves. If Verner were out and the mayor followed, then maybe I’d get my house back sooner. Maybe I’d be able to sit in the parlor of the home where I grew up and look at my mother’s huge portrait.

  This was all just another kind of mercy, I reasoned. I refused to think what would become of all of us if it didn’t work.

  Nothing good would come out of dwelling on that. After all, if it were to happen, we’d find out soon enough. The ball was tomorrow evening. With it we’d get either an end or a new beginning.

  Chapter 17

  I SPENT a while tossing and turning in my bed. There was a lot to think about, true—the world before all of this happened, how it must have felt to survive it all and live with the memories… a lot to think about concerning my life, my mother’s death, and my mysterious disease from when I was ten. The disease Nikola saved me from before Mama fell ill with the withering. So much to think about regarding tomorrow evening and the ball, our half-formed plans that were mainly based on wishful thinking. Much, much to think about.

  But none of that kept me awake. The memory of Nikola’s lips on mine, the heat of her mouth as we kissed, the passion in her every move, her heavy breathing, the intoxicating dark green of her eyes… that was what my mind busied itself with. And not just my mind. All of these thoughts were a far cry from what a proper lady such as myself should contemplate. Yet here I was, contemplating it all. Contemplating it intensely. The flesh between my legs pounded insistently, moisture and hot tension seeming to have seized the area.

  I threw a hand over my forehead and pulled the covers aside. I drank a glass of water but my throat still felt dry. I was restless, agitated. My very heart screamed there was only one way of comforting me, and I knew what it was. I got up from the bed again and took my hair rolls out of my hair, didn’t bother arranging it in any way, just left it falling down my shoulders.

  I walked barefoot to her bedroom’s door. It seemed more of a secret that way, the soft carpets muffling my every step as if I hadn’t even walked all the way to her door. I decided I’d knock gently. If she was asleep, then it was a sign this was a bad idea to begin with. I would simply walk away, treading as softly as I had coming here. And nobody would know, not even Nikola.

  Looking at the door, though, I couldn’t bring myself to knock. What if she was awake and didn’t answer, knowing or guessing it was me? What if she opened the door, but ignored me, sent me away? My heart tightened painfully in my chest. Perhaps it was a bad idea entirely. I didn’t want to risk being turned down, not right now. Not tonight. I reached my palms out, spread them on the door. Was she asleep on the other side? I imagined her in her bed and my mind struggled to envision her nightwear. Would it be a nightgown like mine? Would she sleep entirely naked under the covers and sheets, her lush body warm and languid? I leaned my forehead against the door and drew in a deep breath.

  And I almost fell face forward as the door opened. Strong arms caught me and I looked up into her eyes.

  She smiled. “Mer, why are you standing there?”

  I blinked rapidly as I gained my balance again. “Well, I… I, ugh—”

  She reached out and wrapped one strand of my hair around a finger, the hot pink coiling like a serpent or a plume of my smoke. I looked up into her eyes and shivered at the warmth and hunger there. I got drunk on her presence, my heart beating furiously and my whole body almost burning up.

  “I’ve never been truly close to someone,” I whispered. “We might die tomorrow. I don’t want to die without knowing how it feels.”

  She brought the strand of my hair close to her nose, inhaling greedily. “I’m one moment away from dragging you back into my room and trying my best to have my way with you,” she whispered. “If you don’t want that, walk away from me now. Turn around, go back to your room, and we’ll pretend this never happened. I’ll never try anything and we’ll always be the best of friends. But if you don’t walk away, Mer… if you don’t—”

  I swallowed thickly. “What happens if I don’t walk away?”

  She reached out and combed her hands through m
y hair, guiding me toward her. I stepped closer until my breasts pushed into her lower chest. She pulled gently on my hair and angled my face up, so when her lips descended on mine, we fit perfectly. I inhaled sharply as the taste of her zinged through me, the kiss turning intense and demanding within seconds. She caressed my tongue slickly with hers, her hand keeping me firmly in place, and I was drunk. Drunk on her taste, on the sensation of her so close to my body… drunk on her.

  I wrapped my hands around her waist and pulled her closer to me, as close as we could get. My tiny chest wasn’t much in the way, so our bodies were glued together, the hot friction making me sweat between my breasts.

  She guided me inside and closed the door. I thought we’d move farther into the room, but she pushed me against the closed door instead, turning me around so quickly I gasped. I pushed my cheek against the cool wood, my heart pounding insanely in my chest.

  She pressed her body against mine and wrapped her hands around my wrists, slowly bringing them up on the door. She leaned in close to my ear. “Like this—you were exactly like this, breathing almost as hard, when you came into my room. I thought I was dreaming when I saw you.” She rubbed her whole body against mine. A full-body caress that made me moan in the back of my throat.

  Sweet ink and needles, it felt so impossibly good. I wanted more. “Did you want me? When you saw me like this, did you want me?” I dared whisper back.

  She chuckled. “I wanted you from the moment I saw those gray eyes fixing their gaze on me on the street. You couldn’t have seen me well, and I doubt you remembered me. How could you, after all? You were but a child when I’d seen you last. A sick, scared child.”

  She let go of my wrists and snaked her arms around my middle, holding me in a tight embrace.

  I tried to turn around and her hold allowed it. I looked up into her magnificent gaze. “Will you tell me about that day? About the day my parents brought me to you? What was wrong with me? Did you cure me, save my life?”

  She smiled that small little smile, the one that looked so much sadder than anything else I’d ever seen. “I’ll tell you about it someday. But not tonight. Please?” she asked, rubbing the tip of her nose against my temple. “Please, not tonight. I’m very happy you came to me tonight, Mer. Whatever the reason or the purpose, I’m so happy. I won’t push you beyond your comfort zone. I won’t ask for more than you’re willing to give—well, at least I’ll try not to,” she amended, chuckling. “I’m quite greedy by nature, you should know. So very greedy, and hungry for you.”

  Her lips found mine again as she caressed up from my sides to my breasts, slowly massaging the tiny bumps there. I wanted to touch hers, so full and heavy and lush. She wore a robe, silky to the touch, tied right under them. I loved the way my palms slid over her body, over her hips and up her sides to the swell of her breasts.

  We were both breathing hard, the sound of our mingling labored breaths incredibly comforting.

  “Come to bed with me?” she asked softly.

  I nodded and rubbed my lips against hers, kissing down her throat next, nibbling on her collarbone. She stepped back and pulled me with her. We reached the bed and got on it. My face went hot, imagining what she might be thinking now. How my tiny chest didn’t compare to hers, how she might be disappointed.

  She reached out, running her palms slowly down my neck, then over my collarbone, down my chest, then lower over my tummy. She looked ravenous now, entirely resolute on devouring me whole. And I wanted her to.

  I swallowed thickly and suppressed a shiver.

  “You’re so beautiful,” she mumbled as she leaned down to kiss my cheek. “So young, sweet, and tempting,” she added, a strange look crossing her face. Then she leaned down on the pillow, too far away from me for my liking.

  I crawled close to her, laying my head beside hers. She turned on her side and so did I so we were facing each other, breathing raggedly, our cheeks rosy.

  “Where did you go just now?” I whispered.

  She reached for my mouth with hers and claimed it in a searing kiss, intimate and incredible. I tingled all over when she touched me, when she ran her hand down my back.

  “I’m right here,” she said, pulling back from my lips. “Don’t pout. You’re so incredibly beautiful and strong,” she said, smiling.

  “I’m not strong at all,” I said, frowning. “For instance I couldn’t make myself fall asleep earlier. I was tossing and turning and wanting to see you. A strong person would have made themselves fall asleep.”

  “You think you’re weak because you wanted to see me, and came here?”

  I shrugged. “I’m not sure it matters now.”

  “It does,” she insisted and leaned in to kiss my forehead, eyebrow, then my cheek and lips. “I think it was proof of strength that you came to me, Mer. I’m thrilled that you did. I was sitting here, pining away after you, but I didn’t have the courage to come to you. I couldn’t allow myself to hope….” Her gaze went vacant. “I’ve done horrible, unforgivable things. Many of them. You’ll hate me for them, and I’ll understand.”

  “I wouldn’t be able to hate you, not even if I forced myself to do it,” I replied, caressing her cheek. “I simply wouldn’t ever be able to.”

  “You say that now, but you don’t know all I’ve done. It’s been a long, long life I’ve lived, Mer. Such a very long life.”

  “You must’ve met hundreds like me, thousands, even,” I intervened when the look in her eyes turned too sad.

  She shook her head. “There are no two people alike in the world. There never have been. But there were many before you, yes. Does that bother you?”

  I shrugged. “I know I can’t compare or compete.”

  She leaned in and kissed me slowly, caressing my lips with hers for a while before pulling back again. “You’re here with me right now, and it’s more than I could hope for. Don’t think like that. It’s not a competition. And if it were, you’d be the winner.”

  “I say, Ms. Skazat, are you trying to charm me? It’s quite late in the game for it, I’ll have you know. You’ve already charmed me right off my feet.”

  She wrapped one arm around me and pulled me tight against her. “If I could I would freeze this moment in time. So I could always be here just like this, with your radiant face on my pillows, your wild hair coiling around you like a halo, your skin glowing so gorgeously. I would have your body soft, warm, and sated, your smile brightening this constant night. I would have you trusting, open, and feeling safe, have you just like this forever.”

  There was a knot in my throat. I could barely breathe, let alone speak. I squeezed my arm around her too and pushed my forehead into the crook of her neck, just below her chin. Breathing in deeply, I allowed her scent to permeate my lungs, my whole body. “I would want that too,” I whispered. “Can I ask you something?”

  She chuckled. “Of course, anything you’d like. I might even answer it, whatever it is.”

  I snorted. “Generous of you. Do other female alkemists wear men’s clothing?”

  She ran a hand through my hair. “That’s difficult to answer. They’re men’s clothing to you because you’ve lived in New Bayou.”

  “Please don’t take my questions as an insult. They are not. I love your clothes. I think I’ve never seen anything fit a woman better than your suits fit you,” I muttered.

  She chuckled. “Thrilled to hear it. By all means, ask away. Crossdressing is a rare occurrence in New Bayou, I’d dare guess.”

  “I’m not sure what crossdressing means,” I confessed, feeling like a child.

  “In systems where genders are very clearly defined by behavior, appearance, clothing, and such, a crossdresser is someone of one gender that wears the characteristics of the other.”

  “Does it mean you wish you were a man?”

  She smiled. “Not at all. It simply gives me pleasure to dress this way, behave this way. Not at all times, though. I wear women’s clothes too, if the mood strikes, and I can get pretty
feminine during those times.”

  “You’re quite impressive at all times, I’m sure,” I said, staring admiringly at her breasts.

  She grinned. “Thanks. I guess stepping on Edgar’s shoes is a good part of the thrill, in this case. He has such heteronormative ideas, obvious by the fashion and manners he promotes on his platform. It’s a personal pleasure of mine to mess with his tidy little neat piles.”

  “Was there something personal between you?”

  She blinked slowly. “I’ve always seen Edgar as a conservative, misogynistic man. Never found that appealing.”

  “But he found you appealing,” I stated.

  “Maybe. I think he wanted to push me into submission, more like. And since he couldn’t intellectually, I think he wanted to manage it by bedding me instead.”

  “Did you? Bed him?” I asked in a light tone.

  “Never found him attractive. Why? Are you jealous?”

  “I think he is jealous.”

  “I think he is too. But for a different reason.”

  I frowned. “Which is?”

  “He has a thing for you.”

  I rolled my eyes, a most unladylike gesture. “What if I wore pants too?”

  “Have you ever tried wearing men’s clothing?”

  I shook my head and bit my lower lip. “Before I saw you, it never occurred to me to try. Maybe I could try on one of your shirts? Just to see how that feels?” I added hastily, feeling ashamed about having asked.

  She grinned. “I’d love that.”

  She got up and plucked up a shirt from a chair nearby. It had become a bit crinkly, so I guessed it was the one she’d worn today. The black fabric felt smooth in my hand as I grabbed it. She walked toward me, not letting go. Instead of handing it to me, she opened it up, holding out the sleeves so I could insert my hand in each one. It was cool, and putting it on over my nightgown made air rush over my skin in such a way that my nipples hardened. When I had both sleeves on, she slowly closed her arms around me, embracing me softly from behind. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back on her, enjoying her touch and the moment. Then she moved slowly and buttoned up the shirt, running her fingertips up and down my shirt-clothed body.