Until It's Time To Go

by Connie Bailey

  “That’s a much better story.”

  “It was better, but it was far from ideal. He couldn’t be seen with someone my age. He would’ve lost his job and his reputation. At first I didn’t care about the sneaking around to remote motels. I was having an affair with Indiana Jones. I didn’t even mind that he called me boy and treated me like a child. I was wallowing in blissful ignorance, proud of the way my man took care of me and treated me like a precious possession. Plus, he was a good lover. He taught me a lot. Unfortunately, I wasn’t his only student in the art of love.”

  “Lame.”

  “I meant it ironically.”

  “Uncle Steve was older than you, wasn’t he?” Laith asked abruptly.

  “A few years. Why?”

  “The question popped into my head and I asked. It doesn’t have to mean anything.”

  “I’m beginning to think that everything means something.”

  “Wow. That’s deep.”

  “If you’re just going to make fun of me, we can call your mom.”

  “I don’t want to go home yet,” Laith said quickly. “I mean… if it’s no bother, I’d like to stay with you for a little while longer.”

  “I guess I can handle having you around for a few days. But you have to convince your mom.”

  “Just tell her it’s okay with you, and I’ll take it from there.”

  “You’ll have to entertain yourself while I’m working.”

  “No problem.”

  “Can I quote you on that?”

  “Just call her. Or I can call on my phone.”

  Isaac was skeptical and still not sure he wanted to share his space for several days, but he called Janelle. After assuring her that he wanted Laith to stay so they could reconnect, he gave the phone to his godson. After a lot of “yeah, Moms” and an “I love you too,” Laith gave Isaac’s phone back.

  “It’s all set,” Laith mouthed as Isaac put the phone to his ear.

  “Thanks for doing this,” Janelle said. “He says you’re helping him deal with something.”

  Isaac heard the question in her voice. “I’ll call you later about that, okay?”

  “Okay. He says he has one change of clothes. I’ll pay you back for anything he needs.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. This is my chance to catch up on those birthday presents I never sent.”

  “Just take good care of him, okay?”

  “I’ll do my best,” Isaac said, surprised to find he was telling the truth. “Good night, Nelle.”

  For the rest of the evening, Isaac and Laith sat in front of the television and ignored it while they talked about favorite bands, favorite films, people they knew in common, and every once in a while a spark of mutual feeling was struck. It was well past midnight when they finally went to bed. Laith said good night outside the door to Isaac’s room and continued down the hall to the guest room. Isaac watched the kid’s door close before he entered his own bedroom.

  The furniture, the paintings, the rugs were all the same as when Steve shared the room. Sometimes it was easy for Isaac to imagine that he heard the sound of the shower or Steve’s sneakered footsteps thumping softly on the carpeted stairs. Sometimes it was hard just to be here, and sometimes it was the only solace he knew. Isaac clenched his hands into fists as he waited for the grip of sorrow to ease. He took a deep breath, blinked away the extra moisture, and got undressed. Turning off the lamp, he lay down on top of the covers and stared at the shadow-swaddled ceiling, wondering what the hell he thought he was doing. What gave him any right to meddle in Laith’s life? You know why you have the right… and the responsibility, his conscience whispered.

  Isaac turned his pillow over and put his head back down. It had been nothing more than a favor for his best friend. A little hand jive, a little splash in a cup, and voila, Janelle had some baby juice for her turkey baster. Janelle had asked for no promises, just some fresh jizz, and he had blithely beat off in the jar. He didn’t need a DNA test to tell him that Laitham Zachary Carr-Engram was his son, and his son needed him. He’d slacked off for most of his life, and it hadn’t worked out so great. Maybe it was time he tried being present instead of phoning in drunk. Maybe it wasn’t enough to be there for roll call.

  “What a load of Hallmark horseshit,” he muttered as he shifted onto his side.

  Clearing his mind, he focused on the memory of the day he and Steve had taken ownership of the house. It was one of those days between spring and summer when it’s warm and bright but breezy, and you could swear you smelled the ocean, even this far inland. They had waved good-bye as the real estate broker backed her Mercedes SUV out of the driveway, and then they had scampered back into the house. Steve had tackled him, and they’d made out like teenagers on the front hall carpet. After christening several rooms, they ended up on the deck in the hot tub. Another bottle of pinot gris was opened, and they fed each other brie and caviar on toast points. They had so much sex they were raw the next day.

  Isaac took hold of his half-hard cock and stroked it to see if it would get harder fast enough to make it worthwhile. As his hand shuttled up and down, an image of Colby on his knees flashed in his mind in glowing View-Master 3D. His breath caught in his throat as his hips stuttered, and he stroked faster. In a few seconds, he came, expelling the air from his lungs in a hoarse cry of release. Rolling onto his stomach, he buried his face in the pillow as his dick jerked in his fist.

  Almost as soon as the euphoria of climax started to fade, he started to feel shitty about jerking off to a fantasy of Colby Lightner. He knew intellectually that there was nothing wrong with it, but he still felt disloyal. “This can’t be right,” he whispered into the dark. It had been ten years since Steve had died, and he hadn’t moved on—didn’t even want to try. “It’s not right.”

  Turning on the bedside clock radio, he let the music drown out his thoughts until he fell asleep.

  Chapter 5

  ISAAC woke to the smell of coffee and got directly out of bed instead of lying there in hopes of falling back to sleep. He couldn’t remember setting the timer on the coffee machine.

  “Maybe I do drink too much,” he muttered as he walked to the kitchen.

  “Planning on dressing for breakfast?” Laith asked as Isaac stopped in surprise.

  Isaac’s hands shot down to cover his crotch. “Sorry. Forgot you were here.”

  “No, that doesn’t hurt my feelings at all.” Laith neatly flipped a pancake. “Are you going to put on some pants and have something to eat?”

  “I usually just have some coffee and an energy bar.”

  “I figured. Since this is my way of thanking you—”

  “Be right back,” Isaac said and went back to his room to dress.

  Isaac returned wearing new jeans he found in a drawer and a yellow shirt he’d bought in Mexico in another life. He poured himself a cup of coffee and was ordered to the table. Laith set a plate in front of him with a towering stack of pancakes drenched in butter and syrup. Huddled to the side in a sticky puddle were three sausages.

  “Am I supposed to eat all this?”

  “Do the best you can,” Laith said as he sat down to Isaac’s right.

  “You sound just like your mother.”

  “Shut up and eat.”

  “Exactly like her.” Isaac took a bite. “Good,” he said. “I didn’t know you could cook.”

  “It’s just pancakes. Anybody can make pancakes.”

  “I didn’t even know I had the ingredients.”

  Punkin walked in from the laundry room, stretched elaborately, and looked pointedly into his empty bowl.

  “I already fed him,” Laith said. “He can really make a bowl of food disappear.”

  “Since he’s been on a diet, he thinks he’s starving.” Isaac paused. “Come to think of it, he’s always acted like he’s starving.”

  “Maybe because he was a stray?”

  “Probably. I assume you’re coming to work with me?”

  “I’d like
that.”

  “You have the option of hanging out here.”

  “I’d rather go with you… if I won’t be bothering you.”

  “Are you the same kid I picked up from the cops yesterday?”

  “I was in a bad mood.” Laith used his last bite of pancake to soak up the remaining syrup. Still chewing, he rose and took his plate to the dishwasher. “Is Punkin going with us?”

  “I can’t leave the Creature unattended. I might come home to charred ruins.”

  “Well, I’m ready when you are.”

  “Your mom mentioned that you might need some clothes.”

  “These are clean. We can worry about that later.”

  “Okay.” Isaac put his plate and silverware in the dishwasher. “I just need my shoes, keys, and the external drive.”

  “I’ll get Punkin ready to go,” Laith volunteered.

  “Thanks, his crate is in the front hall.” Isaac went to find his shoes, thinking that it wasn’t so bad having Laith around. He unplugged the external drive from his home computer, dropped it in his pocket, and located his keys on the kitchen counter. He found Laith waiting in the foyer with the pet carrier.

  “Is the Creature in there?”

  “Yeah.” Laith gave Isaac a puzzled look.

  “It usually takes an hour and a platoon of National Guard to get him in there. Good job.”

  Isaac didn’t see Laith’s smile as he went out the front door to the car. He opened the back door so Laith could put the crate in and then got into the driver’s seat. As soon as everyone was strapped in, he pulled out of the carport onto the driveway.

  “I really like the way your house can’t be seen from the road,” Laith said. “It makes me feel like the rest of the world doesn’t exist.”

  Isaac glanced over as they left the long driveway for the paved circle. He turned left as always. He never went to the right, though it was the more scenic route to the highway. “It’s not all bad,” he said, responding to Laith’s tone.

  “It’s not all that good either.”

  “Nothing lasts forever, Laith. Things will get better for you. Maybe not right away, but—”

  “Uncle Steve’s been gone for ten years, and you’re not any better.”

  Isaac was silent for so long that Laith spoke again.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I always fuck things up with my big mouth”

  “It just blindsided me because I was thinking the same thing when I went to bed last night.”

  “Well,” Laith said tentatively, “don’t you want someone… a boyfriend?”

  “I want to tell you to mind your business, but I’m going to try and be as honest with you as I can. I feel like I owe it to you.”

  “I wish I had a boyfriend.”

  Isaac cleared his throat. “Look, I’m not going to tell you that you can’t have a boyfriend. I remember how I felt when I was your age. I had a big crush on the local loner. You know the kid who’s always leaning against a wall with a cigarette in his mouth? The one who never participates in sports and skips school at least once a week?”

  “Yeah. At my school that would be me. Except nobody thinks I’m cool, just weird.”

  “Eddie was definitely cool and starred in all my jerk-off fantasies. I was such a horny, hopeless case that I had delusions that he was a loner because he was different. I composed elaborate scenarios in which I struck up a conversation with him and managed to let him know that I was different too. These little daydreams always ended with me on the back of his motorcycle.”

  “Is that really how they ended?”

  “No, they really ended with me pulling my pud, but I thought I’d keep it clean since it’s only nine thirty in the morning.”

  “Weird,” Laith said under his breath.

  “All I’m trying to say is don’t jump at the first guy who acts interested. He won’t be the only one, I promise you. You can afford to be picky when you’re young and cute.”

  Laith made a noise that succinctly expressed his opinion of Isaac’s comment. “You still don’t get it. At my school, I’m toxic waste. I’m anthrax.”

  “I think you should talk to your mom about enrolling you somewhere else.”

  “I thought you’d give me some speech about not running away from my problems.”

  “Sometimes you have to pick your battles. It’s not the same as running away.”

  “Maybe I could go to school here.”

  “We’re getting way ahead of ourselves now. After you have a frank talk with your mom—don’t make that face. She deserves to know what’s going on with you.”

  “I don’t care if she knows I’m gay,” Laith said. “She’s gay, so I know she won’t care. But every time I imagine telling her, it makes me squirm.”

  “I never told my mother. To hide who I was, I had to shut her out of my life. I mean, how could I have her come for a visit? And I wasn’t willing to make the sacrifice of giving up my new freedom for a few days at Christmas. When she was dying, I flew out to see her, and I realized it had been seven years since I’d been home. My dad spent the entire time glaring at me. I hated him for making mom’s last hours stressful.” Isaac paused. “I’m just like him. When something disappoints me, I turn to stone.”

  “I promise I’ll tell Mom, if you promise to stop being depressing.”

  “It’s a deal.” Isaac turned off the main road into Haley House’s neighborhood. “And you’ll remember what I said about dating?”

  “Yeah. I won’t give it up on the first date.”

  “It’s easy to get carried away the first time someone else touches your unit.”

  “Unit?” Laith repeated before dissolving in laughter.

  Isaac drove up to the back gate, and the valet Callie had hired came to take the car keys. “Thanks,” Isaac said as he pulled the cat carrier out of the backseat. “See you later, Ignacio.”

  As the valet drove the car away to park it, Isaac and Laith walked to Isaac’s motor home. Punkin came out of the crate, fluffed his tail to full volume, and stalked off to sulk in the shower stall. Laith opened the refrigerator to inventory the contents in case they’d changed since yesterday. Isaac sat down and connected the external drive, but before he could open his laptop, someone knocked on the door.

  “I’ve got it,” Laith said as he went to the door. “Hi, Colby,” he said, standing aside to let the actor in.

  “Morning,” Colby said. “Before you say anything, Isaac, I know I’m early. And I know this constitutes some major breach of one of your numerous personal laws governing tolerable behavior. Having stipulated that, how are you?”

  “Impressive opening,” Isaac said.

  “It’s a line from a TV show I did called Junior Partner.”

  “I used to watch that,” Laith said. “Mom let me stay up ’til ten on Wednesdays just so I could see it. Adam Mockingbird, Jr.—the world’s youngest defense attorney.”

  “As if any state would let a fourteen-year-old practice law,” Isaac said.

  “It wasn’t a documentary,” Colby replied.

  “So why are you darkening my door at this hour?”

  “I figured Laith would be with you and bored out of his mind. I came by to offer him a tour of the local arcades, or whatever he might be interested in.”

  “You sure you can spare the time?” Isaac asked.

  “My hair stylist canceled. Nadine’s boyfriend was arrested last night for trafficking at some club they were at.”

  “Charming. In the event I decide to trust you with my godson, would you mind taking him shopping for some clothes? I’ll give him my credit card.”

  “Bad idea,” Colby said. “I’ll keep the receipts and you pay me back.”

  “Don’t you trust me?” Laith said.

  “It’s better this way. If I’m paying, I have the power of veto.”

  “Good thinking,” Isaac said. “Just be sure to keep all the receipts.” He took out his wallet and removed three twenties. “Take this,
Laith, for food and whatever.”

  “Thanks!” Laith stuffed the bills in the pocket of his artfully ripped jeans. “When did you want to go, Colby?”

  “Now would be a good time. I have an appointment for lunch.” Colby paused. “You could come with me, I guess. I don’t think Dominick would care.”

  “Dominick Newbern?” Laith said.

  “Yeah. He’s making another Time Ranger movie later this year, and he wants me for a part in it. We’re just going to kick it around a little. If you don’t think you’ll be bored, you can come.” Colby glanced at Isaac. “If it’s okay with you.”

  “I worked with him on his first movie, Arachnotech,” Isaac said. “He struck me as a decent guy.” In fact, the heavily-muscled, blandly handsome actor had struck Isaac as fiercely ambitious and just as fiercely closeted but also undeniably decent. At least Isaac had never heard any rumors of Newbern stabbing anyone in the back. “I don’t have a problem with Laith having lunch with him. Just don’t get used to the glamorous life, kid.”

  Laith rolled his eyes. “Let’s go,” he said, nudging Colby’s shoulder.

  “See you in a few hours,” Colby said to Isaac.

  Isaac waved without looking up from the laptop screen. “Have fun. I’ll just continue to slave away on the ingenious script that will transform you as an actor.”

  “Gosh, would you? Thanks a bunch,” Colby said as he left the RV with Laith.

  “OH MY God,” Laith gushed when he returned. “It was so cool! Dom Newbern actually listened to my story idea! And he said it didn’t suck!”

  “Wow. High praise indeed.”

  “I know, right?”

  “Did I mention that I like the new clothes?”

  “Yeah, but I don’t mind hearing it again.” Laith ran a hand over the ash-gray denim of his new jeans. He was also wearing a new long-sleeved T-shirt in a pastel color somewhere between melon and peach. It was a gentle contrast to his hair color, which had faded to dark lavender.