Embrace

by Jessica Shirvington

  He was yelling at me, coming after me. He sounded frantic. I felt him getting closer. I looked over my shoulder and my vision cleared. Sounds morphed into words. ‘Violet, Violet, stop! It’s me!’

  The living room started clicking into place.

  ‘Dad?’ I said, still groggy.

  ‘Yes!’ he exclaimed, rubbing his face.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ I asked, increasingly confused.

  ‘It’s that stupid company golf day – I just stopped in to get changed. Damn, Violet.’ He opened the freezer and grabbed a bag of peas. ‘You’re going to have to ease up on the martial arts. This is going to bruise.’

  He looked like he wanted to say more but stopped himself. I was glad. I didn’t have any answers for him anyway. Well, none that I could admit to. I wasn’t up to exposing my freak-hood to Dad.

  Pulling myself together took some time. A shower and change of clothes helped to bring back a little normality to my world. I dressed in comfy jeans paired with a long-sleeved T-shirt to cover my arms. Being surrounded by things that were mine – my choices, my tastes – had suddenly never seemed more important.

  I curled up on the couch while Dad watched me restlessly from the kitchen. He kept shifting the sugar bowl, folding the tea towel, pulling pieces of non-existent lint off his jumper. Finally, I broke the silence for him, unable to bear that I could almost hear his mind ticking over.

  ‘I’m really sorry I hit you, Dad. The last few days have been awful and I was… I’m sorry.’

  ‘Violet, there’s no need to apologise. I know you didn’t do it on purpose. But I’m worried about you. You haven’t been yourself lately. I think you fainted. What happened?’

  I wanted to cry, break down and let him look after me. I wanted to call him ‘Dada’ like I did when I was little and scared. I wanted him to say, ‘It’s OK, baby. Nothing can hurt you when I’m here.’ Just like he used to. It didn’t matter that we both knew it wasn’t true. I still wanted him to say it.

  ‘I…I…It’s nothing. I had a fight with Lincoln.’ It was all I could manage once I opened my mouth.

  Dad relaxed. It was a perfectly acceptable explanation from his point of view. ‘Sweetheart…I’m sorry. If he doesn’t know a good thing standing right in front of him, he doesn’t deserve you.’

  A parent’s fallback line for everything.

  ‘Yeah…well, I’m going to put some distance between us.’

  ‘It might be a good idea.’ He smiled sympathetically.

  I felt bad, but it wasn’t all a lie and I just wasn’t ready to answer his questions yet, or deal with his emotions.

  I couldn’t even deal with my own.

  The next couple of days crept by slowly as I tried to piece together some semblance of a life and pretend that everything was as it had been. The problem was, everything had in some way involved Lincoln. Life without him left a gaping hole. It angered me that he had infiltrated every inch of my life, so much so that I didn’t know how to function without him.

  Apart from hanging out with Steph I spent a lot of time flying solo. I thought at least that meant I would have time to work on my art, but every time I got halfway through a new canvas I realised I was always painting with Lincoln’s wall in mind. Everything circled back to him. Now I couldn’t even escape in the world of paint. It was a first.

  Lincoln didn’t wait for me by the bus shelter again. He stopped texting too. I couldn’t help wondering if that was it. Was that all it took for him to give up on me? Yep, called my bitch from within. You were an idiot to have ever thought he cared!

  On the weekend I agreed to meet Steph at the indoor rock-climbing centre. I was surprised she had offered to go with me. It was a sure sign of how pitiful I must have been. The fact that she’d actually risk breaking a nail and attempt real physical activity to keep me happy was no small sacrifice. It was embarrassing that everyone could see how much Lincoln had hurt me – even if they didn’t know why.

  Steph was quick to take up position as my rope safety, thereby avoiding doing any actual climbing herself.

  ‘You know, you might even enjoy it if you give it a go,’ I said, while tying up my runners.

  ‘And you might enjoy it if we go and see a movie instead. Either way, I guess we’ll never know.’ She pointed to the wall in front. ‘So, climb,’ she ordered.

  I clicked on the safety rope and turned back. ‘Thanks, Steph. I’m glad you’re here.’

  She beamed at me. ‘I know, I know, I’m fabulous.’

  ‘You’re a good friend,’ I reinforced.

  ‘To be honest, I’m just scared you’re running out of people to hit. I didn’t want to be next in line. Now climb so we can get out of here!’ She threw me a smartass smile and tugged on her end of the rope to move me on.

  I laughed and felt lucky that at least I still had her.

  Climbing was therapeutic and it felt good to do something physical. I’d been avoiding all of the usual sports and activities that Lincoln and I had done together and I was really missing them.

  From the top I looked down to see Steph chatting to a guy from our school. I knew his name was Marcus. She’d been drooling over him for months now. She finally looked up at me and gave a little wave before returning to her conversation. Now she was happy we’d come rock climbing.

  I started making my way down quickly in the hopes of starting a new climb while Steph was being entertained. And then it happened. I missed a footing and slipped. My hands scrabbled to keep hold of the wall but it was too late. It was one of those moments when it seems like you have forever to think about what is happening in a split second. As I fell I realised: Steph isn’t watching – she won’t be able to hold the safety rope – I miss Lincoln – I miss him so much.

  The arms that caught me were soft and confident, absorbing my weight as if I had just slid into bed. He cradled me in his arms and I knew it was him instantly. I heard Steph screaming and moving towards me, but it was all secondary to the apple that drenched my tastebuds, the humming of energy running through my body and somehow flowing back to him as if powering itself back and forth. My eyes were closed, but I could still see the flashes, like lights flicking on and off, almost like going from day to night in a heartbeat.

  My arms exploded with cool heat. It shot up into my chest like I had just swallowed the most powerful mint ever.

  I opened my eyes. I heard birds flying and could still taste apple pulsing through my mouth as I looked into his eyes. They pierced through my exterior, so intense and serious it felt like he was willing something of me. I felt the senses subside and his gaze softened, releasing me. Everything in my immediate surroundings suddenly came to the fore. Steph was standing next to us, yelling, and I was still cradled like a baby in Phoenix’s arms.

  ‘Umm… Thanks,’ I said.

  He smiled down at me. ‘You’re welcome.’ His tone dropped as if we were sharing a secret. ‘It was only a matter of time before you fell into my arms.’ The corner of his mouth twitched.

  Steph was hysterical. ‘Violet! Oh my God, I’m so sorry. The rope just flew out of my hand. I am so sorry. I wasn’t paying attention. Please don’t hit me!’

  ‘It’s fine, Steph. It was my fault. I lost concentration.’ I gave her my best reassuring smile and wriggled uncomfortably. Phoenix got the hint and put me on my feet.

  ‘Violet’s right. I was watching and she wasn’t concentrating at all. I’m surprised she didn’t fall sooner,’ he said.

  My smile faded as Steph’s grew. She looked at me with wide eyes and mouthed the word ‘hot’. It wasn’t subtle at all.

  ‘Well, if you say so,’ she swooned. ‘Aren’t you just the perfect angel. Right there at the right time.’ Her words almost made me fall over. Phoenix gave a knowing smile, enjoying himself.

  ‘I guarantee you I’m not perfect. As for angel? I’ve had my moments.’ He was snickering at my discomfort.

  I found my voice and quickly jumped in before he got carried away amusing himse
lf. ‘Steph, this is Phoenix. We met the other day.’ I turned to Phoenix, eyes narrowing. ‘Thanks again. You really were in the right place at exactly the right time. Almost like you’d been waiting for me to fall or something.’ Or you’re still stalking me. ‘Anyway, we really have to go, so…see you round.’

  I moved past Steph, expecting her to follow. Aftera few steps I turned to see her in the same spot, looking guilty.

  ‘What?’

  She screwed up her face in gleeful guilt. ‘I kind of told Marcus that I would go and get a coffee with him.’

  ‘Right. Sure, no worries. I’ll catch up with you later.’ I didn’t blame Steph. There was no point in both of us being miserable.

  Still wanting a quick exit I grabbed my bag and turned for the door.

  ‘Wait, Vi. You can’t go on your own, not after that fall. I’ll tell Marcus I can’t go.’

  ‘No, I’m fine. Really.’

  ‘I can’t just let you go on your own,’ she persisted.

  Phoenix stepped forward, already smiling. ‘I could take you home.’

  Steph saw a green light. ‘Oh, that would be great. Are you sure that’s OK?’ she asked, looking up at him.

  ‘Of course. I would love to,’ he said.

  I coughed, breaking up their little pow-wow. ‘Actually, I don’t need anyone to take me home. But thanks. I’ll be fine.’

  Steph gave me a desperate look. ‘Vi, I can’t leave you alone. You could have a delayed reaction or something. But if you let Phoenix take you I’d feel much better… Please.’

  Damn! I looked at Phoenix. Part of me wanted to run, knew I should run. But another part of me remembered that day outside my apartment. The way he’d made me feel…just the memory made my stomach flip.

  Phoenix watched me, smirking as if he knew exactly how things were going to pan out. It was annoying. Mostly because he was right.

  ‘Fine! Phoenix can take me home. Now go catch up with Marcus.’

  Steph didn’t need any more convincing. She kissed me on the cheek and left me with the exiled angel.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  ‘The virtue of angels is that they cannot deteriorate; their flaw is that they cannot improve. Man’s flaw is that he can deteriorate; and his virtue is that he can improve.’

  Hasidic saying

  ‘Are you hungry?’

  We hadn’t spoken since the rock-climbing centre and Phoenix’s words cut awkwardly though the silence.

  ‘Oh, I…umm…not sure,’ I said, sounding like a three-year-old.

  The truth was I was starving. Steph and I had planned to get lunch before going climbing but she’d been running late. She swears she never gets up before midday during school holidays, but her brother once told me she just uses that as an excuse to hide her innate geekiness. My bet was she was getting most of her work for next term out of the way. Of course, she’d never admit that and I’d never make her.

  It was starting to get dark and I hadn’t eaten all day, unless you counted two cups of coffee that morning.

  ‘You should eat something. I wouldn’t want you to faint or anything.’

  His comment sounded innocent enough, but I knew it wasn’t. My head snapped up, mortified at the thought he may have hung around the other day at my apartment and seen me pass out.

  ‘Food can only help – you haven’t eaten anything all day. And I promise to be good.’ He put three fingers in the air in a Boy Scout salute. His eyes promised the opposite.

  ‘You’ve been following me…again,’ I accused, wrapping my arms around my waist. It was creepy to think that he had just appeared out of nowhere to catch me. I had no idea how he could have reached me so fast.

  ‘Sorry?’ He tried for shocked but it was only for my benefit. I got the feeling Phoenix knew exactly what he was doing.

  ‘How do you know I haven’t eaten all day,’ I growled. I was getting tired of his games.

  He brushed it off. ‘Let’s get something to eat. I’ll explain then.’

  He walked close to me, but when our arms brushed I quickly moved aside.

  I didn’t want to go anywhere with him. The last person…well, the second-last person I wanted to be hanging out with right now was Phoenix. Then again, he had just offered to explain what was going on. Maybe I could make this work in my favour.

  ‘Fine,’ I said. ‘I’ll get something to eat as long as you promise to answer all my questions. And you’re buying.’

  The pizza place was packed; always a good sign. I didn’t need the tip-off though; I had been there once before with Lincoln. It was one of those pizza places that had proper wood-fired ovens. It smelled of charred dough, melted cheese and garlic. The waiters were rude and mostly spoke in Italian. I don’t speak Italian, but I knew enough to realise they weren’t using terms of endearment.

  The only free table was wedged in a tight corner near the kitchen door. It wasn’t near the pizza oven, which at least meant I wouldn’t be breaking out into a sweat the whole time. But as a consolation prize, there was a good chance of getting knocked out at some point by waiters slamming in and out of the swinging door. Phoenix wasn’t perturbed and glided across the room, following our fat Italian waiter, who dropped the menus on the table and walked away without asking if we wanted a drink or anything to start. He was sweating so much I almost wanted to let him have my seat while I found him a drink.

  When I spotted a red-haired waitress finally moving in our direction, I sank into my chair. How could this be happening to me again? I racked my brain as she closed the distance. She was wearing the customary waitress outfit – white short-sleeved shirt and black skirt – but tonight her hair was out, waving to just below her shoulders. As she drew close, I spotted the gold name badge pinned to her collar. I smiled, trying not to focus on it too obviously.

  ‘Hey, Violet,’ she said, flicking her hair back, clearing the view to her name badge. Claudia!

  ‘Hey, Claudia. So this is the other place you work at.’ I felt terrible for always forgetting her name.

  ‘Yeah, unfortunately.’ She leaned towards me, lowering her voice. ‘Shitty tips and crap boss, but it’s work.’ She shrugged.

  I remembered my manners this time. ‘Claudia, this is Phoenix.’ I wasn’t exactly sure what I was introducing – exile, stalker, or freaky friend?

  Phoenix seemed totally uninterested. He lifted his eyes from the menu. ‘Pleasure,’ he said, lingering over the word, looking only at me.

  My body tingled and I had to clasp my hands under the table, pressing my nails into my palms for distraction. I glanced up at Claudia, who was swooning over the table. I imagined she would have fallen over if Phoenix had actually looked at her.

  ‘Hi,’ she squeaked. ‘Can I take your order?’

  I ordered a Diavola pizza, much to Phoenix’s amusement. He ordered the same and a glass of red wine. I stuck to water. Once Claudia was out of earshot, I saw no point in delay.

  ‘You said you’d answer my questions.’ I knew my only chance was to take control of the conversation, steer it in the direction I needed it to go.

  ‘I did.’ He stretched his legs out and leaned back in his chair. With all that had been going on, it surprised me that I found it hard to stop my eyes from drifting over his body. Then again, just because everything had gone belly up in my world didn’t mean I was blind. Phoenix was pretty damn close to a perfect brooding hottie; that is, if I hadn’t already seen total perfection in someone else. His dark hair fell around his face, shimmering with waves of purple and silver, and his physique looked like it was made to be in Calvin Klein underwear ads. Not that I was thinking about what he would look like in underwear. At least, I was trying not to. He didn’t make it easy, sprawled out in front of me. Crap, Violet, get it together.

  ‘Why are you still following me?’

  ‘You leak power,’ Phoenix said. His eyes were drifting around the room. It irritated me the way my question seemed so insignificant to him.

  ‘Great, well, that explains no
thing,’ I grumbled.

  He gave a dramatic sigh, finally looking at me. ‘Everywhere you go, you leave a trail. You haven’t embraced your angel part, but you still radiate. You’re like red in a world of bulls.’

  ‘OK, so what? That still doesn’t explain why you’re being all stalkerish.’

  ‘Others who mean you harm won’t have difficulty finding you. You are so obvious it would be more subtle if you took out an ad in the paper.’ He made quote marks in the air. ‘Powerful Grigori in the making. No powers, no defences, easy to find.’ He shook his head. ‘When they find you – and they will – there’ll be nothing you can do.’

  ‘Right. So you just want to look out for me?’ I said. And pigs might fly.

  ‘I was bored.’ He shrugged, like it was no big deal.

  I held his eyes, determined to get more answers.

  He sighed again. ‘I saw you…that night at Hades, you were so…unaware. I could sense what you were, even though you clearly didn’t know. Normally I wouldn’t care. Believe me, Grigori are the very last thing I’d want to…’ He quickly looked away and then back again, a smile playing on his lips. ‘But it worked out, didn’t it?’

  I couldn’t help it; I felt myself smiling back.

  ‘Yeah, it worked out.’ Without planning on it, my tone had softened. If I was honest with myself, I was oddly glad to know that he was around. ‘So…what’s it like? Being an angel?’ I asked.

  ‘Ha! Such an obvious question. I was hoping for something more original.’

  ‘OK. What’s the first thing you did when you became human?’

  He laughed. ‘Hmm, much better.’ His eyebrows lifted suggestively. I was suddenly red hot and sure I had asked the very, very wrong question.