Embrace

by Jessica Shirvington

  She pulled out her dagger, blood spraying in its wake. Joel fell to his knees, disappearing, melting into the surroundings. Right at that moment, I almost liked her.

  With Joel’s departure, the glamour lifted. The mass of drinking, dancing humans suddenly became aware of the battlefield, littered with wounded Grigori. Luckily, I was in the back corner and Griffin quickly dropped beside me, covering me up. But not before I heard a high-pitched scream I recognised instantly.

  Steph ran over, dropping to her knees beside me. ‘Oh no, oh no, oh no, Violet. Oh my God. Tell me what to do?’

  Griffin tried to put pressure on the wound, until he saw I was also bleeding from my back. ‘It’ll be OK. Do you have any strength to heal yourself?’

  I gave a weak smile. Even if I’d had the faintest clue how to heal myself, the fact was, I’d used everything I had to take care of Onyx and hold the others.

  ‘Lincoln will be here soon, he can heal you. It’ll be OK.’ Griffin wiped blood from my face and smiled at me with something like paternal pride. It was weird, given that he only looked about twenty-five.

  ‘You were amazing. I’ve never seen anything like it. You saved us all.’

  I tried my best to smile back. I knew that in making the sacrifices I’d made, in becoming Grigori and doing my duty, I now had Griffin’s respect…and friendship.

  I turned my head in Lincoln’s direction. I could see him on the ground, not moving. Magda was shaking him. I knew he was OK, though, could feel his heart beating strongly. I looked up at Griffin. ‘How old are you?’ I asked.

  He half laughed. ‘Eighty-two next August,’ he said in his country twang. I was willing to bet he’d been raised on a farm. It suited him too.

  ‘Could have b-been an upside, I guess.’ My insides tightened and my vision started to go hazy. Griffin shook me by the shoulders as my eyelids grew heavy, tired.

  ‘Violet, you have to stay awake. Lincoln is starting to move, they’ll have him up in a minute. Come on. You know I’ll slap you if I have to.’

  But we both knew. He wasn’t going to slap me, and I didn’t have a minute.

  Steph was at my side, brushing hair back from my face and mumbling. She was praying.

  ‘I thought w-we agreed…no Sunday School,’ I said, my voice barely audible.

  ‘Well, every-bloody-thing else seems to be real, why not God?’ she said, sobbing. The theory held up. The question was, what kind of God was he?

  I felt a pressure on my stomach and groaned at the pain, unable to muster the energy to scream. I looked down to see Phoenix kneeling by my side. Shadows moved around him, and tiny lines of gold encircled him. I saw his mist of power flow from him and enter me. I could feel the bones in my spine knitting back together, the muscles in my stomach reattaching. He was healing me…painfully. As I grew stronger, it hurt more and I began to scream. Then the pain just…stopped.

  I didn’t need to inspect the wound when Phoenix let his hands slide away. I knew he had healed me completely. Though weak from the blood loss, I was fine. Steph started on the Hail Mary.

  I lay on the ground and tears leaked from my eyes. Phoenix sat back on his heels.

  ‘You healed me,’ I said.

  ‘Yes.’ His hands, which he had been holding in mid-air, dropped limply to his sides. Defeated.

  ‘You told me it wasn’t one of your powers.’

  ‘I told you not all exiles had the power to heal.’ He looked down, rather than at me.

  The veil had been lifted, truth surrounded me. Ugly, painful truth. And even worse, the awful, unchangeable consequences.

  ‘You…you could have healed Lincoln. You let him lie there while he was dying. You let me become a Grigori even when I didn’t want it.’

  ‘I knew they’d find you and destroy you. Embracing was your only chance.’

  ‘Why did you heal me?’

  ‘Does it really matter now?’ His eyes darted to mine for a brief moment before dropping to the ground again. I noticed some blood on his shirt, above his stomach. I didn’t know if it was mine or his.

  I looked up and saw Lincoln standing behind him. He had a dagger in his hand. He’d heard everything, but I knew he was looking to me. Once again, the choice was mine.

  ‘No,’ I said softly, looking at Lincoln.

  Phoenix spun around and Lincoln grabbed his shirt, dragging him to his feet.

  ‘No!’ It was Griffin. ‘I gave him my word of safety He has won freedom today.’ He looked at Phoenix. ‘But my word is no longer yours.’

  Lincoln released him roughly, pushing him away. ‘Leave. You saved her life, but if I ever see you again I’ll take pleasure in driving this dagger through your heart. I don’t imagine your judgement will be favourable.’

  Phoenix looked back at me, still sitting on the ground. ‘Violet?’ he said quietly.

  ‘Leave, Phoenix. Don’t come back.’

  I looked into his eyes and they flickered with pain and…something else. Then, with a trailing breeze, he vanished. I wondered how it was that I had never questioned who, or what, he really was. Maybe he had influenced me, maybe I’d influenced myself. Maybe I’d never know how much of myself had been under his spell since the day we first met.

  Lincoln dropped his dagger and fell to his knees in front of me. He pulled me onto his lap and rocked me back and forth.

  Neither one of us spoke.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

  ‘Be thou the rainbow in the storms of life. The evening beam that smiles the clouds away, and tints tomorrow with prophetic ray.’

  Lord Byron

  I sat in the school library, reading the various versions of the story of Lilith. I really should have been studying for exams; I was already completely underprepared. But the whole thing kept niggling at me and I couldn’t seem to pick up any other books. Eventually, when I’d exhausted the options on the library shelves, I turned to the internet – which was not so limited.

  She was everything from Adam’s first wife, to the original demon, the Bringer of Darkness, the Mother of All Evil, the Serpent of Eden, the consort to the Devil. I blushed red hot when I read how she was the incarnation of lust and seduction and couldn’t avoid the flashbacks to the intense time I had spent in Phoenix’s arms.

  I now understood why Phoenix was so good at a lot of things. Even moving like wind. Lilith had the ability to create and become windstorms. One of her many names was ‘Lady Air’. I was yet to find out if he had inherited her most dominant ability – vengeance – but something about the look he’d thrown me at Hades before he disappeared made me nervous.

  All in all, the most consistent theme was that Lilith was credited with a whole lot of pure evil. The next most consistent myth was that she brought death to infants. As I read one of the stories I found myself staring at the words.

  Three angels were sent to bring her back for judgement, but she refused, swearing instead to bring suffering to the offspring of man for all time. She did, however, concede that if she saw the angels’ names or forms represented in an amulet, she would have no power over that infant and would spare its life.

  The angels sworn to protect humanity from Lilith were: Senoy, Sansenoy and Semangelof.

  I dug through my school bag and fished out my baby necklace. On the back of the amulet was engraved, S.S.S. Protect. I remembered the inscription on the bottom of my mother’s box. ‘Evelyn bar Semangelof,’ I whispered.

  ‘Earth to Violet!’

  My head snapped up. Steph was standing over me, slurping on an ice lolly.

  ‘Sorry,’ I said, looking back down at my baby necklace.

  ‘That’s OK, I like being ignored.’

  ‘Sure,’ I said, still staring at the amulet.

  ‘Are you actually in this conversation?’ She took a closer look at me. ‘I know that look. What now? If they’re boarding the ark, you better let me know. I have more than most to pack.’

  ‘Hmm?’ I couldn’t break my dazed state.

  She gave an overl
y dramatic sigh. ‘Hello? You’re missing out on some good lines here!’

  ‘Oh, sorry. It’s just…I think I know who my mum was supposed to defeat.’

  ‘And? Don’t go all Bible on me.’

  ‘What?’ I said, finally looking up in confusion.

  ‘You know – tell us everything but the stuff we really want to know.’ She raised her eyebrows, urging me on.‘Well?’

  ‘It was Lilith.’

  ‘Lilith? As in Phoenix’s mother, Lilith?’

  ‘Weird, huh?’ I said, still dazed.

  ‘That’s one way of putting it. Are you sure?’

  ‘No.’ I ran my hand over the amulet, letting the necklace slide through my fingers.

  ‘Well, if it turns out your mum and the mother of the damned were…immortal enemies, let’s just say it’s a good thing you and Phoenix aren’t bumping hips any more. Could lead to one hell of a family intervention.’

  ‘Good point.’

  ‘Look, Vi. He’s out of your life, isn’t he? I mean, you haven’t seen him since that night, have you?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘So, do you really need to get caught up in this stuff? You’re not even sure it’s true. Come on, haven’t you earned yourself a little break? At least until exams are over.’

  I stared at the computer screen, then up at Steph. ‘You’re right.’ I closed the search screen and deleted the history. Then I threw the books on the returns shelf.

  ‘Alleluia! Of course I’m right. Not everyone needs to rely on divine intervention, you know!’ We both laughed.

  While we waited at the bus stop, Steph occupied herself texting Marcus back and forth. The two of them were inseparable these days. I worried at one point that she would want to tell Marcus about the whole angel thing, but she assured me it wasn’t high on the list of things she wanted to share with him. Apparently he’d been so wiped out that night at Hades that when the glamour dropped he was busy in the bathrooms throwing up. By the time he resurfaced, most of the drama was under control.

  On the whole, it had been eye-opening the way people had just carried on with their night after a few random explanations about gang violence and turf wars. I even overheard one girl say she’d seen that kind of thing at Hades before. The club owner had been quick to assist, keeping our people covered until we had things under control. Griffin thought the owner may have known more about us than he let on and said he’d pay him a visit when things had settled down. Thankfully, no Grigori died at Hades, though that didn’t make it much better. Griffin arranged a memorial service for the Grigori that had been lost in the nights before. Most of them had no family left so it fell to fellow Grigori to take care of things.

  I didn’t make it to the service; I had another funeral to attend that day. There were so many people in Claudia’s extended family, we could barely fit in the church. It was a nice service, though; they displayed her artworks and sculptures for people to see and one of her sisters sang ‘Amazing Grace’. Steph had gone with me.

  ‘Study or shops?’ she asked now, breaking into my thoughts.

  ‘Neither, actually. I promised Griffin I’d catch up with him this afternoon.’

  ‘Just Griffin?’ She raised her eyebrows.

  ‘Yes.’ I knew where this was going.

  ‘You can’t avoid him forever. You haven’t even seen him since, you know…’ She made a stabbing motion at her stomach.

  I sighed. Not seeing Lincoln hadn’t exactly felt like my choice. While everyone was cleaning up at Hades, he had just upped and disappeared. He hadn’t said goodbye or been in touch since. If he was trying to send me a message, I was getting it loud and clear.

  ‘He doesn’t want to see me,’ I said. ‘And after the way I treated him, I can’t say I blame him. I’m still having flashbacks to some of the awful things I said to him… If I were him, I wouldn’t want to ever see me again either.’

  ‘Sure, but it wasn’t your fault,’ Steph said sympathetically. ‘You’ll never really know until you talk to him. He’s going to be your partner for, like, a hundred lifetimes or whatever. It kinda makes avoidance a problem.’

  ‘True.’

  But just thinking about Lincoln tore at my heart. How could he ever forgive me? I was sure he would know, just as I did, that the hatred Phoenix had used and exploited had all stemmed from my own feelings – even if he had amplified them by a gazillion. I’d once thought that friendship with Lincoln was not enough, but now I craved him in my life so badly I would take anything. I just didn’t know if I could bear the rejection.

  Griffin was waiting for me outside my building. We had been meeting regularly to work on focusing my powers.

  ‘You know, I would still feel a lot better if you’d agree to go to one of our training facilities for a few months. Most Grigori spend some time there, learning our histories and how to control their powers.’

  Instead of heading upstairs like we normally did, he motioned ahead. We walked along the pavement, sipping the takeaway coffees he had brought with him.

  ‘Sorry, but no can do. Not right now, anyway. I have exams and then art school, and I plan on doing both. Anyway, you’re practically an encyclopaedia on all things Grigori, so I’m sure you can fill me in.’

  ‘I suppose I could get a couple of senior tutors to visit at some point,’ he said, pretending I hadn’t just given him his favourite kind of compliment.

  ‘Really? But isn’t the training facility in New York or something?’

  ‘Yes, but believe it or not, I am actually of some importance. Plus, it won’t hurt that you’re a Grigori anomaly.’

  I rolled my eyes. ‘Thanks, Griffin, you really know how to make a girl feel special.’

  ‘Sorry.’

  ‘That’s OK.’ As much as I had tried to fight it, I was learning to accept and even welcome my future as a Grigori. Even the idea that there were still so many unanswered questions didn’t frighten me as much as it once would have. I knew the answers were there to be found – and I knew I was going to find them.

  ‘So, what about this list they were talking about?’ I asked, refocusing on what was now my priority.

  ‘I’ve got people looking into it. We always thought it was just a myth, but given that both Onyx and Joel were convinced of its existence, they were obviously privy to some information that we have not discovered yet.’

  ‘If there is a list or scripture thing out there, we need to find it, Griff.’ The idea of exiles knowing the identities of future Grigori before they had any idea themselves – let alone the fact they would be powerless – was unthinkable.

  ‘I know. We will.’

  I stopped mid-step. ‘How do you know who’s going to end up Grigori if you don’t have a list?’

  Griffin stopped too. ‘The guides. They always make sure we know the identity of the first of a pair.’

  ‘And then the first finds the second, like Lincoln found me.’

  ‘Correct.’

  ‘Griff?’

  ‘Yes,’ he said, like any underpaid, much admired professor.

  ‘When I embraced, my guides didn’t tell me what rank my angel parent comes from. Why?’

  ‘I don’t know. Maybe because they knew your powers were tainted and they didn’t want you to have too much information, be too vulnerable. Or…maybe they didn’t know.’

  ‘How can that be? Aren’t they meant to know everything?’

  He pondered that for a while before he answered. ‘There is one exception.’

  ‘Which is?’

  ‘They cannot know what comes from above. Angels have a hierarchy, as you know. If you carry the essence of a higher angel, it would be within that angel’s power not to disclose their identity.’

  ‘How many angels can do that?’

  ‘Not many, I suspect.’

  I remembered the rank of angels who were not part of the hierarchy. ‘The Sole,’ I said, thinking aloud.

  Griffin nodded. ‘It’s one possibility. But in the end, maybe you’
ll have to accept that you may never know. At some point, we all have to try to have a little faith that even in the chaos there’s a purpose.’

  ‘It’s a nice thought, Griff.’

  And it was. I just wasn’t sure I was ready to buy the souvenir T-shirt.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

  ‘The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil out of the evil stored up in him.’

  Matthew 12:35

  I had sensed him following me for a few blocks now. I stopped, leaned against a stone wall, and waited.

  He headed towards me, more of a sway in his walk than ever before. I wondered if he had ever truly been himself around me.

  ‘What do you want, Phoenix?’

  ‘I’m going away for a while. I wanted to say goodbye.’ He smiled, but it was empty. There was nothing there.

  ‘Fine, goodbye.’

  ‘We’re connected, Violet. You can’t deny it. You gave me something that you can never give to anyone else, not even him, and I gave you part of myself when I healed you. We share a bond.’

  I didn’t want to get tied up in a conversation about what had and hadn’t happened between us.

  ‘I’m a Grigori, Phoenix. You made sure of that. Now that I am, I won’t turn from my responsibilities. If you cause trouble, I will return you.’

  ‘You mean you’ll kill me.’ His lips twitched and his eyes narrowed slightly.

  I held his eyes as I replied. ‘If it comes to that.’

  ‘In many ways, you already have.’

  For the smallest second, I thought I saw the genuine part of him that I’d convinced myself never existed. But as soon as I glimpsed it, it was gone.

  ‘However,’ he continued in a lighter tone, ‘there are advantages to being a phoenix. It seems neither one of us can run from our destiny.’

  He reached out and grabbed a few strands of my hair, twirling them in his fingers. I pulled my head back, but he didn’t let go. His cold eyes flashed at me and I felt a shiver run down my spine. I pulled back again, and this time he let my hair trail over his hand. It reminded me of something.