Her Secret Dom

by Samantha Cote

  Although Pam moved into a new office next to her boss, the day went on much like any other. She saw only glimpses of Danforth while rushing to and fro, making the necessary changes. There was the tedious paperwork to fill out, new information to absorb, and clients to greet. She managed to smile at the heartfelt congratulations of her coworkers. And all the while, at the back of her mind, there was Jared.

  It wasn’t until day’s end that Danforth summoned her to his office.

  “Well, Ms. Abernathy, it looks like you’ve settled in just fine,” he declared as soon as she crossed the threshold. “A good start.”

  “Yes, it was, but there’s still much to do,” Pam replied, sinking into a chair.

  “Ah, youth,” he said with a sigh. “So much energy. I’m sure you’ll have everything under control in no time.” He swiveled in his chair and regarded her over his glasses.

  “I will certainly try,” she promised, beginning to twitch under his unblinking scrutiny.

  “Let us clear the air,” he said, taking the direct approach. “I feel an obligation to clarify a few things.”

  “There’s no need, Mr. Danforth,” she said quickly. “Really.”

  He ignored her protest, rubbing his chin with a veined hand. “As you probably know by now, Jared comes from a good family.”

  “Yes. If you mean wealthy and well-bred…I figured it out for myself. He’s not one to speak of such matters.”

  Her admission brought forth a dry chuckle. “True. Jared’s always been a low-key fellow. Now, I wouldn’t say he’s ashamed of his privileged upbringing.” He deliberated for a moment. “But he never used it as a means to gain further status or approval. In fact, he played it down.”

  “He certainly did with me,” Pam replied, trying to keep the bitterness out of her tone. “I had no idea of his social connections with you, the success of his business, the account in this firm. Nothing.”

  Danforth shrugged. “I’m sure he had his reasons for holding back, which I’m sure are none of my business. I am convinced, though, he was ready to tell you all.”

  “I believe he was ready as well, but still…I don’t like deception of any kind.”

  He nodded. “Fair enough, Ms. Abernathy. But sometimes fear or misperceptions make smart people do stupid things. No one knows more than those who work in the field of law.”

  She folded her arms across her chest. “I’m not one to accept lame excuses.”

  He gave a dismissive wave. “Explanations, Pamela. When a person takes responsibility for his actions or inactions, he tries to make amends by explaining his reasoning, however faulty the reasoning may have been. People who make excuses often justify their wrongs by twisting the facts so they can carry on with their deceptions. There’s a big difference.”

  His words effectively silenced her. “I see your point, but…” She sat up in her chair and faced him head-on. “Did you promote me because I was dating Jared?”

  The sudden scowl made her gut clench. “Absolutely not. That would constitute nepotism. A dishonorable act. Do you find me to be a dishonorable man, Ms. Abernathy?”

  Pam shook her head. “No. Never, Mr. Danforth. Please understand. I found out about this just yesterday.” She took a deep breath. “I apologize. I never meant to insult you.”

  The frown remained. “Let’s be clear. You were promoted on your own merit. You have worked hard and deserve your current success.”

  “Thank you,” she hurried to reply.

  This seemed to mollify him. Somewhat. “I handed over Jared’s account to Shuttleworth the minute I made you my personal assistant. He’s the best man for the job, having a special knack for legal issues faced by security companies.”

  “I appreciate it, Mr. Danforth.”

  A brow rose. “I say this, despite their little misunderstanding the other night.”

  Please shoot me, Pam thought, desperate.

  Danforth examined a glass paperweight. “Jared is just like his father. Hardheaded. Proud. Competitive. It’s why they clash so often.” The paperweight, some oversize monstrosity with a carved inlay of the scales of justice, seemed to fascinate him. “Shuttleworth told me how Jared misinterpreted the business dinner between the two of you the other night.”

  Pam stared at him. “Business dinner?”

  He smiled as he twirled the paperweight. “Yes. I’m glad to see my employees socializing outside the office, talking shop and sharing ideas. It’s like we’re one big, happy family.”

  “Er…” Pam began.

  “Shuttleworth is a good man,” Danforth noted. “Very discreet. So genial, until you try to pry information out of him when he doesn’t want to share it. Too often, I have to infer things on my own.” He stared at Pam over his glasses. “Is my meaning clear?”

  “Yes. We’re clear on that, Mr. Danforth,” Pam said.

  He stood up. “I consider this matter closed,” he said as Pam rose from her seat. “Except for one thing.” He rounded the desk and stood before her. “Not everyone possesses a strong moral compass, Pamela. In fact, very few have one.” He held up a finger. “However, I count Jared as one of those who do.”

  “Yes,” she whispered. “I agree.”

  His voice lowered. “He could have stayed, you see. He had a brilliant future in the military. You know he was a highly decorated officer?” At Pamela’s nod, Jared continued, “He commanded the respect of everyone around him. But he knew that the military was not his ultimate path. That it was wrong to stay if he no longer belonged.”

  “I know. Jared’s father was so angry…”

  “Yes.” Mr. Danforth’s eyes clouded. “It takes courage to ignore the din of the crowd and choose the hard road of one’s conscience.” He walked her to the door. “He’s found another way to serve his country. Groundbreaking developments in international security. Empire-building endeavors. God bless his entrepreneurial heart.”

  They stopped at the doorway. “Good night, Ms. Abernathy.” His mouth turned down in mock annoyance. “I assume you’ll be here bright and early tomorrow morning?”

  “As always, Mr. Danforth,” Pam laughed. “As always.”

  * * * *

  On the subway ride home, Pam recalled an art project assigned to her class by their sixth-grade teacher. The teacher had instructed the students to select an intangible or abstract noun such as “hope,” “justice,” or “beauty,” then give it form in a drawing.

  She gave the students all the necessary materials for interpretation and self-expression. Construction paper, paintbrushes, and crayons littered the classroom as the children started their projects. By day’s end, “joy” took the form of an ice cream sundae or a day at the beach, while “beauty” revealed itself in a rainbow or a summer sunset.

  When the teacher eyed Pam’s project, she’d frowned, confused.

  Pam had chosen “secrets” as her special word. The drawing had been split into two panels. On the left, she’d given secrets an indefinite, shapeless form. It was an indeterminate color and crouched in a corner of a dark room, hiding itself from the light. On the right panel, the creature had left the gloom and taken on a definite shape. It walked upright, colored a soft, shimmering violet, with its face turned up to the sun.

  What a weird kid, she thought with amusement.

  It was time to shed the light on her secrets.

  * * * *

  When Pam arrived at her apartment, she took a shower and forced herself to eat a light dinner. After tidying the kitchen and setting up for the next workday, she sat down and watched a popular sitcom, her thoughts wandering to matters much too complicated to solve in a half hour.

  The text came in as the show ended.

  Hi, beautiful. I’m home. If you want to talk, I’m here.

  She texted back, Busy right now. Will contact you soon.

  She arrived at Jared’s in less than a half hour. When he opened the door, she stepped into his arms without a word.

  “Sweetheart,” he whispered in her hair. �
��It’s so good to see you.”

  Pam pulled back. “I’m glad too. And I’m sorry I didn’t announce my visit.”

  At that, he grunted. “As if you’d ever have to do that.” Holding her hand in a tight grip, he locked the door and ushered her inside.

  “Whoa.” His bandaged hand had caught her eye. Concerned, she lifted it to inspect the damage. “What happened to your hand?”

  Jared started to speak, then seemed to catch himself. “I punched the wall,” he admitted, looking embarrassed.

  It was totally out of character. He must have been very upset. “It isn’t fractured or anything, is it?”

  “Nah…it’s nothing. I hardly feel anything.”

  “Good.” She kissed it, then peered up at him. “Listen,” she said, trying to keep her tone light. “I have to tell you something.”

  His look became guarded. “What?”

  She placed a reassuring hand on his chest. “It’s not what you think,” she said. “Can we sit?”

  His eyes narrowed. “Of course.” He led her toward the sofa. When they settled in, he turned to her, still wary. “Okay. Shoot.”

  She folded her hands on her lap and began. “My father was a drug addict. When my parents first met, he was a user but still functioning. She was ten years older, but they hit it off really well. He moved in and she remained blind to his irresponsible ways for quite some time. That is until she got pregnant. When she told him, he took off.”

  Jared had remained stock-still, but his facial expressions had run the gamut. Shock. Rapt interest. Then a deep sadness, as if the outcome was already clear.

  She swallowed hard and resumed. “It broke her heart. By then, she was forty and thought her chances for marriage and baby-making had passed. She felt she had been given a second chance.”

  He gave her hand a gentle squeeze, encouraging her to continue.

  “She eventually tracked him down. His family hails from Michigan. At the time, she was five months along, but he refused to see her. His family had wealth and connections, you see, and they were always able to shield him from his responsibilities.”

  “Classic enablers,” he murmured.

  “Yes,” Pam agreed. “She threatened to go after him, even though DNA evidence was still in its infancy and child support laws weren’t as stringent as they are now. They threatened in kind and accused her of seducing a younger man for money. They said she was an old whore and the family would never acknowledge her bastard child. Also, if she persisted, they would sue her for harassment.”

  Rage poured off him in waves. “Fucking bastards. Absolute scum.” He looked away, visibly fighting for control. Finding it, he turned back to her. “Sorry. Go ahead, sugar.”

  “She returned to New York, needing to support herself and get on with her life. She hoped, in time, he would contact her before the birth, but he didn’t. When I was born, she sent the Mulligans—that’s the family name—a letter and a few photos, hoping to soften their hearts. They responded by mailing back a lawyer’s business card.”

  Jared’s hand tightened on hers, yet he kept his face impassive. He reached out and stroked her cheek. The tender gesture nearly sidetracked her, but the need to confess kept her going.

  “They are snobs of the worst kind,” she stated, keeping her voice unemotional and flat. “They fancied themselves as superior because they had money and connections. They mocked her political beliefs, her background, her handmade clothes. Although the black sheep of the family, my father was still better than her, a working class nobody from the Bronx.”

  Jared’s cell phone went off, the ringtone indicating a business call. He barely acknowledged the interruption, except to say, “Ignore it.”

  “Mom decided I was better off without them and anyone who would deny their own blood was less than dirt. She didn’t want a damn thing from them, not even their money. So from then on, it was just the two of us.”

  Jared extended a slight smile. “And you both did just fine.”

  “Yes, we did,” Pam agreed, lifting her chin. “When I was twelve, he contacted Mom. He’d just gotten out of rehab and wanted to make amends as part of his twelve-step program. Even so, he made her sign an agreement stipulating she would forgo back child support and all future support. Otherwise, he wouldn’t see me. Wanting for me to have some sort of father figure, she agreed.”

  Jared’s disgusted expression made her pause. She waited for him to say something, but he remained grim and silent.

  “We met him at a local diner. I remember he looked older than my mother. Even though he was clean at the time, he still looked like a junkie—sallow skin, vacant expression. I wanted to bond at some level, but I felt resentful. I couldn’t manage it. I just didn’t like him—he gave me the creeps.”

  Jared’s self-imposed silence broke. “Did he do anything out of line?” he growled.

  Pam put up a hand. “Later.” She took a deep breath. “I saw him a couple of times afterward, always with my mom. I couldn’t like him. His abandonment angered me too much.” She looked away, her chin trembling.

  “Pam.” Jared’s voice was soft. “Look at me.”

  She did, but her mouth wobbled. Taking a moment to collect herself, she continued. “One day after school, the doorbell rang. It was him. I looked through the peephole and saw he’d brought a huge teddy bear—I was an avid collector at the time—and against my better judgment, I let him in.”

  “Oh, God.” Jared’s face had turned ashen.

  He reached out for her, and she scooted closer. “I realized later he was stoned. I-I can’t get into it totally now…but he made some weird comments about how grown-up I was…” She stopped and looked away again.

  “Pam.”

  She locked her gaze with Jared’s, and the familiar shame seared through her. “He said I should kiss him for bringing a present. I told him no. For some reason, my refusal pissed him off. He grabbed my arm and kissed me on the lips.” Her eyes closed and she shuddered. “I thought I was going to vomit. Instead, I punched him in the Adam’s apple like my cousin Simon showed me. Then I locked myself in the bathroom and screamed my head off. He ran away, but my neighbors caught him and beat him up.”

  “Good.” Jared’s satisfaction was profound.

  “Mom was inconsolable. She thought it was her fault.”

  “That’s ridiculous.”

  Pam nodded. “I know. This time, his family couldn’t rescue him. He had a record by then…” Her voice drifted off and she squared her shoulders. “Days before he was due in court, he OD’d. Heroin. No one knows for sure if it was suicide. I guess it doesn’t matter…either way, he’s gone.”

  She hid her face in her hands, unable to say more. Jared pulled her onto his lap as she wept and held on tight. She poured out her regret, her confusion, all her rage onto his raggedy, old T-shirt. When he made soothing noises and offered tissues, she cried all the harder because it felt good to be comforted.

  When her tears were spent, he turned her face up to him. “Feeling better, baby?” he inquired. She nodded and sniffed. He took another tissue and held it to her nose. “Blow,” he instructed.

  “Jaaared…” Pam protested.

  With infinite tenderness, Jared thumbed away another escaped tear and waited, his bearing patient but expectant.

  Sighing, she blew and grimaced. “Gross.” Pam rested against him and pouted. “Don’t look at me. I cry so damned ugly.”

  He snorted a laugh. “Do not.” His gaze wandered over her face. “Even now, you’re beautiful.”

  “Now I know you love me,” she quipped.

  Jared’s smile faded. “I do. Very much.”

  Her heart fluttered with joy. She would never tire of hearing those words. “And I love you.”

  He shifted her on his lap. “So you had your secrets as well. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  She gave a small shrug. “It’s an ugly story…a very dark time in my life. I know it’s not my fault, but still there’s the shame.”
/>   “Well, I can relate,” he said. He smoothed a hand over her shirt. “Your story explains an awful lot. Your body issues. The intolerance toward those with wealth. Your sexual inhibitions.”

  It was her turn to snort. “Sexual inhibitions? You say this after all we’ve shared?”

  “I’ll rephrase, then. Former issues.”

  Yes. She knew the healing process had begun for the both of them. Time to put those issues behind them and start fresh.

  “Jared,” she exclaimed. “Do you realize ever since you exposed your Dominant side, so many of our secrets have come to light?”

  Jared nodded. “It’s like a floodgate. Once I shared that part of me and stopped hiding, the rest came naturally.” He gripped her arms. “Remember when we spoke of lies of omission? How people cover up from fear? Well, I’m done with that.”

  Pam smiled at him, the love she felt a salve for her heart. “You’re a good man. And an inherently honest one. I’ve always known that. Also, I don’t care whether you were a rich army brat”—her smile widened at his dark look—“or some regular Joe Schmoe. I love the whole package. Just stay true to your nature and it’ll be all right.”

  “You do the same, missy. Don’t hold back from me either. The Dom in me won’t allow it, you know.”

  A thrill ran through her at his bossy tone. “Yes, Sir.”

  Jared brought both of her hands to his lips and kissed each palm. “I love you beyond my ability to express. I have no secrets left. And I promise to keep it that way. It will be my joy to spend the coming years showing you my true self and just how much I love you.”

  “You exposed your true self already. That’s why I fell in love with you.”

  Jared massaged her ass. “On the subject of exposure…are you wearing the plug? I have special plans for you this weekend.”

  “No,” she admitted, giving him a sheepish look. “I know. I promised to wear it the next time we met.”

  “So, why didn’t you follow my instructions?” he asked in a stern voice.

  “I was mad and removed it the minute I got home. And I haven’t worn it since.”