Coming Together: At Last, Volume Two

by Alessia Brio, L. A. Banks, Bridget Midway

  "You smell good,” Erika had said to me. I remember trying hard not to blush. It was bad enough that she was sitting right next to me. I could barely look her in the eyes.

  "Yeah, I splashed some of my perfume on her,” Peggy blurted. “She needed it."

  Peggy is brash. Christy is all about Christy. But Erika is special. It's not just that I find her beautiful. She has a sweet, sensitive personality that always puts me at ease.

  She's not as thin as me, Christy, or Peggy. She's always asking for diet advice, which Christy, who is as skinny as a flag pole, is happy to provide. I long to tell Erika that I'd love to drown in her womanly curves. But, of course, I can't say that. So, I keep my thoughts to myself and instead try to get her to appreciate her body.

  None of the women I've been with measure up to what I want. Erika is what I want. But it's a secret, and it's got to stay that way.

  * * * *

  "Get your ass out here!” Peggy screams.

  It's around ten at night. I'm wearing an old brown coat over my dress, but it's too short for this weather. I'm freezing. The cold wind hits my face and my legs as soon as I step outside.

  Peggy has pulled up in her brand new, bright red Exhibition that she can't afford. Christy opens the door. She's in the front with Peggy. Erika sits in the back. I hurry back there with her. Like me, she's wearing a short coat that doesn't cover all of her legs. Our thighs touch.

  "Hi everyone,” I say to the group while looking at Erika.

  Peg breaks my trance with her overly loud voice. “Hey, slut! Rocco's working tonight. He'll spill all over himself when he sees you in that dress!"

  "It's a sexy dress, Monica,” Erika says.

  I smile. God, how I wish it were just her and me tonight.

  Sea Breeze is lit up for a Friday. The line of people has already formed and winds around the building. Some people are jumping up and down, trying to stay warm. Others are huddling close. It doesn't matter how cold it is outside, people are willing to stand in line in hopes of getting in. Fortunately, the girls and I never wait.

  We get out of the car, and Peggy hands the valet the keys. “Come on!” She saunters across the street like she's Paris Hilton. We follow close behind like a herd of sheep. She's always been the one to take the lead in the group. Maybe it's the fact that she's got fiery red hair and an attitude to match.

  Sure enough, it's Rocco's shift. Peggy doesn't bother getting in line. Instead, she walks right up to Rocco.

  "Dude! Let us in?"

  "I was hoping you lovely ladies would be out tonight. Sure, come on inside."

  We enter. It's dark. Everybody is dressed liked they're ready for the catwalk. We check our coats and walk up to the bar to get our drinks.

  "I'll catch you guys in a minute. I need to visit the ladies room,” Erika says.

  "I'll come with you,” I say, even though I don't need to go.

  "Great. Come on. I've had to pee ever since I got in the truck."

  Erika is wearing a short, tight blue dress that hugs her bottom. I'm staring at her ass as she walks in front of me. Nobody should have an ass like that. It's a crime for anything so round and luscious to be presented to the world.

  The ladies room is empty, just me and Erika. “You like this bar?” I ask her while she's in the stall.

  "Yeah, don't you?"

  I lie. “Yeah, sure."

  She comes out and leans over the sink to wash her hands. Her full breasts spill a little out of her low cut top.

  "It's just that this place is such a meat market. I mean, is this really the right place to meet guys?"

  "That's not really why I come here, Monica. It's just fun to go out with you girls, that's all."

  She's smiling at me, and I smile back. I really want to spend some alone time with Erika, and it's come to the point where I need to do something to make it happen. I've never felt this kind of urgency before. Tonight, in this bathroom, I take the first step.

  "You and I should go out sometime."

  "Okay sure. Weekdays are bad with classes and stuff, but let's hook up some weekend. Cool?"

  "Cool.” I'll try to finalize a date later. I knew she'd say yes, but that's because she doesn't know what I'm up to. How do I expect to tell her that I'm attracted to her, and what makes me think that I can?

  [Two]

  It's a Saturday. The girls and I didn't meet last night because Peggy is sick. She informed all of us that we can't go out together again until she's better. I could care less, but it's interesting the control she has over us.

  Today's the day I've decided to give Erika a call.

  "Hi, Monica. How are you?"

  "I'm good. Was wondering if you'd like to go to dinner tonight?"

  "Sure, but I thought Peggy was sick?"

  My heart sinks, but I'm determined to get what I want. “I thought you and I could just go."

  There's a little bit of a pause, and my butterflies start to act up. I wonder what she's thinking.

  "Okay, that sounds nice,” she says, finally. “It'll just be you and me. Peggy would die if we all got together without her, anyway. Where do you want to meet?"

  I feel like doing cartwheels. At the same time, I'm creaming at the thought that I'll be able to stare into her big, brown eyes and not have to compete for her attention. I try to think of some place cozy. “How about that Italian restaurant we pass on the way to the club?"

  "Oh yeah, that place sounds perfect. I'll meet you there. Say around seven?"

  "Great!"

  * * * *

  I sit in the back of the restaurant staring at the door, waiting for her to arrive. What do I expect out of this? She's straight. She doesn't have the slightest inclination that I'm a lesbian. Why should she? I've never given her any reason to think that. I've never told her that I've been on dates with women, kissed women, slept with women.

  She opens the door and notices me right away. I rise and try to quash my enthusiasm.

  "Hi!"

  "Hey!” I give her a hug. Instead of sitting across from her, I wish I could squeeze in next to her. She pulls off her coat and sits down.

  "I found a parking place right in front. Sure helps with it being so cold out!"

  "Lucky you! I took a cab. Didn't feel like driving today."

  "After our meal, I'll give you a lift home!"

  "That would be nice, but you don't have to."

  "It's no problem, hon. So, have you ever been here?"

  "Been here once or twice. The food is really good."

  "You and I have never met like this before. It's nice."

  "Yes, very nice.” I look down at the menu. I know that if I stare into her eyes for too long, I'm finished.

  "I wish Peggy would get better so we can all go out again."

  I try not to curl my lip, which is what I do when I'm sick of something. I look up from my menu. “Why do we listen to Peggy? If she blinks, we all jump. Don't you get tired of that?"

  "Um ... well ... maybe."

  I've never discussed Peggy in any sort of negative way, so of course Erika is confused. I don't want to talk about Peggy or Christy. I just want to be here with Erika.

  "May I bring you ladies something to drink?” the waitress asks.

  "A glass of white wine sounds really nice,” Erika says.

  "Yeah, make that two. Chardonnay?"

  "Chardonnay sounds good."

  The waitress looks at Erika. “May I see your ID please?"

  She doesn't ask me. Erika has the fresh face of a teenager.

  When the waitress leaves, I look at Erika. “Why don't we talk about you? How's school?"

  "Oh, nursing school is horrible, but it's all starting to kick in. My grades have been good, and I'm certain I can get a job when I graduate. You? How's your job?"

  "Same old shit. I live for the weekends.” The light from the candle on the table gives her face a pleasant glow.

  "Erika, I just have to tell you that I think you're really beautiful."

 
; She smiles.

  "I mean it. I really think you should have been a model."

  "I'm too fat to be a model. You know that, Monica."

  "I hate skinny women. On the other hand, I love a woman with curves."

  She looks down at her menu. Suddenly, I feel awkward for having said what I said. But at the same time, I've wanted to say it for so long that I'm willing to take the risk.

  "You know, I've been thinking that we all should try that new club on Clark. We always go to the same place; it might be nice to go somewhere new."

  I take a deep breath. “My club hopping days may be coming to a close."

  "Why? We have so much fun."

  The waitress brings the wine. I take mine and drink half of it. Erika watches me with a look of amazement in her eyes, but doesn't say anything.

  "Would you ladies like to order now?"

  "No, we haven't decided yet, but in about ten minutes, you can bring me another glass of wine. Erika?"

  She laughs. “No, let me finish this one first."

  The waitress walks away. I down the rest of my wine. My courage is bolted.

  "Erika, the reason I don't want to go to those clubs anymore is because I'm gay."

  Erika spits the wine that she has in her mouth back into her glass. “What?"

  "I'm a lesbian."

  "There's no way in hell you're a lesbian. What about all those boyfriends you've had?"

  I hate to think about those men or the fact that I slept with them in some hope that feeling a man on my body would change me in some way.

  "If you notice, I haven't had a boyfriend in months, and when I go to the clubs now, I barely talk to guys."

  Erika laughs. “You're not gay, Monica. I know you."

  "No, Erika. You don't know me."

  She takes another sip of her drink. Her eyes stare down at the menu again, but I can tell she's not really focusing on it.

  "You're a lesbian?"

  "Yes."

  "How long have you been a lesbian?"

  "All my life, I guess."

  Erika looks at me. “Do you like me?"

  I pause. “You mean, am I attracted to you?"

  "Yes. That's what I mean."

  "I am."

  She shakes her head. “That's not good, Monica. That's not good at all."

  She pulls ten dollars out of her purse, slaps it on the table, grabs her coat, and rushes out.

  The waitress brings the other glass of wine. I drink it down and ask for another. It doesn't take long for me to start to feel like I'm losing control.

  I motion for the waitress to bring me the bill, and then I call a cab. When it arrives, I stumble out of the restaurant. I'm so drunk that when I get to my place the cab driver has to help me take the money out of my wallet so that I can pay him. I manage to get inside, and then I run for the toilet and vomit the wine.

  * * * *

  The next morning, I'm lying in bed, topless. The bottoms that I wore last night are still on. My head feels like someone pounded it with a hammer. I stagger over to my purse and see if any money is left and if I have all of my credit cards and identification. Amazingly, I have about twenty bucks left and all my other stuff is still there. Then, I stagger back to bed and stare at the ceiling, thinking of Erika.

  What was going to happen now? I'm sure she told Peggy and Christy about me.

  I grab the covers and pull myself into a ball. There's no doubt in my mind that telling Erika was a huge mistake.

  [Three]

  Around mid-afternoon, I've managed to take a shower, but I feel so sick to my stomach that all I can do is sit on the couch and stare at the television. I'm supposed to feel good after doing this. That's what Robin told me. Robin is the woman I met at the health club. The first time I saw her she was wearing a gay pride t-shirt. That's how I knew she was a lesbian. Eventually we started chatting, just as friends.

  She told me that when she came out, she felt like a huge weight was lifted off of her. But I don't feel that way at all. I don't even want to leave my apartment.

  The doorbell rings. I don't want to see anybody, so I don't get up. Now there's a pounding.

  "Monica! Open the fucking door. We know you're in there."

  "We got food, and it's getting cold."

  I've got a hangover. The last thing I want in my stomach is food. I can't even think about food. But I let them in.

  "You look like shit!” Peggy says. She and Christy whisk past me and put the stuff on the table.

  Christy plops down beside me and lights a cigarette. “So you're a dyke, huh?"

  "Yeah, you freaked her the fuck out,” Peggy laughs.

  "You know how she is.” Christy blows some smoke out of her mouth. “She takes everything seriously."

  I feel myself sliding back into the closet. I just want to shake Christy and tell her just how serious I am. But having them here, stinking up my apartment with cheap food and cigarettes is something I don't want to lose.

  "Erika's so easy,” Christy continues. “She gets on the phone—'Oh, my God, you won't believe what happen to me. Monica says she's gay.’ Blah, blah, blah. She believes everything."

  I stare at the television, watching the movement on the screen. I want to cry, but I don't want the tears to come.

  Peggy is looking at me now, and she's not laughing anymore. “You need to call her. Let her know it was just a joke."

  Christy loves to lighten things up whenever Peggy starts to get serious about something. “You're a ho, not a dyke, Monica!"

  I jump off the couch and almost knock over a lamp.

  "Look, you guys! I'm gay. I'm very gay. All those men I slept with? They didn't mean shit to me. I didn't want any of them. And ... I like Erika.” There it is. My secret is out.

  The two of them just look at me.

  "Well she doesn't fucking like you, dyke!” Peggy screams.

  For the first time I feel scared.

  "Okay Peg! Calm down! Wait ... are you a freakin’ lesbian, for real, Monica?"

  I look at Christy, but I don't say anything.

  "She's serious.” Peggy walks to the door. “Let's go Christy."

  Before they leave, Peggy turns and gives me a look I've never seen before, no matter how worked up she's gotten about something in the past. “Leave Erika alone, do you understand?"

  The door slams in my face.

  [Four]

  At work the next day, my cell phone doesn't ring. I usually get a call from at least one of them. Christy calls to gossip. Peggy calls to complain about her job. But today, silence. They've all gotten together and decided not to speak to me. It's obvious. For how long? I don't know. Maybe I've lost them forever.

  I've been trying hard not to cry at work. Robin says I shouldn't be friends with people who can't tolerate gays. I know that. I know I shouldn't. But it still hurts to be ignored.

  I look around at my co-workers. I've wanted to come out to them, too, but after the reaction I got from my friends, I don't dare risk it. I can't afford to create an unpleasant work environment for myself. I need this job.

  After work I go home. My cell hasn't rung all day, except once, and that was from my mom. I still remember the look that Peggy gave me when she left my apartment.

  I'll leave Erika alone. I'll leave everyone alone. The tears are welling up, and this time I can't stop them. Right now, all I want to do is leave Chicago and never come back, but I can't just pick up and go. If it were only that easy.

  [Five]

  About two weeks have passed. I haven't heard from any of the girls, and I haven't the courage to call any of them. It's gotten a little easier. But just a little. Tonight, there's a huge party downtown that we had all planned on attending, so I'm sure they're headed for that.

  I've been watching a lot of television. More than I usually do. I guess that's all I can handle right now—mind numbing stuff to make me not think about them.

  Sometimes I sit around and wish I were straight, and when I do that, I usually cry
. I cry a lot.

  As I'm watching television, my doorbell rings. It's got to be the girls. Despite everything that's happened, I rush to answer it.

  I look through the peephole and my heart awakens in my chest. It's Erika.

  "Can I come in?"

  "Of course, come in."

  Erika takes off her coat and sits on my couch.

  "Would you like something to drink?"

  "Water would be nice. Thanks."

  I look like shit in sweatpants and a sweatshirt, but at least I've showered. I notice my hand is shaking as I'm filling her glass with water.

  I take a seat next to her. She sips her water as we stare in silence at the TV.

  Then she puts her glass down. “Monica, I'm really sorry about what Christy and Peggy are doing. I don't care that you're gay, and I feel horrible for letting them know what happened. I don't think it's right for them to shut you out. I've been very torn up about this."

  "I'm sorry I did what I did."

  "Don't be sorry. I'm sorry for the way I reacted."

  "I don't want to lose your friendship, Erika. Let's just forget everything I said in the restaurant."

  Erika grinned. “How do you suggest we do that?"

  "Well..."

  "Because I know you like me. I've known that for awhile."

  I could feel myself go flush. “You know? How did you know?"

  "I just had a feeling. I should have told you that in the restaurant instead of acting out the way I did."

  "It's okay, Monica. Really, it is."

  "No, let me finish. You see, back there in that restaurant, I wasn't prepared to face the fact that I could feel the same way about you."

  My eyes grew wide. “You feel the same way about me?"

  "I think so. What does that mean for you?"

  It would be an understatement to say that I was at a complete loss for words.

  "Does it mean you want to go to bed with me?” she continues.

  Erika is not the kind of woman who says what's on her mind. She's often very shy, and I've always thought capable of being manipulated, especially when Peggy and Christy work on her. I never expected Erika to say what she was saying. It didn't seem real. But it is real. Of course, I want to sleep with her, but I didn't want her to think that's all I wanted.