Falling For Him

by Ali Parker

  “Tell you what, why don’t you wear it anyway?” I suggested. “I’ll make dinner for you, me, and Meemaw, and we’ll all dress up.”

  “A special, fancy girls’ dinner?” She clapped her hands and bounced on the balls of her feet. “Okay, that sounds fine.”

  Mom waited until Lydia had raced out of the kitchen, presumably to go get ready, even though we had two more hours until dinner time, before she cornered me. “Noah canceled on you?”

  “Yeah, he texted me earlier.” After he hadn’t taken my call, but I didn’t tell my mom about that. A part of me wanted to believe he’d just been in a meeting and that was why he hadn’t answered my call or returned it, canceling via text instead.

  Another part of me, a part that vividly remembered the previous occasion I’d had this feeling in my gut, couldn’t help feeling unsettled.

  “There’s nothing unusual about having to work on a Friday night,” I said. “He’s got all those new big investors from last weekend. It’s probably just that.”

  “Why do I get the feeling it’s not me you’re trying to convince?” My mother’s voice softened. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “There’s nothing to say.” I sighed. “We had plans, and he canceled them.”

  She gave me a long look, her shoulders tight and her spine ramrod straight where she sat on her stool at the kitchen island. “He hasn’t canceled on you since you’ve been back.”

  “I know.” It was another of the big reasons why I’d really thought he’d changed. Noah used to be a bit of a flake. I always knew he didn’t mean to and that he had good intentions, but he’d often gotten caught up with something or another when we’d had plans. “It’s not a big deal, Mom. Really, it’s fine. We’ll catch up another time.”

  She quirked an eyebrow at me. “If it’s really not a big deal, then why do you look so sad?”

  “I’m not sad,” I said quickly. Too quickly.

  Mom’s eyebrow lifted higher. She knew I wasn’t being totally honest.

  “Okay,” I said. “So maybe I’m a little disappointed. I was looking forward to spending more time with him, and now I’m going to have to wait a day or so before I get to do it. It’s not the end of the world, having to wait a day or two.”

  Oh really? Then why did your voice crack on that sentence? I ignored the snide voice in my head and forced myself to smile at my mother. “It’s nothing to worry about. Just a bit of disappointment. I can handle it.”

  Mom didn’t look convinced. She folded her arms on the island and waited for my gaze to stop darting around. When my eyes came back to hers, she gave me one of those all-knowing-mom looks. “It seems like a lot more than just a little bit of disappointment to me. What’s really going on in that head of yours?”

  Little did she know how much of a zinger that question really was. Ever since I’d received the text from Noah canceling, my mind had spiraled back to the last time he’d sent me a curt text and then didn’t respond to the next one.

  Although my body still showed me as a twenty-eight-year-old mother of my own child, my brain was filled with the same worries it had been filled with at fifteen. The main one being whether I was ever going to hear from him again.

  To be fair, back then, it had been overly dramatic, and I’d had no reason to suspect that the answer to that question was no. Well, maybe not no to ever hearing from him again, but no to hearing from him for the next thirteen years.

  If I had known back then that I’d have to wait thirteen long years before another text from him popped into my inbox, I’d have splintered into a million pieces and probably never stopped crying. Unfortunately, present-day me knew exactly what it felt like to have to wait thirteen years for another text from him, and I also knew that if he pulled the same shit, that was it for me.

  Even if he did text me again in thirteen years, there was no way I would reply. All of which meant that this time, I wasn’t being dramatic. If this text and lack of a reply ended the same way it did last time, Noah was out of my life for good.

  And that thought?

  That thought was why I had to keep swallowing back tears and why my voice cracked when I tried to talk. That thought was why my heart felt like a baby had a tiny but surprisingly powerful grip on it and was squeezing it so tightly I couldn’t breathe. That thought was why my nerves were shot and my eyes kept darting to my phone lying on the counter, why I kept hoping it would light up with another message from him.

  Since I couldn’t help but remember the last time I’d gone through this with the same guy, I was already halfway to devastated, and he’d only canceled a couple of hours ago. It was totally possible that I was overreacting, that my scars ran deeper than I’d been giving them credit for recently, and that Noah and I did need to talk things through before I’d be able to fully trust him again.

  For the first time in my life, I was holding out hope that I was overreacting. My gut told me that I wasn’t, but my heart kept arguing with it.

  Noah wasn’t the boy who had hurt me all those years ago. He was all man now. He’d grown up, and I was desperately hoping he’d grown out of his former ways of ending relationships.

  Although even that wasn’t a particularly comforting thought, since we weren’t technically in a relationship. If I really thought about it, he didn’t owe it to me to break things off with me because there was nothing really to break off.

  We’d spent some time together as friends and slept together a handful of times. At most, that meant we’d had a fling. Maybe a throwback to those days in which our hormones had been out of control and we’d never gotten so far as to work it out of our systems.

  It was possible that all the time we’d spent together recently—in bed and otherwise—was simply Noah’s way of working me out of his system. I’d been the one to come onto him that first night, after all. He’d have good reason to think that it was the same for me.

  Noah hadn’t made the first move to take our relationship anywhere other than strictly platonic. I’d done that, and maybe I was paying the price for it now. Maybe he thought it was some kind of friends with benefits situation that he’d benefited from long enough to work through whatever residual lust he’d felt for me.

  Heck, the truth was that I had no idea what was going through his mind right now. Or even if anything relating to me was going through it at all.

  He hadn’t made me any promises, and I hadn’t made any to him. If the man had to work when we’d had plans for dinner, I wasn’t sure if my mini freak out was even justifiable.

  But I couldn’t deny that my feelings were what they were, and I couldn’t change the thoughts racing through my head either. So in short, I’ve gotten myself into a clusterfuck of a situation.

  Rolling my eyes at myself, I realized I hadn’t answered my mother yet. I pulled my shoulders back and looked her right in the eyes. One thing I had gotten right in my erratic thoughts was that I had gotten myself into this situation.

  Whatever was going on was between me and Noah, no one else. My mother was already doing more than enough to help me. I wouldn’t burden her with a meltdown that would’ve made my teenage self cringe.

  “He’s an adult, Mom, and so am I. He wouldn’t lie to me.”

  From the look Mom gave me, I knew she didn’t believe me. In her defense, I didn’t really believe me either.

  At the end of the day, though, we were both adults. I even had a child to protect from all of this. “It’ll be fine, Mom. Really. I promise.”

  I took a deep breath and allowed a more genuine smile to spread on my lips. “I also promised a certain little girl a fancy dinner. Got any ideas what I can cook while you go get ready?”

  “There’s a recipe book in there.” Mom pointed at a slim cupboard beside the extraction unit above the stove. “The one with the green cover has some interesting easy recipes in it.”

  I turned around and pulled open the thin door, using my finger to separate the books until I found the one I thought she might be r
eferring to. “This one?”

  “Yep.” She smiled and came over to take the book from me, immediately starting to page through it. “There was a recipe in here for a chicken dish that I’ve been dying to try. Why don’t you get the chicken out while I find it?”

  “I’m sure I can manage to do that.” I winked at her before heading for the fridge. It took a minute, but she found the recipe, and we pored over it together.

  Once I had a good idea of how to get started, I sent her up to shower and get ready while I did the prep work. It kept me busy enough that I only thought about Noah sporadically while I got everything done, and once the chicken was in the oven, I raced through getting ready myself.

  Lydia had chosen a sparkly silver dress with a unicorn on the chest. She was smiling as she did a turn for us in the dining room. “How do I look?”

  “You’re beautiful, baby. A real princess.” I smiled and gently grabbed her wrist, tugging her closer to me for a quick hug.

  “What about me?” Mom joked, also doing a turn. She’d donned a red floor-length dress that I had never seen before. “The old girl cleans up well, doesn’t she?”

  “She cleans up pretty good.” I hugged her as well before the oven timer went off. “I want to hear all about that dress when I get back, but for now, why don’t you two take your seats, and I’ll bring out the food?”

  I dipped into a deep curtsy at the door, winking at my mom. “Dinner is served, my ladies. Enjoy.”

  Contrary to what I had expected after getting Noah’s message, my Friday night wasn’t a total bust. I’d put him out of my mind and focused on having fun with my mom and my daughter, and I’d really enjoyed it.

  On the way up to bed, Mom told me that she thought we should do a dress-up dinner at least once a month, and I’d agreed. After putting Lydia to bed, I collapsed on my own while still wearing my dress.

  Lying there in the darkness with my phone clutched in my hand, thoughts about the situation with Noah came flooding back into my brain. There was nothing I could do to keep him out of it now that it was dark and quiet.

  Feeling like I might go insane if I didn’t at least ask, I caved eventually and sent him another text.

  Me: Can I talk to you tomorrow?

  The little dots indicating that he was typing popped up almost immediately. His response appeared on my screen seconds later.

  Noah: Can’t. Busy all weekend.

  At least he replied. My heart sank, but I gave it one last shot. If I didn’t, I knew I’d end up playing the what-if game with myself sooner or later.

  Me: If you get free tomorrow, let me know?

  Blue ticks told me he’d read the message as soon as it was delivered, but no more dots appeared. Not even to say good night.

  By the time my eyelids grew heavy hours later, Noah still hadn’t responded. I had a feeling there wouldn’t be a response by tomorrow morning either, but I sent one last appeal out into the universe anyway. Just in case.

  Please don’t do this, Noah. I don’t know what happened to make you change your mind this time, but please don’t do this to me again.

  Chapter 35

  Noah

  The week dragged on and on. It felt like an eternity and a half had passed since I’d last spoken to Maggie on Friday night, but in reality, it was only Wednesday. Time, you fickle, fickle thing you.

  Sighing as I took the last sip of my coffee, I set the newspaper I’d been reading down to signal to my waiter that I needed another one. Actually, I probably needed about another gallon or so. I wondered if they had any extra strength with even more caffeine. That would be great.

  If I’d gotten ten hours of sleep since the conversation I overheard, it was a lot. Most nights, I only crashed when I literally fell asleep on my desk.

  The first couple of nights, I’d hauled my sleepy ass to bed when I woke up with my head on the new investment contracts I was reviewing. Unfortunately, as soon as my head hit the pillow, it was like I’d been struck by a bolt of lightning for as wide awake as I was.

  I’d taken to sleeping in my office after that. When I woke up with my head on whatever it found its way to when I dropped, I simply moved over to my supremely uncomfortable couch and got whatever sleep I could there.

  As a result, I felt like death warmed over, and I probably looked it too. I wouldn’t know, since I hadn’t bothered to look in a mirror before I left the house today. I’d only left because I had to. If I hadn’t run out of coffee, I’d have been holed up in my office, buried in my work, just like I had been doing since I’d gotten home from Mom’s house on Friday.

  Work had always been my reprieve, my escape. It was no different this time. In fact, it even felt like I was close to a breakthrough on the upgrades I’d been trying to make to the system for months. At least that would be a silver lining.

  As I lifted my gaze away from the paper to find my waiter to order more coffee, it snagged on the very last pair of eyes I wanted to see. Green balls of emerald blazed when she spotted me, narrowing as she marched over and took a seat across from me like there was nothing at all wrong between us.

  “Noah.”

  “Maggie.” I saw my waiter over her shoulder and caught his eye, ordering another coffee. When he pointed at Maggie, I shook my head. She wouldn’t be staying to have coffee with me. Over my dead fucking body.

  “How are you?” She crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair, her eyes never leaving mine.

  “Busy, actually.” I picked up the paper. “Getting caught up on current events, and then I’ve got to get back to work. See you around.”

  “See me around?” She arched a perfectly manicured brow. “When will you be seeing me around, exactly? I haven’t seen or heard from you since Friday.”

  “Yeah, well, like I said, I’ve been busy.” My gaze dropped to the article I’d been busy reading, but I couldn’t remember what it was about. It was like my eyes wouldn’t work to clue me in either.

  All I could concentrate on was Maggie. Her hair was tossed into a bun on top of her head, and she didn’t wear any makeup, but it made her even more distractingly beautiful.

  I hated that there was dark hurt in her eyes, and I hated even more that I was responsible for putting it there. It triggered a primal instinct deep inside of me to take her in my arms and protect her. It was too bad that I couldn’t protect her from me, or from herself.

  My heart thudded in my chest, the clueless organ letting me know it was still in there for the first time since I’d overheard her conversation. It was like it was trying to spout wings to fly right out of me and into her, where it had always belonged. Yeah, calm down, bud. It’s not you she wants.

  “So that’s it then?” Her perfect mouth formed a thin line. “You’re not going to give me any explanation at all about why you’ve been so distant? I’m just supposed to accept ‘I’m busy’ and leave?”

  A sigh parted my lips, and I looked up into those gorgeous green eyes, almost wincing at the amount of pain I saw in them now. I knew what it felt like, though, since I was right there with her.

  “Do you really want to do this here?” Setting the newspaper down calmly, I folded my hands on the table and tried to keep the rage inside from bubbling out.

  “Do what?” Maggie’s eyes narrowed again.

  “Have the talk.” I leaned forward and kept my voice low so only she would hear me. “I know, Maggie. I know everything.”

  She threw her hands out to her sides, shaking her head in frustration. “Do you? Because I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  I blinked at her, unable to believe she was really going to keep pretending. Was this really the level she was stooping to? “We promised we’d always be honest with each other.”

  “Yeah, so be honest with me.” Exasperation crept into her tone. “Or tell me what to be honest with you about, and I will be.”

  I sat back in my chair and raised my eyebrows. “Okay, be honest with me then. I heard what you said about only using me fo
r my money. I know that the only reason you ever talked to me was for my money. I mean, why else would you be with me?”

  The words tasted bitter on my tongue. My eyes closed against the pain, and when I opened them again to see the blank stare Maggie was giving me, a fresh slice of it cut right through my heart.

  The stare told me that she knew exactly what I was talking about. It was that deer-in-headlights, oh-crap-I’m-busted-but-trying-not-to-show-it look. Seeing it from her after confronting her clamped my soul in a vise grip and ripped it clean apart.

  Maggie’s shoulders dropped, but she met my eyes and nodded slowly. “So you’re just going to do exactly what you did to me in high school then? Make me fall in love and leave without a word?”

  “This is nothing like high school,” I said. “We were kids then. We’re not kids now.”

  The walls that had been behind her eyes that first day we’d had coffee slammed back up. The shape and color of her eyes were so familiar, but the person suddenly staring back at me was not.

  “You haven’t changed a bit,” she spat before shoving to her feet. “I honestly don’t give a shit if you have money or not. I loved you for you, just like I did back then. It’s too bad that just like back then, you don’t deserve my love now either. I hope your fucking money keeps you happy, Noah.”

  With one last glare shot in my direction, she spun on her heels and marched to the door. She slammed it open with both palms against the glass and raced out, disappearing down the street.

  And out of my life.

  It should have been a good-riddance moment, but it wasn’t. I frowned at the door, my hand coming up to scratch the stubble that had grown on my chin over the last few days. Shaving hadn’t exactly been a priority. In fact, my personal hygiene standards had taken something of a nosedive, but that wasn’t important right now.

  Why would Maggie be upset about this? All I’d done was toss her own words back at her. She was the one who’d broken us this time, not me. I didn’t even know why she’d brought what happened in high school up, not now. Not when we were dealing with very real present-day issues.