by Ali Parker
She was gone before I could reply, but I wasn’t far behind her. The drive to Gayle’s house seemed to take forever and yet be over way too fast, all at the same time.
By the time I parked, I still had no idea what I was going to say to Maggie. I’m sorry wasn’t good enough. I just didn’t know what would be.
I also knew that if I had any chance at getting another shot with her, it would be the very last one. Which meant that with this apology, or groveling, I couldn’t leave any stone unturned. I was going to have to dig deep, be honest, and lay it all out on the table. My heart and soul were going to be stripped bare after this, but nothing short of that would do.
I’ll just have to hang onto my balls and jump in.
“Noah.” Gayle frowned when she opened the door. “What are you doing here?”
“I need to talk to Maggie.”
She shook her head and stepped back to close the door. “She doesn’t want to talk to you. Goodbye.”
Grabbing the wood of the door with one hand, I stopped her from shutting it in my face. “Please, Gayle. I know I screwed up, okay? Trust me. If Maggie tells me she never wants to see me again, I’ll understand. All I want is a chance to explain. I’m gone after that if it’s what she wants.”
“It’s what she wants,” Maggie said from somewhere behind the door. She stepped around her mother, arms crossed under her breasts. “Go away, Noah. We have nothing to say to each other.”
“You don’t have to say anything, okay? Just listen. I ran into Angie and—”
She cut me off with a glare and a slash of her hand through the hair. “We’re not talking about that here. Lydia’s right inside. Just go. You wouldn’t give me a chance to explain, so why should I do the same for you?”
“You really want me to tell you with Lydia right inside?” It was a genuine question, but Maggie’s eyes narrowed on mine.
She sighed softly and glanced at her mom, who nodded her head before Maggie looked back at me. “No, I don’t. I don’t want her seeing you at all, actually. I’ll give you an hour from when I step out of this door before I have to be back at it, okay?”
A thrill shot right through me. An hour? I can work with that.
I nodded and held my hand out to her. She ignored it and said goodbye to her mom, following me to my car in total silence. Once we were seated, I turned to face her. “Where to?”
She shrugged. “You’re the one who wants to talk. I don’t care where I listen, so long as it isn’t anywhere Lydia can either see or hear you. Also, this is a one-off. I’ll hear you out today, but then you can’t come back to our place, okay? You’re going to have to promise you’ll leave me alone after this.”
“If that’s what you want once I’m done saying what I need to say, that’s it. I’ll leave you and Lydia alone, I promise. We’ll go to my place.” We’d have some privacy there. “I’ll bring you back the second you say so, okay?”
“Okay.” She folded her arms again and turned to look out the window, not saying a single word to me all the way to my place.
But that was okay. I’d asked her to listen, and that was what she’d agreed to do. It was much, much more than I deserved. I knew the only reason she’d agreed was in order to deliver that ultimatum she’d given me in the car. She didn’t want me anywhere near Lydia. She thought hearing me out would be the fastest way to shut me down and out.
It wasn’t very encouraging, considering what I wanted to say to her, but at least it meant I got the chance to explain.
When we got to my place, Maggie stopped in the entrance hall. She kept her arms tightly across her chest. “This is far enough.”
“You don’t want to sit down?”
“No.”
“Okay.” My palms were sweaty, and my heart was pounding. I was itching to reach for her, to feel her soft skin against mine, and to taste her sweet lips, but I didn’t know if I was ever going to get to do that again.
It wasn’t just that riding on this either. It was everything. Waking up next to her in the morning, talking to her at night by the fire, hearing her laugh, and seeing the way her eyes lit up when she talked about Lydia or anything she was passionate about. All of it was at stake, all of it and so much more.
“I fucked up.” I figured it was as good a place to start as any.
Maggie lifted her eyebrows but nodded as she motioned for me to continue. I took a massive breath, trying to create some order in my brain. When it didn’t come, I mentally grabbed my balls and jumped right in.
“Most women I’ve dated as an adult have only been after me for my money. Once in a while, there would be someone who I thought I could trust, only for me to find out months later that it was never me they were interested in. I know I’ve told you before, but I need you to understand how deep it runs.”
I gave her example after example until finally she put up her hand. “I get it. You’ve been used before. I just don’t know why you would believe I was one of those women.”
“Yeah.” I took another breath, knowing that I hadn’t even scratched the surface of the really painful stuff.
Here goes nothing. “The thing is that I didn’t really understand why you’d get back together with me after everything that happened in the past. I wanted to believe it was behind us, but we’ve never talked about it. I wondered if maybe you were seeing me again to get to my money as a way of getting revenge.”
Her brow scrunched up. “Revenge?”
I nodded. “I’ve done so many things to hurt you. I walked out on you. I never called you. Fuck, Mags, I didn’t even go to Ryan’s funeral. His death is a weight I still carry every day, especially since I couldn’t bring myself to go to the funeral, and now I’m dating his sister?”
I was breathing heavily. Maggie’s eyes shone with tears, but they didn’t fall. She also didn’t say anything, simply motioning for me to continue again.
“I made a mistake, Mags. I didn’t know how to bring up the past or how we could get past it. I didn’t know how you could have forgiven me, and I was too chickenshit to ask you pointblank. I was too scared that if I did, I would lose you all over again.”
I took a step closer to her but didn’t try to touch her. Looking into those emerald-green eyes I dreamed about, I finally told her what I should have told her all those years ago. “I love you, Maggie. I’ve loved you since high school, and I will never stop loving you.”
A single tear made its way down her cheek. “I never blamed you for not coming to Ryan’s funeral.”
Her voice was so soft that if there had been any other noise in the house, I wouldn’t have been able to hear it. As it was, I heard her perfectly.
“Fuck, Noah. I wouldn’t have gone if I had a choice in the matter. Ryan shouldn’t have died. He was so young. It was so sudden. If I could have avoided having to have those memories of him, I would have. I know you. I’ve always known why you didn’t come. I’ve always understood it, too.”
Tears were flowing freely now, but her voice was getting stronger with each word she said. “Mom got it, too. She never blamed you for not coming either. Funerals are for the living, Noah, not the dead. You mourned him in your own way. I think you still are. I mean, sure, it would have been nice to have gotten a text or something from you, but I knew you had to be in pretty much the same amount of pain I was.”
Her words of absolution did little to clear the heavy burden of guilt I was carrying. They might not blame me, but I would always blame myself for not being there.
Maggie released a heavy breath, her eyes searching mine. “But since we’re finally on the subject of the past, I have a few questions of my own I want answers to. Why did you leave? That night in high school? You said I hadn’t hurt you, but then you jumped up and left, never to be seen again.”
I sighed, holding her gaze with my own. “I thought I was protecting you from me. You were so young, so inexperienced. I didn’t want you to miss out on everything because your boyfriend was away at college and couldn’t come visi
t you.”
“Really?” Her eyes widened, and she blinked rapidly, her eyebrows climbing high. “That’s it? You thought I’d have chosen getting whatever random experiences over having those same experiences with you?”
“It’s wasn’t like that,” I protested. “I felt like I was taking advantage of you. I had a sudden crisis of conscience about you being Ryan’s sister, and I didn’t want being with me to mean you missed out on high school.”
“That’s really stupid, Noah.” Her arms dropped to her sides, a soft smile ghosting across her lips as she shook her head. “I wish you’d just talked to me, told me what was going on in your head. I would have told you then what I’m going to tell you now. I didn’t care about living my life in high school, Noah. Not if it meant living without you. Being the prom king and top jock and going to the hot parties, that was you guys. Not me. I never wanted or needed that.”
My shoulders dropped. “I’ve made so many mistakes with you, Mags. I know that saying I’m sorry will never be good enough, but I really am sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I know that what I did ended up doing exactly that, but I thought I was doing what was best for you.”
“What about believing that I was after your money?”
I hung my head, shaking it from side to side and keeping my eyes on hers. “Would you believe it if I told you it was insecurity? I didn’t know why you’d be with me, and it made sense that maybe it was that. It came up a few times in conversation, and my knee jerked when I heard what I did. As soon as Angie told me what had happened, I realized I was wrong. I didn’t question her honesty for a second. I just knew and accepted I’d fucked up.”
“Is there any part of you that still believes it?” An ocean of hurt flashed in her eyes.
“Absolutely not.” I lifted my chin and closed the distance between us, reaching for her slowly enough that she could stop me if she wanted to. She didn’t.
Lacing my fingers together at the back of her neck, I lowered my forehead to hers. “I love you, Maggie Hampton. I know that I’ve been a total and complete asshole, and I know that I don’t deserve it, but do you think you could give me one more chance?”
Maggie was quiet for so long that my heart broke all over again. The only thing that gave me hope was that she didn’t step away from me. She searched my eyes and kept her forehead against mine.
Eventually, she sighed. “One of the last things I remember Ryan telling me was that he hoped I would end up with someone like you. Someone who truly cared about me and always would.”
She sucked in a deep breath. “I remember wanting to tell him that you didn’t care about me, but I never did. I think it’s because deep down inside, I knew that you did despite how badly you had hurt me. But you did hurt me, Noah. You’ve shredded my heart to pieces twice. How do I know you won’t do it again? How can I trust you with Lydia?”
“We’ll take it slow.” I slid my palms up her neck to stroke her cheekbones with my thumbs. “If you’re not comfortable with having me spending time with Lydia yet, I understand. I’ll do whatever you want to prove to you that you can trust me. I’m never leaving you again, Mags. Not ever.”
“Noah, I—” She closed her eyes. “I won’t survive if you break my heart again.”
“I won’t.” I’d never meant two words more in my life.
Maggie heard the force behind them, the fierce promise. I saw it in her eyes when she opened them again.
“We can take it slow?”
I nodded. “The slowest.”
She stood up on her toes and brushed a kiss to my lips. “In that case, I’m in.”
Chapter 38
Maggie
“This is not taking it slow, Noah,” I moaned, writhing on my back on his bed.
Everything that happened between me kissing him and ending up naked in his bedroom was sort of like a dream. All I knew was that after I’d agreed to give him one last chance, he’d taken my lips in the kiss to end all kisses and we hadn’t stopped.
It was like time had slowed, and everyone else in the universe disappeared. I’d thought it had felt like that the first time I’d kissed him in this very house, but I’d been wrong then.
Noah’s eyes never left mine, and mine never left his. We’d undressed each other slowly and unhurriedly, devouring each other before we’d even touched.
When we finally came together skin to skin and he’d lowered his mouth back to mine, it was like something snapped inside us both. Somehow, our kisses were tender and frenzied at the same time. Our hands roamed and worshiped and adored while groping and grabbing and trying to get as close together as we could possibly get.
He lifted his head from between my legs, his forehead beaded with tiny drops of sweat. “Say the word, and I’ll stop. I’ll take you home, give you a chaste kiss goodnight, and wait until I hear from you that you want to see me.”
“If you stop right now, I’ll kill you.” My clit throbbed and pulsed like it was a damn beacon trying to get his attention. It was hard and swollen. I was so close, I could almost feel the exquisite euphoria that was about to rush through my body. “I was merely making a point. I didn’t mean that I wanted you to stop.”
“Good.” He grinned up at me, but it was strained. “Because I love making you come. I’m planning on doing it as often as you’ll let me, but preferably at least once a day for the rest of my life.”
“The rest of your life?” I squeaked between pants as his fingers kept moving inside me. “Talking about that is definitely not taking it slow.”
“Relax, I’m not proposing while I’m going down on you. Although it’s not a bad idea to keep in mind.” My hips bucked, and I groaned some kind of protest, but he was driving me too crazy to really care about the words. He stilled me with his free hand. “Maybe one day, when the time does come and you’re ready, I will do it while I’m going down on you. Gives me a better chance of you saying yes.”
“Noah?” My hand trailed into his hair, gripping the short strands.
“Yeah?”
“Stop talking about proposing to me.” I almost couldn’t believe that we were here again, that I’d agreed to give him yet another chance. Maybe everyone was right, and we always had been inevitable, but marrying him wasn’t exactly something I was ready about thinking of doing.
“You got it.” He smirked, reaching for the hand that wasn’t in his hair. When my fingers closed around his, he squeezed and brought his mouth back to my slick pussy and pounding clit.
I moaned his name, my fingers tightening on his, pulling at his hair with the other hand. Noah didn’t stop until I was bucking beneath him, feeling that euphoria only he seemed to be able to give me curling my toes and turning my vision white.
As I lay there panting in the aftermath, I tried to reconcile where we’d been only a couple of hours ago with where we were now. When he’d shown up at my house, I’d been angry as hell, and all I wanted was for him to leave.
Then I’d realized that some kind of showdown was coming, and I wanted it as far away from Lydia as humanly possible. I only agreed to come to his house with him because we were in silent, mutual agreement that whatever was about to happen shouldn’t happen in public.
If I was being honest with myself, I’d admit that a part of me had still been holding out hope. Hope that Noah would remember who I was and realize that I’d been sarcastic that day. Hope that he would finally come clean and really be honest with me. Hope that he was the man I’d come to believe he was.
I hadn’t wanted to hope too hard, but what had happened had exceeded even my wildest expectations. Noah loved me. He’d said it, and I had been able to see that he meant it with every fiber of his being.
Forgiving him was one thing, but learning to trust him again would be another. In my heart of hearts, though, I knew that he would give me the time I needed to get there.
The one thing I’d always been sure about with Noah was that he understood me. He knew what I needed before I even really did. Call it a perk
of knowing me since before I could really remember, but Noah knew me.
I wanted to believe that I knew him as well, which was why I had agreed to give him another chance. It was his last chance, for sure, but I still believed in the heart of the boy I used to know and the man I had come to know.
Lydia wouldn’t have to get involved right now. I’d make sure that she was safe until he’d proven himself, but there was this strange peace in the back of my mind that he would prove himself. My doubts of the past repeating itself yet again had been laid to rest.
I couldn’t pinpoint why, maybe because it had already happened and he had come back this time, but the possibility wasn’t really playing around in the back of my mind anymore.
One thing that I did know was that Ryan’s last words to me had hit me hard when I’d thought about them earlier. He might not have known exactly what had happened between Noah and me, but he’d never stopped believing that Noah cared about me more than anyone else ever could.
It felt like remembering his words at that exact moment was my brother giving me the nudge I needed. Like he was still looking out for me, from wherever he was.
“What are you thinking about?” Noah asked, coming to lie down next to me. He draped an arm over my waist, his head on my shoulder.
I felt his erection pressing into my thigh, and his breathing was labored, but he didn’t say anything about it or try to push me. He simply looked up at me and waited for me to answer.
“Ryan,” I replied honestly, bringing my hand up to stroke his hair.
Noah pulled a face and looked down at our nakedness. “Seriously?”
I laughed softly and gave him a playful pat on his head. “Not like that, silly. About what I told you earlier he said to me when we had our last conversation. He knew, didn’t he?”
“That we were supposed to be together?” He drew random patterns on my belly with his fingertips. “Yeah, he did. He knew how I felt about you before I’d even told him, and I think he knew the same thing about you.”