Doctor Who BBCN14 - The Last Dodo

by Doctor Who

  only person in there was Rix, sitting on an upturned box. There was no sign of his partner.

  ‘Where’s Tommy?’ the Doctor demanded.

  Rix ignored the question. ‘So there you are!’ he said. ‘Sneaking off without a word, we didn’t have a clue what was going on!’

  ‘Well, we are private investigators,’ Martha told him. ‘Emphasis on the “private”, you know? Where’s Tommy?’

  This time he answered. ‘He’s gone back to round up the others.

  We did what we could here –’ He gestured around him, and Martha tried hard not to look at the corner that she was now sure contained the skinned corpse of the quagga – ‘but he thought we needed help.

  Thought that the others should see what had happened. I stayed on guard.’

  ‘And you just let him go!’

  Rix frowned. ‘What are you talking about? It’s not my business to

  “let” him do anything. One, he’s my boss, and two, why should I want to stop him?’

  ‘Because he’s the kidnapping stealing murderer!’ Martha blurted out, although the Doctor’s exasperated look told her this may not have been the best approach.

  The Earther jumped to his feet, then slowly sat down again. ‘I don’t believe it,’ he said dazedly, shaking his head. ‘Not Tommy. You must be wrong. Not Tommy.’

  ‘Not Tommy what?’ said a cheery voice from behind them. The Doctor and Martha turned round. There was Tommy himself, with the other four Earthers ranged behind him: Vanni and Nadya, Frank and Celia.

  Rix stood up again and stumbled towards his partner, arms outstretched. ‘Tell me it’s not true, Tom, please.’

  ‘Tell you what’s not true?’

  He pointed at Martha. ‘She says it’s you that’s done all this.’

  It looked like Tommy’s knees started to give way beneath him; he stumbled backwards and Nadya grabbed his arm to stop him falling.

  ‘Of course I didn’t do this,’ he said hoarsely, his cheeky grin vanishing completely.

  68

  Celia had run over to the still-unconscious rhinoceros and was kneeling beside the great beast, paying no attention to the drama going on elsewhere. ‘Oh, the poor thing,’ she was saying, stroking its hide. ‘We collected him, Frank and I. We collected him. Oh, the poor thing. Frank, look.’

  Frank looked half dazed and gave a loud sniff, as if trying to hold back tears. ‘Yeah, right, the poor thing,’ he echoed.

  Rix and Nadya had taken up positions on either side of Tommy. ‘I don’t believe for a second that Tommy had anything to do with the disappearances,’ said Nadya, addressing Martha. ‘Tell me what proof you have.’

  Slowly, reluctantly, Martha drew the dinosaur-print handkerchief from her pocket and held it up. ‘This was found at the scene of the crime.’

  There was a silence. A puzzled silence.

  Then Vanni said, ‘I don’t understand. What does that prove?’

  Martha frowned, glancing down at the handkerchief then back at the group in front of her. ‘It’s Tommy’s,’ she said. ‘We saw him use an identical one earlier. And you have to admit it’s fairly distinctive.’

  But even Tommy himself seemed to have relaxed. ‘But we all have those!’ he cried. ‘They come from the museum gift shop! Eve gave us all one for Christmas.’

  ‘Cheapskate that she is,’ muttered Nadya.

  ‘And I still have mine!’ Tommy continued. ‘You saw it!’

  Triumphantly, he pulled the cotton square from his pocket.

  Martha relaxed too. Tommy wasn’t the criminal! She had liked him; she was glad. She turned to the Doctor, smiling. ‘Not Tommy!’ she said.

  ‘But someone else. . . ’ he pointed out. He looked at Rix, at Nadya, at Vanni, at Frank. He looked at Celia, still nursing the rhino, which seemed to be beginning to stir under her ministrations.

  ‘Oh yes,’ said Martha. ‘That’s true. Er, we could ask them all to turn out their pockets? You know, for hankies?’

  ‘Oh, I don’t think there’s any need for that,’ said the Doctor. ‘I think it’s fairly obvious who’s missing one, don’t you? Only a person who 69

  had mislaid their hankie earlier in the day would sniff as much as you, Frank!’ He threw out an arm dramatically, pointing an accusatory finger at the stocky Earther.

  Who drew a gun out of his pocket.

  ‘I don’t believe it! I was right!’ said the Doctor, backing away.

  ‘Frank. Frankie, Frankie-boy, you could have at least tried to bluff it out. Tell the truth, it was a bit of a wild guess on my part. The absence of a hankie isn’t your actual cast-iron proof at all, more sort of fluffy, marshmallow, knock-it-down-with-a-feather proof.’

  ‘I never even took my handkerchief out of the wrapping,’ put in Vanni, helpfully. ‘Silly cheap thing.’

  ‘Shut up!’ shouted Frank, waving the gun first this way then that.

  ‘Look, I didn’t want anyone to get hurt.’

  ‘Except the animals!’ cried Martha, regretting it almost at once as the gun veered decisively towards her.

  Frank shrugged. ‘Yeah, right, animals. All I ever hear about is animals, animals, animals. What about people, huh? You can do a lot of good with a few million, but what’s the use of some stupid zebra in a cage? No bloomin’ use at all, that’s what.’

  ‘So you were planning to use your ill-gotten gains to do good for humanity?’ asked the Doctor interestedly.

  ‘Duh, yeah, right. I was planning to spend it on myself, of course,’

  Frank admitted. ‘Just making a point. And, bit of a cliché and all that, but now you know too much and I’m gonna have to silence you.’ He raised the gun. It was now aimed straight at the Doctor.

  ‘Ah,’ said the Doctor. ‘Mind you, talking about making a point. . . ’

  Frank’s finger tightened on the trigger.

  And the shot blasted into the ceiling, as he went flying backwards over the charging rhino’s nose.

  Nadya grabbed the gun. Rix and Tommy grabbed the dazed Frank, Tommy yanking off his pendant to prevent any escape attempts. Celia, one hand on her own pendant, was running after the rhinoceros; a second later, girl and beast both vanished.

  The Doctor stood there with a big grin on his face, as a trickle of falling plaster dust began to sprinkle his hair. ‘“Making a point”?’ said 70

  Martha critically.

  ‘Good, wasn’t it?’ The Doctor was still grinning. ‘But it doesn’t work.’

  ‘Doesn’t work?’

  ‘The pun doesn’t work! You saw that the rhino was getting up, and you were making a pun about it butting Frank with its horn. Except it doesn’t have a horn any more.’

  ‘So it doesn’t,’ said the Doctor. ‘That was a bit pointless, then.’

  Martha groaned.

  We all zapped back to the museum. The first thing I saw was another empty cage, about the right size for a gorilla or something, and I panicked that we’d been too late to save some other poor creature –but Tommy said it was a box that hadn’t been filled yet; obviously some new arrival was expected. By the time we turned up the rhino was already back in its place, and I couldn’t help but think that it deserved a better reward for saving all our lives than being frozen for all eternity. The Doctor’s views were starting to rub off on me.

  Celia was sat on the floor outside the rhino’s box with her elbows on her knees. She didn’t seem anywhere near as stuck up now as my first impression of her; I guess finding out your partner is actually a baddie tends to knock you for six a bit.

  ‘We collected it together, Frank and I,’ she said. ‘It was in a wildlife reserve in Kenya, and we arrived just in time to stop a poacher from shooting it.’

  ‘What was a poacher doing in a wildlife reserve?’ I asked, shocked.

  She laughed humourlessly. ‘Reserves are like sweet shops to poachers. Everything gathered together in one place for them.’ Her eyes glazed over and I guess she was back in time. ‘He nearly shot me too.

  I
was so angry, I went for him instead of attending to the rhinoceros.

  If Frank hadn’t knocked his gun aside. . . ‘

  It looked like she was about to cry. I hastily suggested a cup of tea, and she nodded gratefully, at which point I realised I had no idea how to procure such a thing.

  ‘Let’s go to the cafeteria,’ said Vanni, and I smiled at her gratefully.

  71

  I wondered if the Doctor would come along too – after all, he had been hankering after a cuppa earlier – but he shook his head. ‘You go,’

  he said. ‘I’ll go along with the others, see Eve, sort this all out. See you in a bit.’

  So Frank was led off, a little procession, and then me, Vanni and Celia went the other way.

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  THE I-SPYDER BOOK OF EARTH CREATURES

  EASTERN BLACK RHINOCEROS

  Diceros bicornis michaeli

  Location: Eastern Africa

  The leathery skin of this aggressive herbivore is not black but grey in colour. It has two curving horns on its snout, the longer front one measuring around half to one metre. These are made of tough hair.

  The rhinoceros has three hooves on each foot. Its upper lip curves over the lower one.

  Addendum:

  Last reported sighting: AD 2051.

  Cause of extinction: poaching for their horns and for the bush meat trade.

  I-Spyder points value: 300

  THE I-SPYDER BOOK OF EARTH CREATURES

  Creature

  Points

  Dodo

  800

  Megatherium

  500

  Paradise parrot

  500

  Velociraptor

  250

  Mountain gorilla

  500

  Aye-aye

  900

  Siberian tiger

  600

  Kakapo

  900

  Indefatigable Galapagos mouse

  1500

  Stegosaurus

  500

  Triceratops

  550

  Diplodocus

  600

  Ankylosaurus

  650

  Dimetrodon

  600

  Passenger pigeon

  100

  Thylacine

  250

  Black rhinoceros

  300

  Mervin the missing link

  23500

  Subtotal

  33500

  The cafeteria wasn’t manned, instead being full of vending machines; I guess that’s why it was still open at this time of night.

  Vanni got us three cups of tea and three doughnuts. There was something pretty reassuring about finding out they still have doughnuts in the future. Mine had raspberry jam in the middle.

  I won’t go into what was said, all the recriminations and disbelief interspersed with a bit of weeping here and there. The sort of thing you get when someone’s just split up with their boyfriend, only a bit worse. I expect you can imagine. I could understand her feelings –after all, I can’t think how I’d feel if I discovered the Doctor had been going around chopping up pet dogs or something. But still, it got a bit wearing after a bit – I mean, this girl wasn’t even a friend of mine. But what can you do? I started to hope the Doctor would reappear and whisk me back to the TARDIS – and when you begin to wish you’re facing monsters instead, you know it’s getting bad. But no Doctor.

  Anyway, I guess Vanni was feeling it too, cos after a while she started to yawn. Celia got all apologetic after that; well, it turns out Vanni should have been off-shift hours ago; she was only still up because of all that had been going on. It was Frank and Celia who were supposed to be the Earthers on duty at the moment, and realising that 75

  made Celia go all sobby again.

  And then Celia’s pendant started to beep. ‘Oh no!’ she cried, staring at us both, horrified. ‘What do I do?’ Turns out this was her cue for action, but of course she didn’t have anyone to take action with any more.

  ‘Ask Eve,’ Vanni said, and Celia flicked a switch on the back of her pendant, one that I hadn’t noticed before.

  ‘Eve?’ she said. ‘What do I do? I can’t do it on my own!’

  Eve’s voice crackled out of the tiny device. ‘Celia. One moment, please.’ There was a pause, then: ‘The Doctor suggests that Martha could accompany you for now. He and I are busy, currently. It will give her something to do.’

  Well, I won’t deny I resented that just a little bit. It was so like the Doctor, handing out jobs for you to do while he was off doing goodness-knows-what elsewhere, and I’d really had about as much as I could take of Celia for one night – but, there again, I was feeling a bit fascinated about exactly what the Earthers did, and it might take her mind off Frank’s betrayal for a bit. So I just shrugged and said,

  ‘OK.’

  ‘Good,’ said Eve’s voice. ‘I’ll programme you in. Be ready, time is precious.’ So we sat there, tense and alert, for what seemed like far too long. I was trying in vain to think of something to say, when –thank goodness – my pendant started beeping, just like Celia’s.

  ‘Good luck,’ said Vanni, yawning again and standing up. I think she was pretty relieved too. As she headed off to her bed, I waved goodnight, then, watching Celia’s hand rising to do the same, pressed the pendant’s blue button.

  And would you believe, I was never for a second suspicious that the Doctor had been such a long time, or that I hadn’t heard his voice in the background over the pendant intercom or anything.

  Didn’t cross my mind for a moment.

  I’m really not much of a detective, am I?

  ‘Hello,’ said the Doctor, bounding into Eve’s office ahead of the others,

  ‘solved your mystery for you. Good, eh?’

  76

  She looked up, and there was something in her eyes, something close to excitement. Nervousness and anticipation were there too.

  ‘Good,’ she said, but didn’t seem to be focusing on the matter at hand, didn’t even ask what the solution was. Even when Tommy, Rix and Nadya led in the sullen Frank, her attention was clearly elsewhere.

  Frank was given short shrift. No attempts at justification were allowed, no defence, no condemnations of meddling kids. The security guards were summoned at once, and he was led off to a cell to await a full legal investigation.

  Eve dismissed the remaining three Earthers. ‘None of you are on shift,’ she said. ‘Better get some rest while you can.’ Nodding their thanks, they all retired.

  That left just the Doctor.

  ‘Thank you,’ Eve said at last.

  He shrugged his shoulders. ‘I won’t say “my pleasure”,’ he told her.

  ‘Just because I disliked what Frank was doing more than I dislike what you are doing, doesn’t mean you’re suddenly my favourite person in the universe. In some ways he was almost more admirable: at least he wasn’t trying to pretend he has some great altruistic purpose.’

  ‘And I am pretending?’

  ‘Well, I’d call this place pretty selfish overall. You’re hardly doing it for the animals; you’re just a glorified stamp collector.’ He threw up his arms and spun round, taking in the dull functionality of the office.

  ‘There’s no passion here!’

  Eve half-rose from her seat, then sank back down again. ‘I care!’

  she almost spat at him. ‘This place is everything to me!’

  The Doctor perched himself on the edge of her desk. ‘I believe you,’

  he said. ‘Like I believe getting a British Guiana One Cent Magenta or a Tre Skilling Banco Yellow would mean everything to the stamp collector.’ He leant forward and spoke confidentially. ‘You remember Martha? Course you do, only met her a few hours ago. Well, she and I had a little disagreement over the merits of zoos back on her home planet. And, being exceptionally intelligent and open-minded as I am, I can see both sides of the argument. Lot of people thinking they’re doing a lot of good. Education, cons
ervation, breeding, a bunch of 77

  Noahs in a metaphorical flood. And the thing is, if you were doing something like that here, I might be able to sympathise a bit more.

  Rescuing two of every animal. Breeding. Even cloning. But you’re not.’

  This time Eve did leave her seat. ‘Come with me,’ she said, walking rapidly to the door.

  The Doctor, never knowingly nonplussed, followed her. He wasn’t all that surprised to find that they ended up in the Earth section again.

  ‘You know,’ he remarked, ‘I’m always getting teased about Earth. Keep ending up there, whether I mean to or not. Seems like even when I avoid the planet itself, I can’t escape it.’ He leaned over to examine a minuscule box containing a bright-green beetle.

  Eve kept on walking. ‘Have you ever had a dream?’ she said.

  The Doctor, catching up, waved an airy hand around. ‘Well, there’s this one where I’m being chased by a Slitheen on a rocking horse,’

  he said, ‘but to be honest I don’t sleep very much so it’s no big deal.

  Or are you asking if I have visions of a universe united in peace and harmony?’

  ‘My dream was destroyed,’ Eve told him, ignoring his answer. ‘Destroyed a long time ago. Or. . . maybe not so long after all. It’s hard to say, even for me. My life’s work could never be complete. Or so I thought.’

  ‘That elusive One Cent Magenta?’ the Doctor asked, interested.

  ‘If you like to put it like that. The one planet that eluded me. Destroyed utterly, never to be represented here. The only one, ever.’

  ‘Well, them’s the breaks,’ the Doctor said. ‘You can hardly expect extinctions to happen at your convenience.’ They had just reached the Black Rhinoceros, and he was momentarily distracted. He took out his sonic screwdriver from his pocket, an automatic response to seeing something trapped – then tossed it from hand to hand, not quite sure what to do. ‘Half the human race have the problem that they see animals as objects. The other half have the problem that they anthropomorphise them. Can’t blame those ones so much, though. I look at this animal, and I think “what a noble beast”. Especially with it saving our lives and all that. And yet it’s hardly as if it subscribes to the 78