Pawn of the Billionaire

by Frasier, Kristin

  And again now, my body betrayed me. I couldn’t hate him. I wanted him. I loved him. But I couldn’t have him. I couldn’t even stay with him. I’d taken the coward’s way out and run away.

  Even Maria had wondered where I came from. “You’re too good to be here, you should get a better job, a nicer job. You can talk nice, stand nice.”

  I’d smiled at her, shrugged and carried on. I didn’t want to work where I could be found. But after a week, I was beginning to think maybe I’d have to risk it. If he found me, I’d have to stand up to him, refuse to go back. I could do that, couldn’t I? I shook my head. I didn’t think I could. I went back to help Maria with the rest of the wash, and then walk Betsy back to her chair. Then we’d take Jackson. My back hurt just thinking about it. What might happen if I got injured and couldn’t work here any more?

  * * *

  At ten, I was sent to buy more day-old bread. When I got to the next block, I stood for a moment, breathing in the fresher air. The area might be run-down, but it was infinitely sweeter than The Lodge.

  A moment of weakness, and I pulled out the cheap little phone I’d bought. I hesitated for a moment, then dialed. I held my breath. He answered.

  “Paul, it’s me.”

  “Toni! Are you all right?” The sound of a crash in the room behind him.

  I leaned against the wall. A friendly voice. Someone concerned about me.

  “I’m — okay. Paul, is the app going to be okay? I need to get working on it, don’t I? Can you …”

  “Toni, I’m still working on it. I’ve been told to get it ready for release as soon as possible so you have money available.” His voice was hurried, anxious. “Where are you? Can I come and help? I can bring you money. Have you somewhere to live?” He barely stopped for breath. “We’ve all been really worried about you, Toni. Why did you do it?”

  “I can’t tell you, Paul. But I need money. Look, how long till the app’s ready? I have to know.”

  “Toni. Take money off the bank card. It’ll still work. Lawrence has told me. You can take all the money you need.”

  “I can’t.” I shifted my stance. My back was killing me. “I won’t take his money.”

  There was a silence for a moment.

  “Look, Toni. I’ve got some savings. I’ll come and bring you some.”

  “No, Paul. There’s no reason for you to do that.”

  “Look, Toni. If you insist, you can pay me back when the app’s earning for you. It will, you know. It’s no different to a bank loan.” He sounded different, stronger.

  “Now, where will you meet me? Tell me where and when. I’ll get the cash and meet you there.”

  I hesitated. “You won’t tell?”

  “Look Toni, I can bring you money to set yourself up safely. Just say where and I’ll come right away.”

  Still, I wasn’t sure. Where was the old strong and feisty Toni who could manage things by herself? Where was she now? I’d waited too long. There was a sudden squeal from my phone. I’d run out of credit.

  “Paul?” Silence. I’d fucked things up again, as only I knew how. I sagged back against the wall.

  The sudden ringtone startled me. I fumbled with the phone. Paul’s number. “Sorry. Sorry. I ran out of credit.”

  “That’s okay. At least I could call you back.” His voice was relieved.

  “Look around you, Toni. Tell me the name of the street you’re on. See if there’s a cafe or somewhere you can wait.”

  It felt good in a way that he was taking the decisions for me. With a pang, I wished it was James on the other end of the line.

  “Toni. Tell me the name of the street.”

  I looked around. An anonymous street, in an anonymous city. I took a deep breath. “Raven Street.”

  “Raven Street,” he repeated. “Where’s that, Toni? And is there a cafe where you can wait?”

  “No. No cafe. It’s just houses. I’m going to the baker’s in the next street.” I began walking, remembering I’d been sent to buy bread for the lunches.

  “I have to go. Or they won’t get their food.”

  “Who’re you talking about, Toni? Who won’t have their food?”

  I suddenly realized what I’d done and felt as if I was letting them down, thinking of leaving. “Never mind, it doesn’t matter.” I hung up while he was still speaking, and hurried around to the baker’s, looking around, almost scared he was there already.

  * * *

  The phone call had been a mistake. I knew that as I sat, softening the bread in the soup, before spooning it into Jackson’s slack mouth. If I had to stay here, then I mustn’t think of being back with anyone I knew from my days with James. The afternoon slogged past, and by six in the evening the last of the toiletings were done and all nineteen of them were in bed, cramped three or four to a room. I shook my head in sorrow at their misery and at my inability to help them, and dragged my way to the attic room that Maria and I shared. Tired. So very tired. Would it be so wrong to use the card? I could get a bus to the other end of the city, use the ATM and then get out of there. I could rent a nice place, somewhere I could sleep without my back hurting more than it did in the daytime. But I’d already said Raven Street. I couldn’t let them trace what city I was in from using the bank card.

  I lay staring at the ceiling. James. Each night I lay here, I thought of James. Each night it hurt, didn’t get any easier. I didn’t know how I could live without him. But I couldn’t be with him. Not only had he been going to send me away, he’d lied and betrayed me. Used me. I should hate him, despise him. But I loved him, loved him enough to blame myself for being so gullible. Blamed myself for being the sort of girl he could manipulate and then send away.

  Why had I fallen for it? It was because he’d promised to help me with my app. And he had, I told myself. He’d kept his part of the bargain there.

  So what part of his bargain had he broken? He’d promised to get my app developed — and that was happening. He’d promised to make me a Countess, the wife of a future Earl. And that, he was going to do. He’d deceived me by letting me believe that would mean marrying him, but thinking back, he’d never said so, never encouraged me to research the family. I could feel tears seeping. I didn’t try and wipe them away, but I tried not to make a noise. I didn’t want Maria to know. She often cried in her sleep, but we never talked about it. Whatever tragedies had brought us to sleeping in the same room in this dirty attic room, we didn’t share them.

  I remembered that last morning together. James had been gentleness itself. He’d showed me how he cared. At least I thought he had. Was he a good actor? Did he care and was still going to send me away, because of his sense of family duty? How could I let him do that to me? I shifted uncomfortably on the lumpy mattress and tried to stop thinking about James. Maria was snoring. I shut my eyes, thought of him. Pictured him in my mind, his lean features, his eyes warm and dark as he looked at me as if I was the most beautiful person he’d ever seen. I felt my body heat with need for him, and I pressed my thighs together. I couldn’t bear the thought that I might never see him again, never feel his cock sliding deep within me, filling me, drawing me to unimaginable heights.

  Toni

  My eyes felt glued together as Maria called my name.

  “Come on, Toni, it’s time to get up.”

  I groaned and rolled over, stiff and aching. Another day at the Lodge. Day eight. Or was it nine? They were blurring into one another. I didn’t even know what day of the week it was. They were all the same.

  I pushed myself to sit on the side of the bed, and tried to stretch out the kinks in my back. How I longed for the deep, warm sheets and comforter at James’. No. I pushed the thought away. This was my life now. But I couldn’t stay here. And if I was going to improve my life, I had to use my identity. And that meant facing James. I had to do it soon, before my back gave out. Maria was bent over the basin, a trickle of cold water running.

  I pushed myself to my feet and hobbled to the bathroom. I�
��d soon be able to move faster, but it took a while to get moving in the mornings.

  “You won’t be able to stay here.” Maria was watching me move as I came back into the bedroom and reached for my clothes. “Your back, it is not strong.”

  “I think you’re right.” I sighed. “I’m sorry, though.”

  “It is good.” Maria tossed off the thought of managing alone until someone else turned up. “It is not for everyone, this work.”

  She came up to me and poked her finger into my chest. “You are a good person. You work hard and do your best. You deserve good things.”

  I smiled through a mist. Maria was a diamond. I was glad I’d met her, her confidence in me made me feel better.

  “Thanks Maria. But we’d better get on with getting everyone up.”

  * * *

  The day drudged along like the others. At ten, I went to get the bread again.

  “But it’s your turn, Maria.”

  She shook her head at me. “You need to walk, stretch that back.” She smiled. “I will go in the garden this afternoon. It is okay.”

  I didn’t argue, and felt better as I left the big old house. I walked up the street towards the other end, glad that it was right at the end. I needed to stretch my legs. I noticed a man leaning against a wall by the bus stop. That was strange. Most of the buses went straight along at the top, and there was only one an hour that came down Raven Street. He looked fit enough to walk. Still, none of my business.

  I wondered if Paul might try and call, as it was the same time as yesterday. I didn’t have any credit, so I’d have to wait on him.

  I took my time, and then I saw the bus stop man walking briskly past me on the other side of the street. He’d obviously decided not to wait.

  At the end, I turned right and went into the baker’s. Meg greeted me cheerfully and had the discounted day-old loaves ready.

  “Thanks.” I paid for them and carefully slotted the four into the bag. I straightened up painfully, wishing I could afford both the time and the money to see a physical therapist. Meg watched me sympathetically.

  “You’re gonna ruin your back if you stay there any longer. You know that.”

  I nodded. “I know. I don’t know how Maria has been there so long.”

  “She has a strong back and a good lifting method.” She put her hands on her hips and gave me a stern look. “You mustn’t worry about them. There’s never a problem about finding someone else to work there.”

  I felt sad. But it was good advice.

  “Thanks, Meg. I’d miss you all though.”

  “And we’ll miss you, honey. But you gotta do what’s right for you.”

  “I know.” I turned to go, and cannoned into a man standing close behind me.

  “Sorry.” My legs turned to mush. “James!”

  His hand shot out to support me. I didn’t know whether to throw myself in his arms or slap his face, and his expression told me he wasn’t sure what I’d do either.

  But it was the way he looked that stopped me dead. He looked awful. Gaunt, he couldn’t have eaten for days, his pallor and the deep lines etched around his eyes told me what he’d been through. A pang shot through me, and then anger.

  “Let go of me!” I wrenched my arm from his grasp. I turned to go out of the shop, knowing he’d follow me.

  “Toni!” Meg called urgently after me. “You all right honey? D’you need Marshall to walk back with you?” She gave James a look of deep loathing.

  I smiled at her. “No. Thanks for looking out for me, Meg. I can sort this.”

  Meg nodded, her eyes narrowed in suspicion at James. I tried not to laugh. I reminded myself I was angry with him. As I left the shop and turned left again, he caught up with me.

  “Toni. Please talk to me.”

  I walked on, turned left into Raven Street again. There was the Lodge, tiny-looking from here, right at the end. Here was James, also needing me. I stopped, and sighed.

  “Do we have anything to say to each other, James?”

  His jaw was tight. “I think we do. I have an apology for you, and you might have something to say to me. And judging by what I heard you saying back there, you might need to see a doctor and leave that job. Permanent back pain is not the way to live the rest of your life.”

  He was right, but I didn’t have to like him barging in and saying it.

  “And they need the bread for their lunch and someone to feed them.”

  He sighed. “You take responsibility for everyone, don’t you, Toni?” Reaching for his notecase, he peeled off two fifty dollar bills.

  “The owners will just have to help the other girl out for a bit. This will sweeten the blow, I don’t doubt. I’ll get someone to take the bread and the money and say that you’re having a few hours off.” He looked at me, his eyes shadowed. “Please, Toni.”

  I was undone. “All right.”

  His voice deepened. “Thank you.” He looked around. A man came forward, took the bread and the money and went off after some brief instructions.

  James hesitated. “The cafe round the corner has very hard chairs. Could we find a hotel with a more comfortable seat for you? I’ll bring you back when you say.”

  I looked at him. He’d never broken his promises for little things like that, it was just the big things.

  “Okay.”

  “Thank you,” he said again and beckoned. A car slid around the corner and drew up next to us. It wasn’t Steve driving, but then it was a hired car, I supposed.

  * * *

  I didn’t talk in the car, and stared out of the window. I needed to think what I was going to say when we had the conversation. I knew it would be difficult. I was so close to just going back, accepting any crumb of attention he offered. But I couldn’t live with myself if I did that. My pride hadn’t got me anywhere, though. One thing for certain, I wouldn’t go illegal working again. There was no way out from that if one didn’t want to be found. No, I had to be strong, make sure I could get work that allowed me self-respect and the chance to achieve. And that meant not being followed. Making the break without looking over my shoulder all the time.

  The car drew up outside a hotel, and James helped me out, his eyes watching the way I moved. I bit my lip and tried to walk normally. Inside, James took me into the lounge, and found a quiet corner with a large, squashy sofa. It looked divine. I’d never be able to get out of it.

  The manager hurried up, looking distastefully at me. I did look a bit of a wreck, I supposed, but he got nowhere near me. James was between us.

  “Coffee. And cakes. Quickly, man.” And the sheer force of his presence had the man backing away fast.

  The sheer force of his presence had me all gooey too. I suppressed a grin and sat in the armchair rather than the sofa. It might be a public lounge, but I couldn’t trust myself not to fall into his arms otherwise. When James turned and saw where I’d sat, he ghosted a smile.

  “I deserve that.” And he sat on the sofa, leaning towards me. There was silence. He looked so tired. He rubbed his hands down his face.

  “I’m sorry, Toni. Whatever I did or said or you heard, I’m sorry. I wouldn’t ever have wanted you in the position you’ve been in this last ten days.”

  I wasn’t sure how to answer. He looked so wretched, all I wanted to do was throw myself in his arms and promise not to cause him any trouble ever again. But I had to stop myself. He didn’t love me. I’d heard him. He was going to give me away to his brother. But if that was true, then why did he look so wretched? He had enough money to forget me and go and find another girl. This must be due to something else.

  “Paul told you where I was.”

  He bowed his head. “I think Paul would have told me. He’s been worried too. But we were with him when you rang yesterday.” He smiled. “I knocked the chair over when I jumped up. We hoped you hadn’t heard it.”

  “Oh. I heard it, didn’t realize what it was.”

  He lifted his head and waited, while the coffee tray w
as set down on the table in front of us. He nodded his thanks and the waiter left us.

  “I don’t think you realize how close we were to finding you. Ever since we knew you’d flown to New Orleans, we’ve been staying and combing the city. But we started the wrong end, and have been searching the wrong wards.” He gave a faint smile. “But when you said Raven Street, we had a good start.”

  I shrugged. “I didn’t know you knew I was in New Orleans.”

  He looked almost ashamed. “I’m sorry, I had to know you were okay. I needed to find you.” His eyes drilled into me. “And you’re not okay, are you?”

  I dropped my eyes. “It’s none of your business, really. Not now.”

  “Lawrence thinks you overheard me talking to my father.” There was pain in his voice.

  “Yes. You’re giving me away. You were just having a bit of fun with me, and then you were going to send me away to your brother.” I had to stop, swallow hard. “You led me on, you let me start to l— to care about you, and you never said!”

  The lines in his face deepened. “I’m ashamed that I didn’t tell you originally. And I can’t ever take that back now.” He glanced up. “Did you hear the end of the conversation?”

  I shook my head. “I had to get out, and try and get far enough away that you’d never find me.”

  “Then you didn’t hear me telling him that I wasn’t going to fulfill our agreement? That I wasn’t going to ask you to marry Edward? You didn’t hear me telling him that I care about you too much to ever let you go, and that I wanted you for my own?”

  I looked down. This was what I wanted to hear, wasn’t it? But I thought that morning — it seemed so long ago now. I’d thought that morning he’d showed me he cared, and then he was laughing on the phone about me and Edward. It was too confusing, the sense of betrayal had dug in deep. I shook my head.

  “You were laughing as you talked.”

  His eyes looked inward. “Was I? God, I can’t remember. Too much has gone on. I …” He sat forward again.