He spoke without facing her. “I signed the recruitment papers today. There’s no turning back now. I have to do this, Allie. It’s what I was meant to do.” He finally turned to meet her eyes, and what he saw sent his heart plummeting to the floor.
Allsún’s eyes were clouded; she was teetering dangerously on the edge of tears. She bit her lower lip. “You joined the Execution Underground without telling me?”
His shoulders fell. Why did she have to put such a negative spin on it? “I am telling you. I’m telling you now. It’s not like I’ve kept it a secret from you.”
She rolled her eyes and let out a forced laugh. “Ha! Oh, yeah, you haven’t kept it a secret from me. That’s for sure. You just neglected to tell me, when I left for work this morning and told you I’d be going shopping with Linda afterward, that in the meantime you’d be joining an international covert organization that would change our life and our relationship forever. No, you weren’t keeping secrets.”
David reached for her hand, but she pulled it back. “Allie, I didn’t know earlier today, okay? Not for sure. You’ve known I’ve been thinking about this the past few months, and then this morning, after you’d left for work, I finally made up my mind.”
“Yeah, I knew you were considering it—and you knew I didn’t approve. What happened to my say in the matter? If we’re going to be married, then I need to be included in any major life decisions you make.” The tears finally brimmed over and rolled down her cheeks.
He imagined his heart shriveling into a crinkled raisin. It always killed him when she cried. Sure, they didn’t fight a lot, but like all couples, they butted heads occasionally. And any time those tears came, especially when he knew they were because of him, he could barely take it. “Allie, please don’t cry. I thought you would understand my decision. I made a choice, and I hoped you would support it.” He walked around the island toward her, but she stepped back, keeping the distance between them.
“You’ve made your choice, all right. You chose your own need to fulfill your fucking hero complex and save the damn world over the woman you supposedly love.”
“Supposedly? What do you mean ‘supposedly’? Of course I love you.”
She glared at him, the look in her eyes accusing and full of pain. “Do you? Could have fooled me. Last time I checked, if you love someone you include them in major decisions that affect both of you, you’re honest and you consider their needs, not ignore them.”
“Allsún, would you please listen to me?”
“No, you listen, David Jonathan Matthew Aronowitz. You know how much I want a family with you, how much I’ve always wanted a family with you. Either you call up the Execution Underground right now and tell them to shove it, or you suck it up and agree to let us have a normal life together—one filled with white picket fences and happy babies.”
David shook his head. “Allsún, you know I can’t do that. I can’t go back on my word to the Execution Underground now, and I won’t raise a child while I’m working in such a dangerous profession. I won’t put my children—our children—in jeopardy, and if that means not having any, then so be it.”
“So you can’t go back on your word to the Execution Underground but you can go back on your word to me?”
“Allsún—”
“You’re telling me that your promise to them is worth more than the promise you made to me when you gave me this ring?” She held up her hand, shoving the ring on her finger into his face.
“Gorgeous—”
“No!” Allsún yelled. “Don’t you ‘gorgeous’ me. I want children, David. I want a big happy family and I always have, and if you won’t give that to me, then...” Her voice trailed off, as if she wasn’t sure what she would do then.
As much as he wanted to give in and make her happy, he knew that it was out of the question. Aside from their kids being in constant danger, there was no way he could be home with her 24/7, and being pregnant would make her vulnerable. His heart ached. How could she not see that he wanted all those things, too? But they were also things he knew he couldn’t have. “You know I can’t, Allsún.”
She met his gaze. The look in her eyes was full of a mixture of unadulterated rage and pain. The emotional punch to his gut was staggering. “It’s not that you can’t, David. You won’t. You call me selfish for wanting to live a happy life, yet you’re willing to sacrifice the happiness of the ones you love all so you can save the world.”
She turned on her heel and walked toward the door. He started to follow her, but she raised her hand to stop him. “Don’t bother,” she said.
His heart shattered like a glass mirror someone had taken a sledgehammer to as she slipped her engagement ring off her finger. She placed it on the side table near the doorway, her back still facing him. “To them you may be a hero, but to me, you’re just the man who broke my heart.”
Without another word, she opened the door and walked out of his life.
CHAPTER NINE
DAVID CLOSED HIS eyes and let out a long sigh as he tried to stop the barrage of painful memories flooding his mind. He wasn’t sure how much more he could take. He closed the book he’d been attempting to read and dropped it on to the coffee table with an audible thud. Normally, especially after a shitty night’s work, he could easily fall into one of the stories of romance and happily-ever-after he enjoyed reading, but now, with Allsún in the other room, all the book did was remind him of exactly what he was missing out on, the very demons he attempted to keep at bay by reading romances in the first place.
Damn. Lying on that couch with all the shit he had on his mind was about as fun as taking a buck-naked ride on a seriously pissed-off bronco with a cattle prod aimed straight for the balls, and he didn’t mean the bronco’s.
David blamed himself. For all of it. It was his fault she’d ended up hideously tortured and in the hospital. If he hadn’t been such a jerk the night they broke up, maybe she wouldn’t have left, and if she’d never left, then he would’ve been able to protect her better. And she would still be his. He’d been so foolish back then. So caught up in his own stupid hero complex and desire to save people that he hadn’t even realized he was pushing away the only woman who mattered to him, denying her the life she wanted. All of it was his fault. Once she’d been taken by Robert, if he’d just gotten to her sooner, if he hadn’t been so weak, babying his leg, maybe she would be fine by now. Back to normal. Maybe she wouldn’t be in danger. Because now, with the demons knowing there was still someone of Fae blood left outside the Isle, they wouldn’t leave her alone until she was dead.
Add that to the shit-storm he’d found in that family’s basement and he hadn’t thought the night could get any worse. But he’d been wrong. Knowing Allsún was lying in his bed, the same bed where they used to make love, made everything far, far worse. All he could hope was that tomorrow the samples he’d sent to Headquarters turned up something he could use, something that could lead him to the demon that had murdered that poor family and that also gave him some clue as to how to protect Allsún from all the demons that were about to start knocking down doors to get to her.
Silence deafened him as he lay on the couch, staring at the ceiling. Was she lying awake reliving the past, too, or had she gone straight to sleep in there? Not that he could blame her. Some nights he came home and crashed when the hunt had gone badly; other times, he found himself unable to sleep at all. He wasn’t sure which was worse: the racing thoughts or the nightmares about the atrocities he saw on a regular basis.
“Did you find something to read?” He said the words just loudly enough that she could hear him from the other room, but hopefully not loudly enough to wake her if she was asleep.
“Uh, yeah. I did. Thanks,” she called back to him. From the clear sound of her voice, she was still very much awake. A lull of silence passed before her voice came from the bedroom again
. “Hey, David.”
“Yeah?”
She paused for a second before continuing. “I lied to you.”
He frowned. He couldn’t imagine what she could possibly have lied to him about. Their conversations since she’d shown up at the crime scene had been pretty straightforward. “About what?”
He heard her sigh. “My last relationship wasn’t really all that great, even though I wanted it to be.”
David blinked several times, not quite certain what to say. Holy fuck, was the universe giving him a sign? If not, this had to be some sort of incredibly cruel joke. Because there were no ifs, ands or buts about it—he wanted to get back together with Allsún and would jump at any chance to hold her in his arms again. But he hadn’t expected this. This was practically an open invitation to inquire further into her love life, to show her that he could be just as loving and caring toward her as he’d always been, that he wanted her in any capacity he could have her. He wanted to say to her then that he still loved her and she didn’t need any other man in her life, because he could be everything she needed and more. Instead, all he could manage was, “Why are you telling me this?”
He swung his long legs over the side of the couch, stood and rounded the corner into the bedroom. Allsún was sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning back and using her arms to support her weight on top of the white-and-black comforter.
“I don’t know. I guess because at one point you were my best friend, and I hoped that maybe we could still talk that way, you know?”
He crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame. “Yeah, sure. So what exactly weren’t you happy with about that guy?” Though he knew it wouldn’t be her answer, deep down he prayed she would say, “Because he wasn’t you.”
She shrugged. “It’s kind of hard to put my finger on.”
He cracked a grin. Oh, she’d set that one up perfectly for him. “If it’s so small that it’s hard to put your finger on, he might want to see a plastic surgeon.”
She shot him a glare, but it quickly faded into a grin. “You know that’s not what I meant.”
He chuckled. “Come on. It was a little bit funny.”
Her grin widened slightly, but she didn’t respond.
“From the sound of it, the relationship lasted awhile. If you weren’t happy, why not end it right off the bat?” he asked.
“I don’t know. I guess I didn’t want to be lonely, or maybe I felt like he was someone I should love, but for some reason I just didn’t.” She patted the spot beside her, inviting him to sit down.
He crossed the room and sat down next to her. “There’s no ‘should’ about love. You either love someone or you don’t. Either way, you can’t blame yourself for feeling the way you did. Love isn’t an emotion we can control.”
“I know that, but it’s just...everything about this guy was what I always thought I wanted in a man, but once I had it, I realized it wasn’t what I wanted after all.”
“People are allowed to change their minds. No one says you have to always want the same thing. We change over time. We grow as people. We’re changing every minute. Change isn’t something you should fear.”
“It’s not that I fear it. I guess I’ve just found that I want something I know isn’t very good for me, and I’ve already made a lot of decisions I’ve regretted over the years.”
He gave a half laugh. “Unless its heroin you’re wanting or some other thing that inevitably leads to self-destruction, I think that what you want will always be what’s best.”
She glanced in his direction. “You’re wrong. It would be self-destructive. I know that from experience.”
“In that case, I guess it’s something you should avoid.”
“I suppose so.”
“You going to elaborate or keep being cryptic?” He lifted his hand and debated placing it on her shoulder, then thought better of it. He didn’t want to make her uncomfortable or make her feel as if he was putting the moves on her when she was vulnerable, even though God knew that was what he wanted. Anything that would get her back. Hell, if he’d been the type of guy who thought with his dick, he would have played every card in his deck by now, courtesy of the near perpetual hard-on she always gave him. Damn, he wanted her, and there was nothing but the David Bowie T-shirt she’d slipped into between him and every bit of flesh he wanted to caress.
She turned toward him. “Do you remember when we first met?” she said, changing the subject.
He smirked. “I suppose it’s a cliché if I say ‘Of course I remember,’ but, yeah, I do. What about it?”
She shrugged and smoothed the edge of the old T-shirt over her knees. “I don’t know. The thought popped into my mind. I don’t think I ever thanked you for that.”
He chuckled. “No need to thank me. That kid deserved to be socked in the face. Little douchebag.”
“He’d been picking on me for weeks, you know. It was such a relief for him to leave me alone.” She allowed herself to fall back on to the bed, stretching her arms out beside her. “I had a rough time in school in general.”
He lay down beside her and rolled on to his side, so he could see her face, her perfect pink lips, her delicate cheekbones, those big emerald eyes that he could stare into for days. “I know you did.”
She looked toward him. “The worst was Lindie, though.”
He frowned at the mention of his ex-girlfriend, a girl he’d dated in high school and always regretted. “I thought she was only a bitch to you that one time.”
Allsún shook her head. “Not by a long shot. She tortured me the entire time you guys were dating. I just never had the heart to tell you.” She turned away again and stared at the ceiling. “I know you loved her.”
He propped himself on one elbow, so she could see the confused expression on his face. “What are you talking about? I didn’t love her.”
“Then why were you with her for so long?”
He chuckled. “Allsún, I was sixteen and a jock. What do you think I was with her for? I wanted to get in her pants.”
Allsún blushed. “Oh. I just always thought you felt the same way about her as you did me.”
“No way. I was never that way with you.”
Her mouth fell open, and she gaped at him. A sheen filled her eyes, and he could have sworn she was about to cry. A pang hit him in the heart. It physically pained him every time he saw her tears. He scrambled to amend what he’d said. “What I mean to say is that our relationship was about more than my teenage sex drive. You were my best friend, and I was crazy in love with you. Don’t get me wrong, though. I definitely wanted you.”
I still want you. I miss you every day. Damn, how he wanted to tell her that.
She swiped quickly at her eyes. “It sure did take us a long time to get around to that, though.”
“I didn’t want to rush you into anything you weren’t ready for.”
“That probably wasn’t much fun for you, was it?”
Without thinking, he reached over and tipped her chin toward him, guiding her to meet his gaze. “Can I be honest with you?”
She nodded.
“The wait was awful, but so worth it in the end. Before we finally made love, though, I wouldn’t have been surprised if I sprouted hair on my palms.”
She laughed hysterically, a laugh so hard she was sure her stomach muscles would ache afterward. He chuckled along with her as she gasped for air. Tears poured down her face as she fought to control herself, clutching at her stomach to hold herself together.
David grinned from ear to ear. “Totally worth it, though.”
As her laughter calmed, she turned toward him. The tension in her body had visibly relaxed. He loved making her laugh. It was always one of his favorite things to do.
“We did have a phenomenal sex life,” she said.
A rosy blush blossomed across her cheeks. Gorgeous.
“What do you mean, don’t tempt you?”
He ran a hand over his buzzed hair. Man, he needed to get hold of himself. “You know exactly what I mean. Don’t tempt me into asking if we can be ‘friends with benefits.’”
She laughed. “You would want that?”
He raised a brow. “Do you even need to ask?”
She turned away from him. “I didn’t know.”
He didn’t believe that for a second. How could she not know that he still wanted her? It was so obvious. At least he’d always thought so. He hadn’t been the one to break things off. She had. “It’s not like we broke up because the attraction went away. You don’t spend that long sharing a bed with someone only to all of a sudden stop wanting them. Not unless you suddenly start wanting someone else. And as I already told you, I’m not with anyone else.”
She shook her head, still refusing to look at him. “I don’t know what to say to that.”
“You don’t have to say anything.” He paused, not certain whether to go ahead and ask what he wanted to know. He knew it wasn’t really any of his business, but his curiosity got the better of him. He cleared his throat. “So...how was the ex in bed?”
Allie’s head snapped toward him, and she pegged him with an annoyed look. “It’s none of your damn business.”
He knew he shouldn’t have asked, but he couldn’t help but wonder. “Sorry. I’m not trying to be crude, but at one point the happiness of your pussy was my business. Old habits die hard.”
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