by Amanda Heath
The sun shines in my eyes but I don’t care. That’s why I don’t notice that Victor and Ashley are getting out of Vic’s car. Ashley beams at me waving her hand but Annabella crashes out of the house then. “Here’s your shit, Pierce! You are not welcome in this house anymore! And you are fucking wrong! I’ll find a real man and I won’t be lonely anymore! You are a loser and everyone is going to know it now!” She screeches all this from the front door, my bag flying out into the front yard. My clothes fly in every direction but I don’t mind. They are just clothes. No, I’m smiling now because she just dug herself even deeper. I can tell when it dawns on her, her eyes taking in Ash and Vic standing by Vic’s car.
I turn away from the crazy bitch and stroll to my car. I don’t want to speak to anyone. Mostly Ash, because she’ll want to comfort me or some shit, and I can’t handle that right now. I don’t think I could handle any warm feelings right now.
I get into my car and peel out of the driveway, not meeting my sister’s eyes. She’s probably really confused right now, but there is nothing I can do about it.
When I get a block away my phone starts ringing but I don’t even look at it. I just drive.
About three hours later, Van is the one calling my phone. I’ve been looking at it for the past hour hoping Ella would call me; tell me she made a mistake; as sad as that is to admit. I pick it up but don’t speak. I think at this point he has every right to smack me down. I wait, but nothing happens.
“Court…I’m worried about you bro,” Van whispers into the phone. I close my eyes and fight back tears. My older brother was once my best friend. He didn’t deserve what I put him through.
“Why aren’t you yelling at me?” I ask, swallowing hard.
Van is silent for a moment but then he sighs. “Because you aren’t in a place right now for me to yell at you. Ashley called me and says they can’t find you. Please tell me you’re okay.”
Old scars written across my heart rip open and bleed. When I was seven years old, my father beat the ever-loving shit out of me. But he did this after beating the ever-loving shit out of my mom. Mom was in the hospital a lot longer than me. I just had a broken arm and a few cracked ribs. She had to have her woman parts taken out, reconstructive surgery on her face and surgery to have a metal rod put in her leg where my father destroyed most of the bone.
When I got out of the hospital I felt like a complete and total failure. I couldn’t save my mom from all that pain. Ash, Van and I were staying with Uncle Grayson (Wes’s dad) but I snuck out the first night. I wanted to climb a tree and hide away forever, but I couldn’t. Not with my arm broken and my ribs cracked. Another thing I couldn’t stop my father from doing. I couldn’t protect my sweet, loving, beautiful mother and I couldn’t save myself.
I had tried to get in-between them, and it worked, because my father started working me over so mom could get to the phone. I didn’t realize at the time, but I did save our lives. If I hadn’t gotten in front of him, he would have killed her and I would never have thought to call 911.
I didn’t see that though. Not then, with my body broken in places and my mother in the hospital for a long period of time. So I started walking around. Then I found a busy intersection and I wanted to walk in front of those cars and end my regret. I had to get it out of me. It wouldn’t leave me alone. Nothing could help me.
I didn’t realize that someone was there. Someone who pulled me back before I could become roadkill. That person called the police and before long I was returned to my aunt and uncle. Enter years of therapy because I was seven and tried to kill myself. No one looked at me the same. Well, my mother, aunt and uncle didn’t. Wes, Van, Ash and Annabella didn’t know any better. Annabella and Van didn’t know until later. When I told them. Wes still doesn’t know and I hope she never figures it out. Ash and Victor might know. I wouldn’t put it past Van to tell Ash who would tell Victor. Neither has brought it up to me.
I sigh into the phone. “I’m not going to off myself,” I state before starting my car. I parked outside of Wes’s favorite Barnes & Noble, trying to clear my head.
“I didn’t say you were, bro. Whether I want to admit it or not, you always had a stronger connection with Anna.” He pauses and I know he’s wiping a palm across his face. “I don’t even know what she was doing with me. She always seemed to want to be with you. Always.”
I’ve spent the majority of my life surrounded by Annabella Gage, wanting her, loving her. This unbearable pain isn’t something I want to deal with. One tear escapes down my face and I feel like a pussy. “Yeah, well, she proved once and for all she didn’t really want either of us.” I know he can hear the tears in my voice.
“Pierce…” My brother says softly and it’s more than I can take.
“I gotta go.” Then I disconnect the call.
My phone starts ringing again but I don’t pay it any mind. I also ignore the tears rolling down my face. It’s something I’ve hated about myself my entire life. I cry like a fucking girl whenever the emotions are too much for me. That’s why most of the time I’m stone cold and emotionless. It’s better not to feel than feel this. It’s overwhelming and frustrating because there is nothing I can do. I couldn’t stop Annabella from breaking my heart and I couldn’t stop her from breaking Van’s, even though I had something to do with that.
I pull out of the parking lot of the Barnes & Noble. It’s only a few blocks from where I want to go, where I want to be. The tears still stream down my face no matter how much I try to stop them.
I drive around the suburb until I see Wes’s Kia parked outside Royal Sanders’s house. It’s dark now and I wish it was still light. I can hide from things in the light. In the dark they come out at me, taking the breath from my lungs and shredding my heart.
I palm my phone in my hand but I don’t make a call because my eyes only see Annabella. I see her standing before me, emotionless and ripping my heart out of my chest. Her words beating around in my head, making me crazy.
Then I become even more of a pussy and start sobbing. I finally call Wes, because she’ll be there for me. No matter what I’ve done to her; no matter what I haven’t done for her, she’ll be the rock I need to lean on. At least that’s what I hope.
“Hello?”
Wesley’s voice sounds strained but I don’t think about that. I just think about Annabella walking away from me. Then I sob out, “She left.”
“Where are you?” she whispers. “Please.”
“In Royal’s driveway.” I sob again but I don’t get a reply because she hung up.
She finds me in my car five minutes later. She climbs in the passenger side and just sits there. I don’t speak but I do grab her hand. I need something to anchor me here; something to stop this mess inside my head. Ten minutes pass before Wes speaks. “Ash is really worried about you.”
I laugh through my tears. “Believe it or not, Van is worried about me, too. I stole his girlfriend and he’s worried about me.”
“He’s called you?” she asks, her voice surprised.
I nod and then I lose it. “Yeah, and I answered because I wanted to hear him yell at me. I wanted to hear him beat me down. It’s what I deserve.” Then I wrench my hand out of hers and start punching the steering wheel. “That bitch! That fucking bitch! She knew what she was doing! She wanted us to fucking hate each other and fight over her! I told that whore I loved her!” I stop punching the wheel only to lay my head against it. I must have broken the horn because it blares loudly in my ear. “I love her. Why do I love a person like that? She told Van when she broke up with him that she was going to go after me. And I fell right into her trap. Then she told me she couldn’t ever love me. I was a weak person and she needed a real man. Then she kicked me out of her house. She didn’t even care, Wesley. She just stood there; no emotion whatsoever. She was so cold.”
“I don’t know why, Pierce. I just knew she was going to do this. If I had known she broke up with Van, then I would have warned you,” Wes whispers
, rubbing my back.
“HA! Shows what you know! We’ve been fucking since you started dating Royal. She wouldn’t leave Van. And I didn’t care because I wanted her so much! I’m so fucked up.” Which is all true, something I didn’t want her to ever know. She would be disappointed in me. Out of everyone in my life, the one person who means the most, is Wesley. She means more than even Annabella. I don’t know how that happened but I know it’s a good thing. Even after all the shit I put Wesley through, she’s still here. She’ll always be here. I shouldn’t have messed with that loyalty after Trey died. I should have stuck to her like glue. Maybe she wouldn’t have ended up in that hospital months ago. Or that night she found the ring. That was a bad night for me and for everyone.
A new tension enters the car and I know it’s Wes’s rage. See what I mean? Even when I don’t deserve it, she’s willing to get that mad on my behalf. But, then again, Annabella is supposed to be her best friend and she threw Wes under the bus when Trey died.
“You’ll get through this. Whether you want to believe it or not, you’re strong. You’ve lived through worse and I know it hurts now, but one day she’ll be a bad memory.” I watch her text something on her phone and I assume she’s getting Ash down here. I saw Vic’s Jeep parked behind Wes’s Kia.
Not long after, Royal walks out of the house. Wes calmly climbs out of the car and runs into Royal’s outstretched arms. “Are you okay, Duchess?” he asks, kissing the top of her head.
“I’ll be okay as long as I’m in your arms,” she tells him. “Though I can’t say the same for Annabella. She’s a dead woman walking.”
Their voices drift through my open window. My Wes, who wouldn’t hurt a fly, plotting in her head how to end Annabella. This thought is funny, but I don’t laugh. It dries up my tears though.
Ashley walks out of the house next. Her long black hair flows around her pale face and I want to smile at the sight of her. But I don’t, because Victor walks out behind her. He’s always behind her. It’s really hard to not like the guy considering how much he loves my sister.
Ash’s blue eyes start to tear up when she sees me. “Courtney, baby,” she whispers, reaching up her hand and cupping my cheek. Ashley is tall, but not taller than me. Not many people are taller than me.
“I’m fine, Ash,” I tell her, even though it’s a really big lie.
Her face was soft but now it turns hard. “Don’t lie to me. You’re not fine.” She wraps her arms around my neck. “I don’t know what Anna is playing at but she’s in for a world of trouble once I get home. I have a few choice words to say to her.” She squeezes me hard and turns her head toward Victor. “I know she’s your baby sister, but I’m not going to keep my mouth shut about this one.”
My eyes meet Victor’s and I see the same rage I saw in Wes’s. If he’s that mad at his sister, then I feel bad for Annabella. Okay, maybe I don’t. And I’m assuming Annabella locked herself away if my sister didn’t get to talk to her before coming here.
“Ash, it’s getting late. Why don’t you two get home? I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?” I don’t care how late it is, I just want to be alone. I’m tired of people being worried about me. I’m definitely tired of everyone being mad.
Ash looks hurt for a second but it’s just a flash. “Okay, baby. I’ll let you have time with your friends.” I blink a few times because the only person here who is my friend, is Wes.
I hear a snort behind Victor and notice Rachel Sanders standing there. I’ve seen her in the halls and I’ve even had classes with her. I’ve never spoken directly to her but that doesn’t mean I don’t know that she’s just as much a bitch as Annabella.
“Rach, seriously?” Paisley, who I didn’t notice either, asks from behind Royal. Channing has his arm wrapped around her shoulders and looks at Rachel with humor in his eyes. He would think it’s funny. Hell, I think it’s funny, but that’s neither here nor there.
“What? It’s funny,” Rachel says, flipping her hand up in the air, waving Paisley off. See? Bitch.
Wait…Channing is here. Which means… “Ash? How are you doing?” I question, my eyes on Channing.
Ashley looks over at Channing and faintly smiles. “Where my brothers are concerned, I’m just fine.” Then she kisses my cheek and takes Victor’s outstretched hand. They walk to his Jeep and climb inside. I watch them back out and leave, dreading what’s about to happen.
“Okay. This just got awkward,” Rachel says, putting a hand on her hip.
“Rachel!” Wesley and Paisley exclaim at the same time.
Her features turn shocked and she puts a hand on her chest. Her fingers are long and dainty, the nails painted black with a white skull and crossbones sticker in the middle of each nail. That’s kind of hot. “It’s true. I don’t know how we are all standing here right now. I know Pierce and Annabella hung out with us, but it wasn’t much. Now we got stuck with emo Pierce. At least Annabella was nasty, which made things fun.”
Channing snorts, Royal yells, “Shut it!”, Wesley walks over and smacks her on the arm and Paisley smacks Channing. I just stand there staring at Rachel. I take in her matching toenails in her black peep toe heels and make my way up her long shapely legs covered in black skinny jeans. Dirty thoughts start working their way into my head but not before I see the wide hips, flat stomach and more-than-a-handful tits because her black shirt is skin tight and leaves nothing to the imagination. Her long neck is perfect for licks and nibbles and that’s not even the half of it. That face, with her cupid’s bow lips, long straight thin nose, high, arched brows the same shade as her hair, and brown eyes so warm I could drink them like hot cocoa. Her long brown hair is down, with a little bit of wave and it frames her face, making the perfect window.
My fingers start tingling because I want to run them through that hair and tug it a little, moving her face to just the right angle for a kiss.
Wesley snaps her fingers in my face and I blink. “You okay?”
“No.” And I’m not, because this is one of those moments I find I might be in a lot more trouble than I thought.
I guess my way of coping is trying to get on top of someone else. And if that person is Rachel Sanders, then my ass is grass.
Chapter Three
That night I went to bed with the weight of the entire world on my shoulders. I left shortly after Ashley and Victor¸ even though Wes didn’t want me to. I don’t fit into that world. I’ve done too much damage to Channing to even be accepted into that group. Yeah I’ve hung out with them since Wes got with Royal, but that’s different than being considered into their group.
Annabella is all I think about. I see her walking away from me constantly and I can’t take much more of it. I saw that girl every day of my life and I knew I was going to see her every day. Sometimes that’s the only thing that got me out of bed. She was my everything and now I don’t even have that.
I have nothing.
I’ve spent my life making enemies more than I made friends. I started this life with Wesley and Annabella; I didn’t ever need anyone else. They were it for me. My girls…and now Annabella’s gone and Wesley has Royal. I’ve discovered over the past three months that Wes doesn’t need me anymore.
I turned eighteen last November and my mom hasn’t been around much since then. I think she has a new boyfriend she doesn’t want me to know about. As long as he’s good to her, I don’t care. She doesn’t need a man like my father, and if this new one is anything like him, I’m packing her up and moving her to South Africa. Though she might not even have a boyfriend. All her kids are of age now, what’s the point of hanging around at home.
Van was always a fixture in my life. He’s gone for good now. I don’t care what he says on the phone; I betrayed him and there is no way he can forgive that. I wouldn’t forgive me for something like that. Most importantly, it’s about Annabella and that right there is something to never forgive me for. She was just as much his as she was mine. It just took me awhile to figure that out.
&nbs
p; The way my house is built on my street, my bedroom is right next to the driveway. So when lights flash through my blinds and a door slams a few minutes later, I just assume it’s my mom. I listen for her to come in the front door or the door in the kitchen that leads to the garage, but nothing comes.
I have overwhelming body heat when I sleep, so I generally sleep naked with one sheet no matter what season it is outside. So when I get out of bed, I pull on my boxers which I left on the floor when I got undressed for bed. My feet make soft noises as I make my way to the front door.
A few feet away from the door, I hear crying. My heartbeat picks up and I clench my fists. I think it might be my mom but these are tears from a younger woman. A woman Annabella’s age.
Anger pumps through me causing me to see red. How dare she show up here, crying like a mad woman? I didn’t do this, she did. I’m not going to comfort her or see her through all the messed up shit she’s done now. I’m done. It might seem extreme but this isn’t the first time Annabella has ripped my heart out. Just before this time I wasn’t fucking her on a regular basis. I also didn’t tell her I loved her.
I wrench the door open and stop dead. It’s not Annabella sitting on my stoop crying, it’s fucking Rachel Sanders. “What the fuck?” I snap out at her, causing her to jump.
She stands quickly and wobbles on her heels. I note they are sky high and black with a pointy heel. Nice. “Jesus, you scared the shit out of me!” she snaps back, her hands going to her hips.
I’m sure the look on my face is incredulous. “You’re at my house, Rachel. Without an invitation. Or letting me know, I might add.” Yeah, I’m pissed, but that’s nothing new. I’m usually pissed off.