Save Me

by Amanda Heath

  Her thumbs scrape against my face and I realize I’m crying. I haven’t cried tears over this in years. “I understand, Court. You don’t have to explain any more. I understand why you didn’t want to tell me. I’m glad you told me, but I feel shitty for forcing you into it.”

  My hands come up now to cup her face. We sit like that for awhile, just staring at each other. “Then there was Annabella,” I whisper, because she’s important to this story. This is where my obsession with Annabella started.

  “What does she have to do with it?” she whispers back, her brown eyes never leaving mine.

  I gulp down hard and choke out the words. Words I never wanted to explain to Rachel. My love for Annabella came from a great place but Annabella twisted it. She made it ugly, but I still would have done anything for her. “Her parents were really close to my mother, so she was around all the time. I was childhood friends with her and Wesley but they always wanted to play Barbie’s and dress up. I was not into that. So I followed Donovan around, but after that day…the day I walked into traffic…I never wanted to leave Annabella’s side. She held my hand that day. She held my hand for many days after that. She made me feel like I wasn’t a piece of shit. She took care of me when no one else knew how to. She went to every shrink appointment I had, and she sat there and listened to everything. She climbed into bed with me every time I had a horrible nightmare. She even made me sit down with Donovan, because she knew I thought he hated me.” I pause and look down at my lap. This is why what she did to me, could have destroyed me. All I ever had was Annabella. “She saved me.”

  Rachel bites her lip and I can feel her getting sad and closed off. She doesn’t understand though, she doesn’t get it. So I tell her. “Her parents died in that accident months before the shit with my father. I learned she felt responsible for their deaths. And in a way, she was, because she was in that car with them. She’d been acting spoiled, as Annabella is wont to do. She said she screamed and it startled her father and he swerved into oncoming traffic. Her mother died instantly when an SUV hit them head on. Her father died a few hours later in surgery.” I’m looking down at my legs on the couch, not believing I’m telling Rachel all this. “Annabella walked away without a scratch. She used to say she killed her parents and I killed my father. She knew what I was going through. She felt everything I did. That’s why I was so protective of her. Only the two of us knew, we thought we were the only ones who got it. We had to be there for each other because the dreams, they were much worse than the actual event. The thoughts, they still scare me. I wanted to die and she pulled me back from that. She walked me out of the darkness.”

  Rachel’s eyes turn thoughtful but have yet to drop to her hands. “That’s why Wes said she was going to destroy you. You built her up in your head as more than she was. You made her into a lifeline even when you didn’t need her anymore. You would have done anything to keep her around because you thought you would be alone if she left.”

  I close my eyes because I know she’s right. But I’ve also known this for awhile. When I was seven, Annabella was my entire world because she saved me. Those feelings became twisted and warped. That was her fault because she was just as afraid to lose me. She controlled me so I wouldn’t ever find someone else. She loved that I was in love with her and she was with Donovan. She had both of us and she thought neither of us would ever leave her.

  Then something happened, something messed her up. Right before we started fucking, she changed. She no longer talked about Donovan the same way. She no longer talked about him at all. I don’t know what happened because she never told me. And now I really don’t want to know.

  “Courtney, look at me,” Rachel states, trying to lift my face with her hands. “You can’t blame yourself for what she did. You didn’t make her do anything. You were doing what you felt was right. Please know that.” I nod, lifting my face to hers.

  I lean over the few inches I need and kiss her. I break away for a moment and say, “No matter what I ever tell you about Annabella, you need to know that I love you. I never loved her like this. I was holding onto the past, of who she was when we were seven. I refused to believe she wasn’t that sweet little girl anymore. She could never hold a flame against you. I know we haven’t had that much time together, but I know,” I tell her, patting my chest right over my heart. “I know in here that you are it for me. You make me happy even when you’re destroying my life. And you didn’t break up with me for selfish reasons. You broke up with me because of me. She’d never do that. What she did to me was all about her.” I start forcing her back to the couch and I hover over her. “I want you ten thousand times more than I ever wanted her. I was blind before I found you. Don’t ever let her take that away from us. Don’t ever think for one second I would choose her over you.” Her eyes are wide, but no longer shining with tears. God, I love her.

  “You…no. Just no. I can’t take it,” she whispers, looking panicky now.

  “Believe it, Rach. I love you and I’m not going anywhere. I’ve never told anyone but a shrink and Annabella any of that shit. Wesley doesn’t even know what happened. She thinks I just loved Annabella that much for no reason. It wasn’t blind faith, because I knew at one point, that girl was a good person.” I kiss Rachel’s nose, then both of her cheeks and finally her forehead. “Just let me love you. Stop questioning it. Stop making up excuses. You didn’t come all the way out here to get laid. You came out here to see me. You wanted to fix it, so don’t make this day bad by running away. I’ll only catch you and force you back here.”

  Her eyes are closed tightly but I know she’s going to give in. We are pulled together by an invisible force and it ties us together. She is quite simply the perfect girl for me. And our relationship is the easiest one I have in my life. Well, other than the shit two weeks ago. “Be with me. Tell me you love me.”

  Her eyes pop open and she blurts out, “Sometimes you just know. And I knew when we made this baby. I just didn’t want it to be true. I didn’t want to be compared with Annabella the rest of my life. I was scared of how easy you make all this.” She pauses and a small grin graces her beautiful lips. “Yeah, I love you. I think I might die if I didn’t love you. Because you’re right, we are perfect together.”

  I smile real big for her before I take her lips in a hard kiss. “Good,” I whisper against those lips. “Now, I’m going to take this shirt off and then these panties. I’m going to take you on this couch and then we are going to the bedroom. There, you can take me on the bed, because I’ll be very tired.”

  She laughs for me and I proceed to go through all my promises.

  ***

  “Pierce…remember us. Remember how we were. It was the best thing that ever happened to me.”

  I jerk awake when a knock pounds on the front door. This is followed by the sound of my phone ringing from the floor. Rachel’s phone sits on the nightstand by the bed and it’s ringing too.

  Rachel pushes herself up using my chest because a second before, she was asleep there. My hand doesn’t leave her ass as she reaches over me to grab her phone. I watch her full breasts pass by my face and my mouth starts to water for her little red nipples. “Hello?” she croaks.

  I have no idea what time it is, but it’s not that early. The sun is up but not that low in the sky. We had sex on the couch, then we had sex on this bed, and then we ate some food. After that, we repeated, except after the food, we fell asleep. All the sex and emotions will do that to you.

  “I hate you,” she mumbles into the phone as the front door starts rattling on its hinges. I want to get up and answer it but these tits in my face are really distracting me. “We’ll be there in a minute. Tell Channing to stop trying to knock the door in.” Then she hangs up.

  Her sleepy brown eyes look into mine and she grins. “The whole gang is outside. Even Nathan. Apparently they all needed to see if I was alive, when in reality they probably want to see if we can throw parties here.”

  I yawn and sift my finge
rs through her wild brown hair. “Why, when they can throw parties in our house?”

  She seemed to have caught my yawn but she stops with her mouth open. I laugh at her expression and kiss her nose. “You want to get a house with me? Really? I’ve been ready to move out since I turned eighteen but I didn’t want to live by myself and I was not about to live with Royal. He is a pain in the ass.”

  “Yeah, I want that. We’ll get something big enough so they can all stay until they leave for college. That way you can spend the summer with Royal and I can get Wesley. We won’t get to see them much after August,” I say, trying to roll her off of me, but she starts crying.

  “I’m going to miss that dickhole.” She sobs dropping her head to my chest. “Why did I have to have a twin brother? I don’t want to miss him.” She sobs some more.

  “Rachel, it’s not for three months. Hang out with him so much you get sick of him. That way, you won’t miss him as much,” I tell her, smoothing her hair off her face.

  She nods but her bottom lip still quivers. “I love you. You make the crazy shit in my head make sense.” She kisses me gently before finally climbing off of me. When she shuts the bathroom door, I get up and pull some clothes out of the closet.

  I sit in front of the bathroom door on the bed. I pull on my boxers and then my jeans. My gray shirt comes next and after that I lie back on the bed and wait. A few moments later she opens the bathroom door and heads to her bag. She had it in her car and after round three yesterday, I went out to get it for her because we needed to shower. She pulls out some clothes and heads into the bathroom.

  I watch her get dressed in green panties and bra before she puts on black yoga pants and a black tank top. She uses her brush to pull her wild hair on top of her head where she secures it with a ponytail holder. Then she sets the light off and walks into the room.

  “Why do you do that?” I ask, always wondering why we get ready like this.

  She shrugs. “The first time I wanted to keep an eye on you because I didn’t want you to disappear. After that, I decided I liked you watching me. You get off on it and I get off on it. Why stop a good thing?” she smirks at me before heading out of the bedroom.

  I bite my lip before racing after her. I place my hands on her hips as we walk to the front door. We open it to find several bodies out in my driveway. Royal stand behind Wes, his hand on her stomach. Channing has Paisley on his back like little kids do, though they are just standing there so it doesn’t look as fun. Paisley’s cousin, Brody, has his tongue stuck down his girlfriend, Lola’s, throat. Nathan is lying on his back on the hood of his vintage Mustang.

  “You all look like a bunch of idiots,” Rachel calls out, putting her hands on her hips.

  Paisley looks up and flips her off. Wes just grins, as does Royal. Channing eyes us and sets Paisley down on her feet. He crosses over to us first and looks me dead in the eye. “I need to talk to you.”

  A cold chill flows down my spine and I shudder. I gently move Rachel out of the way and wave him into the house. I take him back to my bedroom and close the door once he’s in the room. “What’s going on?”

  He wrenches his hand through his hair and looks up at me. “Annabella found out about Rachel and you. She didn’t take it too well. She showed up at Royal’s house, while luckily, it was only Royal and I there. I made him stay in the house so I could get her to leave. She refused until Rachel came outside to talk to her. I told her she wasn’t home, and finally she believed me when I pointed out her car wasn’t even in the driveway. Rachel’s stupid dog got out and bit the shit out of her though. That was pretty funny.”

  What.

  The.

  Fuck.

  “I can’t believe this shit. What the hell did she say?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest so I don’t punch a hole in the wall.

  He exhales sharply and eyes me warily. “She said Rachel needed to know things about you. She said that Rachel isn’t safe with you.” He pauses and he goes a little pale. “Then she said you and I need to talk to your mother. Apparently, she’s been hiding something from us. I don’t know what that’s about but it’s beside the point.”

  I close my eyes ignoring the last part. My mother isn’t hiding anything from me. That bitch is crazy. “Ma isn’t hiding anything. Annabella is just nuts. As for the other shit, Rachel already knows because I told her yesterday. Rachel is safe with me. I love her too much to ever do anything to hurt her.”

  “I know she’s safe with you. Just because you killed your father, doesn’t mean you’re going to kill Rachel. That man was about to kill your mother. I would have done the same thing,” Channing tells me, plain as day.

  “I’m guessing Ashley told you.” I can’t be mad at her. My sister means well.

  Channing nods. Then he says, “I asked her what Annabella meant. She didn’t want to tell me, but in the end, she knew I wouldn’t care.” Then he pauses and looks down at the floor. “I have to ask you a question.” He looks back up at me with some kind of war going on in his head.

  Confused, I just say, “Go ahead.”

  Channing takes a deep breath before speaking. “Did your mom ever tell you why you were named Courtney?”

  Even more confused, I shake my head. I kind of always wondered why she named me a girl’s name, but it was never a big deal. She could have named me Jessica or Sally. Or even Sue and then that Johnny Cash song could be my theme song.

  Channing closes his eyes and bites his lip. Then he proceeds to rock my world on its axis. “Ash and I have been going through some of my father’s things. She was closer to him than I was, so when he passed, she inherited it all. We figure he really loved your mother but something was keeping them apart. They wrote each other love letters before they got married.” He pauses and clenches his hands together like the words are being ripped from his soul. “They picked out names for their kids. They wanted to name their girl Ashley, after his mother.” He pauses again, his eyes still closed and his fists still clenched. Then he whispers out, “They picked out Courtney for their boy. He had a little sister but she passed away when she was young. Her name was also Courtney and he wanted the name for his son because he wanted her gentle nature to watch over him.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Two Months Later…

  “Faster,” I groan against Rachel’s neck while she rides me. Her slow and steady pace is driving me nuts. Her tummy has gotten bigger, her pregnancy starting to fill out more. I don’t feel comfortable lying on top of her, so she usually ends up on top or we do it on our sides.

  She sighs, her hips still going incredibly slow. “No. I like making you crazy,” she whispers against my lips after she pulls my face to hers.

  “You’re killing me, G. I swear you are.” I groan again, kissing her. I finally can’t take it anymore and plant my hands on her hips. I start moving her up and down my dick faster, feeling that familiar tingling in my back. I’m about to blow.

  Her moans start to drown out everything else and I know she’s getting just as close as I am. “That’s it baby. Come for me. You know how much I like it,” I whisper in her ear. “I want to feel you squeezing me.” I suck the lobe into my mouth and grin when I hear her hitched breath. “You feel how wet you are? That’s so fucking hot.”

  “Court!” she screams out, her face planting in my neck as I rear up and explode inside of her. Wonderful sensations go up and down my body; so good, I have to close my eyes so I don’t get dizzy.

  After we’ve calmed down, she falls off of me, softly landing on the bed. “You ready to talk about it?” she asks, turning toward me and supporting her head on her upraised hand.

  I’m sure you are wondering what the hell. And to answer everyone’s questions, no I don’t want to fucking talk about it. I refuse to believe that my mother would lie and hide that shit from me. She probably named me Courtney because she was still in love with Channing’s father. Ma’s never had good judgment when it comes to the guys she sees.

  “No,�
�� I tell her, as I’ve done every single day since Channing told me he had to ask me a question. I haven’t said one word to her about it. Channing told Paisley because he figured she’d tell Rachel, who would ride my ass about it.

  In a way, I’ve become Channing. I refuse to acknowledge him as anything other than how I’ve always known him. He’s my older sister’s little brother. He’s nothing more to me. He’s not my brother.

  He.

  Is.

  Not.

  My.

  Brother.

  Rachel gets up off our king sized bed with its red sheets and matching bedspread. Luckily, that’s the only red I allowed in our room. The walls are a nice off white color. It’s still white but it’s not blinding. The carpet is also white and feels like fucking cashmere on the bare foot.

  Oh, I guess I forgot to mention we bought our own house. When we finally got everyone to leave the cabin, we made our way back to Meadows. We spent the next week looking at different houses. I didn’t really care where we lived or what we lived in; as long as we lived together. Rachel had to have the perfect house.

  We finally found it at the end of that week. The only downside is we live close to Rachel’s parent’s house. Which means Mimi is always here. She helped decorate and all that shit I had no interest in. The only thing I did was sign some papers and help Royal and Channing move in furniture. I did the latter by not looking Channing in the eye or speaking one word to him.

  Ironic, isn’t it?