The Name of Red

by Beena Khan

  “I noticed,” she said, her eyes wrinkled at him. “You know Kabir, you own a restaurant, a bar, you’re a businessman, and you have tattoos. People would think you’re aggressive...but you’re not. Not at all. You’re the opposite of how you present yourself to people.”

  He cowered at her gaze, but he still kept his back straight as he turned and stared at her. “I’m a shy person,” he admitted.

  “Do you ever wish you spoke your mind more?”

  He looked down at the floor.

  He wanted to tell her what he really thought about her.

  Your soul separates you from everyone else.

  Instead, he replied, “Sometimes.”

  Elif grinned. “Look at us. We’re making a change.”

  “You’re an engineer, I’m a doctor, well at least by qualification. Your personality is strong though,” he said grinning. “It’s very strong and I admire you. I do, Red. You taught me to speak my mind. To speak my truth and not be afraid.”

  “Keep talking,” Elif said, resting a hand at the crook of her neck, her elbow on the bar table.

  He laughed, throwing his head backward in the air. “You like hearing compliments about yourself?”

  She hid a smile as she sipped her wine.

  “My turn. What is one thing you don’t like about society?” Kabir asked.

  Elif paused while drinking. “When certain people believe that women are a gift to them, even though we are the life givers, the birthers.”

  “Many people get defensive when there is a debate regarding feminism. There shouldn’t be though. Both men and women are quick to defend their sides, instead of listening to each other. Life would be easier if they did. Like we both listen to each other,” he said, shrugging.

  She turned toward him, surprised. “Yes, there should be a middle ground.”

  Kabir grinned.

  “How is it possible we never met before?” Elif asked, smiling. “I wish I had met you a lifetime ago.”

  Kabir stopped smiling. It was statements like these which turned him into a speechless fool.

  Chapter 19

  It was a late evening at the restaurant. Nadia played an old school song, Ride It by Jay Sean.

  Samar tried to make small talk with Elif the whole night, but she had been trying to avoid him ever since she smashed the bottle on his head. As soon as the song started, Samar grabbed her by the hand and said, “Dance with me.”

  He was still clearly chasing her.

  Elif began to protest but then irrationally replied, “Fuck it.”

  She didn’t feel like herself.

  She felt as if the booze was talking for her as it loosened her body, her emotions, and her ability to think.

  Samar grinned at her as they waltzed their way down to the dance floor. The music played as the dance floor fused with more bodies. Bodies swayed around them, their arms waving from side to side above their heads. In the dark, lights flashed at Elif, as people stared at her because for the first time she was somewhere else besides the bar. There were other people around them, other women, but she noticed Samar focused mainly on her.

  She watched him as he watched her move.

  He stared at her like she was the center of his attention, as if she was the only woman on the dance floor. He stared at her in her thin, long-sleeve olive shirt and her matching olive ripped jeans. His eyes were drawn to her chest, her black bra visible through her shirt.

  She felt the music being injected into her like adrenaline. Her body tingled, and she moved her body. Her limbs were in rhythm to the beat that was playing. Elif lost herself in the music as she began advancing in her dance movements. The men dancing around her took her in.

  She ignored them and looked up at Samar.

  He was a good dancer. He didn’t dance to show off, but the women around her looked at him. She noticed he was used to the attention and he liked it.

  Suddenly, Samar pulled her arm toward him and pressed himself against her but he still danced. Elif was surprised, but still went with the dancing flow.

  She looked over Samar’s shoulder and Kabir watched them. She waved at him in hello. Samar followed the direction she was looking in and saw Kabir standing there. Samar narrowed his eyes and turned back to Elif drawing her chin toward him.

  He’s very possessive about someone he doesn’t have.

  They continued dancing and Samar drew her closer. He moved the hair away from her shoulder exposing the bare skin of her neck. He leaned down and placed his lips against her neck. Elif moved back, grimacing. Then, Samar took her jaw in her hand before leaning in and kissing her on the mouth.

  Elif was caught off-guard.

  She hadn’t kissed a guy in months.

  She shoved him away from her, but he didn't let go of kissing her. Elif’s eyes widened as he still pressed her body against his. He went back to kissing her neck, and he began biting her.

  No.

  “Hey, stop,” Elif said angrily, shoving him again, but he had a tight grip on her waist and back. His fingers dug into the sheer fabric that she was wearing. Her eyes stung at his harsh touch.

  He must have heard her, but he refused to let go of his hold on her. This was a bar with a restaurant, not a club with ‘pounding your ears music.’ She leaned her leg up to kick Samar in the balls but she missed by an inch. Her limbs were loose, and she couldn’t defend herself.

  Damnit. Kabir was right. Booze and self defense doesn’t mix.

  She was about to attempt to smash his head onto her knee, but Samar was pried off of her.

  Kabir in front of her.

  She smiled a grateful smile at him. He dragged Samar away by his collar before landing a blow to his jawline. This started an automatic brawl, and Nadia stopped the music.

  The people around them stopped dancing as they stared at the commotion in front of them. Their eyes went from Kabir, Samar, then to her. She could see their judgement in their eyes.

  Two boys fighting over a girl.

  A slut coming in between two friends.

  What they failed to realize was one of the men was an asshole, and the other one was helping her. She brushed them off as she walked toward Kabir, trying to stop him from causing permanent damage to Samar’s body.

  “Kabir, stop,” she commanded softly holding his arm.

  He gazed at her and stopped. He dropped Samar like he was dead weight.

  “Stay away from my restaurant,” he warned him.

  Then, he walked toward the back entrance.

  He grabbed Elif’s hand along with him.

  Outside, in the back lounge, Kabir took a few heavy breaths as the cool air helped his anger. He put his hands on his waist, as he turned around and looked at Elif. She was left stunned at what happened moments ago. He wanted to hug her and hold her in his arms.

  “He’s an... asshole,” Elif commented.

  “Are you alright?” Kabir asked her softly.

  “I shouldn’t have danced with him. He took it the wrong way. I shouldn’t have given him any hints or led him on. My clothes probably influenced him.”

  He looked at Elif who was rambling, and he moved closer toward her. He inhaled deeply and placed his arms on her shoulders, shaking her slightly.

  She looked up at him, as he said, “Your dancing with him has nothing to do with his actions. Your clothing has nothing to do with him touching you without your permission. It could have been anyone. He is responsible for his actions. What’s wrong is wrong.”

  Elif looked up at him before dropping her gaze down on the ground. She brushed her hair behind her ear, and Kabir noticed the bite mark on her neck. He wanted to reach out and touch the mark on her skin. He would have backed off willingly if Elif reciprocated feelings toward Samar but she didn’t.

  “I don’t like being forced,” she said in a low voice.

  Kabir remembered she mentioned that someone in the past had hurt her once. He tightened his hands in fists, and he wanted to return to the restaurant and pound some
sense into Samar again.

  He decided to cut all ties with Samar for good.

  He should have done it sooner.

  He made excuses for him before that he was a bad drunk.

  “Hey, come here,” he said, reaching out his hand toward Elif. Her gaze dropped at the palm stretched out in front of her. This time, she was the one who was hesitant and not Kabir.

  Then, she clasped her hand over his and smiled at him.

  His eyes dropped down to her smile. His breath hitched as he stared at her pink lips before dropping his gaze toward their entwined hands.

  He tugged her forward before wrapping his arms around to hug her. He liked how she snuggled against him. He squeezed her with every emotion he had. He liked how her body fit perfectly against his in their embrace as if she was made for him only. With a long sigh, he breathed her in. He could feel her heart beating against his chest, moving at a rhythm.

  Kabir’s own heart was pounding so hard as he held Elif. He was afraid she could hear it. His heartbeat was doing a tango now that she was near him and it was unstoppable.

  Chapter 20

  A few days later

  A young couple in their early twenties entered the restaurant’s premises.

  The woman was radiatent. Her black hair was filled with luster. The woman had beautiful, natural brown skin, and she was laughing. She had her arm wrapped around a man who was equally as beautiful. They glowed together. The man rubbed the back of the waist of the woman as his hands trailed downward.

  Elif watched as they walked past her. The woman rolled a stroller in front of her as her heels clicked against the floor. In the stroller, laid a small child who appeared to be a few months old. A beautiful, innocent child who had just seen the early light of life. Elif’s eyes shrunk in size as she took the sight in.

  She didn’t know them. She only knew she wanted what they had.

  She let out a few deep breaths to calm the sound of her increasingly beating heart. She watched them as they took a seat at the restaurant's table.

  They look so happy, she thought.

  Elif didn’t realize someone was snapping their fingers in front of her. She blinked abruptly and jerked her head toward the sound of fingers snapping. She looked at Kabir who stood in front of her.

  “Hello. Are you in there?” he joked with her.

  She didn’t smile at his joke and turned her gaze back to the happy couple. Kabir’s eyes followed the direction she was looking in. He looked confused as if he wasn’t sure what’s going on.

  “You know them?” he asked softly.

  She shook her head no.

  “That child.. that child is so beautiful,” she said.

  There was a longing in her voice that Kabir couldn’t seem to recognize. He narrowed his eyes at her in further confusion.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked gently.

  She shook her head and turned her attention back to the bar.

  She kept on throwing glances at the couple.

  ❖

  It was past two in the morning, and Elif was still drowning herself with booze. She had switched back to vodka now.

  “You have an alcohol problem...I think you might have alcohol addiction,” Kabir said softly as he walked up to her.

  His words didn't register with Elif, and if they did, she chose to ignore them. She wrinkled her nose at him as she downed one more drink.

  “You’re not drinking wine anymore?” he asked gently.

  She shook her head no.

  Kabir heard laughter on the left side of the restaurant. He glanced toward the sound and he noticed a group of people were staring. He looked more closely, and he noticed they were staring at Elif and the scene she was creating. He narrowed his eyes at them and they turned away.

  “You’re creating a scene,” he said.

  Her head tilted toward him instantly. “Am I embarrassing you?” she asked bitterly.

  “What happened?” he asked. His usual playful smile was drawn into a hard line stretched across his face.

  She shook her head at him. “I’m complicated. Don’t get involved,” she warned.

  He sighed. “Stop trying to push me away.”

  She glanced at him. “You should stay away from me.”

  He gave her a small smile. “A little too late for that, no?”

  She shook her head at him.

  “What happened?” he repeated.

  “This girl is pretty. Why don’t you try having a conversation with her?” Elif asked, nodding to her left as she tried to distract him.

  Kabir ignored her. “Are you listening to me?”

  “Nope,” Elif simply answered.

  He didn’t understand why she was pushing him away.

  A realization dawned at him as something clicked. “Is it because of that couple you saw?” he asked.

  She remained mute and continued drinking.

  He tried taking the drink away from her hand, but she swatted his hand away. He glanced in frustration at Aryan who shrugged helplessly.

  Kabir turned backward to Elif and looked at her. He really looked at her this time. Her once long hair hung limply down in front her. She looked hopelessly lost, and it wasn’t helping that she didn’t share much with him. She turned to look at him, and her eyes were closed off and dimmed.

  Alcohol is taking her shine away. She’s fading.

  “We need to help you control your drinking,” he said.

  “No thanks. I’m determined to stay drunk until I die.”

  Kabir was frustrated with her. “Why?” he asked.

  Elif was silent. “I haven’t had a sober day in two and a half years. I do everything drunk. Work, drive, shop, eat, breathe.”

  “How did you start drinking?” he asked.

  She looked up at him, in surprise. “A close friend offered me booze. I didn’t like it at first because I never had alcohol before. Then we began drinking together almost every night. A year later I was... addicted,” she admitted.

  Kabir scoffed. “Which idiotic friend did that?”

  “He didn’t physically place the drink in my hand. He didn’t physically place a sip on my mouth. It was my choice. After that one drink, I knew I had to have more. It was a sensation I began to crave,” she replied.

  “You need to control your drinking,” he said.

  Elif shook her head no.

  “If you don't try, I’ll ban you from my bar,” he commanded her softly.

  Elif glanced at him in surprise, her top lip curled up in a bitter smile. “Go ahead. I’ll find another welcoming bar.”

  Kabir sighed in frustration. He watched her drink, unable to deflect himself from this situation.

  “Okay, you can stay,” Kabir simply stated.

  She raised her glass in a cheer.

  Then, Kabir told Aryan to stop serving her more drinks.

  At least this way, I can watch over her.

  Chapter 21

  Elif’s behavior and drinking was severe over the next few days.

  Kabir watched her down her seventh drink. Afterward, he told Aryan to serve her water instead to detox the booze from her bloodstream. He caught her trying to mix the water with alcohol using a hip flask. Kabir snatched the hip flask out of her hands, the booze from it spilling everywhere, even on his clothes. Now, he smelled like booze himself— a smell he didn't like being associated with.

  Elif looked up at him in annoyance.

  “That belongs to me.” She narrowed her eyes toward him.

  “No outside drinks allowed in my restaurant,” Kabir said smoothly. He gave the hip flask to Aryan who took it to the back room to drain it.

  ‘You’re supposed to be on my side, Aryan!” Elif shouted at his back. Aryan kept on walking away as he ignored her.

  She turned to stare at Kabir in anger. “I’ll just stop coming here.”

  “Fine,” Kabir responded. He crossed his arms against his chest, and stared Elif down, confidently. He didn't know where he found his newfound confiden
ce, but he wasn't backing out.

  After a few minutes, Elif broke eye contact, and muttered, “Fine,” as she began sulking.

  “You know what I think?” Kabir said with a surge of confidence.

  “What?” she replied in annoyance.

  “I think you have a pain that you hide from me and everyone around you. I never hear you talk about your family, your work life, nor your personal life. How are you stable enough to even work? You wear a ring on your necklace, and I have no idea what it means. There’s a reason you drink uncontrollably. Something is killing you inside, and you’re trying to burn your soul in a coma,” he said softly.

  She glanced sharply at him and remained silent.

  After a few minutes, she replied bitterly, “You think you know everything about me?”

  “I don’t, but I wish I did,” he whispered.

  Elif broke off eye contact with him. She sighed and raised up from her stool.

  “Elif, you can’t keep hiding under your dresses. That’s exhausting. It’s okay to say ‘you’re not okay,’” he said.

  She looked upset at him, and Kabir wanted to reach out to her. In hurried footsteps, she left the bar without a backward glance at him.

  He stared after her, and he wanted to chase after her but he couldn’t.

  What right do I have?

  He sighed and turned to face the bar again.

  “What am I supposed to do about this drunk?” he asked Aryan. He was frustrated, and Elif was always closed off to him when he tried to help or intervene in her life.

  Aryan was momentarily silent before he said, “Give her time. She will open up on her own.”

  “It’s been almost six months since she’s been coming here, she doesn’t share anything with me.” Kabir held his head in his hands in sadness. He looked up and Aryan gave him a small smile.

  “Why are you smiling?” he asked, annoyed.

  “Think about it. She’s always here in the evenings. She hasn’t missed one evening. She doesn’t use her phone when she’s at the bar. She’s quiet, she likes reading, and she likes booze. I don’t think she has anyone to talk to besides us,” Aryan replied.