Cowgirl, Say Yes

by Brenda Mott

  “I suppose I did,” Tess said. “But really, Wade, losing my real mom—Rae—is the reason I know how lonely Macy feels at times.” She sighed. “I guess we’ve had this conversation before, haven’t we?”

  He nodded. “Yep.” They sat silently for a moment. Then he spoke as though thinking aloud. “I guess you have something else in common with Macy.”

  “What’s that?”

  “You lost your mom to something that is hard to understand, and so did she.”

  She waited, wondering where he was headed with this conversation.

  Wade’s expression grew sullen. “Even though some folks speculated that Deidra simply didn’t hear the train coming until it was too late, that’s not what happened. According to the police report, witnesses said she tried to beat the train across the tracks.” He gazed off into the distance. “I’ll just never understand why. What on earth made her risk losing her life that way?” The sorrow on his face tugged at Tess’s heart. “Deidra lost it all in one foolish, split-second decision. Our life together, the kids…” He let the words trail away.

  “Wade, I’m so sorry.” Tess laid her hand on his knee. She’d never thought about Deidra’s accident in that way. The extra burden it placed on Wade made her ache for him all the more. “Losing a loved one is painful, no matter if it’s to death, illness or abandonment. My mother isn’t dead, but her mind pretty much is. Some days seeing her so ill is like watching her die over and over again.”

  Wade covered her hand with his, and the sorrow in his eyes faded, replaced by something that left Tess’s heart racing anew. “I’m glad we had this talk,” he said. “I think it helps us both understand each other a little better.”

  Tess nodded. “I’m glad, too.”

  He held her gaze. “Actually, I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately, Tess.”

  Her mouth went dry, and she barely kept from admitting the same. “You have?” The words felt thick on her tongue.

  Abruptly, he moved his hand away from hers and began to pick at a loose thread on the seat of the truck. “Yeah, and quite frankly, I don’t know what to do about it.” He gestured as though seeking the right words. “We don’t have a whole lot in common, but…” He took a deep breath. “Oh, hell, I might as well come right out and say it. Tess, I’m more than a little attracted to you.”

  Her head swam, and she felt floaty, as if she might wake up at any moment and find herself in her bed. Dreaming. But this was all too real. “You are?”

  “Yeah, and it bothers me.”

  The dreamy sensation fled. Leave it to Wade to spoil her perfect fantasy. “Why is that?”

  He gave her a helpless shrug. “I don’t really know how to act around you, Tess. One minute, you’re driving me crazy with your wild ideas, and the next, I’m kissing you.” Before she could react, he went on. “The thing is, I’ve dated hardly anyone since Deidra died.”

  Tess noticed the qualifying “hardly” and couldn’t help but wonder just how many women had been in his life. Macy had given her the impression that Wade was a loner. Again, a feeling of jealousy—one she didn’t like—overtook her.

  “I can’t say as I’ve had a wild social life myself,” she said, determined not to let him see that his words had any effect on her one way or the other.

  “I went out with a woman a few years ago,” Wade said. “But she wasn’t very nice to Macy and Jason.” His tone said it all.

  “I guess some people don’t like children,” Tess said. She smiled. “I put them in the same category with those who don’t like animals.” She pursed her lips, glad to be back to sparring with him. She enjoyed the way he shot her a teasing look.

  “Hey, watch it there, cowgirl. You’re accusing me wrongly. I like animals, I just value them differently than you do.” He sobered. “My point is, I’m not about to let anyone hurt my kids. And since I’m sure you’d never do that, well, it sort of scares me.”

  “In what way?” Tess narrowed her eyes.

  Wade ran his tongue across his bottom lip, and she tried not to think about the way it had felt wrapped around hers when he’d kissed her. “Knowing how much you like Macy and Jason, and how much they like you doesn’t give me much of an excuse to avoid seeing you.”

  “Are you looking for one?” she asked, already aware of the answer. He wouldn’t have brought her here to the lake just to tell her he didn’t want to see her anymore. Her palms grew moist. Her body burned in anticipation. She wanted his mouth on hers. And she wanted it now.

  “Not hardly,” he said. He reached out quickly, his movements in sync with her thoughts, and tugged her up against him. “And that is what scares me most of all.” He pressed his mouth to hers, satisfying her craving, and Tess moaned and melted into his embrace.

  Their lips sought hungrily, their hands and arms reaching to pull each other even closer…stroking, petting until Tess felt her control slipping over the line. With effort, she drew back. “Slow down, cattleman. I need to catch my breath.” Shaking, she scooted away once more, and Wade stared at her with a mixture of longing and frustration.

  Then he took a deep breath. “You’re right. We need to take it easy.” He looked her up and down. “But damned if I want to. Tess, you’re driving me nuts. And I really don’t know what to do about it. I’ve never met anyone like you in my life.”

  “Yeah?” The one-word reply was all she could manage. Because if she let herself say anything further, she would rush into admitting something she didn’t want to. Tell Wade that she, too, felt something for him that she’d never experienced before.

  “Yeah. And I do enjoy being around you.” As though unable to resist touching her, he traced a circle across her cheek with his thumb. “You make me want to get to know you a whole, whole lot better, if you catch my drift. But I’m not so sure that’s smart.”

  Tess suppressed the pleasant shiver that raced up her spine. “I can relate to that.” She’d guarded her heart for a long while. Now was not the time to be rash. “Just for the record, I don’t feel that my life is lacking in any way.” Somehow, with her sitting here next to Wade, her lips still warm and wet from his kisses, the declaration didn’t ring as true as it once had.

  “Neither do I,” he said. “At least, I didn’t. Until lately.”

  His admission took her by surprise. She knew he was attracted to her, but Tess wasn’t sure she was ready for where this conversation was headed.

  She waited silently. Unable to say anything to him because his thoughts paralleled hers so closely it left her shaken. What was the problem? her inner voice demanded. Why not just go for it? Caution be damned.

  But she knew the answer. It was because she cared more for Wade than she’d ever intended that she needed to hold back. She’d given her heart too quickly, which wasn’t wise. He was right. They didn’t have a whole lot in common other than their physical attraction, and she wasn’t so certain he wasn’t simply reaching out for a mother figure for his kids. Maybe all the things she’d said to him about Macy had finally sunk in.

  Or maybe she was so confused she was grasping at straws.

  “I’d like to keep seeing you, Tess.” Both his tone and his expression were serious, causing her mind to race. “But I can’t promise where it will lead. I don’t know what I’m feeling for sure, and I’m not positive this is the wisest thing to do.” He moved close to her once more, and this time his kiss was soft, gentle. “I hope you’ll say yes. I need to be with you, to give us some time to see what happens. Because I’m really beginning to hate it when you’re not around.”

  “Me, too,” Tess murmured. Still, her stubborn inner self continued to fight the urge to give in to him. Why was she reluctant?

  Her head swam. Her sensible side told her to say no. Tell him this was it. That after tonight, they had to remain strictly friends.

  “So, will you keep seeing me?” Wade asked. The expression on his face reminded her of a boy asking her out on a date.

  But there was nothing boyish about th
e man sitting next to her, and Tess kicked her sensible side to the curb. Closing her eyes briefly, she considered the consequences of her answer before giving it. She could be opening up her heart to something she really wasn’t ready for.

  “Yes,” she said. “I’d like that.”

  “Good.” He stroked the hair away from her temple, and tucked a strand behind her ear. His touch felt heavenly. Tess wanted to close her eyes and lean into it. Instead, she looked at him as he studied the earring in her lobe. “You’re wearing them!” he said.

  “Yes. I really love them, Wade. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” He admired the pair, cupping her nape to turn her head from side to side. His fingers massaged her neck, her scalp. “They look good on you.” He licked his lips, then moved his hand away.

  “But you really shouldn’t have bought them. I almost gave them back,” she confessed.

  He frowned. “Why? I thought you said you liked them.”

  She did. Too much. And she liked him too much, as well. “No, I said I loved them.” Her heart skipped a beat as her thoughts wove together. Like, love… Did she mean the earrings or Wade? Tess gave herself a mental shake. “Never mind. I just didn’t want you to get the wrong idea, that’s all.”

  “And what idea is that?”

  “What we just talked about—not taking things too fast.”

  He nodded. “I suppose so. And on that note, why don’t we head back to town before I end up doing something neither of us is ready for yet.” He brushed his lips across hers once more, then put the truck in gear and pulled toward the road.

  With regret humming deep inside her, Tess leaned forward and turned up the radio. Her heart hammered and her soul seemed to cry out in rhythm with the words to the Patsy Cline song that bled through the speakers.

  “Crazy.”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  ON THE LAST WEDNESDAY in May, Tess drove to the County Care Facility, her foot light on the gas pedal. To travel well below the speed limit on a day like today, with summer just around the corner and wildflowers blooming everywhere, was easy. Nothing beat spring on Colorado’s western slope, and Tess would never tire of looking at her surroundings. In the distance, the mountains glowed with subtle color, the various greens of scrub oak, sagebrush and piñon juniper flowing down to meet grassy slopes dotted with wild daisies and Indian paintbrush.

  The picturesque scenery reminded her of her night at the lake with Wade a few days ago, which had given Tess an idea. It had been a while since her mother had seen anything outside the walls or the yard of the nursing home. Strange surroundings tended to confuse and frighten her, so of late, Tess and her family had made it a practice not to drive Raelene anywhere. Tess recalled the days when she and her dad used to take Rae on a picnic. It was usually just to the park or sometimes to a little clearing by a stream on the edge of town. But at least it got her out in the fresh air, away from the sterile and sometimes depressing atmosphere of the CCF.

  Though Tess appreciated the attentive care her mother received from Molly and the other nurses, she still hated to see her spend all her time in the nursing home. Lately, Tess had felt even more sad and overwhelmed by her mother’s condition. That, coupled with her mixed feelings about Wade, left her wanting to reach out to Raelene. To do something special with her for a change. Maybe a small outing would do both of them some good.

  She’d visited her mother several times since the incident with Wade just over a week ago, and Raelene seemed no worse for wear because of what had happened. It was Tess who couldn’t forget.

  Once she’d parked her truck in the CCF parking lot, Tess headed inside. Molly greeted her, a potted plant in one hand. “Tess. How are you?” She held up the plant. “Look what Dr. Jeffries gave us. Wasn’t that sweet?” An abundance of leafy green foliage and tiny pink flowers spilled over the edges of the ceramic pot.

  “It’s beautiful,” Tess said. “I love springtime.”

  “Me, too.” Molly smiled. “Your mother’s having a pretty good day. I showed her the plant, and it really caught her attention. Sally just finished washing Rae’s hair.” She gestured with her free hand toward Rae’s room. “She’s blow-drying as we speak. You can go right in.”

  “I’m glad to hear that about Mom,” Tess said. “I’d like to take her home with me for a little picnic in my backyard. Say, for about an hour?” She turned her hands in a palms-up gesture. “The weather’s so nice I feel like getting her out to enjoy it.” The temperature was in the low seventies today, the sun soothingly warm. “I thought I could sit with her on a blanket beneath my shade trees and feed her some soft food.”

  A brief look of concern passed over Molly’s face. “Well, that does sound nice.” She hesitated, then waved her fears away. “I’m a worrywart. If you think you can handle it, then I trust your judgment.” She held up her finger in a motherly gesture of warning. “But no more than an hour. You don’t want to tire her. It’s been a while since she’s been anywhere but the sitting area out back.”

  “I know. And I promise I’ll be careful and on time.” Tess smiled and Molly did, too.

  “Do you need help getting her to the car?”

  “That might be a good idea,” Tess said.

  “Let me put this plant away, then I’ll meet you in her room.”

  “Okay.” Tess headed down the hall, appreciating the fact that Molly could just as easily have gotten one of the orderlies to assist with her mother. Molly’s caring enough to do it herself meant a lot to Tess. Again, she was thankful for Molly and the other nurses. If Raelene couldn’t live at home, at least she had good people to tend to her.

  Sally had almost finished blow-drying and brushing Raelene’s hair when Tess entered the room. Tess greeted her, then faced Raelene. “Hi, Mama.” She took her mother’s hand and bent to place a kiss on her forehead. “How are you? Would you like to go for a little drive?”

  “Yes.” Rae smiled, her gaze darting to Tess before flickering to the window.

  Molly came through the door. “Tess is taking you on a picnic, Rae. Won’t that be nice?”

  “No.” But Raelene turned to Tess and smiled. She reached for Tess’s hand and gave it a squeeze, and Tess held on.

  “Let me help you up, Mom. Then Molly will walk with us outside, okay?”

  Rae muttered a few nonsensical words, but stood willingly and ambled between Tess and Molly as they led her toward the doorway and out into the hall.

  “Some liver and wind today,” Raelene muttered as they moved toward the exit.

  Tess draped one arm around her and rubbed a gentle circle against her mother’s shoulder with her thumb. “It’s fine, Mama. You’ll enjoy the fresh air.”

  “Give her a minute to stand here,” Molly said as they stepped outside.

  They paused momentarily, then continued walking the short distance across the parking lot to where Tess had left her pickup. Rae hesitated at the truck’s door, a frown of confusion creasing her forehead. But then she smiled at Tess and climbed inside without any fuss. Tess buckled the seat belt and turned to Molly. “I think she’ll be fine with this, but I’ll call you if I have any problems.” Belatedly, she wondered if she should have gotten her dad or Seth to come with her on their lunch break. However, Wednesdays were usually busy, with deliveries and such. Her dad and whoever else worked that day most often ate a sandwich behind the counter rather than take an actual meal break.

  “I’m sure she will be, too,” Molly said. “We’re here if you need us, though.” She closed the passenger door, then waved as Tess climbed behind the wheel and pulled out of the parking lot.

  Tess looked over at her mother. Raelene was fiddling with the buckle on her seat belt. Tess reached across and stilled her hand with a gentle touch. “It’s okay, Mama. Leave that there, all right?”

  “Yes.” But Rae picked at the strap as she stared straight ahead through the windshield.

  Tess drove slowly through town, then down the county road to her house. She’d al
ready locked the dogs up in the barn so they wouldn’t startle Rae by barking. Tess parked her truck near the front steps and got out. After opening the passenger door, she unbuckled Rae’s seat belt and took her by the hand. “Come on, Mama. I’ve already got our picnic basket packed and ready for the backyard.” She helped Rae walk toward the front door. “That’s right. You’re doing fine.”

  Looking all around, Rae hesitantly followed Tess into the house. Again her forehead creased. “Not my dresser today.”

  Tess studied the expression on her mother’s face, hoping she hadn’t been wrong in bringing her here. But Raelene seemed okay with the situation so far. “Through here, Mama.” Tess led her to the kitchen, where she took a small, plastic picnic hamper from the refrigerator. Inside were containers of gelatin, tapioca pudding and juices, along with napkins and plastic spoons and straws. Tess carried the basket in one hand and led Rae with the other.

  She paused to snatch up the picnic blanket she’d left draped over a kitchen chair, then headed for the back door. Raelene seemed delighted with Tangie and Inky as they laced themselves around her ankles, then followed her and Tess outside. Rae made cooing noises at the cats and wriggled her fingers in a gesture of wanting.

  Tess lifted Tangie into her arms and guided Rae’s hand to stroke the kitten’s fur. “Isn’t he soft?” she asked.

  “Yes,” Rae said. She smiled, and her gaze appeared alert and aware. There were moments when Rae almost looked normal. But the moments never lasted, and Tess had to face reality once more.

  Determined to focus only on enjoying her mother’s company, Tess smiled back at Rae, then set Tangie on the ground. The kitten scampered off in pursuit of a butterfly. “We’ll sit close to the porch, Mama. How’s that?” Tess led Rae carefully down the three steps, then spread the blanket on the grass. “There you go.” She helped her mother sit on the blanket, then laid a napkin in her lap. As an afterthought, Tess hurried back up the steps and reached inside the door to grab the cordless phone from its cradle. She set it on the porch railing…just in case.