Selective/Memory: The Depth of Emotion Book 2 (The Depth of Emotion)

by Lorenzo, DD

  At first, Declan was pissed off, thinking that he and Aimee were in some ploy to make him feel better about himself—but he knew Jonatan better than that. He hadn’t seen him in almost a year and he was unrestrained in his comments, especially making mention that Declan’s upper body was “cut,” “buff,” and “more defined.”

  Little did Jonatan know that it was necessity that built his upper body. He had to use his arms, shoulders, and chest in physical therapy, as they compensated for his weakened lower half, especially in the early days after the accident.

  Jonatan’s comments were successful, as was Aimee’s encouragement. His ego had been stroked, for in this business, appearance was everything. His arms were bigger and stronger, as was his chest, making his waist appear much smaller. It was comforting to receive some confirmation, especially from those he trusted, that he was still able to make money at this, competitive a field as it was, although his focus was now to orchestrate these events, not be the subject of them.

  Watching the sky colors in Hawaii could be a spectator sport for him, it was so relaxing. He never tired of it. He had been here for two days and the suffocation that had become his daily life evaporated with the warm winds. The clouds always had a relaxing effect as well as the waterfall of shades that streaked through the sky toward sunset. There was nothing he could compare to it—with the exception of the blues.

  The blues interrupted the rigid excruciation of pain and numbed it. Only the blues in the water and the sky could compete with the memory of the eyes that haunted him. He missed her. Declan was in the process of “cleaning up his act,” as his mother would say. He’d cut back on the drinking—way back according to him—though not all the way. He sure as hell would never be a boy scout, and everyone knew it, but he was trying. He could live his life with the absence of almost anything—except her—but he hadn’t figured out how he was going to get her back.

  Seeing Dr. Rhodes was helping him to get his head on straight. As reality invited the lonely tightness in his chest to return, he worked out more to rid himself of the tension. It was a side benefit that the exercise built up an appetite and made him a healthier person. He’d groaned when he had lunch with Jeannie and she told him that he was “looking good” and would be “a good catch.” He was doing better, but inside, there were times when he felt like a raging beast because there was still one thing that frustrated him that was left unresolved…

  Her.

  He loved her.

  Still.

  As he watched the sky turn to different lights and hues, it reminded him of the ferocity of the changing shades in her eyes. Her moods could change those colors as quickly as they were changing in the sky before him! He didn’t know if there would ever come a time when he would spend casual time, like this, just holding her, looking into them again, but the sky imprisoned his thoughts—and he wondered if something would intervene and give him a chance at loving her again…

  He walked back from the beach hoping it would ease his loneliness a little. Closing the door of his cottage, he heard a slight movement and his instincts went into overdrive.

  He slid into the kitchen, knowing he wouldn’t be held accountable for injuring a trespasser. A knife was the first weapon that came to mind, so he quietly opened a drawer and grabbed one in stealth-like fashion.

  A heavy thud came from one of the bedrooms and his attention immediately focused on the light shining through the crack at the bottom of a bedroom door. His instincts vibrated through his entire body like a predator.

  Quietly, he placed his back against the wall and inched slowly toward the room. Blood rushed in his ears, making his hearing impaired, and his heart doubled its pace. He could still hear heavy footsteps in the room as the trespasser didn’t try to hide their location.

  He reached the door, and questioned his sanity. Why hadn’t he just called Security and let them handle this? Surmising that it was too late to turn back now, his hand went hesitantly toward the doorknob.

  The element of surprise would be his best defense, so he sucked in a breath, and with all his might, he powerfully threw open the door, scaring and surprising the intruder.

  “AHHHHHHHHH!” he screamed, hand and knife high in the air!

  The violator fell back, banging their head against the wall, clutching their chest; eyes open wide, flickering with shock.

  “Declan! What the hell are you doing?!” yelled the startled intruder.

  Before shock could register on Declan’s face, arms came from behind, colliding with his back. One went around his waist, the other twisted back the arm that was in possession of the knife. He grimaced at the infringing position.

  “Get the hell off of me!” he yelled, struggling against his captor.

  Once the knife fell, he was released and he stumbled to the wall. The same arms that had taken him down were now helping him up, and the scene took on a surreal, ridiculous feeling. He looked all around him to make sense of what had just transpired.

  “Well, that’s one way to say hi.”

  Declan’s eyes flew up to a “shit eating” grin, and Carter gave him a moment to register who had become his visitors.

  Surprise and astonishment blended on Declan’s face as he took in both his brother and Blake’s appearance.

  Gravity took over and Blake sat down before he fell down, hitting the edge of a bed, visibly shaken.

  Declan looked from one man to the other. “What are you doing here?!”

  Seizing the opportunity to diffuse the situation, Carter made a joke of it. “Well, brother, we decided to make your trip to Paradise a little bit more…relaxing…”

  Re-entering the suite, the girls found the dining area had been set with beautiful crystal, luscious tropical flowers, and flickering candles. A fresh Mahi was being prepared in their kitchen by the hotel Chef along with fresh local produce.

  They disappeared into their respective rooms, preparing for a fun and relaxing dinner. Although it was just the girls, all the special details lent themselves to a pampered and casual elegance. Each girl had chosen to wear a sundress bought on the island for the dinner. Aria chose a soft white gauze with cap sleeves. Although she couldn’t explain it, with her curls slightly trussed up and wearing no shoes, the Aloha in the air made her feel as if she unquestionably belonged to the island.

  As she met Aimee and Paige on the Lanai, an attendant began to mix drinks for them. The sun had just begun its descent and the colors of the Pacific sky captured and entranced her.

  “Beautiful isn’t it?” Aimee said as she noticed the direction of Aria’s attention.

  Aria nodded. “How do you get used to this kind of beauty?” she asked, feeling overwhelmed with the transformation of the horizon before her.

  “I don’t, Aria. I don’t think I ever will,” Aimee confessed. “I always want to stay in a state of amazement of my good fortune. I’m afraid that the minute I begin to take it for granted…and I don’t…I’ll become as shallow as Marisol.”

  At the mention of her name, the hair on Aria’s neck eerily raised and her eyes went cold. Memories of the woman who had caused so much pain and destruction in her life made her heart ache. The invocation of her name amongst all of this loveliness seemed sacrilegious.

  “Aria, please don’t look at me like that,” Aimee said.

  She approached her friend, giving her a gentle hug.

  “If I ever become callous with my good fortune, then I promise you have my permission to knock some common sense into me.”

  “I want in on that action,” Paige chirped from behind.

  “You don’t touch me, Paige,” Aimee jokingly warned. “Only Aria can. You’d do it just for the fun of it!”

  “You’ve got that right!” Paige said, and laughter erupted among the group.

  The Chef approached them announcing that dinner was ready, so they filed into the dining room readying themselves to thoroughly enjoy the feast he had so carefully prepared.

  “Why aren’t you wearing
a sundress, Paige?” Aimee asked, making dinner conversation.

  Aria looked at Paige. She was defensively ready to help her friend deflect the tender subject if necessary.

  “Sundresses aren’t really my thing,” Paige very casually answered, never looking up from her plate, “but I’ve brought some pretty lightweight dresses.”

  She remained calm and was very collected. Paige had some physical secrets she preferred to hide. She’d had many years of girlish inquisition as to hair and clothing choices, and had become quite the expert at deflection. Aria had been her friend, as well as her hair stylist and helped her to conceal those things that she had hidden as flaws. Between the two of them, they had tag-teamed many inquisitive conversations, such as this one, into non-existence.

  Aimee seemed to be satisfied by her answer and returned her attention to the dinner, much to Aria and Paige’s relief. She continued to chatter lightheartedly.

  “You’ll love shopping tomorrow. You’ve already been to some very nice stores, but where you’ll be going tomorrow has some of the most beautiful prints here on the Island. I’m sure you’ll both come back with things that you just couldn’t resist!” she said, directing her excitement to the both of them.

  “I think you’re right about that!” Aria said, happy to talk about a subject they all enjoyed. “Paige and I haven’t yet met clothes or an accessory that we didn’t like!”

  “Isn’t that the honest truth?!” Paige agreed. “We could start our own consignment shop!”

  “Hey! There’s an idea!” Aimee chirped. “We should think about that when we get back home. We could sandwich the three stores together; Real Estate, Renovations, and Reusable Rags!”

  Warm laughter began to grow as Aimee’s sense of humor and the alcohol were apparently beginning to take effect.

  “No, really! Think about it.” She laughed. “We could pull it off!”

  “I believe it may be the alcohol talking, Aimee. Tomorrow you may rethink your idea,” Aria said, shaking her head in amusement.

  Aimee moved from the table and slightly wobbled over toward the drinks.

  “True, but tonight I’ll have one more of these, thank you! You never know, I may have some more brilliant inspirations.”

  It was then Aria noticed she had polished off almost all of the pitcher of drinks!

  “Speaking of inspiration,” Paige said, walking to look at the sunset, “each evening I’m more amazed than the one before.”

  She directed their attention upward to the sky.

  The hopeless romantic had engaged within her, and Aria found it difficult to swallow once she was ensnared by the sky’s lure. Having never seen Hawaiian sunsets, it’d become a daily addiction, and she moved to get a better view. It was almost dark, but the remaining colors were unbelievable. She was completely overcome and stood to enjoy the gentle breeze that accompanied it, along with the shapely clouds which seemed to touch the horizon line.

  “Aimee, thank you,” she whispered as a tear fell unrestrained. Her heart felt bigger than her chest.

  “Oh, sweetie! What is it? Are you okay?” Concerned, Aimee went over to where Aria was standing.

  Aria wasn’t sure if she was able to explain what she felt—the feeling of being consumed with love and loss at the same time.

  “I’m fine,” Aria assured her.

  Looking at Aimee with tear filled eyes, she held her composure.

  “I can’t describe to you what I’m feeling, because I’ve never quite understood it myself. Being near the ocean has always given me the most peaceful feelings. It’s why you’ll always find me near the water—but here, being next to the ocean and seeing this sky, makes me feel very, very small…and very overwhelmed with the beauty. It helps me to put my thoughts and worries into perspective.”

  She turned to her friend to give her a hug. Aimee then saw what Declan described when he’d said no one had eyes like Aria’s eyes.

  “I might never have taken the opportunity to experience this if you hadn’t invited us, so…thank you.”

  She lightly kissed Aimee on the cheek.

  Aimee offered her a warm hug and a beautiful smile. She thought Aria was one of the sweetest people in the world—and she thought she was perfect for Declan.

  “You’re welcome, honey,” she said. “I hope you feel the same way when the trip is over. I really wanted you to come.”

  Paige, not wanting this to turn into a sob fest, made an attempt to tone down the emotional tone of the conversation.

  “We’re all a little over the top from the alcohol,” she said.

  She walked up behind both girls and put an arm around their shoulders. She then gave Aimee a little squeeze and also kissed her on the cheek.

  “I want to thank you, too. It has been a great trip so far.”

  She broke into an ornery smile as she continued.

  “Your bartender makes the best Mai Tai’s!”

  Aimee broke into laughter. “You got that right, girl! Only the best for us!”

  As Paige and Aimee went to refill their glasses, Aria walked out onto the lanai to sit back and enjoy the remainder of the sunset. Her thoughts were easier to comprehend while resting in the beauty of the seemingly never-ending ocean and the peaceful breezes. One thing forever remained a constant, no matter where she was—nothing filled the void that Declan’s absence had created.

  These past months had been tough. The EMDR therapy had most definitely worked and every single detail of what she saw at the accident scene was now clear in her consciousness. Knowledge was a very powerful thing. Although her newfound awareness freed her from the grip of guilt, everything that had occurred that day now tainted and changed her thoughts of the future. She still examined the events of that day, constantly questioning how she’d resolve what her impetuous conclusions of the scene had led her to do.

  Knowing Declan loved her, and having gained perspective, she’d bet her last dollar that Marisol was the instigator of what she witnessed at the house that day. Now that the accident scene had been clarified, everything about that day now seemed to fall into place.

  How to tell him? When to tell him? Would it even matter?

  She wanted the opportunity to talk to him, and at least tell him that she was sorry for doubting him that day. Her initial reaction of mistrust had hurt their relationship—not just everything that had happened after. The events that followed were unfortunate, downright devastating in fact, but Dr. Sumner had convinced her that it was imperative for her recovery to let go of the guilt connected with it. She couldn’t do anything to change what had happened in the past; all she could do was determine to live a better and brighter future.

  Before leaving for Hawaii, she’d had dinner with Jeannie and told her what had happened in therapy—what memories had been clarified. She could tell that her mother was livid with rage at the discovery of all the details, but Aria told her not to get involved; that she’d find her own way to deal with all of it. Jeannie wanted her to phone Declan immediately, and tell him what had transpired that day, and all that she remembered, but Aria said that she was afraid that he might not believe her. She said that she needed some time of her own to figure out how best to handle the situation. In attempting to do that, Aria confessed to her mother that her negative feelings toward him were being replaced with more positive ones, and she hoped that one day, maybe, they’d at least become friends again. The thought was very bittersweet for her.

  Returning her concentration to the heavens, she watched as darkness filled the sky. A thought occurred and she decided that what she needed to do was put an end to these melancholy thoughts and let loose to have some fun with the girls!

  Looking in at her friends, she knew that they were exactly the ladies that she could count on to accomplish that goal! Who knew? Maybe someone would come along, at least for a little while, to take her mind off of Declan, and a little island flirtation couldn’t hurt!

  With her glass in hand, she stretched up to ease the tense thou
ghts and then twirled, dancing like a little girl as she followed the sound of the laughter. It was time to cast cares aside, join the party, and have a refill…

  Carter had grabbed two beers out of the refrigerator and went to join Declan on the lanai of the cottage. While Blake showered, he took advantage of the time alone to sequester his brother, seeing if he was okay after their unexpected, and unannounced, intrusion.

  While Declan initially appeared irate, it didn’t take long for him to calm down. He said that he was okay with them showing up without warning him, but when he grabbed a beer and went to sit by himself, Carter wasn’t sure if he was more shaken than he let on.

  Pulling a lounge chair over, Carter eased down into it and placed a beer by his brother’s foot.

  “You pissed that we showed up?” he directly asked.

  Declan shook his head to assure him he was not, but didn’t turn around to look in his brother’s direction.

  “No. It would’ve been nice to know you guys were coming ahead of time, but I’m not pissed at all,” he stated very calmly.

  Carter took a long swig of his beer, trying to figure out Declan’s mood. He figured he’d make some conversation to ease any unspoken tension and commented about the resort.

  “Nice place,” he said, stating the obvious.

  “Yeah. It is,” Declan answered as he began rubbing at the top of his leg.

  Carter pointed the bottom of the beer bottle in that direction.

  “Is it bothering you?” he asked. “The leg?”

  Declan swung around, moving his leg into a straighter position.

  “Not really. It was a bit sore. I was standing on it all day, at the shoot, but I took some meds when I came back and it’s doing okay,” he explained as he continued to massage the top of the leg.

  Carter raised his eyebrows for a question, swirling around the brown bottle.

  “I know I brought one of these out to you, but are you supposed to be drinking this stuff with those meds?” he asked.