Forever, My Homeland: The Final Book in the All My Love, Detrick Series

by Roberta Kagan

  “I love the idea. But considering who my father was and everything about me, do you think that the people at the museum would want me to speak?”

  “I think so. It would be for the good of everyone involved. I can’t see why they wouldn’t want you to speak.” Suddenly she felt reckless. Tova had never taken any time off work. She’d been working with the police for twenty years and had never had a vacation.

  The real reason she’d never gone anywhere was that she had nowhere to go and no one to go with. Her parents were long dead, and she had no siblings. The men in her life came and went, but she’d never had a serious relationship. “Would you like me to come with you to Yad Vashem? Perhaps I could help you explain what you would like to do?”

  He cocked his head to a side, and then his smile grew wide. “Yes, I’d like that very much.”

  “I’ll go into work tomorrow and see if I can take a week off. Then, we can go to Jerusalem,” she said. Tomorrow, she would ask the couple who lived in the apartment next door if they would watch Aya for a week. She could offer to pay them. Tova knew the woman fairly well; they talked in the laundry room every Sunday. The woman loved cats and had two of her own. Tova was fairly certain that she would agree.

  CHAPTER 32

  That night he felt lighter than he’d felt since he had made the terrible discovery about his father. If he were able to redeem himself by helping, even in some small way, to prevent another Holocaust, then he would have found a purpose for his wretched life. He took a hot bath, and for once, he didn’t think about his disastrous marriage or his lonely apartment.

  In fact, his mind was on the future and the strong Israeli woman who was willing to help him. He liked her. It had been years since Gerhard had even thought about being with a woman in a romantic sense. But she’d touched him with her kindness, her understanding, and that miraculous strength that he found in most Israelis. Tova Ben-Levi—he even liked the sound of her name.

  They spoke to each other in broken English, but it was enough for them to understand everything the other said and felt. Gerhard wondered if she had a husband or a boyfriend. She’d never mentioned it, and he’d never thought to ask. But if she were married, how could she go off for a week to Jerusalem with him? And if she had a boyfriend, would her lover allow such a thing? Perhaps he was reading too much into all of this. Maybe she was just helping him, and he was the only one who was developing a romantic attraction.

  Until Gerhard met Tova, he didn’t realize how much he needed another person in his life, someone to share his deepest thoughts with. He’d become so used to being alone that he had accepted it as a way of life. Tova Ben-Levi—he loved the way her name sounded when he spoke it.

  Gerhard was far too old to be acting like an infatuated schoolboy. But, as he lay in bed trying to fall asleep, he thought of how wonderful it might feel to abandon his conservative, constricting way of life in her arms. He considered how liberating it would be to murmur his need for her into her ear. Tova Ben-Levi, could you ever even consider falling in love with a man like me?

  CHAPTER 33

  Tova turned the key in the door of her apartment. Aya immediately sprang out of her half-sleep, half-awake state of being and began to meow.

  “You always hear me come home. I can hardly get in the house before you’re here telling me all about your day,” Tova said to her cat. Locking the door, she went to the kitchen with the cat following close behind her, rubbing Tova’s calves with her soft fur. “Come on, my little friend. I know you missed me, so I am going to give you some treats. Yes, yes, Mommy was out late tonight, and you’re not used to Mommy going out after work. I’m so sorry.”

  Tova reached down to scratch Aya on the side of her cheek. “Would you believe I had dinner with a man? It’s hard for me to believe, too. It’s been years since I’ve been on a date. I thought that those days were over for me,” Tova said. She took down the covered glass container where she kept Aya’s cat treats and poured a small amount into her precious pet’s bowl.

  Aya’s small teeth crunched the pebbles as Tova began getting ready for bed. There was no doubt, regardless of who his father may have been, Gerhard Helmut was a good person. He was twisted up with guilt and trying very hard to do what he thought was the right thing. Tova’s instincts told her that he was sincere.

  When she looked at him, she saw a middle-aged man who had probably once been very handsome. Now his hair was thinning, and his features were probably not as chiseled as they had once been, but even so, Tova found him to be an attractive man. From his appearance, she assumed he was pretty close to the same age as she was, somewhere in his early fifties. He was very refined, soft-spoken, and so European.

  She laughed out loud when she thought about that. Israelis were blunt and direct. She was used to people speaking loudly and arguing their opinions, sometimes without thinking first. Gerhard’s strong desire to do something positive for Israel, to make up for his father’s behavior was admirable.

  So many children and grandchildren of Nazis as well as young people who had the same ideology still carried so much hatred in their hearts. They were raised to believe that Jews had no right to live, that they were less than human. She was quite familiar with the anti-Semitic way of thinking.

  But somehow, Gerhard was different. He had transcended all of the teachings of his youth. He was trying. It was touching to see a man like that struggling to make every effort, somehow to make right the wrongs of his father. Of course, no matter what he did, he would never be able to change the unforgivable things his father had done, but perhaps he, Gerhard, could make a difference. She couldn’t help but like him. But she was hesitant to allow herself to see him in a romantic way.

  She’d been hurt so much by men through the years. When she was younger, there had been one-night stands, but no real boyfriend, and certainly no potential husband. Tova, a little too fat—Tova, not quite pretty enough—Tova, always the girl they left behind for someone better.

  And still, even though she promised herself that she was through with men, Tova Ben-Levi was starved for love. Her body ached for the touch of another human being. It was not all about sexual need. She longed for someone to hold her hand, someone to hug her, and someone to sit on the sofa close enough that she could share his body heat.

  No man had paid any attention to her in at least ten years, and she craved the feeling of being held and wanted. Tova, Tova, she said out loud to herself. What are you thinking? Are you crazy? This man is from a Nazi father. This is certainly not someone you should be thinking of in this way.

  But was he an enemy, was he a Nazi? Was he really? He couldn’t help who his father was or where he was born. Gerhard Helmut was born in Germany, the son of a Nazi SS concentration camp guard. Was it his fault?

  If he could have chosen, she knew he would have chosen another path. But this was the path that he was destined to walk. It was not his decision, and now he showed great character in wanting to make things right. Tova smiled. She liked him. She liked him for his courage, for his kindness, for the heart that beat inside of him and was fighting to be a better man than his father was.

  She tossed her clothes on the chair by in her room and slipped on one of the long T-shirts that she used as a nightgown and hopped into bed. Aya was right behind her and leapt up gracefully, planting herself on the pillow next to Tova. Tova turned off the lamp next to the bed. She lay in the darkness thinking. Jerusalem…

  Tova thought about traveling. She had not been to Jerusalem since she was a child. Well, she would only go if the neighbors agreed to take good care of Aya. She reached over and petted the cat’s head. Aya meowed a little annoyed at being disturbed as she was falling asleep. Tova loved Aya like an only child. Tova leaned over and kissed Aya’s head and the kitty stretched into the position she’d slept in every night for the last seven years of her life. Then, Aya immediately fell asleep.

  ***

  It was all arranged. It had been that easy. Tova was surprised that her
neighbor had so readily agreed to watch Aya and even refused to take any payment. All she asked was that when she and her husband traveled that Tova would watch their cats. That was an easy exchange. Tova loved cats. In fact, she loved all animals. Of course, she agreed. She would take care of her neighbor’s pets.

  When she got to work, she told her boss that she wanted to visit some relatives and asked if she could have the rest of week off. He didn’t even try to discourage her. She left the office an hour after she’d arrived with a tingling excitement. Tova couldn’t wait to tell Gerhard that she would be accompanying him to Jerusalem.

  For the first time in a long time, Tova stopped at a clothing store. On most days, Tova window shopped on her way home but never purchased anything for herself. Today she bought the dress she saw in the window, a garment that was unlike anything she owned. The dress was a modern black spandex with huge shoulder pads; it was form-fitting and gave her an hourglass shape.

  Next she pulled into a market and purchased some over-the-counter hair color. It had been years since she’d even noticed how gray her hair had become. But today, she wanted to look her best. The first thing she would do when she arrived at home was to apply the color, and then she would begin packing while the color processed. After her hair was shampooed, she would call Gerhard while it was drying. Then she planned to deliver Aya to the neighbors and be on her way.

  Gerhard answered the phone on the first ring.

  “Hi, it’s Tova. I have great news. I am off work for a week. I can go with you to Jerusalem.”

  She heard him take a deep breath and realized that he’d been waiting anxiously for her call. “That’s great news. I’ll rent a car,” he said.

  “I have a car. I’ll drive.”

  “No, I don’t want you to put miles on your car for me. I’ll pay for a rental.”

  “Nonsense. This is my vacation, too. I insist on using my car.”

  “Very well, then I insist on paying for all the gas and the hotel rooms.” Then he cleared his throat in embarrassment. “Separate rooms, of course.”

  “Yes,” she stammered. “Of course.”

  CHAPTER 34

  Bari Lynn couldn’t understand a word of what was being said upstairs. She only knew that her limbs ached, and her tailbone was sore from sitting in the same position for so long. Although she couldn’t be sure, she thought that it had to be at least two days that they were here. Bari was so terrified, more afraid than she’d ever been in her entire life.

  Marilyn was constantly moaning and crying. The young man had come again with food and water. The next time he came, she decided that she would try to talk to him. Perhaps she could reason with him.

  ***

  In the kitchen above the cellar where the girls were being kept, Athir and his brother Kazim were alone. The room was filthy. Guns of all sizes lay on the table with ammunition in small cardboard boxes.

  “I feel very uncomfortable about what we are doing with these girls. I think we should let them go,” Athir said.

  “And what about our brother? Do you ever want to see Fadi again?”

  “Of course, but you know that keeping these girls like this is a mistake. It will bring us trouble. Now not only Israel is involved, but America, too. Kazim, we are making a dangerous mistake. The Mossad will hunt us for the rest of our lives and kill us like dogs wherever they find us. Let them go.”

  “Athir, this is bigger than the two of us. We can’t let them go. The entire organization would turn on us. They would kill us. We can’t back out of this now.”

  “They are your friends more than mine. Talk to them. Tell them that we have gone too far this time. Tell them, Kazim, before it’s too late.”

  “I think it is already too late.”

  ***

  It was several hours before Bari heard the cellar door creak open and Athir’s footsteps descending the stairs. The wood creaked beneath his weight. Again, he carried a flashlight. He set the flashlight down on the floor and took the gun from his pants pocket and held it with one hand.

  “I brought food and water,” he said. He untied her hands and handed Bari a water bottle and a handful of figs. She thought about fighting back, but he had a gun and if she failed, both she and Marilyn would be dead. He untied Marilyn’s hands and handed her a bunch of figs.

  “Listen, there is no one around here to help you. My brother is upstairs.”

  Bari nodded.

  The water was what Bari craved the most. Her throat was dry, and her lips were stuck together. She took the bottle and gulped half of it down. Then she handed it to Marilyn, and she decided it was time to try to talk to Athir.

  “Do you plan to kill us?” Bari asked, terrified of his answer.

  “I don’t want to do that. We are only trying to get our friends out of jail.”

  “Yes, but if they are not released, then what? Or even if they are, do you think this group of your friends is actually going to let us go?”

  Marilyn was crying softly. Bari was terrified, but she was angry, too.

  “My brother is the leader, and he promised he will let you go if we get our people back.” The tone of his voice betrayed that he did not believe his brother. She could hear how conflicted he was.

  “Can you live with yourself if they kill us and spill innocent blood?”

  He did not answer. Bari was tempted to take her blindfold off so she could look into his eyes and reason with him, but was mindful of his warning that it would mean certain death.

  “Then why are you here? Why are you with them?” Bari asked.

  “Bari,” Marilyn said. “Stop. You’ll make him mad… Then he’ll do something to us.”

  “Why?” Bari insisted, ignoring Marilyn. “If you don’t think this is right, then why are you doing it?”

  Athir shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know.”

  “Is that the best you can do? Is that your only answer?”

  “Bari, please stop…” Marilyn said.

  “Because my brother is in jail and I have to find a way to free him,” Athir said, his voice was filled with anxiety. “My brother, who is in prison, and my other brother who is upstairs, are members of the FPN. They both believe that the only way for Palestinians to survive is by forming terrorist groups.

  He called their group a terrorist group, not holy warriors or freedom fighters, Bari thought. It was not just talk, earlier when he said he was sorry. He does not agree with them.

  “But aren’t you a member of this FPN? Aren’t you?”

  “Yes,” Athir said. “Reluctantly, but yes, I am.”

  “If you don’t believe that this is right, then how can you be a part of it?

  “It is about my blood, my family. I have to do my part.”

  “Where do you see this going? Is rotting in prison or being killed what you want?”

  “Athir.” A male voice came from upstairs. “Why are you down there so long? Make sure they are tied up tightly and come upstairs.” It was Kazim.

  “Hurry and finish your food so I can bind your hands.”

  The girls quickly finished off the figs, and handed the empty water bottle back. “Thank you,” Bari said, trying to hide the emotion in her voice. She felt the tears forming under her eyelids. She could very well die here in this terrible place. It was more than possible. When she had kissed her mother and Lucas goodbye at the airport in Chicago, she had no idea that it might be the last time she would ever see them.

  It was funny. Meeting her birth father didn’t matter anymore, and neither did the rejection from Ido. All Bari wanted was to go home, to see her mother and Lucas. Lucas raised her; he was her real father. She longed to lie on the sofa in the living room and watch sitcoms, to eat pizza and drink cola, and… Please, God, let me go home to America. My mother was right. I don’t belong here in Israel.

  “We’re only eighteen,” Bari said. “Please, let us go… Please don’t them kill us.”

  “Athir?” Kazim called again.

  “I’
ll be up in a minute. I am tying them up now.”

  “Come upstairs and don’t be sitting down there talking to the prisoners. The last thing you need it to start making friends with them. Get upstairs now.”

  “I’m sorry,” Athir said, and he bound Marilyn’s hands. “I really am sorry. I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “I believe you,” she said, and she wanted to believe. Dear God, how she wanted to believe.

  When Athir went upstairs, his brother Kazim was waiting for him with Abdul and Muhammad.

  “Come, we are going to pray,” Muhammad said and bent to lock the cellar door.

  Athir and the others followed him. But Athir could not get the girls out of his mind. He knew in his heart that what they were doing was not right. His brothers were right that the Jews had stolen their land, and he wanted it back. Of course, he did, but not at the expense of two innocent girls.

  Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the Jews and Muslims could live side-by-side? Athir thought. I’ve always been such an idealist. I doubt that could ever happen. There is too much anger, too much hatred. He had secretly read the Old Testament of the Bible. He was always the seeker. He wanted to know more about Judaism. And the funny thing was that he learned that Judaism had similar references to his own religion. It was all so confusing.

  All this death and destruction between people, this was not as it should be. If he looked at things from an unbiased standpoint, Athir knew that the Jews took the land along the Gaza strip because they were being threatened. He didn’t agree with what Israel did, but he understood it.

  They’d seized the land during a war that should never have taken place. At least, that was Athir’s true belief. He could never tell his brothers his true feelings, especially now with Fadi rotting in prison waiting for the FPN to do something, to free him. His brothers had turned into angry and violent men.

  The FPN wasn’t the only terrorist cell, there were many, far too many. Athir was afraid to voice any opposition in front of the others. He tried to persuade Kazim to change his mind, but he only did that when they were alone. He had no doubt that the others would kill him if they knew his true feelings. And he knew he was not the only one who lived in fear.