Under the Open Sky (Montana Heritage Series)

by Michelle Maness

  “I can see that. What about you, Mandy. What do you look for in men?” Kevin asked her.

  “Trouble, apparently, that’s all I ever seem to find,” she quipped. “Well, except for you; I guess things went fairly smooth with us the first time didn’t they?”

  “So we’re off to a good start already,” he smiled; she smiled back. “I do hope that someday, down the road perhaps you will see me as someone you can do more than laugh and talk with, Mandy,” he admitted.

  Amanda dropped her gaze; she hoped that she could come to that place, whether with Kevin or someone else; she feared, however, that she might not be capable of it.

  __________________________________________________

  Amanda sat sideways on her couch as she faced Kevin, his hand on her knee, and his thumb lightly caressing her. Cadey-Lynn sat in the floor with blocks and a basket placing all the blocks inside only to dump them and start all over. Amanda and Kevin had been out together several times over the past few months and Amanda had enjoyed each of their dates but she kept waiting for fireworks; even a spark would have been welcome. Her brother’s wedding was fast approaching and she had already asked Kevin to be her date for the evening. She knew her family was taking this as a good sign that she was moving on; inside she still struggled to keep moving forward.

  “What are you thinking, Mandy? I’m talking but you are miles away,” Kevin accused.

  “I’m sorry I was just thinking about my brother’s wedding. Thanks for agreeing to go with me.”

  “I’ll go anywhere with you that you want me to go,” he assured her.

  “Ma-ma,” Cadey-Lynn stood and rushed to her mother to climb into her lap.

  “What is it, Cadey-Lynn?” Amanda snuggled her daughter close. She watched her rub her eyes and knew she was tired.

  “It looks like someone is ready for bed,” Kevin noted.

  “Yeah, she didn’t take much of a nap today,” Amanda shared as she pushed strands of black hair off her daughter’s face.

  “I should go,” Kevin stood.

  “Call me tomorrow?” Amanda requested; Kevin smiled and leaned over to press a light kiss to her lips. Amanda watched him go and sighed. She loved nights like tonight. They had watched Cadey-Lynn play, they had laughed and talked, but she wasn’t sure it was enough to build a future on and it wasn’t fair to lead Kevin on if they weren’t going to move in that direction. He had made it clear that he wanted more and she knew the only reason he didn’t kiss her more often or more passionately was because he knew she needed to take things slow. He was the perfect guy; why couldn’t she just fall head over heels for him? Amanda sighed and stood to put her daughter to bed. She might well have to spend the rest of her life alone, she mused. That night she wrote:

  Cade,

  I am so frustrated. I want to move on, for our time together to be something I remember as something that was special but over. Why can’t I fall for the guy who loves me and is here? Why do I still have to lie in bed at night thinking about you, wondering where you are; what you’re doing? Why can’t his touch spark the things in me that yours did? Why do I keep writing?

  ________________________________________

  Amanda stood beside Jenny and watched as she exchanged vows with Trent. Amanda’s heart felt full. She hoped that Jenny and Trent would be deliriously happy together and that Jenny would put Trent in his place when he forgot that was supposed to be a nice guy. Jenny’s mom and dad had finally seemed to come to terms with their daughter marrying Trent. In fact, Jenny’s father had hugged Trent and held him a moment before releasing him just the night before at the rehearsal dinner; Amanda had to blink back tears as she watched her brother kiss Jenny and then escort her back down the aisle as his wife.

  The reception was well under way before Amanda finally found a moment to grab a glass and wonder where her date was. When she felt a hand on her waist she knew he had found her.

  “Hey, Kevin, sorry, being the maid of honor entails a lot of running,” she offered with a smile.

  “No problem; I’ve just been admiring you all night. I think you’re supposed to watch the couple getting married, not the maid of honor during the ceremony but I couldn’t help myself. You look wonderful.”

  “Thanks,” Amanda smiled. Her dress, a blue, sleeveless sheath that skimmed her curves, was a beautiful complement for her coloring and figure.

  “Where did Cadey-Lynn go? Last I knew Naomi had her and now she seems to have disappeared.”

  “Oh, one of my aunt’s friends volunteered to take her home and stay with her until I get there,” Amanda explained.

  “That was nice of her.”

  “It was,” Amanda agreed.

  “So could I convince you to dance with me?” Kevin inquired.

  “I guess so,” Amanda rolled her eyes and pretended it was a huge imposition.

  They took to the dance floor with the others and Amanda laid her head on Kevin’s chest. It should have been a romantic moment; instead, Amanda found herself remembering dancing with Cade in the park under the stars.

  Amanda opened her door, thanked Janice for putting Cadey-Lynn to bed and saw the woman out. She then turned to Kevin.

  “Thanks again for going to the wedding with me,” Amanda

  “I told you it was no problem,” Kevin reached for her hand and pulled her close. Amanda tilted her head and let Kevin kiss her. Tonight his kissed turned passionate.

  Amanda kissed him back. She was waiting to feel more than mild pleasure at the feel of his lips on hers; it didn’t happen. Kevin broke the kiss and looked down at her with a sad gaze.

  “I’m sorry, Kevin,” Amanda felt tears threaten.

  “Hey, I thought, maybe it might work; I knew it was a long shot. I could tell back in high school that you had given him your heart, Amanda. I had to try though,” Kevin, his hands still holding hers, had stepped back.

  “You are such a great guy,” she vented around tears.

  “Maybe I should be mean,” he joked. “Or just dangerous,” his eyes twinkled at the suggestion.

  Amanda laughed; this was why she so wished she could love Kevin.

  “Maybe, I do seem to be attracted to that type huh?”

  “No, just one; nothing wrong with that.”

  “Except he’s gone and obviously isn’t coming back,” she said softly.

  “Maybe someone will come along who can displace him. I wish you luck, Mandy. Friends?” he extended his hand.

  “Friends,” she ignored his hand and hugged him.

  __________________________________________

  Amanda loved having Jenny on the ranch. True she was rather wrapped up in her new husband, Amanda would forgive her for that, but they still got to see each other frequently. Jenny continued to work at the hospital but she had cut her hours to part-time leaving her afternoons to be spent on the ranch. These were the hours when Amanda got to talk and hang out with her. When Jenny asked what had happened to Kevin, Amanda shared her mixed up feelings. Her friend hugged her and promised it would happen.

  “Jenny, where are you?” Amanda called one afternoon as she entered the main house. Cadey- Lynn was asleep in her arms and Amanda laid her in the small play pen her dad kept in the living room.

  “Up here!” Jenny called from upstairs.

  Amanda found her best friend leaning over the toilet her face ashen.

  “You okay?”

  “I think I’m pregnant,” Jenny told her, one hand still on her stomach.

  “Already?”

  “What do you mean already?” Jenny stood and frowned at her friend.

  “You two have only been married a few months.”

  “Did I miss some memo as to how long we were supposed to wait?” Jenny asked in amusement.

  “No, I just didn’t realize you two were trying.”

  “I never went on birth control, we agreed before we ever married that we wanted to start a family soon. So after we married we just sort of quit trying not to get pregnant,
” Jenny explained as she grabbed a rag and wet it to wipe her face.

  “Ah, it all becomes clear, tired of the condoms were you?” Amanda asked and watched Jenny blush.

  “They weren’t my favorite,” Jenny finally admitted on a laugh. “But then what would you know about them?”

  “That we didn’t think to use one; but had we I wouldn’t have my daughter so,” Amanda shrugged. “You tired all the time?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Breast tender?”

  “I thought I was going to slap your brother last night when he touched them,” Jenny admitted.

  “So take a pregnancy test.”

  “I should have picked one up on my way home,” Jenny admitted. “So, let’s go get one.”

  “Now?”

  “Why not; you want to know?”

  “Okay,” Jenny nodded. “Let me grab my purse.”

  Amanda headed downstairs and asked Naomi to watch Cadey-Lynn while she and Jenny ran to town. When they returned, Amanda called down to the barn to tell her brother to come to the house.

  “What’s up?” he asked as he topped the stairs.

  “We thought you should be here for this,” Amanda explained.

  “For what?”

  “I’m waiting for the result of a pregnancy test,” Jenny told him from where she was leaning on the wall beside the bathroom door.

  “Oh,” Trent looked slightly shocked.

  “Um, you do know how this happened; right?” Amanda teased her brother.

  “Shut up,” Trent ordered her.

  “Time,” Amanda called with another glance at her watch. “You two want me to leave?”

  “No,” they answered in unison; Amanda smiled.

  Jenny entered the bathroom and lifted the test off the counter; she glanced up at them her expression blank. Amanda feared it was negative and her friend was disappointed; then her eyes widened.

  “I’m pregnant.”

  Trent let out a whoop and swept his wife off her feet to swing her around before he set her back down. Amanda moved in to hug Jenny next and then found herself air born as her brother swung her next.

  “What is going on up here? Naomi topped the stairs only to be plucked off the floor. “Trenton Michael Jennings you put me down!”

  “You are going to be a great aunt again,” Trenton shared before kissing her on the cheek. “I’m going to tell Dad,” Trent ripped off down the stairs.

  “Well he’s certainly happy about becoming a father,” Amanda noted in amusement. “Who would have thought that he would be so crazy at the idea of a baby?”

  “I’m not surprised; he’s just like your father. You should have seen your dad when Trent and then you came along, Mandy. Your father felt as though the sun rose and set around the both of you.”

  That night Amanda wrote:

  Cade,

  Jenny is expecting and my brother is over the moon with excitement! I found myself wondering if you would have been excited about Cadey-Lynn. I’d like to think so. I would like to think you would have seen her as part of both us as I do. She reminds me of you in so many ways. She has a killer smile, just like yours. Everyone melts the moment she shoots her smile and bats her big blue eyes at them. I miss you.

  Thirty-Two

  Amanda sat at a table at the drive in and smiled at the teens around her. She had already finished her meal and was people watching. The night was cool but not unbearable and everyone seemed to be enjoying the temperatures before cold became the norm. Jenny had claimed Cadey-Lynn and ordered Amanda to get out of the house. Now Amanda was trying to figure what to do with herself.

  One of the teenage boys across the way was showing off for one of the girls and Amanda couldn’t help laughing. She remembered being that young and full of hope and expectations once. She had been impatient to grow up and be able to call the shots, so certain she could make it all go her way. These kids had no idea how cruel a trickster life could be and she was glad they didn’t. They deserved their shot at making it go their way.

  “Hey, Amanda.”

  Amanda glanced up sharply and blinked a moment before her thoughts were able to return to the present.

  “Reece, hi; I’m sorry I was somewhere else altogether,” Amanda greeted the vet.

  “I could see that. Makes you nostalgic doesn’t it?” Reece nodded to where the teens were still cutting up.

  “It does,” she admitted with a smile.

  “Mind if I sit down; I feel a little outnumbered here?”

  “Sure,” Amanda hoped her voice didn’t give away the reluctance she felt.

  “Thanks. How are you, Amanda?”

  “I’m good, thanks. Jenny ran me out of the house tonight; the trouble is I don’t know what to do with free time anymore. I’m either helping on the ranch or caring for my daughter most the time.”

  “Sounds lonely,” Reece noted.

  “Sometimes,” she admitted. “I’d go crazy if not for my daughter.”

  “What’s your story, Amanda? You are a beautiful woman and I’ve seen at church that you have plenty of admirers; so what’s your story?”

  “My story?” Amanda shook her head. “I fell in love with a man, my father and brother didn’t approve and I guess the long and the short is he didn’t fight for me,” Amanda admitted. “I thought he would; thought he left me a message as such, but I guess I misread things.”

  “I’m sorry. That must hurt,” Reece’s grey eyes were probing.

  “It did, but I am a Jennings, what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger,” she informed him.

  “Brave words.”

  “Yes, now I just have to believe them,” she gave him a self-mocking smile and watched him grin. He had a nice smile. “What is your story?”

  “I’m a veterinarian, I have a very loving mother, father, and little sister at home, I worked my way through college, and I love what I do. I loved a girl once; she decided she didn’t love me. My practice is good, oh and I’m single. Did I mention I’m single,” Reece’s grin was teasing.

  Amanda felt heat rise in her cheeks and a smile spread across her face.

  “Right. I’ve enjoyed talking, Reece, but I should probably go,” Amanda gathered her purse.

  “You just said you didn’t know what to do with yourself; stay. I’m only making conversation, Mandy.”

  “Maybe for a minute,” Amanda reluctantly agreed.

  “How old are you Amanda?”

  “Twenty-one.”

  “Wow.”

  “What?” Amanda frowned at him.

  “You carry a lot to be so young,” he noted.

  This man was direct, his gaze was direct; it made her nervous.

  “You do what you have to. How old are you?”

  “Twenty-nine,” he answered.

  “Uh oh, almost the big three-o,” she teased.

  “Does that make me old?” he asked his smile wide.

  “No,” she smiled back.

  “Good, I like to think it means I’m old enough to have learned a few things.”

  “Like what?” Amanda demanded.

  He shook his head and wiggled a finger at her. “Uh uh, you don’t get that kind of information from a first conversation.”

  “Technically this is our second conversation,” she corrected him.

  “I might be convinced to share my wisdom, say over dinner next Friday night?” Reece offered.

  Amanda was smiling as she glanced down, she was flattered but uncertain. “I don’t know, Reece; I’ve tried dating. It didn’t go so well.”

  “Why not?”

  “It just wasn’t there.”

  “So it couldn’t be there with someone else?”

  “Kevin is probably one of the nicest guys I know. We had dated in high school and when our paths crossed again I decided to try it. If I can’t fall for a guy as nice as he is…”

  “Was there chemistry there for you in high school?” Reece’s question caught her off guard.

  “No.”

&
nbsp; “So why did you assume you could force it now? Nice isn’t the only factor in a relationship, Amanda. There are a lot of nice guys out there; you should give them a chance at least. Are you going to sit on the side lines and let life pass you by?”

  Amanda stared at him, both frustrated that he had called her out and wondering why she had thought she might feel differently about Kevin now.

  “I have to go,” Amanda stood.

  Reece stood as well.

  “I’m sorry if I upset you, Amanda. I enjoyed talking to you.”

  “Yeah, thanks,” Amanda knew her smile was strained.

  Amanda sat in her Jeep wondering what she was supposed to do now. If she went home this early Jenny would fuss. With a sigh, Amanda started her car and drove around aimlessly. She found herself unwittingly visiting the haunts of her teen and college years. When she found herself at the fire tower she turned off her Jeep and stepped into the clearing. It was abandoned tonight, too cool this high up to be enjoyed by the teens. She eyed the structure remembering how she had boldly climbed to the top with Jenny.

  Amanda smiled and removed her shoes before sprinting across the distance and grabbing the bar. A moment later she was on the treads, though it hadn’t been as effortless as she had found it at fifteen. She climbed to the top and leaned against one corner of the structure and scanned the valley below. It was so beautiful up here.

  Amanda closed her eyes and remembered the last time she had been up here and one by one sifted through her memories as she let her tears fall; the cold breeze quickly dried them to salty trails on her cheeks. She had to let go; she just wished she knew how to do that. That night she wrote:

  Cade,

  Tonight I drove around town, remembering all the fun we had together and all the kindness you showed me. I suppose that is what makes all of this so hard. I felt as though I knew you and yet it appears I didn’t. Reece, the new vet in town, said some things to me that really made sense, even if I didn’t want them to. He wants to go out with me. He makes me nervous, though I suppose that’s not a bad thing. You made me nervous; you made me so very nervous that I felt scrambled up inside. Maybe that was the problem, Cade; things burned so very hot between us, you know what they say about that.