“I feel like this is all my fault. If I’d just stayed then none of this would have ever happened.”
I was already starting to cry, imagining the fool I’d made of myself and then the fact that I’d ruined an irreplaceable dress that my mother had made for me. I’d promised myself that I wouldn’t ever disappoint her again and just days after she died, I was destroying the most precious gift she ever gave me, aside from life.
Jessie leaned over and kissed my hand. “Don’t cry, baby. Everything is going to be okay. I’m going to get you home with me and Jacob. We’re going to be together and everything will be exactly how you wanted it to be. I promise.”
It was just too much to take. First, I thought I was dreaming, now reality was just as weird. The last time I’d seen Jessie he was ending things for good. Now, all of the sudden, he wanted us to be a family. I couldn’t help but think that maybe he was only saying that because of my accident. It made me sad and confused. “You don’t have to do that. I will figure out how to manage everything.”
He tightened his brow. “No! You’re going to be out of work. You won’t be able to afford the apartment. Plus, we need to figure out what to do with your mother’s house. You’re moving in with me. I’m not going to argue with you about it.”
Due to the fact that I wanted it more than anything, I put on my best smile and agreed. Besides, it meant that I could be with my son every single day. Maybe in time, Jessie would appreciate that devotion and would really want to be with me again. I couldn’t push him. I knew he was doing this because I had nobody else. He may have been an asshole at times, but his heart was huge and he couldn’t walk away from me being in the situation that I’d gotten myself into. Eventually I would heal and then the story would be different.
“It sounds like you have it all figured out.”
A doctor came in the room and I recognized his voice right away. “Hey stranger. Do me a favor. The next time you’re in town, stop by my office instead of landing yourself in this place, okay?”
“Okay.”
Jessie moved out of the way to let the doctor stand in front of me. I hated trying to see people out of the corner of my eyes.
He did an examination of my eyes and my reflexes. Even though I couldn’t sit up to see my body, I could feel everywhere that he touched, which gave me hope. After that, he ordered a few tests and told me that I’d have to stay in the hospital for another week, just to be safe. I agreed to all of his terms, told him my medical information that he didn’t know and we said our goodbyes for the day.
With an idea of when I’d be getting out of the hospital, Jessie started making arrangements for us to get home. I’d have to start therapy as soon as possible, which would take place at his house.
I laid there while he made phone call after phone call, listening to him being so responsible. It was a real shame that it was out of pity. I would have liked to marry him and be with him forever. At least I’d have a little time to get myself together, physically and financially, before he kicked me to the curb again.
I’d never want to hurt myself to get Jessie’s attention. That part of my life was over a long time ago. It still felt good knowing that he was there for me.
Since I couldn’t remember going to the Mitchell farm, I couldn’t help but wonder what happened there. I wanted to know who I told off and what was said. Did I fight with Miranda and make her hate me even more than she already did? Did I hurt anyone or threaten them?
It was all driving me crazy.
Still, they weren’t questions that I needed to know immediately.
My main focus was getting better so that I could be with son again. Jessie was nice and called him as soon as the doctor left, so that we could talk. I could sense his excitement on the phone when he heard my voice. I started crying as soon as I heard him answer. Jacob was my rock and he was going to keep me moving forward, because he was the most important person in my life.
Like they say, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. It was going to motto until I could move on with my life and learn how to be happy. I was going to strive for it, no matter how painful the road was going to be.
Chapter 24
Jessie
Heather had a lot to do before she was going to be able to get around on her own. With the help of a walker, the doctor thought she would be able to manage herself day to day, but not return to work.
About two years ago, my parents decided that they were going to branch out and purchase a hotel. Since that time, the bed and breakfast had been my project. I’d grown up there and knew everything that needed to be done to keep business going smoothly.
My house was located on the property, but a little bit away from where the guests would go. It was nestled in a patch of trees and offered a lot of privacy. With their newfound business venture, my parents had moved closer to town. They were still only about ten minutes from where I lived. It was close enough for them to be able to visit with Jacob whenever he was with me.
Anyway, when they found out about Heather’s predicament and the fact that she was going to be moving in with me again, they offered to help, even though I could tell they weren’t thrilled. Heather had forced them to come clean about my parents and they weren’t prepared for that, at the time. Even though I think we were all glad that the truth was out, they still held a grudge about it.
I could see how I did the same when it came to Heather. No matter how much she tried to make me love her and want to be with her, I still had this hold on the past and what she’d done to land on my front door.
Aside from my family, Jacob was thrilled to have both of us under the same roof. He lectured me every single night of the week that she was set to be released.
While Heather was stuck in the hospital, she had a visitor that somehow changed things. Her demeanor had changed and she even seemed optimistic about moving on. I saw a spark in her eyes that I’d never seen before.
The day she came home was difficult, since she had to fly on a plane. Her arm was still braced up and she had been fitted for a smaller neck collar. I knew she was uncomfortable, but we managed to make it work.
My parents picked the three of us up from the airport. I could see them putting on fake smiles for her benefit. Heather was grateful, even though I knew she knew they weren’t being sincere. As much as they loved Jacob, they would always have issues with Heather.
I think that she didn’t expect me to have moved all of her things into my place, but that’s what I did. Her landlord wasn’t too keen on her moving out, but her contract was only for a few more months anyway. Heather had been a good tenant and even paid for several new appliances in the time she lived there. He knew that he couldn’t argue with that being done, so he kept her security deposit and said she’d paid her last month’s rent as well. With that being taken care of, I grabbed a couple of my employees and we took a day to move everything from one house to the other.
Heather had couple other things going on that she was going to have to tend to. Although the driver of the car didn’t want to press charges, she still received a ticket and court date for driving under the influence. Apparently North Carolina takes that especially serious. Heather hired a lawyer, but we knew she wasn’t going to get off easy. She was ordered to pay a ton in fines and lost her license for six months. Because she’d never changed it over, that meant that she couldn’t drive at all, not even where we lived.
She was going to have to rely on me and I could tell that she didn’t want to be a burden. For the first week, she stayed out of my way, like she was walking on eggshells. I think she assumed that I was just being nice because she had no other options. With her recovery being the most important thing, we didn’t discuss our relationship. Each day she got better, until she started only needing a cane to move around. She got the cast off of her arm and went to a physical therapist that worked on her neck and mobility.
Things were becoming normal again, like any other relationship would be. Although we were
n’t sharing a bed yet, I wanted it to happen as she was cleared from her doctor. I’d pushed and pulled too much in the past. When Heather was ready for me, I’d be there waiting.
As far as everything else went, we lived and acted like a family. Jacob was on cloud nine having us both there every night. With the exception of weekends, I had to work during the day. Jacob went to school and Heather was left at the house to recover.
With the future of her mother’s house still in the air, I was handling the payments until she could get back on her feet. It was the least that I could do considering all that she’d been through. I just wanted her to know that she could count on me for anything.
It wasn’t until we’d been living together for a few weeks when Heather started acting funny. She’d been cleared to only have to wear a small neck brace, giving her mobility. I could tell that something had changed. In order for her to go back to work, she’d have to be able to drive, since the hospital was a good thirty miles from where we lived. So, of course, that wasn’t happening.
When she realized that she was stuck in the house, I think it just took a toll on her. She became depressed and her mood swings were crazy.
To try and make things better, I decided to take her out for a special night. I hadn’t planned anything fancy. It was just a nice dinner and I’d arranged for my parents to keep Jacob overnight.
I had to admit, I was getting so used to her laying around the house in old sweats that I’d almost forgotten how simply captivating she could be. She came out of the bedroom in a red dress. Her hair was full of curls and her makeup was perfect in every way. The familiar smell of her perfume filled my lungs and I smiled realizing that there were so many little things that I loved about her.
I couldn’t even contain my excitement about how hot she looked, so I pulled her into my arms. “You look so sexy.”
She started to blush. “You don’t have to be nice to me, Jess.”
Why was it so hard for her to take a compliment from me? “Baby, I’m serious. If I wasn’t starving I’d suggest we spend the whole night in bed.” I brushed my lips against hers and she closed her eyes, but suddenly pulled away.
“I’m hungry too. It’s going to be great to get out of this house for a while. As much as I appreciate you letting me move in, it gets so boring every day. I can’t wait until I can go back to work.”
Since she’d pushed me away, I decided to get us on the road. Maybe once she was outside, she would change her mood. For some reason she just felt so cold and withdrawn from me. I hated getting the cold shoulder. It was driving me crazy.
The harder I tried to work things out, the farther away she pulled.
Even as we got in the car, I could feel her being tense. It made no sense. She was where she’d wanted to be for so long. I grabbed her hand and kissed it. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”
She played with her hands in the passenger seat. “Hmm, I don’t know. Could it be that I don’t have a license, so I can’t go to work, or anywhere without asking someone to ride me. I have no friends, besides you, who I don’t really feel comfortable crying to you ever five seconds about how much I’ve messed up my life. I have no money, since I can’t drive or work. I’m living on someone that made it clear that he felt sorry for me. What else could be wrong?”
I was so flabbergasted that I didn’t even know how to react. It was clear that all of that was bothering her, but the last part wasn’t true. Of course I felt bad for her but I was with her because I wanted to be. “I’m helping you because I want to. Don’t you like being there with me and Jacob?”
She looked at me and had a dirty look on her face. “Seriously, you know the answer to that. Of course I want to be with Jacob. He’s my whole world.”
“What about me?” I was starting to think I was doing all of this for nothing.
“Jessie, does it really matter, at this point, how I feel about you? I mean, you should already know the answer to that.” Her answers had no depth to them. I hated it, so I reached over and grabbed her hand.
“I want us to have a good time tonight. Maybe you could pretend that I make you happy.” It was kind of a joke, but not really.
She rolled her eyes. “Fine! I’d do anything to have a nice night.”
Wow! She was acting like I was holding a gun to her head and forcing her to want to be with me for the night. For the life of me, I couldn’t imagine what I had done to make her mad at me. I’d helped her in every way possible.
We stopped at a red light and I leaned over to her side of the car. “Can you give me a kiss?”
She giggled. “Why do you want one?”
“Because you’re an awesome kisser and I want to feel those soft lips on mine. Is that good enough for you?”
Heather didn’t argue with me as she leaned the rest of the way and let our lips press together. When she started to pull away, I grabbed her and kissed her harder, letting my tongue slip inside of her mouth. She didn’t fight me. Instead she kissed me back, intensely. For a moment we were so caught up in each other that we forgot we were in a car. Before we knew it people behind us were honking for us to drive.
Heather pulled away and we started to laugh. Maybe our night was looking up.
Chapter 25
Heather
I couldn’t really explain what was going on with Jessie. Since we’d always been able to have a sexual relationship, I wasn’t going to get my hopes up that he wanted anything more than a good time. After everything I’d gone through, I was so over trying to win him or anyone over. If he didn’t want me for me, than I wasn’t going to push it.
It was time for me to start being independent, instead of co-dependent. I needed to take control of my life and stop waiting for happiness to fall into my plate. I needed to move forward.
As much as I appreciated what Jessie was doing, I couldn’t depend on him much longer. We needed to move on, so that the both of us could be happy, because our rocky relationship wasn’t doing anything but prolonging the inevitable. At some point Jessie would tell me to leave and we would go right back to square one.
I had to stop the continuous pattern and break away.
My mother always said that if you love something you should let it go. If it’s meant to be, it will come back to you on it’s own. It was unfortunate that I never believed that. Had I done so, I wouldn’t have had such bad luck with love and relationships.
My love for Jessie wasn’t going to just disappear. He had my heart and there was nothing I could do to change that. As much as I wanted to believe that someday he would feel the same, I wasn’t going to stress about it anymore.
I had been given a second chance at life and still had a long way to go before I could get back to normalcy.
I don’t know why, unless he totally felt sorry for me, but Jessie decided to take me out for dinner. I’d been so cramped up in the house that it sounded like it could be fun. After a lot of thinking I knew exactly what I needed to do. I just had to come up with the nerve to go through with it. Jessie needed to know where I stood about things.
It was just easier said than done. The more I tried to push away from him, the more it seemed he was pulling me back in. Understanding that my almost dying had caused him to rethink his decisions, I knew I had to be the one to end things. He was still too busy being the great guy that he was to realize that what he was feeling wasn’t real and it wasn’t going to last.
When he kissed me in the car, I could feel the tension building. We hadn’t been intimate since my accident, primarily because I couldn’t physically do it. Now that I was feeling better, Jessie knew that this was his opportunity. We always fell into the same pattern. We’d started getting along and fall right back into bed with each other. My love for him prevented me from saying no. His lips were a powerful weapon to get me to do whatever he wanted. With just one kiss, I had forgotten all about letting him go. All I cared about was being in his arms and in his bed.
We made it to the restaurant in
one piece, after making out at a traffic stop. I think we were both breathing heavily when we got out and walked into the establishment. Jessie kept his hand on the center of my back and it immediately made my nipples tingle. One touch from him could drive me crazy.
Things didn’t change once we got seated and started looking at our menus. I caught Jessie giving me the look and once we’d ordered, he rubbed his leg against mine under the table. I knew if I looked into those beautiful eyes, I’d be at his beck and call. Of course, that’s exactly what I did. I became captivated in the aspect of spending the night in his bed.
Knowing that we didn’t have to pick up Jacob let me know that he’d planned to wine and dine me. Maybe I should have been offended that he’d had our night all planned out. Obviously, I had forgotten what I had come to do. After we’d paid and gotten into the car, we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other. I still had to be careful with the way I moved my body, especially my neck, but Jessie was gentle, moving slow and holding me in a way that I remained secure. His tender kisses consumed me, overwhelming me with desire. I didn’t just want to feel his tongue brushing against mine. I wanted to feel his tongue touching me in other places, licking me and caressing me, in ways that only he knew how to do.
By the time we’d made it into the house, we were already half dressed. Jessie’s shirt had been ditched before we had even gotten out of the car. When we reached the living room couch, all bets were off. He unbuttoned my skirt and let it fall down to my feet. My panties followed, then my bra was unhooked and fell with everything else. I stood there in front of him, naked and ready.
Jessie pulled off his boxers and sat down on the couch, holding his arms out for me to climb on top of him. I bit down on my lip as I did what he wanted. Right away, I could feel his hard erection pressing on my skin. My body burned for him.
Jessie grabbed my ass and started moving me overtop of him. He teased me with his tongue and nibbled on my ears, while my hand reached down and got a hold of his hard cock. His smooth skin was easy to stroke. If he wasn’t ready to be inside of me, I was going to make damn sure he didn’t wait too long.
Losing Him (Mitchell Family Series Book 8) Page 14