the Wedding (2000)

by Steel, Danielle

  Thanks, Mom. Allegra smiled at her, and then lay spread-eagled on the big four-poster. Sometimes it felt great just being there, even if she only came home for a couple of hours, and sometimes she also resented the hold they still had on her. She was still so close to them, at times it worried her. She loved them so much, she had never cut ties that other women her age had long since severed. But why should she? Brandon complained that she was too close to them. He claimed that it was unhealthy, and not normal. But she got along so well with them, and they were so supportive of her. What was she supposed to do? Stop seeing them because she was turning thirty?

  Where's Brandon? her mother asked, trying to sound casual. She had gotten Allegra's message that she was coming to dinner alone, and she had to admit, she was relieved, but of course she didn't say so. Working late?

  He had to go to San Francisco to see the girls, Allegra said, sounding as casual as her mother. But they both knew it was all a ruse to give the impression that they were neither concerned nor bothered.

  He'll be back tomorrow though, I'm sure. Blaire smiled, irritated on Allegra's behalf that he never seemed to be there for her. But she was startled by her daughter's answer.

  Actually, no. He needed the weekend with them. He's starting a trial on Monday, and he wasn't sure when he'd get back to see them.

  He's not coming to the awards? Blaire looked stunned. Did this mean anything? Was this one of the early signs of a breakup? She tried to look merely surprised and not hopeful.

  No, it's no big deal. Allegra lied, not wanting to admit to her how upset she had been. It made her feel so vulnerable to admit to her mother when she had problems with Brandon. It made her feel so inadequate when she had trouble with him. Her mother never did with her father. Her parents' relationship had always been perfect. I'm going with Alan.

  That's nice of him, Blaire said, looking tight-lipped, and sitting down in a comfortable chair near the four-poster. Allegra was watching her. She knew there would be more, and the inevitable questions. Why wasn't he divorced? Why did he go to San Francisco to see his ex-wife all the time? Did she feel that the relationship was going anywhere? Did she realize that on her next birthday she was turning thirty? Doesn't it bother you when he's not here for things that are important to you? Her mother's clear, blue-eyed gaze cut straight to her soul, and Allegra tried not to let it.

  Sometimes, but as he says, we're both grownups with big jobs, and a lot of obligations. Sometimes we just can't be there for each other, and we have to understand it. There's no point making a fuss over it, Mom. He's got two kids in another city, and he needs to see them.

  His timing just seems very poor. Doesn't it to you? Allegra wanted to scream, listening to her. And the last thing she wanted to do tonight was defend Brandon. She was upset about it herself, and she didn't want to justify his behavior to her mother. But as the two women exchanged a glance, a tall, dark-haired young man appeared in the doorway.

  Who are you two tearing apart now? Brandon, I assume, or is there someone new on the horizon? Her brother, Scott, had just arrived from the airport, and Allegra sat up on her bed with a delighted grin as he took two long strides, sat down next to her, and hugged her.

  My God, you've grown again, she said with a groan, as her mother watched them with a warm smile. He looked just like his father. He was six five, and, fortunately, seemed to have stopped growing. He was playing basketball at Stanford. How big are your feet now? Allegra teased. Hers were small for her height, but Sam wore a size nine, and Scott was wearing a size thirteen the last time she asked him.

  Still a size thirteen, thanks a lot. He walked over and hugged his mother then, and sat down on the floor to chat with them both. Where's Dad?

  On his way home from the office, I hope. He called a little while ago. Sam's upstairs. And dinner's in ten minutes.

  I'm starving. He looked great, and it was obvious, from the way she looked, how proud his mother was of him. They all were. He was going to be a terrific doctor. So what's the inside scoop? he asked, turning to Blaire. Are you going to win, as usual, or are you going to disgrace us for once?

  Disgrace you, I'm sure. She laughed, trying not to think of the Golden Globes. Even after all these years of writing and producing hit shows, award ceremonies always made her nervous. I think Dad's the one who's going to make us proud this year, she said cryptically, but she wouldn't say more, and then five minutes later, he pulled into the driveway. They all hurried downstairs, and Blaire called upstairs to Sam to get off the phone and come to dinner.

  It was a lively meal, and the two men tried to engage in serious conversation over the female hubbub of gossip and news and talk about the awards, and Sam's barrage of questions about Carmen, what she was like, what she wore, who she was going out with. And in the midst of it all, Blaire sat back with a small smile and watched them, her three children, and the husband she had loved for all these years. Not unlike Scott, he was still tall and dark and handsome. He was six four, and there was just a small smudge of gray hair now at his temples, and small crinkles around his eyes, but even those small traces of time only served to make him more attractive. He was a fabulous-looking man, and just watching him still made Blaire tingle. But there was a small ache to it now sometimes, when she let herself worry about the fact that she was changing. He never seemed to change, he only seemed to get better as he got older. But she felt different now; she worried more than she had before, about him, about the kids, about her career. She worried about becoming obsolete, about her ratings having dropped just a bit in the last year, and about Samantha leaving for college. What if she went East after all, or decided to live in the dorms if she went to UCLA? What would she do when they were truly all gone? What if they didn't need her anymore ' or she lost the show? What would happen to her when it was all over? What if things should ever change with Simon? But she knew that was foolish.

  She tried to talk to Simon about it sometimes. Suddenly she had so many fears, about herself, her life, her body. It had just been in the past year or two, and she knew her looks had changed, no matter how many people told her they hadn't. She was getting older and it was painful sometimes realizing that she seemed to have altered more than Simon. It seemed amazing to her that it had all gone so fast, and she had reached fifty-four so quickly. And soon she would be fifty-five ' and then sixty. ' It made her want to shout Oh, my God, and Stop the clock ' wait ' I need more time. It seemed odd to her that Simon didn't understand that. Maybe because men had more time, their hormones didn't suddenly start changing at fifty, their looks altered more subtly, and they always had the option of a wife half their age, and half a dozen more children. Even if they didn't want them, which Simon always said when Blaire reminded him that he could still have children and she couldn't, even if he had no interest in them at all, he had the option, and that made things different between them. But when she tried to say all those things to him, he just told her she was overworked and she was being silly. For God's sake, Blaire, the last thing I want is more children. I love the ones we have, but if Sam doesn't grow up soon and get her own apartment one of these days to break the sound barrier in, I may go crazy. He said that, but Blaire knew he didn't want her to move out either. She was their baby. She wondered, though, why it was all so much easier for him, why he got less upset about things, why he didn't worry as much about Scott's grades, or the fact that Allegra was still with Brandon, after two years, and he was still married to another woman.

  But none of that came up at the dinner table. They talked about other things. Simon and Scott talked about basketball, and Stanford, and a possible trip to China. And then they all talked about the Golden Globes, and Scott teased Sam about the last boy he'd seen her go out with. He said the kid was a real nerd, and Samantha defended him hotly, although she insisted she really didn't like him. And Blaire announced that their ratings had just gone up again, after a brief dip the month before, and she was planning to redo the garden and the kitchen next summer.


  Is that supposed to be news? Simon teased, as a warm look passed between them. When haven't you been ripping something out and putting something else in? And anyway, I like the garden the way it is. Why change it?

  I found a fabulous English gardener, and he says he can change everything in two months. The kitchen is another story, she grinned. I hope you all like Jack in the Box, we'll be eating all our meals there from May till September. There was a communal groan, and Simon looked at his only son with a meaningful expression.

  I think that's just about the right length of time for our trip to China.

  You're not going anywhere. She looked at him pointedly. We're shooting all summer this year, and I'm not going to be left alone again. Every year the two men took a trip together, usually to someplace where Blaire couldn't reach them if she tried, like Samoa, or Botswana. You can go to Acapulco for the weekend. Scott laughed at them, and the teasing and the arguments and the exchanges went on until after nine o'clock, when Allegra finally stood up and said she had to get home. She still had some work to do that evening.

  You work too hard, her mother chided her, and Allegra smiled in answer.

  And you don't? Her mother worked harder than anyone she knew. And Allegra respected her a great deal for it. I'll see you tomorrow night, at the awards, she said, as they all left the table.

  Do you want to come with us? her mother asked, and she shook her head.

  Alan's always late, and he's got ten million friends wherever we go. He'll probably want to go somewhere afterward. We'd better meet you there, or we'll drive you crazy.

  You're going with Alan and not Brandon? Samantha asked her with a look of amazement, and her older sister nodded.

  How come?

  He had to go to San Francisco to see his kids, Allegra said matter-of-factly. She felt as though she had already explained it four thousand times, and she was getting tired of it.

  Are you sure he's not sleeping with his ex-wife? Sam asked her bluntly, and for a minute she knocked the wind out of Allegra. Allegra was quick to respond once she caught her breath again, and she was furious at her younger sister for the question.

  That's a really bitchy thing to say, and totally unnecessary. You ought to watch your mouth, Sam, Allegra said hotly.

  Well, don't wet your pants over it, Sam said, looking all cat as the two sisters hissed at each other. Maybe I'm right, maybe that's why you got so pissed off when I said it.

  Knock it off, Scott said to Sam, seeing how upset Allegra was. His sex life is none of our business.

  Thanks, Allegra whispered to him later, as she kissed him good night, but she wondered herself why Sam's comment had upset her so much. Was that really what she thought? Was that what she was afraid of? Of course not. Joanie was dependent and whiny and overweight, and Brandon even said to her all the time how unattractive his ex-wife had gotten. That wasn't the point. It was just that it hurt so much to have to defend him. It was obvious that her whole family thought he should be there, and so did she. And secretly, she was furious that he wasn't.

  She thought about it again all the way home that night, and by the time she got home she was angry at him all over again. She sat and stewed about it for a while, pretending to pore over her work, and then finally she decided to call him. She knew the number of the hotel where he stayed by heart, and she dialed it with trembling fingers. Maybe she could convince him to come back after all, but then she'd have to explain to Alan that he couldn't take her, and that could have been awkward, even though they were good enough friends that she could say anything to him, and if he was mad about it, he'd tell her.

  They rang Brandon's room for her, and she waited interminably. It was after ten o'clock, but he didn't answer. She asked them to try again, just in case they'd gotten the wrong room, but he was clearly not in. He was probably still at the house, talking to Joanie about the divorce. After the girls went to bed, Brandon said, they argued for hours sometimes. But as she thought of it, Sam's words about his sleeping with Joanie popped into her head. And Allegra was furious all over again, at him for being there, and at her sister for having said it. She didn't need to spend her life worrying about him or feeling insecure because of something a teenager said. She had enough going on in her life without this bullshit. And almost as soon as she hung up, the telephone rang, and she smiled to herself. She was hysterical about nothing. It was probably Brandon, and he'd just gotten back to the hotel. But it wasn't. It was Carmen, and she was crying.

  What's up?

  I just got a death threat. She was sobbing, and she said she wanted to move back to Oregon. But hers wasn't a career that would easily disappear. She had movie contracts now, and the entire world wanted a piece of Carmen Connors.

  Allegra frowned as she listened. How did you get it? Try to calm down and tell me.

  It came in the mail. I forgot to open my mail today, and I just got home from dinner, so I opened it, and there it was. It says she dissolved in floods of tears again it says that I'm a bitch and I don't deserve to live another hour. This guy says he knows I'm cheating on him and I'm a whore, and he's going to get me.

  Oh, God, Allegra thought to herself. Those were the ones you had to worry about. The ones who imagined they had a relationship, or a right, and had somehow been wronged. They were the real ones, but she didn't want to frighten Carmen any further. This doesn't sound like anyone you know, does it? Anyone you went out with, and who might be angry you don't want to go out with him again? It was at least worth the question, although she knew how circumspect Carmen was. Despite the tabloid stories, Carmen lived like the Virgin Mary.

  I haven't had a date in eight months, she said unhappily, and the last two guys I went out with have both gotten married.

  That's what I figured. Okay, let's calm down. Turn on the alarm, she said calmly, as though talking to a child.

  I did.

  Good. Call the security guard at the gate and tell him about the letter. I'll call the police and the FBI, and we'll meet with them tomorrow. There's not much point doing anything tonight, but I'll let them know. LAPD can put passing calls past your house every half hour. Why don't you take one of the dogs into the house with you tonight, just so you feel better?

  I can't' . I'm scared of them, Carmen said nervously, and Allegra laughed, which relieved the tension.

  That's my point. They'd scare anyone. At least keep them loose on the property. You know, I think it's all probably bullshit anyway, but it doesn't do any harm to be careful.

  Why do they do things like this? Carmen wailed. She had had threats before, and they terrified her, but no one had ever actually tried to harm her. It was just talk, and every celebrity Allegra knew of had had threats at some point or other. It just went with the territory, but it was never pleasant. Her own parents had had them too, and there had been a kidnapping threat against Sam when she was eleven. Her mother had hired a bodyguard for her for six months, and he drove everyone nuts, watching TV night and day, and spilling coffee all over the carpets. But if she had to, Allegra would hire one for Carmen. In fact, she wanted to hire one for her for the Golden Globes. There were two she particularly liked, and used fairly often, and one of them was a woman.

  They're just stupid, Carmen. They want attention, and they think that if they try to get close enough to you, they'll get a little piece of the limelight. It's a sick way to do it, but try not to let it upset you too much. I'm going to try to get you a couple of people for tomorrow night, a woman and a man, it'll just look like you're with another couple, Allegra said reassuringly. She had handled a lot of these situations for other clients, and she was very soothing.

  Maybe I just won't go, Carmen said nervously. What if somebody shoots me at the awards? She started to cry again and whimper about going back to Portland.

  No one is going to shoot you at the awards ceremony. Come on, you can come with us. Who's your date?

  Some guy named Michael Guiness. The studio paired me off with him. I've never even met him. She so
unded disgusted, but Allegra was quick to encourage her.

  I have. He's okay. He was gay, and very presentable, and one of their up-and-coming young actors, and they probably thought that being with Carmen Connors would be good for his image. The fact that he was gay was a fairly well kept secret. I'll take care of everything. You just relax and try to get some sleep. She knew that Carmen sat up all night sometimes, watching old movies on TV, because she was scared, or lonely.

  Who are you going with? Carmen asked casually, assuming it was Brandon. She had met him once or twice, and she thought he was respectable, but boring. She was surprised at Allegra's answer.

  I'm going with an old buddy from school, Alan Carr, Allegra said offhandedly. She was making notes to herself about calling the police and the FBI in the morning.

  Oh, my God! Carmen said, sounding dumbstruck. The Alan Carr? Are you kidding? You went to school with him}

  The one and only, Allegra said, amused at her reaction. It happened often.

  I've seen all his movies.

  So have I, and believe me, some of them are rotten. Some of them were great though, and she knew it. I keep telling him he needs a new agent, but Alan is very stubborn.

  Oh, my God, he's gorgeous.

  Better than that, he's a nice guy. You'll like him. She wondered if Alan would like Carmen. Maybe they'd hit it off at the awards, which would be kind of fun for all of them. We'll go out for a drink or something afterward, and we'll drive you and Michael to the awards if you like.

  I'd love that. She was sounding a whole lot happier by the time they hung up, and Allegra sat and stared out the window for a while, thinking about how odd life was. The biggest sex symbol in America hadn't had a date in eight months, and was getting death threats from lunatics who thought they owned her. There was something very wrong with that, to say the least. And here Carmen was impressed that Allegra knew Alan Carr. It really was all a little topsy-turvy.