The Cowgirl Who Loved Horses, Queens of Montana Bonus Book

by Vanessa Bartal

  Chapter 20

  “Lydia doesn’t like you.”

  “Be blunt, Mom, don’t spare my feelings.”

  “I never do.”

  They were cleaning the kitchen together after Lydia, Evan, and Marcus went home.

  Cecily sighed. “She hates me. I’ve tried to be nice to her, honestly I have, Mom, but nothing works. Marcus doesn’t see it at all.”

  “I think he did tonight,” Shelby said. “But that’s not surprising. Your father thought his mother walked on water. It’s the way with men, and it was one of many issues between your father and me.”

  “I don’t want it to be an issue between me and Marcus, but I don’t see any solution.”

  “You could move out and live here,” Shelby suggested.

  “Marcus doesn’t feel like he can leave his parents so soon after Mathew’s death.”

  “Marcus needs to grow up and put his wife before his parents,” Shelby said with no small amount of venom.

  “Mom,” Cecily said uncomfortably. It was nice to have her mother on her side, but she was uncomfortable with her criticism of Marcus.

  Shelby expelled a breath. “Sorry. I suppose your marriage is bringing up a lot of issues from my marriage. I know you think I’m a critical shrew out to ruin your life, but the truth is that I’m worried about you. I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did. I know you feel very in love with Marcus right now, and I’ll admit he’s a very nice man, but you can’t live on love forever. Feelings fade. Marriage is hard.”

  “Mom, I don’t want to hear this right now. I’ve only been married a few weeks.”

  “This is exactly when you need to hear it, Cecily. Marriage is forever. You can’t take the same path your dad and I did and run away when things don’t work out. I thought I was doing what was best for Dante to protect him. Then your Dad went off the deep end, and Dante ended up getting sucked into his life anyway, and I wasn’t there for you the way I should have been. I hated the feeling of having to choose between you.”

  “You chose Dante,” Cecily said softly. There. It was out. The issue she had been holding against her mother for eight years.

  “I chose the child I thought needed me most. You were strong and independent and you had your father’s adoration. Dante was insecure and had his father’s contempt. It never meant I didn’t love you, or that it wasn’t agonizing to leave you, but you wouldn’t have come with me, and you know it.”

  “I wouldn’t have,” Cecily admitted. She had adored her father and the ranch. “But you could have asked.”

  “I could have. I should have. But this is what I’m talking about, honey. Age brings wisdom. Hindsight is twenty-twenty. You are making decisions right now that will affect your life and your future. I want you to choose wisely. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

  Cecily was quiet as she thought that over. “Mom, all I can do is try to make good decisions, but I have to make my own mistakes.”

  Shelby smiled. “I guess we are a lot alike. I said the same thing to my mom.”

  Cecily fiddled with the dishtowel in her hand. “Your life wasn’t horrible, was it, Mom?”

  “Of course not. Leaving you and your dad was terrible, but it was one small part of a good life. A great life, with great kids I love very much.”

  “And Dad. You love Dad, don’t you?”

  Shelby pulled her close and hugged her. “It’s important to you that I love your dad, isn’t it?”

  Cecily nodded and swiped at her tears. She needed her parents to love each other on a number of different levels--as their child who dreamed of her parents being happy, and as a woman who desperately needed them as a positive example.

  “Yes, honey. I love your father, with all his faults and insecurities. I love him completely, always and forever. I’ve never loved anyone else. And I’ll tell you a secret, one woman to another. I’ve never touched another man in my entire life. There’s only always been your father, and there will always only be him.”

  Cecily wiped her eyes again. “Thanks for telling me, Mom.” She hesitated, unwilling to trod on the sudden bond between them, but needing to ask more questions. “Do you have any advice for me about my mother-in-law?”

  “You could do what I did,” her mother said ruefully. “You could bottle it all up, try to stuff down your resentment, and then fly off the handle and tell her every negative thing she ever did to you.”

  “You did that to Grandma?” Cecily asked. She didn’t know her grandmother; she had died before Cecily was born.

  Shelby nodded. “It was a huge mistake. It did nothing but make the alienation between us worse, and your father was livid with me. When I finally softened my heart enough to realize I needed to make amends, she dropped dead of a heart attack.” She twisted the sponge in her hand, unaware that some water leaked out. “Your father never came out and said it, but I think he blamed me in some way for her death. That’s why when he wanted to name you after her I didn’t protest. It’s also one of the reasons he doted on you so much. You were a reminder of the mother he lost.”

  Cecily sighed. She saw the pattern with her parents and didn’t want to repeat it. “I guess I won’t try that way.”

  “Better not,” Shelby said. She reached out and squeezed Cecily’s hand. “The Lydia I saw tonight isn’t the Lydia I’ve known for almost thirty years. Try and make an allowance for Mathew’s death. If I lost one of you I would go insane. Give her some time, breathing room, and patience. She’ll come around sooner or later, honey. You’re sort of irresistible. Like your mother.”

  They shared another smile. Cecily wondered at the magic between them tonight. She wasn’t sure if it was because she was married, or because she was allowing her marriage to mature her in ways she never knew she needed.

  Shelby hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek. “I’ll finish cleaning the kitchen. Go home to your husband, little girl.”

  It was dark by the time she saddled her horse. She hadn’t thought about the fact that she’d brought her horse when she sent Marcus home without her. He hadn’t either because he would never let her ride home alone in the dark, especially not with Mathew’s killer still roaming free. She rode nervously, warily all the way home, and she was relieved Marcus wasn’t waiting outside for her. He probably would have given her an earful if he realized.

  He was barely half awake when she reached their bedroom. She changed her clothes and settled in beside him.

  “Dinner was good,” he said. He slung his arm over her waist and squeezed gently.

  “Thank you. Do you like my mother?”

  He laughed. “I’ve only been married a few weeks, but I know better than to walk into that minefield.”

  “It’s not a loaded question. I’m just curious.”

  “I like her fine so long as she doesn’t pick on you.” He pulled her close and kissed the rim of her ear.

  She smiled. The day had been long and exhaustion was creeping in. “Marcus, I love you,” she murmured sleepily.

  He propped himself up on one elbow to look down at her. He traced the outline of her face, not sure why he should feel shy about admitting his feelings to her. She was his wife, after all. He waited until he was sure she was asleep before he spoke.

  “I love you too, Lee.” He kissed her cheek and leaned across her to turn out the light.