Jez Butterworth Plays

by Jez Butterworth

  Pause.

  MICKEY. You need a sleep? (Pause.) When did you last sleep? Eh? (Pause.) Sid said someone was here last night.

  BABY. Hold it. Hold it. If we’re gonna talk business I don’t feel right. If we’re gonna uh... I’m not dressed right.

  BABY takes MICKEY’s tie, puts it on.

  MICKEY. Okay. We’ll do... Fine. We’ll do this later.

  BABY. But it’s working day. And I’m a working man.

  MICKEY. Are you going to be funny about this?

  BABY. I’m all ears.

  MICKEY. You’re all ears. You’re all ears.

  BABY. I’m all ears.

  Pause.

  MICKEY. Do you know who Sam Ross is?

  BABY. Who?

  MICKEY. Sam Ross. I know you know who he is.

  BABY sits there. MICKEY stands up.

  We’ll do this later.

  BABY (overlapping). Yes.

  MICKEY looks at BABY. He sits back down.

  MICKEY. Ross was here about the kid. He been after a part of the kid.

  BABY. Oh yes? Which part?

  MICKEY. He... Listen. Ross wanted to do a deal with your dad.

  BABY. Over John?

  MICKEY. Over... yes... Over Silver Johnny.

  BABY. No one told me.

  MICKEY. I know you knew.

  BABY. No one told me.

  MICKEY. I know you knew. Even Sweets knew.

  BABY. No one told me. This is fun. Two businessmen enjoying the morning.

  Pause.

  MICKEY. He was... Ross was saying he could get us into the halls, into the... into the cinemas. The money was going up. But...

  BABY. But what?

  MICKEY. Your dad weren’t going to swap the kid for anything.

  BABY. That’s touching isn’t it? (Pause.) We can do this later Mickey. If it’s too upsetting.

  MICKEY. Ross has got the kid. I don’t know what the fuck has happened, I don’t want any of this.

  BABY. Mickey, I just drink the beer, have a laugh, kiss the girls and make them cry. Don’t ask me.

  MICKEY. They’re going to come here...

  BABY (overlapping). I wish I was more like you Mickey. I wish I was less like me, and more like you.

  Pause.

  MICKEY. Listen to me. They’re going to come here.

  BABY. They’re going to come here.

  MICKEY. Yes. I think they are.

  BABY. Yes. I think they are.

  MICKEY. If... listen.

  BABY. If... Listen.

  MICKEY. Baby –

  BABY. Baby –

  Pause.

  MICKEY. You think you’re in a book.

  BABY. I am. I’m Spiderman.

  Re-enter SWEETS and POTTS.

  SWEETS. Mickey. I’ve just...

  MICKEY. What?

  SWEETS. Sorry. It’s just I’ve just had a thought.

  MICKEY. What?

  SWEETS. Well it’s just this. What about Ezra’s Sunday Parlez-Vous?

  MICKEY. What?

  SWEETS. The Sunday... Ezra’s Sunday Parlez-Vous. Everyone’s gonna wonder why we’re shut...

  POTTS. What time is it?

  SWEETS. Eleven. Says noon on the ticket.

  POTTS. He’s right.

  SWEETS. There’ll be a queue.

  POTTS. I sold about a twenty tickets last night alone.

  MICKEY. Listen.

  POTTS. It’s going to be very popular. We’ll have a queue round the block in twenty minutes.

  MICKEY. Listen. Listen. Fuck the Sunday Parlez-Vous. I’ll... fuck the Sunday Parlez-Vous. I’ll worry about that.

  SWEETS. Yeah but Mickey, there’s going to be a queue outside in ten minutes.

  BABY. It’s a problem Mickey. What are you going to do?

  MICKEY. I worry about that. We’ll put a sign on the door say we’re decorating –

  BABY. We just decorated...

  MICKEY. I don’t fucking care. We’re doing it again.

  Enter SKINNY.

  SKINNY. It’s all locked. There some kids hanging around out the front.

  POTTS. It’s the Par... Mickey. What did I just say? Eh? It’s the Parlez-Vous.

  SKINNY. What? Fuck.

  POTTS. What did I just say?

  SKINNY. Fuck. Is it Sunday?

  POTTS. You watch. They’ll flock.

  SWEETS. Everyone was on about it last night.

  POTTS. You watch.

  SWEETS. That Sylvia, with all those mates. Knows those Mick builders.

  POTTS. Who’s suggestion was it? Eh? Turn Sunday, a dead day in the week, make it something. Who thought up the name. The continental feel. Who was it?

  MICKEY. Sidney. Please.

  POTTS. I’m just pointing it out.

  MICKEY. I know. Just... Just keep the door locked they’ll fuck off. Shut up. Just keep out of sight they’ll all fuck off.

  BABY. Skinny you look fantastic.

  SKINNY. Sorry?

  BABY. You look like a prince. Can I ask you a question? Where d’you get those trousers?

  SKINNY. What? Oh...

  MICKEY. Leave the trousers.

  BABY. Aren’t they lovely? With the pleats. Little turn-up. (Looks down at his own and feigns shock.) Well well. Small world.

  SKINNY. Mickey –

  BABY. Now I ask myself, where would you get a fashionable idea like that from?

  SKINNY. Baby I never knew you had a pair. Mickey, I never knew he had a pair.

  BABY. It’s lucky that or people might think you were copying me. People might think you loved me or something.

  SKINNY. I bought them over Monkeytown. I saved up.

  BABY. You’re a fucking liar Skinny Luke.

  MICKEY. Baby go downstairs.

  BABY. I’m gonna... Excuse me Mickey... I’m gonna let you wear them so long as you kiss mine.

  SKINNY. What?

  BABY. I promise. I won’t cause a fuss, if you just come over here and kiss my pegs.

  SKINNY. Fuck off. Mickey –

  BABY. Kiss my pegs.

  POTTS. Here we go.

  BABY. Kiss my pegs.

  SKINNY. Fuck off.

  BABY. I know why you say all those things about me. It’s because you love me so much. Mickey says.

  MICKEY. Baby, leave him alone.

  BABY. It’s because you’re fighting with yourself. I know what I do to you Skinny Luke. Now show me. Kiss my pegs. Kiss them. (Throws a chair at SKINNY.) Look at the floor. Look at the floor.

  SKINNY. Great fucking game. Great fucking game. Great fucking game.

  BABY. Look at the... Look at the floor. I’ll close your fuckin’ eyes. Kiss my pegs.

  SKINNY. Fuck off.

  BABY. Kiss my pegs. Kiss my pegs.

  SKINNY. Fuck off. Mickey –

  BABY. Kiss my pegs. Kiss my pegs.

  POTTS. Kiss his fucking pegs.

  SKINNY. Throwing chairs Mickey. That’s a new one. That’s an escalation. What did I tell you about the pattern. Insults, spitting, squeezing, threatening. Throwing chairs. I’m going to end up dead Mickey. You watch.

  MICKEY. All right. Calm it down.

  SKINNY. I’ve had enough.

  MICKEY. Skin listen. Go over Charlie Dodds’.

  SKINNY. I’ve had enough.

  MICKEY. Shut up and listen. Go over Charlie Dodds’.

  SKINNY. Right.

  MICKEY. Do you know where he is?

  SKINNY. Who?

  MICKEY. Charlie Dodds’. Does the guns. Do you know –

  SKINNY. Yeah. Yes. Old Compton up the top.

  MICKEY. Get the best he’s got. Go there come back. Don’t talk to no one. Don’t get stopped.

  SKINNY. Right.

  MICKEY. Stuff it up your shirt down your trousers. Don’t get fuckin’ pinched.

  SKINNY. What if I bump into someone?

  MICKEY (handing over money). Act.

  SKINNY. Right. And I’ll get some sandwiches.

  MICKEY. Listen. For fuck’s sakes. Are
you listening to me? Just go Charlie Dodds’ come back here. Go now.

  SKINNY. Right. I’ve got to talk to you Mickey.

  MICKEY. Do it now then come back here.

  SKINNY. Good. Good. I’ve... We’ll talk Mickey. I might want to have children one day.

  Exit SKINNY.

  SWEETS. This is it. This is it. We’re all going to die here.

  MICKEY. We’re not going to die. We’re going to stay here, we’ll be all right.

  SWEETS. I’m scared Mickey.

  MICKEY. It’s all right. Go out the back get those old mattresses.

  POTTS. Are we staying here?

  MICKEY. Just get them.

  SWEETS. Are you sure Mickey? That we’re going to be all right?

  MICKEY. Yes. I am. I’m sure it’s all right.

  BABY gets up to leave.

  Where are you going? Baby.

  BABY. I fancied a sandwich.

  MICKEY. Stay here.

  BABY. I’m hungry.

  MICKEY. Stay here. Do you want to still be a part of this or not?

  BABY. Do I want to be a part of this...? This is brilliant!

  MICKEY. Because you are a part...

  BABY. Is this an... an invitation...?

  MICKEY. You’re supposed to be a part...

  BABY. Am I being asked? Am I being courted?

  MICKEY. Look. I don’t care what you do long term, I don’t mind. But for a couple days I need you here.

  BABY. What for?

  MICKEY. Because you’re his son. It goes Ezra you me to the outside.

  BABY. That’s why I’ve been here? Decoration. Like the sequins.

  MICKEY. They’re going to come here. If not Ross, anyone wants this place. Now to the outside you’re the son, so you’re the man.

  BABY. So why did they call you? (Pause.) Somebody decides to kill my daddy, do they call me tell me? No Mickey. They give you the call. (Pause.) You see what I mean Mickey? You got the call.

  Re-enter SKINNY.

  SKINNY. Mickey.

  MICKEY. What the fuck is it? I sent you to do a job.

  SKINNY. It’s just I found this on the doorstep.

  SKINNY holds out a box, big enough to hold a football, gift-wrapped with a silver ribbon. He puts it on the floor in front of them all.

  POTTS. I know what that is. I know what that is.

  SWEETS. What?

  POTTS. I know what that is.

  SWEETS. What is it?

  SKINNY. Fucking hell.

  POTTS. Oh no.

  SKINNY. Fucking hell. Fucking hell.

  POTTS. It’s the kid. It’s the fucking kid’s head.

  SKINNY. Oh Jesus.

  POTTS. Look at it. What do you think it is. It’s the kid’s head isn’t it?

  SWEETS. Oh Jesus.

  POTTS. It’s the kid’s head. It’s the fucking kid’s nut isn’t it. Well isn’t it?

  MICKEY. Shut up.

  POTTS. Look at it. Perfect size. It’s his nut.

  MICKEY. Shut up.

  SWEETS. Look. It’s his fucking head. It’s his fucking head in a box.

  POTTS. How heavy is it? Heavy. I bet it’s about a couple of stone. If it’s a couple of stone it’s his nut. One two stone it’s the nipper’s nut without much doubt.

  MICKEY. Shut up.

  POTTS. Oh my Jesus. They cut his head off.

  MICKEY. Calm down.

  POTTS. They’re going to kill us all.

  SWEETS. My God.

  POTTS. It’s over.

  MICKEY. Shut up. All of you. Shut up.

  SKINNY. Just say if it is because I don’t want to see. Just nod if it is.

  POTTS. We’re finished. We’re finished.

  BABY goes to the box. He unties the ribbon and opens it. He stares into it, standing over it. He pulls out a silver jacket, folded up. He unfolds it and looks at it. He holds it up for the others to see. Puts it on.

  He goes to the jukebox, jingles his pockets, finds a penny, drops it in the slot, presses a number and a tune begins.

  Rock ’n’ roll plays loud in the office. All eyes are on BABY. He ties the silver ribbon round his head and begins to dance. He starts slowly, menacingly, quick steps, tight, arrogant. As the song builds he moves faster and faster until it has become a noise. The sound grows, the drums getting louder, the instruments in discord, the beat intensifies until it reaches fever pitch, a wall of sound. It grinds deafeningly as BABY gets closer and closer to MICKEY, until he is right in his face. At its peak, everything stops except the drumming, with BABY frozen, staring into MICKEY’s eyes. They are staring at each other. The drumming halts. Tableau.

  Blackout. End of Act One.

  ACT TWO

  Scene One

  Downstairs at the Atlantic. Sequins everywhere. A staircase up to the office at the back with a chain across, ‘Private’.

  An enormous banner across the back reads ‘Ezra’s Atlantic Salutes Young People’.

  BABY is out cold at a table, wearing the silver jacket.

  MICKEY talks on the telephone.

  MICKEY. I want Camberwell 7212. (Pause.) Hello? (Pause.) It’s Mickey. I want to speak to Mr Ross. To Sam Ross. Yes. Yes I’ll wait.

  Enter SWEETS. MICKEY puts the phone down. SWEETS walks back out and re-enters dragging a dustbin, followed by POTTS, also dragging a dustbin.

  MICKEY. Is the back locked?

  POTTS. I’ve put the bolt on.

  MICKEY. That bolt’s too weak. A kid could break it in. Where’s Skinny?

  SWEETS. He’s not back.

  POTTS. Look. It’s gone six.

  SWEETS. Count on it Mickey. He’s fucked it up.

  POTTS. You sent the wrong bloke. Probably had his collar felt five pistols down his pants.

  SWEETS. Who you calling Mickey?

  MICKEY. A band for next week. Tell me when he wakes up. (Heads towards office.)

  SWEETS. Mickey. Can I have a quick word?

  MICKEY. What?

  SWEETS. Had a little idea.

  MICKEY. What is it Sweets?

  SWEETS. Quick little tetty over here...

  MICKEY waits.

  Can I? Good. Lovely. (Pause.) You know that business earlier with Sid. I know he’s sorry. It was the pills.

  MICKEY. Forget it. None of us is ourself.

  SWEETS. Couple of days we’ll all be us again, go for a drink crack jokes about it, eh?

  MICKEY. What was your idea?

  SWEETS. What?

  MICKEY. You said you had an idea.

  SWEETS. Good. I’ve come up with a plan and it makes sense to me in my head, but before you answer, mull it over for half a minute, live with it a tick then see if I’m wrong. Okay? So: (Pause.) I say we all do a runner.

  Pause.

  MICKEY. Sweets –

  SWEETS. Mull it over Mickey.

  MICKEY. Is that it?

  SWEETS. Sounds obvious but the best ones always do. We’ve had a shock lah-di-dah who says we all of us put it behind us jump on a train. All of us, as a team, train down Margate splash in the sea.

  Pause.

  MICKEY. Baby wakes up let me know.

  SWEETS. Give it half a minute watch it grow on you. The cool sea breeze. Cure-all. Works wonders for head cold. What?

  MICKEY. We’ve got no lease on this place. We’ve got no deed.

  SWEETS. Right...

  MICKEY. It gets out about Ezra anyone who wants this place can walk in make themselves at home.

  SWEETS. Uh-huh.

  MICKEY. So we go down Margate, lark around, come back find it’s gone. Then we’ve lost it all.

  SWEETS. Absolutely.

  MICKEY. So we’re gonna stay here sweat out the weekend. See what happens, hopefully Monday it’s still ours. After that, I don’t know.

  SWEETS. Horse sense. Twenty-four carat.

  MICKEY. You see?

  SWEETS. Mickey, go in there, close the door, lie down, let the dirt drop out your fingernails. Any news we’ll give you the holler.

  POTTS. T
here’s a hole in your plan Mickey.

  MICKEY. Oh yeah Sidney. Tell me.

  POTTS. This. What if Mr Ross comes back? (Pause.) Eh? Sam Ross gets his strength back comes here finds we hung around. What next?

  MICKEY. Then I don’t know.

  Pause.

  SWEETS. You don’t know?

  MICKEY. No.

  SWEETS. Think about my plan Mickey. It’s got something. Sun. Donkeys. Kiss-Me-Quick...

  MICKEY. Nothing’s keeping you here Sweets. You want a piece of what’s left, okay; you want to go out in the sun get an ice cream, go to Margate you’re welcome. Train goes from Victoria.

  Pause.

  SWEETS. Mickey come over here and piss all down my leg. How far do we go back? Don’t... How far do we go back?

  MICKEY. I know.

  SWEETS. I walked in the old warehouse can I have a job I’ll work for fuck-all. Come over here and piss all down my leg.

  MICKEY. I’m proud of you Sweets.

  POTTS. Mickey. Do you think he’s going to come for us?

  MICKEY. You’ve met him Sidney. You tell me.

  MICKEY goes up the staircase.

  POTTS. What?

  SWEETS. What? Nothing.

  POTTS. I thought you said something.

  SWEETS. No. Me? No.

  POTTS. Handing out the cuffs. Fucking getting cuffy. I didn’t start all this.

  SWEETS. He’s as shook up as any.

  POTTS. My ears still ringing.

  SWEETS. I know. Wake up tomorrow you’ll be right as rain.

  POTTS. We’re not waking up tomorrow. You heard what he said. He hasn’t got a plan. What if I cuffed him. That’d be it wouldn’t it? But no. I’ll just stand there line up let you all have a swing. (Pause.) He tries it again I’m gonna start thumping back. And hard as I can.

  SWEETS. Relax Sid. Have some cake.

  POTTS. Who fucking discovered the kid?

  SWEETS. Right.

  POTTS. Fact. One solid-gold forgotten fact.

  Pause. BABY stirs in his sleep.

  SWEETS. Poor bastard.

  POTTS. I shouldn’t worry about him too long Sweets.

  SWEETS. Don’t you feel a pang for him?

  POTTS. I’ve got my own plate of shit to eat today thank you. I don’t even know this hurts him.

  SWEETS. Big heart Sid. Course it hurts him.

  POTTS. Mickey first says it to him, ‘Sorry Baby but your dad’s been done.’ What does he do? He gives it the Buick. Some sketch about a car in the street. (What he’s already told you and me the day before, the same fucking words.) Now chop my old man up see if I stand around swapping car models.

  SWEETS. Yeah but there’s dads and dads. You’re thinking of a dad. Like in a book. Fucking figure of something.