A Suitable Lie

by Michael J Malone

  ‘Me?’

  ‘Why not? You’re her immediate superior.’

  ‘But you’re responsible for staffing.’

  ‘Yes, but you’re the more sensitive type. She’ll only be uncomfortable with me.’ A rare piece of sensitivity from Roy – or was he just unable to handle people when they were not well?

  A week later I was on Sheila’s doorstep with Tracy Fenton, a human resources specialist from Head Office. Both of us were trying to assume an air of nonchalance at the fierce barking that was coming from the other side of the door. We heard a woman’s voice cajole the dog into silence and the door was opened.

  ‘Andy, in you come. You must be Tracy … you’d better come in.’ The yellow Labrador that sounded so frightening from the other side of the door tried to impose death by licking once we were in the house. It’s whole body wagged and it made a few desperate lunges with his front paws.

  ‘Toby,’ Sheila censured, ‘Calm down. You’ll get hair all over the nice man’s suit.’

  ‘It’s fine,’ I reassured her, wondering at the childish tone she used with the dog.

  A coffee in my hand only moments later, I sat on a leather sofa in a very comfortable, large room with a pink tongue depositing saliva on my shoes. Looking around myself in admiration I began to doubt that Sheila was our thief. Who living in such a house, in one of the most sought-after parts of the town, would need to steal? Then I reminded myself that I shouldn’t make any assumptions.

  For the first time I had a good look at Sheila. Always thin, she now looked on the edge of emaciation. She had made an effort with her hair and her make-up, but the colour on her face only made her look more gaunt, and the style of her hair couldn’t disguise its listless brown or its lifeless hang. Her eyes shifted around the room, never once meeting my gaze. Her fingers supplied an endless line of cigarettes to her thin lips, which were being bitten when they weren’t sucking on a tab.

  ‘Thanks for seeing us, Sheila,’ said Tracy. ‘Before we start, I would just like to reiterate that we are not here to coax you back to work or to check that you really have been ill. We’re here to help you get back to work as and when you are ready and not before.’

  ‘Yes, you did say that on the phone thanks, and thanks for coming out to see me. I appreciate it. You’re both busy people,’ said Sheila. Her voice was so quiet, it was as if she was sitting in a church rather than her own home.

  ‘Don’t thank us.’ I noticed how gruff and male my voice sounded in the hushed femininity of her house. ‘It’s always nice to get out of the bank.’ Perhaps that wasn’t the best thing to say. ‘I mean that it’s nice to get some fresh air,’ I finished lamely.

  ‘I know what you mean.’ Sheila smiled at my awkwardness. Her smile transformed her face and even seemed to brighten her hair. Inwardly I remarked that she was actually very attractive. I had never noticed it before because she was one of those people content to stay in the background, diminishing their size and importance. Her particular tactic was to hide behind long hair while wearing clothes that were too large.

  I was suddenly sure that the woman that I knew from the bank was not the real Sheila. There was no way she had walked into any door. This was a shrunken woman crushed by the grip of a bully.

  ‘So, tell me, Sheila, do you feel ready to come back to work in any capacity?’ Tracy asked.

  ‘I think so,’ Sheila then considered her answer. ‘Yes, I’m sure.’

  ‘Your doctor’s line is up in about ten days’ time,’ I added. He’d been circumspect and given the reason for her absence as ‘stress and anxiety’. ‘I’m sure we can arrange for you to come back, say, two mornings a week and gradually increase that over the next few months until you’re back to full time.’

  ‘Before we talk about your rehabilitation, Sheila can I just check with you that you have not been put under any pressure to come back to the bank?’ asked Tracy.

  ‘No, absolutely not. In fact everyone has been very kind.’ A tear gathered in the corner of her eye. ‘I don’t know how I would have coped without everyone’s support.’ Another tear reached her cheek before it was staunched by a tissue. ‘You know, for ten years Ken ruled my life. Right from the day and hour we married … when I could go to the toilet, what sort of jam I could eat, which of my friends I could speak too. And if I didn’t do as I was told, by God the punishment was severe. For ten years I put up with it.’

  This was a new experience for me; listening without any input being expected in return. It was clear from Sheila’s stare into space that what she needed was to hear the words out loud and not to have any solutions or judgements offered.

  ‘Bloody hell,’ I said. ‘That’s awful. How can this happen without anyone picking up on it?’

  I looked at Tracy to gauge her reaction. She was holding herself tight as if fighting to maintain a professional demeanour. It was clear from her expression that this was a story she’d heard before.

  ‘Ten years,’ Sheila shook her head in bewilderment. ‘What kind of a fool was I? But you know what the craziest thing is? I miss the bastard.’

  She stared off into recent memory. Her lower lip trembling.

  ‘I was sure he was going to kill me that last time.’ She was back in the room and remembered that she was safe, but couldn’t stop wrapping her arms around herself. She looked from me to Tracey and back again. ‘I knew he was capable of a lot, but that was the first time I saw death in his eyes.’

  She breathed deeply. Exhaled slowly, as if finally expelling a series of anxious thoughts. ‘Sounds dramatic, eh? Death in his eyes. Hark at me.’ She offered a weak smile as if that might reduce the drama of her statement. ‘But there’s no other way to put it. I was a bug and he would relish stamping on me until every bone in my body was broken.

  ‘I managed to get to the neighbours. While he was having a cigarette break from the hard work of trying to murder me. Called the police. But by the time they arrived he was off.’ Her tissue was almost translucent with her tears. ‘I’m … I’m like a toddler. I mean Ken did everything. Everything. I’m amazed he ever let me go to work. That’s why I need to get back. I need to get out of this house. I’ve lost ten years of my life.’ She straightened her back and looked me in the eyes for the first time. ‘I’ve lost ten years. That evil swine has stolen enough from me. It’s time that I took charge of my life. Going back to work will be the first step in that process.’

  ‘That’s excellent,’ said Tracy as she leant forward and patted Sheila on the hand. She retracted her hand quickly, as if she was worried her actions had breached her self-imposed conditions for professionalism. It was just in that moment, she was unable to contain her empathy. They were woman to woman and she couldn’t help but show her support. ‘With regards to your absence from work, as far as we are concerned the reason, as we said is stress and anxiety. If anyone is to find out the real reason, that will come from you, not us, okay?’ Tracy looked at me to back up her statement.

  ‘Absolutely,’ I said.

  ‘Thanks, guys,’ Sheila said. ‘I won’t be making any big announcement in the office, but I think it’s long past time people talked about this. If people ask, I won’t shy away from telling them the truth.’ She gave a smile; one tinged with hope and not a little fear. ‘Perhaps it will encourage other women to speak up.’

  Silence followed her words. The courage and determination that suddenly flared in that small frame filled me with admiration.

  13

  With Timon and Pumba urging Simba to take life easy and Pat sitting on my lap, still enthralled with Disney’s magic at about the thousandth re-showing, I pondered my work problems. Taking a long draught from my bottle of beer, I considered the options. Having met with Sheila, there was no way that I could imagine her stealing the money. But the alternative was unthinkable. Malcolm had been a friend of mine for years. He couldn’t be the thief. I would bet a year’s wages on it. Another mouthful eased down the back of my throat. Anyway, it wasn’t my problem. Roy�
�s audit team had come up with nothing that would secure a conviction. We would have to hope that all of the Head Office action would put the thief off for life. They would certainly not be using their previous method of stealing funds.

  A shrill ring from the phone pierced my thoughts. Pat, as usual, reached it first.

  ‘Stop that, Uncle Jim,’ Pat giggled. ‘You’re cheeky.’

  ‘What filth are you passing on to my son?’ I lifted the phone from Pat’s hand.

  ‘Oh nothing, bro. Just saying that if he ever got tired of his boring old dad that I was the nicer brother and he should come live with me.’

  ‘Oh right,’ I smiled. ‘What can I do for you, Jim? Before you rip my family apart.’

  ‘I’m just phoning to tell you that I’m in love.’

  ‘Yeah, right.’

  ‘… with the most stunning woman I have ever met.’

  ‘Jim, if I had a pound for every woman that you had ever been in love with I would be able to end world hunger.’

  ‘I’ve told you a million times,’ laughed Jim, ‘… don’t exaggerate.’

  ‘So who is this poor unfortunate?’

  ‘The lucky lady is called Paula and I met her tonight, in Tesco after work.’

  ‘Don’t tell me you’re so desperate that you’re approaching women in the supermarket.’

  ‘No, no … I met her for the first time last weekend – when I took Pat to Kidz Play.’

  ‘So the wedding was over two months ago and you’re on to someone else already? And you’re using my son as a front for a solicitation service? I knew there had to be a reason for you offering to take Pat there.’

  ‘Aye, there was. To let you and Anna have some time together. I just sort of got talking to Paula when Pat started to play with her wee boy, Daniel. I’ll tell you, there are some gorgeous single mums around.’

  ‘Bloody hell. You’re unbelievable. You’re really picking up women at a children’s play area?’

  ‘Man, she’s gorgeous,’ he ignored my reprimand. ‘You should meet her. She’s amazing. Long brown hair, slim, nice tits. Anyway … you’re never going to believe how I bumped into her…’

  ‘Go on tell me, I can’t wait. Teach me your chat up lines O great one,’ I laughed.

  ‘You know how they have those bargain sections in Tesco? Well I spotted a trolley with some cut-price stuff, and I was looking through it when she walked over to me. It was only her bloody trolley.’ He chuckled. ‘Talk about a brasser. Mind you, a packet of tampons in among the onion bhajis should have given the game away. I apologised, we had a good laugh about it. I asked where her husband was. He left her last year, so I asked her out.’

  ‘Just like that.’

  ‘Just like that. If you snooze, you lose, my friend.’

  ‘Well, when do I get to meet this vision, this paragon of womanhood … she of the nice tits.’

  ‘Whenever you want.’

  ‘Why don’t you come over on Saturday for dinner? We can turn on the fabled Boyd charm and she’ll completely fall in love with you and yours. How about 7.30?’

  ‘You’re on.’

  As I put the phone I felt a nip on the back of my neck. Rubbing at the pain, I turned round.

  ‘What the hell was that for?’

  ‘That was for not consulting me. And this,’ Anna poked me in the solar plexus, pushing the air from my lungs, ‘is for being a dick.’

  Surprised at her anger I took a seat on the stairs. She moved closer, lifted my head up and pushed her face against mine.

  ‘What the hell are you doing inviting people over here?’ She spoke in a forced whisper.

  ‘I just thought that it would be nice…’

  ‘You don’t think. That’s your problem. You’re useless.’ She punched my forehead with the heel of her hand. There was a hint of a smile in her expression and for a moment I couldn’t work out if she was messing with me or being serious.

  ‘Hey,’ I said, and stood up, smarting from the three different assaults. ‘What the hell is your problem?’ I bit down on my irritation. I was suddenly aware of the differences in our heights. I towered over her. If I had a mind to, I could really cause her some damage.

  Anna was not cowed by my size. Instead, a smile teased the corner of her mouth. She pressed up against me, her hand sought my groin. Slowly she stroked. My body responded while my mind tried to reconcile the different versions of this woman who had just appeared before me.

  ‘Honey, the next time you want to do the social bit,’ her hand moved faster, ‘let me know first.’

  I bent over to kiss her. She gently cupped my testicles, raising an eyebrow and a smile, and parted her lips. Then, her face hardened and her mouth formed a tight line. Her hand balled into a fist while holding my testicles. She squeezed tighter. Pain weakened my legs. She pulled down, forcing me onto my knees.

  ‘If you don’t,’ her lips were pressed against my ear. ‘I’ll have you.’

  Then, as if she had just been meditating with the Dalai Lama, she glided through to the living room, where Pat was still engrossed in The Lion King, and offered to make him a sandwich.

  I sat on the stairs, balls and head aching, mind dull with worry. What was going on here? Who was this woman I married? She was so small. I was so big. Why hadn’t I retaliated? I had a vision of what I could do to her with my superior size and strength, and all thoughts of retaliation vanished like a summer snowfall. My mind conjured an image of her lying broken and bloodied. That wasn’t me. But, what was? My mind was a fog of emotions, as competing thoughts slugged at each other in the gloom. I loved this woman, I knew I did. But was she the same woman who’d just shown herself? And why hadn’t I stopped her? What would Pat think?

  It had been ingrained into me as a boy: you don’t hit girls. They are weaker than boys. Why was I the one in pain, then?

  Women are always advised to leave their partner at the first sign of violence. Shouldn’t I follow this advice? The thought of leaving Anna sat heavy in my gut, making my mouth feel dry with panic.

  No, that wasn’t happening. I loved her. I wanted her approval.

  People, including members of my family, said we’d married too soon. I had an image of Mum on my wedding day as we waited for the taxi to take me to the church. Her expression heavy with concern.

  I wasn’t about to prove her right.

  In the living room, Pat was face first in a jam sandwich. I slumped in my seat and pretended to be engrossed in the movie.

  When the movie credits started rolling, I stole a look at my son and my wife. Pat was leaning into her as she curled up on the couch. He looked as happy as I’d ever seen him.

  ‘Honey?’ I spoke first, determined, in this instance I’d be the one to broker peace. ‘Do you want me to phone Jim and cancel? I’m sure I can think of some excuse.’

  ‘Why would you do that?’ She looked over at me, her hand playing with Pat’s hair, an unreadable smile on her face. ‘It’ll be nice to have dinner with Jim and his new friend. Tell me about her.’

  I regurgitated my conversation with Jim, describing Paula as he had to me while Anna cooed how lovely this was and how much she was looking forward to meeting her. Menus were discussed, as were outfits to be worn. I wondered who had been laying into me earlier on, and even questioned if it had actually happened.

  As the night of the dinner drew close, Anna mentioned it regularly, saying how much she was looking forward to us socializing as a couple.

  It was she who called my mother and asked her to have Pat for the night. Mum, of course, was delighted.

  ‘She said she’s really pleased to think of her two boys and their women getting on so well,’ Anna said as she made up a shopping list for Saturday’s meal.

  ‘We don’t do this often enough, Andy,’ she said, sucking the end of her pencil. ‘It’s like you want to keep me all to yourself.’

  Before I knew it, I was welcoming Jim and his new girlfriend in the door and the four of us were sitting around the tab
le sipping wine.

  ‘Jim tells me you have a lovely wee boy, Andy,’ Paula said as she settled into her chair.

  She was everything Jim described. Dark, slim and lovely.

  ‘Yes,’ said Anna. ‘He’s the cutest wee boy in the planet.’ She looked across the table at me and grinned. ‘He’s the real reason I fell in love with Andy.’

  I blew her a raspberry then made a face as if conceding defeat. ‘Pat’s my secret weapon. No self-respecting woman would look at me twice if I didn’t have that kid at my side.’

  ‘That’s not fair,’ said Anna reaching out to take my hand. ‘Takes after his handsome and caring dad.’

  ‘God, you two make me sick,’ said Jim. ‘You’re married now. Is it not time to get all indifferent?’

  ‘You’ve such a romantic notion of marriage,’ Anna said to Jim. Then to Paula. ‘You’ve got your work cut out with this one.’

  ‘Ach, he acts like a curmudgeon,’ said Paula. ‘But he does have hidden shallows.’

  Everyone laughed at Paula’s comedic summing up of my brother. I gave her a look and realised there was a cool head on this one. Perhaps it might be her giving Jim the runaround shortly.

  After the food had been served and eaten, we all leaned back in our seats, bellies aching.

  ‘The meal was lovely,’ said Paula. ‘Thank you, guys.’

  ‘You’re welcome,’ said Anna, ‘It’s not often we get to entertain. Andy has become quite shy in his old age. Anti-social even.’ She reached over and patted my hand. ‘I’d go out every night of the week, but Andy wants me all to himself, don’t you honey?’

  I nodded. ‘Why would I want to share you with anyone, babes?’ I lifted her hand up to my mouth and kissed it.

  ‘I’d say, get a room. But you don’t have that far to go.’ Jim laughed.

  ‘He just can’t get enough of me.’ Anna stretched over and rubbed my shoulder, ‘Isn’t that right, honey?’