My Boyfriend is a Monster

by Coates, J. H.

  “I think you got the wrong men Preacher,” Andy suggested.

  “No, the Father was quite adamant about you two specifically,” he said looking around the diner. “Besides, you are the only two men here.”

  “Yeah well, we weren’t told about meeting any priest in a diner, so fuck off,” Bobby said becoming aggravated.

  The Preacher smiled. “Of course, as soon as you hand over the briefcase.”

  Suddenly the two men became very alert and very suspicious.

  “What the fuck did you just say?” Bobby stated, knowing exactly what he just said.

  The Preacher tilted his head and gazed underneath the table at the oversized briefcase that resembled more of a suitcase. “The briefcase under the table to your right, if you please,” he said holding his hand out and open.

  Andy pulled his gun out from under his jacket and let it sit in his hand on the table. “Again, I think you have the wrong two guys Preacher.”

  Seeing the gun Frank decided to keep trying to use the phone while Amber stepped back even further.

  “I just received the call and was told to relieve you of your briefcase,” the Preacher said trying to convince them that he was not mistaken. “Now you see gentlemen this is a simple equation.”

  “What the fuck are you talking about?” Bobby asked pulling his gun out of his jacket.

  The Preacher held up his finger. “Indulge me if you will,” he insisted. “You work for a man named Charlie, a mid-level criminal from Boston who employs you both. One year ago you robbed a gentleman named Spencer Coleman, who worked for the same person I do, the Father,” he said looking upwards. “Now you took a very sizable amount of money from Mr. Coleman. The Father’s money. And killing you would only be revenge. Certainly would not solve the problem of us not having the money to continue his work,” he said looking upwards again. “So we waited and waited until Father,” the Preacher sighed looking up once again. “Found an associate of yours named Tony, who came into a very large sum of money without paying tribute to your boss Charlie. When your boss was made aware of such mistake,” he hinted tapping his own nose. “It didn’t take him long to send you two to Florida and kill him, thus getting all the money. You were to meet a pick up man in Greenwood,” he said and smiled, letting it sink in a bit for the two gentlemen who looked at each other wondering how this man had all of this information. “You would take 49 instead of 55 since you wanted to avoid as much attention as possible and that would take you right through Yazoo City. But you didn’t expect a flat,” the Preacher said holding up a little dagger. “And Yazoo City being a small town it would take a little longer than usual to fix,” he said stepping a bit closer causing both men to move back in their chairs. “The rest was just following and waiting to take the briefcase, which was going to be at your hotel room after you left here. But I got the phone call and it seems that I have other business to attend. No longer can I wait for you to go back to your hotel room, bringing us to this, the last part of the equation, time.”

  The two men looked at each other each waiting for one to say something. They both looked at the Preacher who was no longer smiling.

  “And yours gentlemen . . . is up,” he said as his eyes started to glow green. Fangs ripped through his gums with a loud fleshy popping sound. The two men sitting at the table were not sure what was happening but when the Preacher’s body convulsed and grew larger Andy raised his gun.

  Quickly the Preacher wrapped his claws around the gun and the hand holding on to it. Yanking it violently to his right and across the table he caught Bobby square in the face. Almost knocking him off his chair he fell backwards immediately dropping his gun and raising his hand to catch the blood spraying from his nose. The Preacher sent the gun and hand back to its owner hitting Andy in the face almost knocking him out. Seeing Bobby start to stand he yanked the hand holding the gun across the table. This time Andy’s body sprawled over the table while his hand and gun caught Bobby in the face again. His rather large nose exploded terrifically as he fell back missing the chair and crumbled to the cold tiles below.

  Lying on the ground Bobby felt it start to go dark. Being aware of the money at stake he gave his head a quick shake and scrambled for his gun. Hearing Andy being smacked around above him, he found his gun and clambered to his feet. He stumbled away from the table a safe distance and turned around.

  The Preacher let go of Andy’s hand and let him fall into the chair where he sat useless. Raising the gun Bobby watched as the monstrous Preacher standing beside their table twenty feet away, was almost instantly an inch in front of him before he could blink.

  The Preacher brought his right hand directly up. Ripping through the flesh like butter he sunk three claws in behind Bobby’s chin and up into his mouth. Anchoring his fingers behind the jaw he pulled his arm back forcibly, ripping away the jaw with all its teeth and all the flesh at the front of his neck.

  Blood poured downward onto the floor sounding like someone dumping a runny milkshake. With no bottom jaw Bobby was only able to scream briefly until his tongue fell out of his throat and slapped against his chest. Falling to his knees as his screams turned to gargles, fleshy blood spewed on his hands as they searched for skin and bone that were no longer there.

  Seeing his friend’s lower jaw and throat being ripped off Andy scurried to his feet. Grabbing his gun and the briefcase he looked around the diner for the quickest escape route. He saw Amber and the thought of using her as a shield to get away quickly entered his head. “Shit just got real,” he told himself and set his pudgy frame in motion.

  Amber watched in disbelief as the man who just told her the most interesting story was ripping another human being apart. She did not realize it was Frank, not her that was screaming the high pitch cry for help, into the phone that did not work of all things. Amber also did not realize that the fat man with a gun was running towards her. Then out of the corner of her eye she saw Andy lumbering towards her. Turning to run away she came face to face with Preacher and stood dumb founded as to how he got in front of her so quick.

  Andy was also caught off guard as he ran straight into the clutches of a Monster.

  Grabbing Andy by the neck the Preacher picked him straight up into the air and squeezed. His face instantly went purple as blood was already dripping from his nose and ears. Squeezing harder he became over joyed and watched the blood start to run from his eyes. The pressure became so overwhelming Andy’s eyes began rupturing. Finally the Preacher slammed his body on the counter. Amber jolted at the sound of the thud and Frank stopped calling for help. Squeezing his throat one more time created a low resonating (Plop) and he was dead.

  The Preacher walked behind the counter passing Amber. “Stay here,” he said going into the back kitchen. Walking behind Frank who stood shaking in the window and still holding the phone he turned the faucet on and began washing his hands. Frank could not move, he just kept looking forward and hoped for the best. Finally the tap turned off and the Preacher reappeared at the counter. Bending down he retrieved the rather large briefcase and pulled Andy off of the counter. Replacing him with the briefcase he pressed the two tiny buttons and the latches sprung open. “Would you come out here Frank,” he asked politely.

  Frank did not move.

  Amber gave him another moment. Still he did not move. “Get out here Frank,” Amber said turning her head and mouthing, “Before he kills you.”

  “I don’t plan on killing anyone else tonight my dear,” the Preacher said hearing her lips pronounce the words. Counting the money bundles inside the case he set one off to the side.

  Amber’s eyes just grew as she looked at Frank and twitched her head angrily, trying to spur him coming out to the counter area. Finally Frank came out reluctantly and stood beside her, but still somewhat behind her.

  “If it makes you feel better, everything I said about them being criminals was true,” the Preacher said sniffing at the air until it led him directly over Andy. Kneeling down he extended his c
laws and forced his hand into the chest. With a long wet sucking sound he pulled out his hand and stood back up producing Andy’s inactive heart. “It’s rotting,” he said examining it. “I’d say, eighteen months, two years tops and he would have had a heart attack.” Dropping it on top of the body he laughed. “Probably face first into large plate of something fried I’m sure.”

  Amber and Frank both stood silent as the Preacher walked over to Bobby’s body.

  “Now this one,” the Preacher said as he noticed it was still twitching. “He took a little bit more care of himself,” he said rolling the body over onto his back. Driving his claws into the chest and ripping out the heart Amber could swear that it was still beating. “My kind can eat and drink like you, but we also need a certain amount of Myocardium.”

  “What is that?” Amber asked.

  “Simply? The Heart,” he answered and smiled.

  “Like a vampire,” Frank said out of nowhere.

  “In a way Frank,” he said opening his mouth. Letting his fangs click downwards caused both Frank and Amber to jump. “But I am not a vampire.”

  “You look like a vampire,” Frank said much quieter this time.

  “Will you shut the fuck up,” Amber suggested strongly.

  “True, we have been called vampires, but I assure you they do not exist,” he said examining the heart. “You see the Cardiac muscle is a type of involuntary striated muscle found in the walls and histological foundation of the heart. To be specific the Myocardium,” he said bringing the heart to his nose and breathing in deeply. “The cells that constitute cardiac muscle, called cardiomyocytes or myocardiocytes contain only one, unique nucleus. This is not unlike what water means to life, give it abundance and life thrives, give it a little and it wilts.” Forcing his fangs into the heart he let the squishing sound of wet rubber burst with each chew.

  Hoping it was just a dream Frank closed his eyes and began to silently will himself awake. Amber raised her hand to her mouth feeling as if she was about to throw up.

  With a mouthful of heart he continued. “We can feed off animal hearts but it takes much more to get the amount we need,” he said taking another bite as if he were eating an apple.

  “It tastes good?” Amber asked getting more frightened.

  “Oh no my dear, it is actually quite vile. Other parts on the human body are quite tasty but the heart, how to put it.” He thought for a moment. “Like eating over boiled peas, unless you like peas of course,” he said considering some might actually like them, even over boiled.

  “Fuck me,” Amber cried through her hand over her mouth.

  “Don’t worry my dear. Most my kind, eat out of necessity,” he said looking over the body on the floor.

  “You just said there were other parts that were tasty.”

  “Waste not, want not,” he said raising his eyebrows. “Besides, there are Monsters out there far worse than my kind when it comes to human consumption, believe you me.” Taking another bite out of the heart he grabbed the body with his free hand and placed it on the table. Wrapping the table cloth over it he was grateful for how big they were. “Wonderful these diner table clothes, almost plastic,” he said placing the heart in his mouth, freeing both hands he grabbed the newly wrapped body and exited the diner.

  They could hear a trunk opening and the sound of the body being placed in it. Walking through the door and setting off the chime he tossed the last bit of heart in his mouth. Grabbing the larger body he placed it on a table and began wrapping it. Examining the larger girth of Andy’s body he decided to take another table cloth and disappeared outside again.

  “What the fuck do we do?” Frank asked.

  “I don’t know, run for it?”

  “Fuck that.”

  “You think he’ll catch us?”

  “He’ll catch me; you’re a faster runner than I am.”

  Hearing the trunk slam shut they both jumped. “You asshole,” Amber said wanting to run but from what she just witnessed she knew he would have no problem catching both of them.

  He walked back into the diner wiping his mouth. “You see, there are many kinds of Monsters. I’m Chakan, and there are Elementals and Astros,” he said then shook his head. “Nasty little buggers they are, Solibus et Lunis, get an infestation of them, and there goes the neighborhood.”

  “Why are you telling us this?” Amber interrupted.

  Walking over to the briefcase he took the bundle he placed on the counter. Letting his talon like claw slide from underneath his nail he cut the paper wrapping holding it together. “I am telling you this so when you close your eyes every night for the rest of your lives, you will remember the nightmare,” he said smiling. Splitting the bundle in two he slid the larger half to Amber and the smaller one to Frank. Taking a deep breath he tapped the top of the bundles and looked at both of them. “This if for you,” he said then singled out Frank. “It’s not for drugs,” he said looking at him.

  “How,” Frank stuttered staring at the bundle. “What makes you think I do drugs,” he finally said.

  Grabbing Frank by the arm with lightning speed the Preacher yanked his arm forward over the counter. He twisted his arm palm side up and raised his own hand. The talon like claw erected its way out of his finger. Placing it at the bend in Frank’s arm he slid it all the way down to his wrist. The fabric split apart cleanly revealing track marks on his arm. “I could smell the poison running through your veins the moment you came back from your more than elongated break,” he said gripping his arm tighter causing Frank to cry out. “This money is not for that.” Letting his fangs slowly slide out of his gums and his eyes get brighter Frank started to tear up. “There are Demons more frightening than me my son,” he said looking down at the track marks.

  Frank violently shook his head and closed his eyes. “I understand, not for drugs I swear.”

  “Good,” the Preacher said letting him go. His eyes and teeth back to normal.

  Grabbing the money Frank fell to the ground hugging it while he rocked back and forth.

  “Please don’t eat us,” Amber said tearing fully.

  “What?” Frank mumbled disappointedly from the floor.

  “My dear,” the Preacher said offering her a sympathetic smile. “I would not have gone through that whole speech and give you a bundle of money it I were going to eat you now would I.”

  Amber thought about it for a moment then shook her head.

  Reaching out slowly the Preacher took her hand. “You and Frank are going to clean this mess up and speak of nothing. As far as you were concerned it was an uneventful night,” he said as she began to settle down. “Two men in suits came in and ate and left and another man in a black suite - not a Preacher,” he made clear. “Ordered, ate and left an hour after them.” he said sticking his thumb behind him pointing towards the exit.

  Nodding, Amber confirmed she understood. “Two men in suits came in ordered, ate and left while a third man in a black suite came in and left an hour or so after the first two.”

  “Excellent, excellent my dear,” he said looking down at Frank. “Frank like always was in the back and didn’t even notice them, just cooked the food.”

  “I didn’t notice shit,” Frank stated as honest as he could.

  “What about the cars?”

  “I will take care of that my dear, you just clean the blood.”

  “How?” she asked honestly, never having cleaned a crime scene before.

  “Some warm sudsy water, then bleach the pail and sink. And burn the cloths.”

  She nodded again as he gathered his things. “You were actually here,” she said finally working up the courage. “In 1884, and then in 1904 during the fire,” she said referring to the story.

  “I was.”

  “So was it?” she asked

  “The Witch, Tandy Warren?” He paused for a moment then nodded. “I believe it was.”

  “So she’s kind of still here,” Amber said.

  He looked around as if sens
ing her then answered. “I believe she is.”

  “Probably not a good idea to go into the swamp at night then,” she said thinking about it.

  “Probably not,” the Preacher said then smiled. “Probably not a good idea to go into any swamp at night for that matter,” he said tapping his nose.

  “Good point,” she said smiling back.

  The Preacher closed the briefcase and looked at the time on his phone. “Well, I should be getting on my way my dear,” he said looking around the diner, then back to the two of them. “I never forget a name or a face. But I strongly suggest the both of you do,” he said and walked out of the diner, never to be seen again.

  Amber did clean the diner and when police came and questioned her she said exactly what they went over and it was never mentioned again. She used her money to go to the University of Mississippi where she got a degree in writing. She met her husband there and later after they were married. They had two wonderful children. She wrote her first book called The Witch of Yazoo: Dear Tandy Warren, which became a best seller. She wrote many books that were modest sellers, none quite as successful as the story of Tandy Warren. She loved telling her children the story of the witch and she enjoyed it even more when she told her grandchildren. By then the vocal edition had become much tamer than her book.

  She thought about the Preacher many times over the next seventy three years. But even when he visited her in nightmares, she never spoke a word of him. Even when asked how she came about the story she always left out the part of the Preacher, until she was on her death bed. When she was surrounded by her loved ones, she blessed them and confessed her love for them all. Then she said, “And God Bless the Preacher at the diner, and even after death, I pray I never see him.”