Unsidhe Assassin (Darkly Mine Season 1)

by Leona Windwalker

  I washed my hands, feeling non-plussed when the sink dispensed pink foamy water that sparkled as soon as my hand hovered over the faucet. I bet Jerky Jackofferson probably had it piped in from Never Never Land or some shit, knowing him. I turned off the tap and shook my hands off as I looked in vain for a towel. That was when I realized my hands were completely dry. I’d say it was like magic, but with this place, it probably actually was. It didn’t sit well with me, either. The place looked like something out of a near-future dystopian nightmare, if it was set in fucking Oz or some shit, and had the weirdest blend of advanced tech, magic, and medieval lifestyle I could have never imagined. In other words, this place was seriously fucked up, and that was before you factored in all the rules b.s.

  I picked up the loincloth. It was easy enough to figure out. The larger piece of cloth over my ass, the slightly smaller one over my junk. Tie the sides tightly and hope for the best. That done, I looked at my face. I still had my artistic stubble. That niggled at me. Why shave me everywhere else but leave my whiskers? I filed that thought away to mull over later. Right now, I needed to get that damned toilet roll holder to shut.the.ever.loving.hell.up.

  I opened the door to find her standing there, looking uncertain. She brightened as she saw I had the stupid Tarzan suit on.

  “Um,” I said, scratching my arm lazily. “I accidentally turned that thing on, and it won’t shut off.”

  “Oh! You just press and hold the button until it falls silent.”

  “Right.” I turned away and did that. “And, the buttons on the toilet?”

  “You’ll probably only want to ever use two of them yourself,” she said. “This one,” she touched the button, “flushes and then this one,” she hovered her finger over another button, “washes you with warm water.”

  Right. I didn’t want to know what the other million and one buttons did. But as long as I could flush the toilet, I was good, though I have to admit that the warm ass wash sounded good, too. Man, one of those would have been handy after a hookup. Not that I’d be using it for that here. Nope. Not attracted to giant pricks at all. Not that kind, anyway.

  14

  Willow

  I really hated being summoned by my father. Nothing good ever came of it, and right now, I really had a lot of better things to do. I had no choice to answer, though. The rules, always the rules. I was sick of the rules, but there was no escaping them. They were part of the very fabric of our realm, woven into the fabric of its very being.

  I held myself as still as possible, refusing to budge an inch in front of the man sat across from me.

  He steepled his fingers, looking at me as if he wanted to peer inside my skull to see what I was thinking. He knew I was plotting something, but he didn’t have a clue what it was. “You know why I called you here, of course.”

  I smirked. “Because two of your best guardsmen gave their notice, as did half a dozen or more of their men?” I asked, feigning innocence.

  “And you’ve spent a large sum of your funds within a rather short period.”

  “I didn’t see the point of not paying for things once I’ve bought them,” I replied. “That tends to be rather frowned upon, which would reflect badly upon our house.”

  He curled his lip, the blue eyes that matched mine turning even colder. “That wasn’t what I meant, and you know it. The bank notified me of the withdrawals and Puzzle informed me that you purchased the two floors below yours. Am I to assume from this and the timing of my guards’ withdrawal from my employment, that you are establishing your own stronghold?”

  “I am.”

  He leaned back in his chair. “It’s about time. Your majority is fast approaching.” He waved a hand at me. “I’m not opposed. Rather the opposite, in fact. Establishing yourself thus before you come of age shows you have gravitas. Other fae will take note and treat you in a manner suiting your reputation. A reputation I understand that you are cementing by already binding a human servant that you grabbed from their mundane realm.”

  “I have, yes. I’d have brought him today, but alas, he is not yet fully broken in, nor has he had time to learn the rules that apply to him.”

  “A wise move to not risk him, then.”

  Yes, it was. No way in hell was I going to bring someone still so ignorant of this world and their place within it. Father summoned me, but it was to our family residence at the palace, not our family estate.

  “This changes nothing.”

  And there it was. I met his eyes, refusing to flinch. “I expected as much.”

  He sighed. “If you survive a full week that which is coming after your coming of age celebration, I’ll reaffirm you as my heir.”

  That did surprise me. I had long believed that he would be one of those sending an assassin after me. I needed to re-evaluate my kill list.

  “I can tell by your expression that you thought I wanted you dead.” He breaks his gaze away from mine, swallowing. “I was angry over the betrayal of my own guards and the perfidy of your mother knowingly trying to pass you off as my own. You, though, you have always been my son. It’s why I told your blood father to approach the best of our men to go to you.”

  I couldn’t have been more astounded than if he suddenly removed a glamor to reveal he was actually an enchanted, talking house cat from the human realm. He’d always been so standoffish with me. Still, I appreciated the gift, especially as it was freely given, which meant I was not under obligation for it.

  “Thank you, Father.”

  He turned his head to face me once more, giving me a short nod of acknowledgment. “I hope you have a plan other than hiring a bunch of guards,” he said.

  “I do.”

  “Don’t tell me.”

  “I won’t.” It was best that I didn’t. That way, if he was compelled, they could see he wasn’t privy to my plans. At least one of the two I was going after was bound to try to pry. I intended to leave no cracks for them to peer through. My guards and my delicious assassin were pieces for me to move on the board. The strategy was all mine, and I was keeping it to myself. It would frustrate my enemies to end, as the rules stated they could not compel me to get the information. Once a Hunt was declared, they had to make use of clues I left via my actions and questions asked of others. Prey had to be run to ground using wit and skill. I would be their prey, hence why they would try to use the assassins to take me out personally. They would be mine, and while I had an assassin, it was not enough to kill them. First, they had to pay with their reputations. I wasn’t just after staying alive and ruining them for how they repaid the foolishness of my boyhood. I was after the Crown.

  I cleared my throat. “I have a meeting I’m supposed to make, to get the renovation completed.”

  “But of course. I’ll add more funds to your account, releasing them from your trust so that it’s all yours should you need it to be.”

  It was very generous. I racked my brain, looking at it from all angles to see what he had to gain. I came up with nothing beyond helping me one of the few ways he could to help ensure my continued existence, so he had the heir he needed. The funds were mine anyway, so again, accepting them did not obligate me to repay a gift.

  “That will make things easier,” I admitted, accepting his offer. “It will be a week before the next dust shipment goes out.”

  He stood. “I’ll see you out.” He strode to the door, opening it. “Horn,” he addressed one of the two men guarding his door, “see my son to the stables and tell the stable master to saddle up Archie for him.”

  “Yes, my lord,” Horn replied, offering a salute.

  “Archie is yours to keep,” Father said.

  Now that would have to be repaid. I fished in my pocket and offered him a silver coin. He accepted it, plucking it from my fingers. Good, for once, I was leaving my father’s presence paid in full.

  “You’re learning,” he said softly.

  “I had some harsh lessons,” I replied. “I’ll see you at Court soon.” I hurried to
catch up with my escort. Just because my enemies couldn’t have me killed yet didn’t mean that something unpleasant occurring at their hands was forbidden. I didn’t have time for such shenanigans today.

  15

  Jase

  As I passed through the main living area, my eyes raked the room. Sir Obey My Will was nowhere to be seen. That pissed me off no end. What was with this guy locking people up and leaving them to be babysat by strangers? A length of red silk rope by the door hanging from a hook caught my eye. It looked like a leash. My eyes dropped to the console table next to it, where a nest of matching silk lay jumbled in a glass bowl. I had a bad feeling about those, a very bad feeling. I was nobody’s Fido.

  “The kitchen’s this way,” the tiny woman said, tugging on my elbow. I followed her, not wanting to get her into any kind of trouble. She seemed a nice lady. It was just a shame about our mutual employer.

  The kitchen was more of that strange juxtaposition of old-time fantasy kitsch and ultra-modern chic. A state of the art double door smart fridge freezer with an ice and water dispenser kept company with a pioneer days looking stove that Ma Ingalls would have been proud of, albeit the metal it was made of was brushed steel to match the fridge and not cast iron. The triple sink with the chopping board over the small middle section for washing fruits and vegetables was also brushed steel. The lack of a faucet made me stare. How did they get water to wash? I shook myself mentally. They must clean everything with magic, and the sink was for show, I decided.

  The cabinets were nice, too, a sort of light sage green high gloss. I wasn’t up on kitchens and bathrooms, but I watched enough TV to know the kitchen was reasonably new.

  “Lord Willow certainly gave me a lovely space to work in,” the woman said, noticing me taking in the room.

  “Um, yeah. This style is popular at the moment back on Earth,” I replied, not knowing what else to say to her.

  It must have been the right thing as she beamed. “Oh, my, yes! He ordered it all from Faekea as soon as it came out.”

  “Faekea?”

  “Yes, Odin and Fenrir do imports. They alter the appliances to work within the other realms and offer a few appliances the human store doesn’t so it’s more to our tastes.”

  I didn’t know what to think about that, never mind say. Norse gods importing shit from Ikea? It was beyond bizarre, but then, that seems to now be the story of my life.

  “Just you sit down at the island, and I’ll cook you some eggs and make you some toast.”

  That sounded good but as little as I’d eaten recently, I needed to eat lightly or risk vomiting it all back up.

  “Umm, not fried and only one egg, please,” I said, hoping not to offend her.

  “Oh, my,” she laughed. “I was only going to poach you one anyways. Dodo eggs are quite large.”

  Dodo eggs?

  “Aren’t dodos extinct?”

  “Not here they aren’t. They’re a very common farmyard fowl. Why, did your kind kill them all off in your realm?” She looked aghast at the notion.

  “They only lived on this one island, and yeah, they were hunted to extinction, sadly.”

  “Just the one island, huh?” she said, opening the fridge and taking out a basket of rather large eggs. She took one out and set aside. “They must have wandered through a portal or rift of some kind, then.”

  “Maybe,” I agreed. “I have to ask, though, is the fridge actually connected to wi-fi?”

  “Wi-fi?”

  “The internet. That screen, there. It should connect to the internet, and you can order food from the grocery store.”

  “Oh! It’s connected to the ethernet. We run low on something, it sends a message to a store sprite, and the needed items materialize inside. And if I need supplies that we don’t usually get, I just tell it.”

  Their ethernet and our ethernet were so much not the same thing.

  “And the power to run it?” I didn’t see any sockets anywhere to plug anything into.

  “The appliances run on powered dragon stones, of course. Ice dragon for the fridge, fire for the stove and oven, and water for the sink, though we’ve recently opted for water economy, so for most things now, we just summon Wash, who’s a water sprite.” She giggled over the pan holding the egg she was poaching. I hadn’t even seen her light the stove or anything. And how was she suddenly the right height for the counter? “You really don’t know anything about our realm, do you?”

  “I’m starting to learn the rules.”

  “Yes, the rules,” she whispered, the air now suddenly heavy. “Pay close attention and be sure to not break any.”

  I decided to change the subject. “I’m Jase, by the way,” I told her.

  “Names have power,” she said. “Never give your real name. Lord Willow calls you Ghost, so Ghost you shall be.”

  “But everyone calls him by his name,” I protested.

  She plated up my eggs and brought me a piece of bread she’d toasted as we spoke. “No,” she said, shaking her head. “That’s what he goes by. All fae have a name they go by that’s not their true name. High Fae are all called after trees if Unsidhe, and flowers, if of the Sidhe. I’m a Brownie and we get called after something relevant to what our job will be. I’m called Keeper.”

  “Thank you, Ms. Keeper,” I said, lifting my fork to take a bite. She giggled again, finding me amusing for some reason.

  “Just Keeper. I was always destined to keep house,” she explained. “My brother is a gardener, so he’s called Barrow.”

  And I was Ghost, because, well, it was my assassin name and it’s all Lord My Name Isn’t Really Willow knew me by. I took another bite of the egg. If she hadn’t said anything, I’d have just thought it was a turkey egg or something as it tasted pretty normal.

  “This is delicious, thank you,” I said.

  “It’s my job,” she said, but I noticed her cheeks pinked with pleasure. If I got to spend more time with her instead of our boss, maybe this gig wouldn’t be so bad after all.

  16

  Willow

  By the time I arrived back at my building and arranged to stable for my new horse, I was feeling cranky. It had been far too long since I’d last ridden a horse and my muscles certainly let me know it. Then I left the stables and hobbled my way to the bubble station. I groaned. My meeting with Father and the ride back across the city had taken so long that there was a lunch hour rush time queue at the station. It wouldn’t be any use to call for a Flyt as they’d be bust now as well. There was nothing for it but to wait.

  By the time I arrived at the masons’ guild, I was late for our meeting. The acolyte who met me at the door looked far from impressed. “I’ll let Master Granite know you’re here,” he sniffed. As he stalked away, I could hear him muttering about the rudeness of the noble class. I didn’t have long to wait, fortunately.

  “Ah, young Igneous said finally made it,” the rotund older fae said. “We had begun to wonder if you’d changed your mind.”

  “No, I do apologize. I was summoned to the palace and thought I’d be back in plenty of time, but I wasn’t.”

  “Oh, dear. Nothing serious, I hope?”

  I shook my head. “Just family matters that could have waited, but when the head of the House decides otherwise, you know how it is.”

  Master Granite cleared his throat. “Yes, indeed. Now, we’ve looked over the existing floor plans and what is proposed and have come up with a solution that fits within the strictures of your building’s structure. I believe I saw you obtained an open change of design permit already, so if you’re happy with the sketches young Igneous is about to bring to you, just shimmer us to arrange an appointment to do the works.”

  “And how long will this take?”

  “Two floors, medium complexity, building on a stable magical field fairly close to a ley line, so,” he pursed his lips, “two master masons and a team of acolytes, one on each floor, be done in a day.” That was excellent news. “We’ve included a list of options an
d how much each will add to the base price, for easy costings.”

  “Sounds great,” I said. “How long is the wait to book the works?”

  “We currently have a three day wait time,” Igneous said, reappearing with a roll of parchment in his hands. He still wore the look of disdain on his face as he regarded me and his tone dripped with it.

  “Igneous!” Master Granite reprimanded him. “That’s no way to speak to a supplicant, especially one with such a prestigious project.”

  “I meant no disrespect,” Igneous muttered, jamming the parchment at me. I took it from the angry young fae.

  “Take yourself to Master Bentonite and tell him I’ve sent you for an attitude adjustment again.” Master Granite turned his attention back to me. “I do apologize. Young Igneous is only half Dwarf. His mother is a Brownie, and when he reached puberty, he believed he’d be chosen to apprentice to a baker. I think he hopes we’ll send him back and tell the board they made a mistake.”

  That did sound unfortunate, especially as I knew precisely how young Igneous was probably going to find himself corrected.

  “I understand. I’m sure you’ll manage to make him see his place is right here. I’ll take these and have a good look at them tonight.”

  I turned to leave, feeling his eyes on me as I slowly walked away. “Epsom salts will help that,” he called out helpfully.

  So it would, followed by a massage and accompanied by one of the tonics I had in my medicine cabinet. Just a few thousand steps to go to get to the bathroom. Down the twelve steps, a turn left, a few hundred paces to the bubble station, and I’d be on my way. Shit, this hurt. I made a mental note to see about finding out if the horse was trained to pull a carriage. That I could cope with, no strained muscles. My ass hurt and not in a fun way, damn it. If it was going to be sore from riding, it better be from me riding someone’s ass. That someone being that naked bit of dangerous that I left sleeping in a cage in my room.