Hard to Hold

by K. Bromberg

  RUSH

  “ANY WORD?” I ASK THE minute Finn answers the phone.

  “Good morning to you too.” He laughs as if he’s fucking hilarious. He’s not.

  “Yeah. You too,” I say for propriety’s sake. “Have you heard anything back from the club?”

  “Relax. I’m in constant communication with them.”

  “And?”

  “And nothing. We’re going back and forth.”

  “Why is it that when you’ve ‘gone back and forth’ in the past, you’ve filled me in on every step? This time, I haven’t heard shit.”

  “Because so far I have nothing worthy to report.”

  “Meaning?”

  “Meaning they’re still trying to figure shit out.”

  “Don’t bullshit me, Finn.”

  His sigh is heavy. “Seth’s refusing to play with you, and since he has two years left on that long-term hefty contract he signed years ago, some team would have to buy those years out in order to transfer him. You’re the easiest candidate to move to remedy the situation since you’re up on a contract renewal.”

  “They know that in any poll taken, I’m the favorite player, right? They’ve seen the stats, they know I bring more to the club than—”

  “You’re starting to sound like a little kid begging, Rush. I know how to do my job.”

  “Sorry. I know. This is just shit.”

  “Try negotiating without any legs under you, because your own client doesn’t give you any to stand on.”

  I think of Archibald and his call earlier. How he thanked me—again—because it looks like he’s going to win the election. The feeling of betrayal is still there. So much so that I felt like telling him that my decision to follow through on my word had nothing to do with him. That I was making this sacrifice for Rory, who is still doing well from what I can gather from his text messages, and for Helen.

  But what would have been the point? The deed is done. The seed has been sown. And it looks like everyone seems to be coming out a winner.

  Everyone except for me.

  “They won’t transfer me, Finn.”

  “The MLS is always another option. I’ll have an offer on the table in the next two weeks from them.”

  “And the answer is no.”

  Although my answer is immediate, it’s Lennox’s words that pass through my mind.

  What’s best for you is back home. Anyone who tells you otherwise is only looking out for their own interests and not yours. You definitely shouldn’t leave the Premier League. It’s where you belong.

  “It’s not where I belong.”

  LENNOX

  “THAT WAS INCREDIBLE,” RUSH SAYS as he grabs the bags from the back of the car and looks at me over its top. “First the tailgating. I mean, this needs to be a thing back home, but then again, we have a lot of shitty weather. But the concept and the food. Perfection.”

  I give him a look saying he’s crazy. “It was the same food we could have had here in the backyard.”

  “Yeah, but in the car park, with other fans? I can see why you Americans like it.”

  “Whatever.” I laugh. I go to grab a chair from the trunk and am surprised when Rush stops me and pulls me against him.

  “Thank you,” he says with the simplest of kisses, which heats every part of me from the inside out. He gives the best kisses. “I mean it.” His eyes are dark and serious. “You went above and beyond. Between the food and then letting me go into the clubhouse to meet the guys before the game—”

  “Only because I have a few clients on the team,” I say with a smile.

  “It doesn’t matter. It was my first baseball game, and I’ll never forget it. Thank you.”

  This time, it’s me who leans into him and presses my lips to his. I thread my fingers through his hair and steal one more moment with him. I make one more memory to hold on to, because while this contract felt like forever when we first started, now it feels like it’s ending way too soon.

  “Well, that was nice,” he murmurs against my lips.

  “I can make it even nicer upstairs once we get this stuff put away.”

  “Screw the stuff,” he says as he drops it in an unceremonious heap beside the car. “We can get it later.” There’s a devious look in his eye and a mischievous smile on his lips. “First one upstairs gets oral first!”

  “Argh!” I yell and pull on his arm to hold him back. He’s much quicker than I am and makes it to the front door first. We both struggle over the handle and when I yank it open first, I’m so preoccupied with gloating at him, I about have a heart attack when I hear “Surprise!”

  “Oh shit,” I screech.

  I look up to find my sisters, Dekker, Dekker’s fiancé Hunter, Chase, Brexton, my father, and Johnny, all standing there with party hats on and birthday balloons in their hands. Rush’s hand on the back of my shirt loosens, and I stagger back against him in complete and utter surprise.

  And then two seconds later, the tears come. Big, sappy tears. The kind that fall so fast I can’t catch my breath or say anything coherently. The kind that reflect how very badly I’ve missed my family.

  Within seconds, I’m enveloped in hugs, one after another after another. My sisters are crying too, as they hold on tight and tell me how much they’ve missed me.

  “What in the world are you doing here? My birthday’s not until next month—I—” I cover my face with my hands, so utterly overcome with happiness. They’re here. They came here to see me.

  “Well, you bailed on the surprise birthday party we were throwing you, so we decided to bring it to you,” Dekker says as her fiancé, Hunter, waves to me on the outside of the circle.

  “Surprise birthday party?” I laugh. “But . . .”

  “Yes.” It’s Chase this time. “That’s usually how you throw surprise parties to catch the honoree off guard.” She steps up and hangs an arm around my neck. “Chicago? The reason Dad turned down the invite for you to speak at the conference? It wasn’t because we didn’t think you couldn’t hack it, you big dork, but rather because we had a ridiculously over-the-top party planned for you.”

  “It’s not every day that it’s your birthday,” Brexton chimes in with a gorgeous smile and a blow of a party horn.

  “Dad had the rooftop bar at the St. Cloud reserved. All your friends had RSVP’d.” Chase shrugs. “And you ran to California because you thought we didn’t love you. Such an annoying little sister thing to do.”

  We all laugh. That might have been a trick she used when she was little. Pretend to run away—like to the sidewalk out in front of the house—so that we’d notice she was gone, and then tell her how much we loved her and never wanted her to leave.

  “You’re a brat,” I say, but look around at all this love and my chest constricts. “I don’t even know what to say.” I turn to my father, who has been silent until this point. He’s been standing back observing as usual. I take a step toward him. “Dad—I—I don’t even know—” My words stop as he pulls me into one of his awesome bear hugs, the kind that makes everything bad in the world go away.

  The kind that makes me realize I let everything with Finn get to my head, using the hurt against the people I love.

  And who love me.

  “How’s my girl?” he asks before stepping back and framing my face in his hands. “You look good. I think your wandering has paid off.” He winks as tears well in my eyes.

  How could I doubt his love—this love from my family? The bitter hurt I felt, the unwarranted assumptions I made . . . and here they were just hiding behind a surprise for me. A surprise I went and ruined.

  “I’m good, Dad. Really good.”

  It’s then that I look over his shoulder and see Rush with his arms crossed over his chest as he stands beside Hunter. They’re talking, but Rush’s eyes find mine and his smile lights up my heart.

  “You know about this, McKenzie?” I ask looking from him to Johnny, who had to have known.

  “Of course, I did. Good t
hing we had a baseball game today or I would have had to sign us up for more surfing lessons to get us out of the house so they could decorate.” He motions to the balloons and decorations all over the place. “God knows, I never want another surfing lesson in my life.”

  I smile through the tears, overwhelmed by the validation directed my way.

  “Rush McKenzie, meet”—I pause and turn to look at everyone. I realize that while they’re a pain in my ass, he’s never had this. So when I say my next words, they are definitely over a huge lump of emotion in my throat. “Please meet my family.”

  There’s commotion as he’s thrown into the Kincade chaos of greetings . . . when it hits me.

  I’m here.

  Rush’s here.

  Now they know we’re staying in the same house. Under the same roof.

  Even worse, someone had to have been the lookout for when we came home.

  And that lookout would have seen us kiss.

  And we kissed-kissed.

  Well . . . shit.

  I’m sure assumptions are being made and nudges are being nudged.

  My face must show it, because Chase walks up and pulls me close. “We’ll talk about it later, Lenn. But yeah, I saw. I was the lookout. And damn . . . he’s even hotter in person.”

  RUSH

  LENNOX IS A DIFFERENT PERSON.

  Still the same gorgeous smile, but it almost looks as if a weight has been lifted from her shoulders. I can only assume that their presence has healed whatever happened between them before she came to California.

  “They’re a tight-knit bunch.”

  I look to my right where Hunter Maddox has just taken a seat. A beer is in his hand, and he’s watching the sisters.

  “They seem to be,” I murmur.

  “You’ll get used to them clustering around each other and talking in their own language. They do this half-sentence thing and then the other one finishes it for them.” He takes a sip and chuckles. “Or doesn’t finish it at all, but they all nod because they read each other’s minds. If it helps, just nod and smile when they do this and they’ll think you understand too.”

  “Thanks for the heads-up.”

  “Fights are par for the course too, but you know how siblings are.” He shrugs.

  “In a sense,” I murmur, thinking of the few fights Rory and I’ve had over the years, and how we’d hate each other one minute and then be fine the next.

  “So what other family pointers should I give? Kenyon is fair as fair can be, but he’ll protect his girls at any cost. In time, I’m sure he’ll have a little sit-down with you like he did me and—”

  “What? I don’t know what you mean. Why would Kenyon—”

  “You’re in love with his daughter, so he’ll want to have a man-to-man with you.”

  “You’re jumping to conclusions, mate. We’re not—I’m not . . .” Why can’t I get the words out? “This is just until I head back home.”

  Hunter eyes me and gives a slow nod before his lips spread in a wide grin. “I said the same thing, and now Dekk has a ring on it. You can hold out hope, brother, but once these Kincade women grab you by the balls, you don’t want them to let go.”

  “Shit,” I say and run a hand through my hair. The beers from the game earlier are starting to hit me. And of course, it’s right then that Lennox looks across the backyard at me and gives me a soft smile.

  Fuck. My heart flips in my chest. It doesn’t need that shit.

  I smile back.

  And Hunter laughs so hard as he pats my back, jolting me forward. “You are so fucking screwed, McKenzie.” He stands and shakes his head. “Welcome to the club.”

  LENNOX

  “SO . . .” CHASE SAYS, as she holds out a fresh glass of wine and pulls my attention from where Rush is talking to Brexton and my dad. “Should we have that talk now while everyone is occupied?”

  “What talk would that be?” I feign innocence.

  “The one where I tell you it’s obvious that you and Rush are a thing. Then you argue back that you’re not, and that this is strictly professional. And then I tell you that you’re such a lying bitch, because you don’t look at someone the way you look at Rush—or the way you kissed him for that matter”—she emits a long, low whistle—“without having something more than an I’m-just-here-for-sex vibe.”

  “It’s complicated,” I murmur, my gaze veering right back to him.

  “Isn’t it always?” She chuckles. “Is it complicated because of the work aspect or is it complicated because of your heart aspect?”

  “I haven’t once asked him to come to KSM. He knows the truth as to why the MLS hired me, and I’ve told him I think it was a bad move to leave home with the scandal going on, but I haven’t asked him to leave Finn for me,” I say hoping that’s answer enough.

  “So you love him.”

  I choke on my sip of wine. Gotta leave it to Chase to cut right to the heart of the matter. Tears threaten as I stare at Rush. He’s relaxed in a chair, arm resting on the back of the one beside him. He’s engrossed in a conversation with my dad, who looks just as interested, and the first thought that comes to my head is, he fits.

  What an odd thought, and one I never knew I was looking for the answer to.

  “I love you to death, Lenn, but you need some straight-shooting right now. Every time you find someone you really like, you use the lame excuse that you love your freedom and the ability to move as you please as a reason for it not to work. It’s just for fun, you say. It’s just great sex. But I call bullshit. You’re too afraid to let anyone get too close to you so you pick the ones who can’t.”

  “Did you guys all have a group talk on what to say to me, because I swear I’ve heard this spiel before,” I say to try and play off what she’s saying, avoiding the uneasiness it brings.

  “Mom dying fucked us all up. It’s a natural reaction to fear someone getting too close because you’re afraid you’ll get hurt. But at some point, Lenn, you have to let someone get close to you. But I think Rush already is. I just think you’re too scared to admit it.”

  She’s right.

  I know she’s right, and yet now I’ve put myself in the exact situation she’s talking about. I picked a person to be with who I know is going to leave. Now I’ve fallen for him, and I’m scared to death because he is in fact leaving.

  “Like I said, it’s complicated,” I whisper as Rush’s laugh carries over to me.

  “And like I said, you love him.” She laughs.

  But this time when she says it, I don’t refute her. This time I look up and watch Rush completely at ease with everyone I care about, and every part of me can see the merit in what my sister is saying.

  “How do you know when it’s love?” I whisper.

  “When he’s your beginning, middle, and end. When you think about him for no reason. When you want the world for him even if you’re not a part of that world.”

  “Well, that’s depressing,” I say sarcastically.

  “True, but if it’s real and true, he’ll find a way to make you a part of that world.”

  I blow out a breath and twist my lips as everything my little sister says lands a direct hit.

  “This can’t happen,” I murmur.

  “You can’t tell love that.” She puts her arm around me and squeezes me against her.

  “Shh.”

  “What? You think everyone standing here doesn’t already know you two are a thing? If you think Hunter and Dekker are the only ones here making heart eyes at each other, you’re crazy.”

  “But I promised you I wouldn’t do this, and look what I did.”

  “No. You promised me you wouldn’t sleep with a potential client. Nowhere did you promise you wouldn’t fall in love with one.”

  I eye my little sister over the rim of my glass and sigh. “How did this happen?”

  “That’s not the question you should be asking yourself. You should be asking yourself what you’re going to do about it.”

  “I w
ould like to propose a toast.” My dad stands from his seat with his glass of wine in his hand.

  Everyone at the party moves toward him, and Johnny reaches down and squeezes my hand. “I hope you don’t mind that I let them come,” he whispers in my ear. “I didn’t think you’d be ready to go home by the date of the party, so I told them they were more than welcome to come here.”

  “Please, don’t apologize.”

  “I know you were struggling a bit with family stuff and I didn’t want to overstep.”

  “You’re my family too, John.” I choke up. “I needed this more than you know.”

  He presses a kiss to the side of my head. “I know. You’re simply glowing with happiness.”

  He puts a hand on my back and pushes me forward to where I walk up and stand beside Rush. It feels like it’s been all night that we’ve walked that tightrope of pretending we’re not together. Chase was right. They all know.

  Regardless, when I meet his eyes, every part of me warms at the sight of him.

  “Lennox, dear. My wild child at heart. The daughter who I wasn’t sure would be happy or pissed that we all showed up to crash a few days of her independence to celebrate her birthday.”

  “Almost birthday,” I say amid everyone’s laughter.

  “Yes, almost birthday. We know you’ve struggled finding where you fit best lately. Sometimes it’s not a matter of fitting best but rather needing to hold on to that moment in time you fit into and living it to the fullest. We know you’ll find what you’re looking for just as we hope you know how very much we love you. Wander if you need to. Roam to find that fit. Just know wherever it is, you’ll always have a home to come back to.” My dad’s eyes lock on to mine and his are as wet with tears as mine are. “Happy Birthday, Lennox. May you wander where you need to wander and may this be the best one yet.”