I Love This Bar

by Carolyn Brown

  "Alimony and child support are the least of your worries," Cathy said as he started the engine. "Little Janene and Julianna would be so upset if you two divorced."

  "Who?"

  "The two little girls you have."

  Daisy whipped around in the seat and pointed. "That's enough."

  "Actually, I was thinking more of Brand and Creed and they're boys not girls. Of course, Momma would be tickled to death to have girls. We're a little heavy on the male side at family reunions. Seems the McElroys throw boys more than girls."

  Daisy jerked her head back around and pointed at Jarod. "Don't be talking about children before the marriage."

  "And when is that happening?"

  "In ten years, maybe, if you are nice."

  ***

  At noon, more than thirty people gathered round the buffet set up on the deck at Jim Bob and Chigger's place. Mixed aromas of fried catfish, roast beef, and ham had the cats rubbing against legs and meowing.

  "Momma, would you say grace for us?" Chigger asked.

  Heads bowed. Jarod reached for Daisy's hand. Jim Bob wrapped his arm around Chigger. Joe Bob shoved his thumbs in the hip pockets of his jeans. Cathy laced her fingers together behind her back.

  "Dear Lord," Momma Jones began. "Accept our thanks for this bountiful dinner spread before us. Help us to keep your commandments even when it's not easy and to tell the truth even when it hurts. Amen."

  It took a moment for everyone to realize the prayer was over so quickly and heads rose slowly making sure that Momma hadn't just paused for more air and had truly said, "Amen."

  "To those who don't know me as Momma or Gran, I'm Aleda Jones, Willa Mae's momma, and while everything is still quiet in this room I have something to say. I'm glad to be here for a late wedding reception for these two. I'm glad my daughter slowed down enough that Jim Bob could catch her. I just now prayed that the Lord would help us follow his commandments even when it ain't easy. So I've got a confession to make."

  "Momma, this is a Sunday dinner and there's not a priest in sight so you don't have to go to confession," Chigger giggled nervously.

  Aleda patted her on the shoulder. "I confess to God, not a priest. But today it's laid upon my heart to put an end to the charades and clear the air before we eat this good food. So I'm going to do it or else I'm sure that fish will make me sick. Fish is my favorite food and I do not intend to be sick on it and never be able to enjoy it again."

  "Well, then I expect you'd best 'fess up," Jim Bob said.

  She nodded seriously. "Okay, here goes. Daisy, you and Jarod are not married and you own and run the Honky Tonk, a beer joint over south of Mingus. I hope someday you two get married because you belong together. Joe Bob and Cathy are not dating and they shouldn't. They don't fit together at all and I shall find both him and Billy Bob a good woman from my church."

  She nodded her head seriously and scared the bejesus out of them.

  "Now to you, Chigger," she said.

  High color flushed Chigger's cheeks. Daisy thought even her blond hair would turn burgundy on the spot.

  "Who?" she gasped.

  "Don't play innocent with me. I know where you've been and what you've been up to all these years. Only thing I don't know is why you chose a name like Chigger for a nickname. You ain't little and you don't have red hair which is the only two reasons I'd think would be right, but that don't matter." She paused.

  Chigger was struck mute.

  "Truth is I didn't really care. I knew you were as wild as your Granny Jones was when she was young, and honey, that's goin' some. Rumor had it that she marched on the White House for women's rights at one time. Actually, I was proud because you lived your life the way you wanted and loved me enough to keep it hid from me. I know you and Jim Bob got married at the courthouse and I was mad as hell that I wasn't there but Jim Bob is a good man and I'm glad you found him. The last thing on my confession is that I was tickled to death for you to go away on weekends all these years because every Friday and Saturday night I've been playing bingo. I like the people and the fun and it might be gambling but God didn't strike me dead so evidently it's not too big of a sin. I've been very lucky and I tithed on my winnings which bought the church a new piano this past year. That was ten percent. Fifty percent I put in a fund for your wedding. Twenty percent I plowed right back into the game. That left twenty percent to take to the bank and next week me and some of my senior citizen bingo buddies are going on a month long cruise around the world and back. The fifty percent for your wedding is in this envelope for your wedding gift. It's yours to use anyway you want since you didn't want the big white dress and wedding cake." She pulled an envelope from her pocket and laid it on the cabinet.

  Chigger couldn't even blink.

  "So there it is. Confession is good for the soul and my stomach is growling. You are the bride and Jim Bob is the groom so you get to eat first but I'm right behind you."

  "Well, I'll be hung with a new rope from a tall oak tree," Jim Bob said.

  "Please don't. That baby needs a father," Aleda said.

  "Thank you, Momma," Chigger said.

  "For the money or for outing you?"

  "Both," Chigger answered. "Would someone start talking before I cry?"

  Jarod spoke up. "And here I was hoping to play the dutiful husband all day. Now all I get to be is the boyfriend."

  Joe Bob exhaled loudly. "Thank goodness you confessed. I wasn't looking forward to being Cathy's boyfriend. She scares the liver out of me. But I can find my own wife so you don't have to worry about it."

  "Ain't no worryin' on my part, Joe Bob. I'll go to work on finding you a sweet little Christian woman next week. And honey, there no use in runnin' because once I set my mind, it's a done deal. By this time next year you'll both be married."

  Joe Bob looked like a cottontail trying to escape a hungry bobcat.

  Aleda patted him on the arm. "Good lookin' as you boys are, why it won't take but a few words."

  "I'm already datin' a woman," Billy Bob piped up.

  "Too bad," Aleda said. "If I can't help Willa Mae choose, then I get to play matchmaker with you two. And after that I'm working on you, Cathy."

  "Good luck. I've sworn off men forever," Cathy said.

  "You could be the smartest one in the room then, darlin', but it won't work. I'm going to find someone to make you a happy woman."

  Everyone started talking at once, laughing at Aleda's confession, congratulating Chigger and Jim Bob, filling plates, and carrying them to the tables on the deck.

  "So you're free and I'm still single," Daisy teased Cathy as they made their way down the buffet line.

  "Thank God for both. I'm not so sure I could manage a boyfriend and a bar," Cathy said.

  "I manage both," Daisy said.

  "Yeah, but you are special." Jarod kissed her on the cheek.

  Cathy shivered. "And you don't have Aleda breathing down your neck. Only good thing is that the men she'll choose won't be those who'd step foot in a beer joint anyway. That might be Joe Bob and Billy Bob's salvation. They can always hide out in the Honky Tonk because a good Christian woman wouldn't chase them inside there. What would you do, Daisy, if you had to choose between the boyfriend and the Honky Tonk?"

  Jarod held his breath and waited.

  Daisy didn't miss a single bite of fish. "That's an unfair question. It's like asking which of your children you love the most."

  He exhaled slowly.

  Even though she found the right words to answer the question, it brought Daisy up short. How could she ever choose between the Honky Tonk and Jarod? She loved the bar and she loved Jarod. Couldn't a woman have both?

  Love Jarod!

  It was the first time she'd ever allowed herself to think the word and it had snuck up on her just as she sat down to eat. The revelation should have come with afterglow on her body, not with catfish in her mouth. But there it was in living Technicolor in the front of her brain lobe yelling in a faintly southern voice tha
t she loved Jarod McElroy.

  Just when did all this happen? her inner voice asked.

  It happened so slowly that I can't put my finger on an exact date and time, she answered. But now that I've admitted it, what do I do with it?

  Cathy chanted as she waved a napkin in front of Daisy's face. "Earth to Daisy, where are you zoning out to?"

  Daisy blinked a couple of times.

  "Well?" Cathy asked.

  "What was the question?"

  "Where were you? We were talking about boyfriends and the Honky Tonk and you went all still like you were about to faint."

  "Oh. I was off somewhere in la-la land I suppose."

  Damn it all, what if I just figured out that I really do love this man and he's going to Oklahoma in a week or two at the most? Timing is everything and our clocks might not be synchronized.

  "Well, you both looked like you were somewhere other than here," Cathy said.

  Daisy looked over at Jarod. "Where's your mind?" "This is going to sound very unromantic but I was thinking about carpet. I need to put new carpet in my house in Oklahoma," he said.

  Daisy laughed nervously. "You are right. That isn't very romantic but then we aren't the newlyweds. Jim Bob and Chigger are so it's all right."

  "Don't pick out purple carpet," Cathy giggled.

  "Why?"

  "Because she hates purple," Cathy said. "Her mother painted their living room purple once and had a red couch. She was so embarrassed she wouldn't let anyone come over except me. I thought it was way too cool."

  "The many sides of Daisy," Jarod said softly. "You're like an onion. Just one layer after another."

  "And they all stink," Daisy said.

  "Depends on whether you like onions. I love them," Jarod said.

  Jim Bob's father, Harlin, stood up and tapped his beer bottle with a fork to get everyone's attention. "For those who don't know me, I'm Harlin Walker, father to these redhaired triplets. After three rough and rowdy boys I never could talk my wife into trying for a girl. She'd just shiver and ask me if I wanted to raise six boys all alone because if she had another set of triplets they could just take her on to the funny farm. So we had to wait a long time for Chigger to come into our family. I'd like to propose a toast to my new daughter, Chigger. I know her real name but she will always be Chigger to us." He held his beer bottle up high. "To Chigger Walker, the daughter we love as much as our son Jim Bob does. May your marriage last as long as the love you share and may that last forever."

  He touched his glass to Chigger's and she wiped away a tear.

  Jarod pushed back his chair. "It's traditional for the best man to give a toast. I've known these three fellows since we were all barefoot boys fishing in Uncle Emmett's pond. Couldn't tell them apart then and still have trouble now. I do know Jim Bob is the one with the pretty lady beside him so that'll make it easier. I hear that the reason Jim Bob married Chigger is because she can tell them apart."

  He paused while everyone laughed. "Here's an old Irish wedding blessing on the couple. 'May God be with you and bless you. May you see your children's children. May you be poor in misfortune, rich in blessings. May you know nothing but happiness from this day forward.' To Chigger and Jim Bob." He raised his beer bottle.

  The whole crowd repeated, "To Chigger and Jim Bob."

  "That was beautiful," Daisy said. When she looked up Chigger was wiping a tear from her eyes and nodding.

  "Me?" Daisy mouthed.

  Chigger nodded again.

  Daisy rose to her feet slowly. "I was the maid of honor and I don't have anything prepared so I'll tell a story. The first time I saw Chigger I thought she was a hooker."

  Everyone including Aleda laughed loud and long.

  Daisy blushed. "Well, I did. I got to admit the Honky Tonk wouldn't be the same without her and the Walker triplets. It's only this summer that she and I've gotten to be friends and I was honored to stand up with her at the wedding. But I'm more honored to say that she's my good friend and she's been there for me through thick and thin these past weeks. So here's to Chigger and Jim Bob. Since I'm Irish, too, I'll give them my blessing. 'May you both live to be a hundred years old—with one extra to repent!'"

  That brought on more laughter and Chigger stood up next. "This one is to my family and friends. I love you all but not as much as I love Jim Bob. And Jarod, I really can tell the difference in him and his brothers, and he's the best of the lot."

  "Thank you, darlin'." Jim Bob grinned.

  Jarod slung an arm around Daisy and said, "Pretty good blessing. Don't know that I've heard that one."

  "It was our grandmother's," Cathy said.

  "She said it at all Christmas dinners," Daisy said.

  "Is that where you two got your fiery tempers?" Jarod asked.

  "Hell, no. Gran was as mild tempered as they make 'em. She never got mad about anything. She wasn't the Irish. Grandpa was and he had the temper to go with it," Daisy answered.

  Two Irish people in love? Would that much temper and fire burn out too quickly to last for the long haul? she wondered as she sipped sweet tea.

  "How much longer do we have to stay?" Jarod whispered in her ear.

  "Why?"

  "I was thinking about doing something this afternoon that we'd have to repent for that last year we're alive. How about a motel and room service?"

  She smiled brightly. "How about one more hour?"

  "I can last that long if you can but think about a Jacuzzi big enough for two people?"

  "Thirty minutes. Billy Bob can take Cathy home."

  Chapter 19

  The Honky Tonk was booming on Saturday night. Cathy and Daisy had trouble keeping orders filled so Jarod was behind the counter filling draft beers while they made mixed drinks. Tinker put out one pair of feuding pool players at midnight and fifteen minutes later a couple got into a heated argument on the dance floor. Tinker had barely started toward them when the girl drew back and decked the fellow with a hard right hook, knocking the man to his knees.

  "That's enough. Take your fighting outside," Tinker said.

  The woman turned on him, fists flailing and curses lighting up the Honky Tonk like a fireworks display. "Don't you tell me what to do, old man. This sumbitch ain't goin' to talk to me like that and I'll damn well fight with him wherever the hell I want to and there ain't nothin' you can do to stop me."

  Cathy came out from behind the bar, grabbed the woman's arm, and twisted it up behind her back. "Yes, he can stop you, lady, and so can I. You want to fight, you take it outside like Tinker said."

  "Hey, now, don't get all het up. I'll leave but that bastard better not get to stay."

  The man rubbed his swollen jaw. "I'm going too. You'll find your stuff on the front lawn when you get home. I'm sick to death of you and your whining."

  Tinker put them out the door and then cornered Cathy. "I didn't need your help."

  "Probably not but I needed these people to see that I'm not taking shit either, so let me have my victory."

  Tinker nodded.

  "Got that settled?" Daisy asked.

  "Yes, I did," Cathy answered.

  "You ever done any bouncing?" Jarod asked during a brief lull.

  Cathy checked the pretzels and peanut bowls and refilled both. "No, but I could, and no one is going to tear up this joint."

  At five minutes until two Daisy unplugged the jukebox in the middle of Toby Keith singing about loving the bar.

  Tinker put his cooler on the bar and said, "And Cathy, you done good."

  "Thanks, Tinker." She turned and asked Daisy, "Do I get the bed tonight?"

  "Not tonight," Daisy answered.

  Jarod groaned.

  Daisy pushed him toward the door. "I'll be out there at the ranch by noon."

  "Promise?" He hugged her close to him. "We could drive to the motel and sleep together tonight."

  "We are both too damn tired to do anything but sleep. I'll be there by noon to help you get everything packed."

  "
Sit with me a minute or two before I go. I've got something to say." He sat down in a chair and pulled her down to sit in his lap. "Let's say hypothetically that one sexy, sassy bartender had fallen for an old Oklahoma cowboy. Let's say that his roots were in Oklahoma and she loved her bar, but that if she would go to Oklahoma with him, he'd be more than willing to buy her another beer joint close to the town where he lives. I forgot to mention that this barmaid is also a vet tech, but she's smart enough to be a full-fledged vet. That cowboy's so all-fired proud of her, he'd be even more happy to see her working for a vet or just taking care of the cattle on his ranch. Hell, he'd even be proud of she just worked a few nights a week in a bar if that's what she wanted. So what would that bartender think, hypothetically, of course?"