I fill her in a little bit more about my life. She tells me how her husband took a bad fall and broke his leg. She’s been working extra hours to help out. I tell her all about the boys, Philadelphia, and my bakery—all the good things.
However, the elephant in the room is only growing with each passing minute.
“Presley,” she says in a soft voice. “I’m really sorry about your husband passing.”
My lips form a thin line. It’s like every time someone else brings it up, I’m forced back there. Grief is a never-ending battle that drains you of who you once were. I’ll never be the same person I was five months ago. I’ve been forced to toughen up, face life head on, and protect myself at all costs.
“I appreciate that.”
“What happened, honey? You’re so young to have such great loss this early in life.”
I force out a laugh to avoid the question. “I don’t feel that young. I remember everyone saying that your thirties are the best years. I’m thirty-five but feel seventy.” I hope she doesn’t pick up on the deflection. She’s one of the few people I don’t want to give a half-truth. At the same time, it’s the only way to protect my kids, and myself.
“Wait till you’re sixty!” She grins. “Did you see that Zach is living here too? It’s like fate brought you back together. Oh he’s with that Felicia who is still the same scheming girl she always was.” She gives a dramatic sigh. “Have you seen him at all?”
The phone rings, giving me the perfect excuse to not answer her. She hops up and tugs me into her arms again before pushing back to take a look at me. “You always were a pretty girl, but you sure grew to be a beautiful woman. No matter how old you feel, you’re still gorgeous.”
She heads to the back to grab the phone, and I place a twenty on the counter. This place is so different from the city. It’s much more forgiving here. They don’t worry about money because everything is the I’ll-get-you-later mentality.
“You know she’s right,” the voice I’d know anywhere says from behind me.
I turn, grabbing the bag of groceries. “Right about what?”
His deep chuckle slides from his lips. I hold on to the annoyance I felt a few seconds ago. We go from not seeing each other for weeks to him being everywhere. I prefer option A. “That you’re still gorgeous.”
“Really, Zachary?” I say with condescension. “Where’s your girlfriend?” I look around him, pretending I actually want to see the evil bitch. “Leave her at the plastic surgeon? Psychiatrist? Either one is appropriate.”
I insult Felicia for several reasons, but mainly because I want to see what he does. Does he defend her? Does he ignore me again? It seems he doesn’t like bringing her up, and I’d like to know why. Wyatt clearly hates her, as do most people who’ve had to endure being around her.
“Felicia’s at work. I’m sure she’d love for you to stop by.” He raises his brow.
“I’d rather gnaw on my arm. Besides, she didn’t like you and me talking before.”
He grins before leaning in. My heart races as he gets closer. He places a five-dollar bill on top of the bill I put down. “There’s a good reason for that, darlin’.” He’s so close I can’t stop myself from breathing him in. All I can sense is him. The sun, grass, dirt, and all Zach. He smells like home.
The bag in my arms begins to slide out of my grip.
“You need help with that?” he asks.
I was so lost in him that I forgot I was holding something. Dammit. I hike the bag over my shoulder and attempt a smile. “I’m good.”
“Yeah, Pres. You sure are.” I would swear he’s hitting on me.
“Are you trying to make this worse than it is?”
His eyes study me. “By saying you’re still beautiful or by saying you’re doing good? I don’t see how I’m making anything worse.”
Maybe I’m being stupid. “Sorry.”
I need to get away from him. I walk toward the door, but Zach follows. He pushes the door open, forcing me to have to squeeze past him. I pray that Wyatt stayed and will save me.
No such luck.
“How’d you get here?” Zach asks when he notices there are no other cars but his.
Wyatt had to run a few towns over to get some things for Cooper. I needed the truck and he did too. So he said he’d drive me and either pick me up on the way back or I could walk. Of course going a few towns over meant hours that I’d be stuck in town, so I chose to walk. It’s only a few miles and would give me some time to think. But I secretly hoped he would wait.
“Wyatt. Before he apparently left.”
“I just saw him. He said since I was here he could go. I didn’t know he was waiting for you.”
Fucking Wyatt. I swear the bastard planned this. He’s dead. “How nice of him.”
“I can take you back to the ranch,” Zach offers. “It’s your call.”
I don’t really want to walk, but there’s no way I’m getting in that truck. That truck is the truck. The place where so many nights were spent doing things we shouldn’t have been doing. A lot of love was exchanged in that front seat. I don’t think I can be in there with him.
Zach looks over where my eyes are and his shoulders slump. It’s as if we’ve both had the same realization.
“I can walk.” My life is painful and complicated already. I’m not going to make this harder on myself. Being close to him is hard enough because I keep going backward. I know we don’t have a shot. I don’t even want one, but he’s familiar. And I’m alone. He reminds me of comfort.
He looks over with a hint of disappointment. “You sure?”
I smile and nod. “Thanks for the offer.”
He tosses his keys in the air and catches them as he walks away. I take two steps, and the sky opens up. Rain falls hard and fast, soaking my hair and clothes.
I rush to get under the awning, but Zach jumps back out of his truck and grabs the bag from me. “Come on. You’re not walking in this.”
Defeat flows through me. He wins again.
“Y OU COLD?” ZACH ASKS AS I climb in. I’m shaking, but it has nothing to do with being cold. My body is pressed against the door, trying to keep as much distance as possible between us.
“I’m just fine.”
The drive isn’t long, but each second feels like an hour. I look around and smile. “You’re kidding me.” I laugh as my fingers touch the sticker on the dash. When Zach was playing a game in Nashville, I wanted to give him something that would make him remember me. It was only two nights, but I was young and dumb. There was a sticker that read: Love Your Cowgirl. I stuck it on the dash, hoping he wouldn’t get pissed.
Before leaving, he came to my house, took me in his arms, and kissed me till I couldn’t breathe. He never said a word. Just got back in his truck, winked, and drove off. He was always doing things like that. He would tell me he needed to feel something real.
“I refused to remove it at first,” he says with warmth in his voice. “Then it had been there so long, it wouldn’t come off.”
“Sorry I permanently defaced your truck. I didn’t realize it would still run after this long.”
The roar of the engine vibrates through the silence. I remember it was always loud, but I swear I never felt it like this. Zach clears his throat. “I don’t think it’ll ever die. It’s tough as hell.”
He puts the truck in drive and heads down the small road toward my house. “This looks really bad,” I say, squinting.
Zach drives slowly as rain pelts the truck harder than before. I can barely see anything out the windshield. He pulls over to the side of the road. “I can’t see. I’m going to wait until this lets up a little.”
Mother Nature is a cold-hearted bitch. Doesn’t she know how much I don’t want to be in this truck? Couldn’t she give me one freaking break? Of course not. Nope. We should make this as awkward and uncomfortable as humanly possible. The thunder booms behind us, causing me to jump. Great. Now we’re going to have the storm from hell.
“You never could handle the quiet.” Zach smirks as I fight the urge to punch him in the leg.
“Yes, I could!”
“No. You always needed either music or talking. Good to see some things are still the same.”
“I’m a lot different.”
So much has changed since he left me. Not only in my life, but who I am. Loving someone the way I loved him changed me deep inside. But losing my husband took a part of my heart and tarnished it beyond repair.
“We both are, Pres.” He’s right. He’s not the same boy I remember. “Since we’re stuck here, tell me how you’re different.”
“We don’t have to talk.” I cross my arms and look out the window.
He chuckles. “No. But who knows how long before the rain stops.”
I don’t want to let my guard down with him. It would be so easy to let go and be his friend. I’m not prepared to be trapped in a car with him. I continue to gaze out at the road, trying to find a break in the downpour.
“Suit yourself,” Zach says as he opens a candy bar.
Son of a bitch. “You’re going to eat that in front of me?” I have no restraint when it comes to chocolate and peanut butter.
“Want some?” He tilts the chocolaty goodness close and then jerks it back. “I only ask for one thing.”
“What’s that?” I ask, snatching the candy out of his hand.
“You can’t ignore me while we’re stuck here.”
I snap off a piece, pop it in my mouth, and grin. “Fine. Tell me how you’re so different.”
“Well, first of all, I wouldn’t ever play chicken on the covered bridge. I would never try to tip a bull again. Most of all, I would never try to steal a candy bar from Mrs. Rooney.”
Just remembering us as the kids we were makes me smile. “God, we did some dumb stuff when we were younger.”
“Yeah, we sure did.”
“I mean, do you remember the time we snuck out at one in the morning to ride horses out in the woods? We got so lost I swear we found ourselves three towns over. Mama and Daddy almost killed you that day.”
Zach nods. “I thought your daddy was going to. He came out on the porch with that shotgun pointed at me. But nothing was as bad as my dad when I got home. He was pissed.”
“You were grounded for a week.”
“I still snuck out to see you.”
I smile. “I know. I remember.”
“Do you remember how we tried to light a bonfire and we ended up needing to call the fire department?”
We had no understanding of consequences. “So many times we could’ve gotten hurt or worse. Now that I have Logan and Cayden, I think about the dumb crap they’re going to do. It scares the shit out of me.”
“Well, at least they don’t have Trent feeding them ideas.”
I smile as I roll my eyes. “Yet.”
Zach wipes the fog off the window and another memory rips through my heart. It’s like we’re sixteen all over again.
“Huh?”
“What?”
“You said something about being sixteen.” He stares into my eyes.
“I didn’t mean to say that out loud.”
He smiles and shifts his body toward me. “What were you thinking about?”
“Nothing. Just something you did reminded me of when we were kids.”
Zach’s eyes never leave mine, and I swear he’s reading my thoughts. The intensity in his eyes only grows, and again, I’m thrown back in time.
“Zach,” I moan as my hands search for something to grip. “Please, don’t stop this time.”
We’ve been dancing around this for months now. I love him. I want to be with him for the rest of my life. I want to share this with him, but he keeps saying no.
His tongue swipes up, and my hips buck. “I love you, Presley.”
I lift his face and hold it in my hands. “I love you, Zachary. Please, make love to me. I want you to be my first.”
Zach hovers above me on one arm, and he uses the forearm of his other arm to wipe away the fog that covers the window. Heat consumes the cab of the truck, and all I want is to steam it up more. “We’ll make love, Pres. We’ll make love more times than we can count. But it sure as hell ain’t going to be in this truck with my brother in the car next to us.”
I cover myself and sit up. “Trent is here?”
He laughs and then kisses me. “It’s make-out lake. Of course Trent is here, and from the looks of it . . . half our senior class is too.”
“I hate this town. I can’t wait till we’re both out of here.” I groan, pulling my shirt over my head while Zach zips his pants.
After both of us are dressed, he takes my hand. “We’re out of here soon enough, baby. I head off to college, and you’ll come there. We’ll both finish with school, I’ll get picked up by a pro team, and we’ll have everything. You and me, Presley. You and me. I’ll give you the world.”
Zach waves his hands in front of my face. “Earth to Presley.”
I blink.
“What were you thinking about?” he asks.
Like I’m going to tell him that. Not on his life. “The boys,” I lie.
“The boys?”
“Yeah, I have two of them, remember?” I play coy, hoping to change the subject. I try to focus on bringing my heart rate back to normal. If being this close to him triggers these things, I need to figure out a way to stay far, far away. Zach extracts too many memories that I buried a long time ago.
He studies me but lets me have my lie. “I was thinking about the things we did and the time we spent in this truck.”
My head turns toward him. Is he really bringing this up? “Oh?”
“Yeah.” Zach’s voice is layered with confliction. “A lot of memories on this front seat. Being around you makes it hard to forget.”
I turn my body in his direction. The thunder rumbles in the background and the lightning flashes, illuminating the sky. It feels a lot like the storm raging inside me. “You didn’t have a hard time forgetting me.”
He moves forward slightly, and our knees touch. Once again, the electricity charges between us. “You think I forgot about you?” The tone of his voice lets me know he’s truly confused.
“What else could I think?” I shrug. “I begged you to stay. You left. You never came back.”
He shakes his head. “How can two people remember the same thing so differently? I never forgot you. I tried to call, but you wouldn’t answer.”
“I was mad. I was hurt and confused.”
The space between us closes as we gravitate to one another. The anger, the emotion, the frustration of seventeen years comes to a head. “You think I wasn’t?”
“Please enlighten me on what you could’ve been mad at.”
Zach’s face inches closer and closer. The heat in the car rises as the conversation intensifies. His eyes tell me everything. There’s a war raging inside him, and I’m about to be his first casualty.
“I was angry with myself.” His voice is low, but his words aren’t. “I watched your face disappear, and with each mile between us, I hated myself. I never got over that. I’ve looked back every single day, wondering why.” Our breaths mingle as I listen to things I’ve longed to hear. “I wanted to come back to you. It’s why I sent letters when you wouldn’t answer my calls. It’s why I went to Cooper, Wyatt, or anyone who would talk to you. But you—” He stops. My breathing stops as I wait for him to continue. “You didn’t care. You were dating and getting engaged like we never mattered.”
“What did you expect? For me to wait around until you decided I was worth it?” I try to scoot back, but he follows.
“I thought . . .” He runs his hands through his hair. “I thought you’d give me another chance. I didn’t think you’d move on so fucking quickly!”
I see the anger in him for the first time. “I didn’t betray you, Zach. I didn’t choose someone or something else over you.”
“No?” He laughs. “You chose him over me. You got married and never even gave us another chance.”
My mouth falls open. He has no idea. “Don’t you dare judge me. I was alone in a college that you chose for us . I followed you everywhere, Zach! I gave up the college of my dreams for you. Then you get an an offer within the first two months that I got there, and less than twenty-four hours later, you’re driving off. I loved you so much that I thought my heart was dead when you left! I needed you.”
“And I needed you!” His hands grip my cheeks and I hold on to his arms. “I needed you, Presley. I’ve always needed you. I’ll always need you.”
Before I can respond, his mouth is on mine. He kisses me without any apologies. I can’t think. Everything becomes foggy as my heart beats uncontrollably. How can this be happening? I’m confused as to whether I want this or not. He clouds my judgment. His touch is all consuming. I don’t know when my brain disconnects from my body, but I kiss him back. It’s soft and rough, slow and quick, all at the same time. My lips tingle as he holds me still.
When his tongue presses against my mouth, I snap. No! No, I won’t do this. I will never let him in again. I can’t endure losing anyone else. He had his chance and he threw me away.
I push against his chest as his eyes lock on mine. I’m filled with anger at him, but more so at myself. How could I let him kiss me? More than that, how could I kiss him back? Damn him for doing this to me! I’m a widow. I’ve lost my husband, my home, my life. I’m not about to go messing things up any further.
My hand rises, and I slap him across the face. “Don’t ever do that again. You don’t get to kiss me.”
“I don’t . . .” He looks away with shame. “I should’ve never done that.”
“No,” I say with a shaky breath. “You shouldn’t’ve.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Take me home, Zach.”
“Please,” he begs. “Forgive me.”
“Now.” I turn in my seat and close my eyes. If I can hold myself together for a few minutes, I can lose it later.
“Why the fuck do I keep screwing up with you? It’s so easy to forget how much you hate me.”
My fingers press against my lips as guilt overwhelms me. All I could think when he touched me was how much I’ve missed that feeling. The way a man’s mouth felt against mine. I’ve been lonely, and hating him is the absolute last thing I feel. I’ve never hated him—not even when that was all I prayed I would feel. I’ve loved him my whole life, and there’s a part of me that knows that will never stop. “I just want to go home.”
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