“They seem to like it here.” He tosses his hat on the table.
I sit and grab a muffin.
As much as I subconsciously wanted them to hate it here, I’m glad they’re fitting in. They’ve had as much change and hard times as I have. I’m grateful for my brother, Wyatt, and my father being here to help guide them.
“They’re trying. I think it’s hard going from the city to here.”
“It’s been great watching them with the horses. They’re naturals. They didn’t even hesitate with helping Zachary.”
The muffin falls to the floor. “What?” I almost scream. “What do you mean helping him?”
I stand and try to calm myself, but every muscle in my body is tight.
“Zach brought the horses that you refused to go get. If you would stop being so damn obstinate, he wouldn’t have had to come all this way.”
I scoff. “All this way?” Please. It’s less than a mile and he used to walk it every day. “When did he leave?”
Daddy stands, puts his hat back on, and lets out a long breath. “He’s with the boys now.”
I don’t say a word. I leave and head right out the door. He’s not allowed near my kids. I don’t want him anywhere around us. If they were to ever find out the truth about Zach and me, it would drum up too many questions. Plus, I don’t want them to like him.
I get out to the corral where the boys are sitting on the fence. Their feet dangle and they both lean forward. Zach stands in front of them with a horse, and I hear their laughter. It stops me in my tracks. Both boys are laughing. I’ve missed that sound so much. A tear falls as I clutch my chest. It’s been so long since any of us have been happy. So many months of feeling nothing.
Zach’s eyes raise and lock with mine.
As angry as I was a few minutes ago, right now I can’t find that feeling. Cayden and Logan have been sad or entirely vacant with me, and here they are, once again, seemingly whole.
“He’s not always a dipshit.” Wyatt nudges me as he sees what I’m looking at.
“Debatable.”
Zach and the boys start laughing again. He gives the boys the reins, and I watch them walk around with huge smiles.
“When are you going to wake up, Pres?”
I look over at him with frustration. I’m so tired of him pushing. “Don’t.”
He raises his hands in surrender. “I’m not saying a word.” He stops talking for only a second before opening his mouth again. “But I will say this . . .”
“You can’t help yourself.”
“I think those boys need to see their mama smile and laugh. They need to see that it’s okay to be happy.”
Wyatt’s arm wraps around my waist. He holds me against him and Zach’s eyes find mine again. “They love you, Presley. They see you and watch how you’re barely holding on. It’s hard for kids to see their mama like that. So, go show them you’re happy they’re allowed to be.”
He’s probably right. I don’t want them to think it’s not okay to live. I want happiness for them. Hell, I want it for me too. I want to stop seeing that night. It’s killing me. I have dark circles under my eyes, my clothes are loose, and I’m so damn tired.
I walk slowly over toward the corral and hold myself together. “Boys,” I say with a smile.
“Mom!” Logan rushes over. “Look! This is mine and that’s Cayden’s new horse!”
“Whoa!” I’m taken aback. “I didn’t know you got your own horses.”
“Isn’t it awesome?”
“It sure is! Did you name them?”
“No! Cay!” Logan yells over to his brother. “We have to name them!”
The boys run off, trotting them around the ring. I smile. Each time the horse does something new, they both come to life. It reminds me of the Christmas that Todd and I got them each the bikes they wanted. We had to bundle them in five layers so they could ride in the freezing cold.
“I can’t believe Cooper and my daddy could afford this,” I say to myself.
I look at Zach, and he smiles. “Well, your dad bought two new horses, but I thought that maybe the boys would like their own too.”
“You did this?” I ask. “You gave them two horses?”
“They can’t live on a farm without a horse.”
“Zach,” I whisper, “it’s too much.”
My heart swells with appreciation. Horses are not cheap. The Hennington Horse Farm has always been extremely lucrative. They breed, train, board, and sell some of the top horses in the state. The gesture is beyond anything I deserve. The last time we saw each other, I slapped him. Yet, here he is, giving each of my kids a horse. It reminds me of the boy I fell in love with.
“I remember being a kid. I can’t imagine this is easy for them. A horse can be a great therapy tool. Think about how many nights we’d take off just to free our minds. I figured with their dad, a new home, and not knowing anyone . . .”
I feel like such a bitch. Here he is going out of his way for my kids, and I wanted to come out here and punch him in the face. I look over at the boys as they pet their new horses. “Thank you, Zach. I truly don’t know what to say. I’m really blown away.”
“Just say, ‘Thank you, Zachary.’” He pauses, smiling. “‘You’re the kindest, most handsome man I’ve ever known.’”
I laugh. “Still living in a delusional world.”
We both stand there, watching the boys. Wyatt hops in the ring with them and shows them a few tips.
“Are you sure about this? It’s a lot of money. If it’s a problem, we can work something out.”
“Absolutely not.”
“You really didn’t have to do this.”
“I really did. I wanted to do this for them. And for you.”
He doesn’t even know them, but he always had a big heart and a soft spot for kids.
“I wish I could pay you.”
Zach’s hand grips my upper arm. “I wouldn’t let you.”
I look at where his skin touches mine, and we both step back. “Look, what happened two weeks ago—”
“Let’s not,” I reply quickly. The last thing I want to do is talk about that damn car ride home. It’s only going to bring up unwanted emotions.
He sighs and looks away. “The more we keep pretending, the worse this keeps getting. I shouldn’t have kissed you.”
“No. You shouldn’t’ve.”
“I know you’re not ready.”
“Not ready?” I laugh. “Not ready for what? For the fact that you have a girlfriend? Not ready because my husband died less than six months ago? Or maybe it’s because we haven’t seen each other in, ohhh.” I pause, counting off in my head. “seventeen years.”
“I’m not saying I want to be together, Presley. I mean, you’re not ready to forgive me for something that you know was the right choice. Or at least the choice anyone would’ve made.”
I sigh and close my eyes. ’Round and ’round we go.
“Right for you, Zach. It was the right choice for you . It’s a common theme in my life.” It hits me right then. I love men who choose themselves above me.
“What does that mean?”
“It means that it wasn’t the best choice for us. It wasn’t what I wanted. It was what you wanted. If you hadn’t dragged me out there and left, it could’ve been different. I’m not angry because you took it, I’m angry because you decided our life without even talking to me.”
He shakes his head and pushes the air from his lungs. “You couldn’t be any more wrong about that. You think that choice wasn’t for the both of us? I could’ve given you everything. The money I was going to make would’ve given us the life we dreamt of.”
He’s being delusional. Zach wouldn’t have started in the majors. He thought the money would have been there, but he forgets that Triple-A ball players barely make a living wage. Plus, I wasn’t ready to live that life. We had talked about him entering the draft after his senior year, not the beginning of his junior year. We would’ve had almost t
hree years together by the time everything had worked out. Then, to find out he did it all without a word—hurt.
All I wanted was a say in how our life would go.
I don’t speak as my chest heaves. I am so tired of this goddamn merry-go-round. I want off. This is in the past, yet we keep bringing it to the present. “Can we stop? Please? There’s a lot I would change about how we handled things in our past. I don’t want to be angry anymore.”
He steps forward. “I was thinking of you.” His voice is hushed. “I thought about how I could finally be the man you saw.”
“I don’t want to do this.”
“I was ready to give you everything. I could give you everything.”
“Now you can give it to Felicia.”
Zach rears back. “I told her everything.”
My heart races. “She forgave you?”
He studies me. “She understands this is difficult for both of us. Felicia isn’t the girl you remember.”
“Maybe not. I don’t know . . . she seems the same to me.”
“I get it now.” Zach’s deep voice seems amused.
“Get what?”
“You don’t want me. You’ve made that clear, but you don’t want anyone else to have me. Did you think I’d live alone and pine over you, Presley?”
Again, we go one step forward and two steps back. Of course I didn’t think that. I wished it, but I didn’t think it would happen. I tried very hard not to think of Zach. Because loving him nearly broke me apart. Even all these years later when I think of him, my heart yearns for him. Zach is the piece of my soul that’s been missing. But he’s not mine anymore.
“Thank you for the horses. Maybe one day we’ll be able to keep things civil.” I raise my brow and pat his chest.
Zach steps closer. “I know you may not want to hear this, but I will always be here for you. You have been a part of my life since I can remember. I hated not having you in it. I missed you.” His eyes stay trained on me. “I don’t know a day that’s gone by when I haven’t thought of you. So, if you want me to be the bad guy . . . fine. I’ll be that because I think you need someone to hate.”
I gasp while shaking my head. “I never wanted to hate you.”
“But you do, and I can take it. I spent enough years hating myself. Just remember what I said.”
There’s no way we can go back. I’m not the girl I once was. I appreciate his gesture, whether it was sincere or spawned from guilt. But when it comes to me, there’s a line he’s not welcome to cross. I don’t know that I can be friends with someone I loved—love—so much.
T HERE’S A STACK OF PAPERS sitting on my desk that need to be handled. I head to the office where Cooper sits in a chair with his hat over his face. I creep over and jump, making a loud bang . He leaps out of his seat ready to fight. I burst out laughing as he glares at me.
“So not funny.”
“Oh, I beg to differ.”
He slaps the dirt off his leg and sits back down. “Revenge is a sport I’m a champion of.”
I know this all too well. Cooper and I had full-out wars throughout our childhood and adolescence. Mama was always warning us she’d paddle our asses. One time, I took all of Coop’s clothes, put them in a garbage bag, and buried them. He wore the same nasty pants and shirt for four days, then Daddy threatened to sell my horse if I didn’t tell him where it was.
“I’m not exactly a loser either, dear brother.”
“Ha! You’ll never beat me.”
“Whatever.” I dismiss his antics. “What brings you to the office?”
Cooper and Wyatt never have time to stop here during the day. I honestly don’t know how they were managing anything before. Since I’ve gotten here, I’ve been able to make sense of their nonexistent filing system. My mother has been doing her best to help, but when my father retired, so did she. Instead of Cooper finding someone to run the office, he pretended the problem wasn’t there.
“No one is here nagging me.”
“Ahh.” I smirk. “Mama and Daddy are at it again?”
They want more grandbabies. They want my brother to get married. And when they can corner him, they let him have it.
“She’s trying to set me up with some girl a few towns over.”
“She pretty?” His face says it all. “Okay, then.”
“Anyway, I’m here because the boys want to go camping and explore. I thought I’d take them out for a three-day ride. You good with that?”
I’ve been on these rides. They’re not easy. “Why don’t you start with a one-day camp out?”
“Because they’re going to be men. Stop babying them.”
“I don’t baby them.”
“Sure, you don’t.” His exasperation is clear in his tone. “Look, we’ll ask them. If they want to go, which they will because I’m pretty fucking fun, then you let them.”
All of the dangers flood my brain. I went on a hundred of these trips, but I knew how to shoot a coyote. I was aware of what to watch for. Logan and Cayden have never gone camping. Todd didn’t like being outside in the wilderness, and I never pushed. I was happy with our vacationing to major cities and staying in hotels. Todd’s idea of roughing it was a hotel with no room service.
“I don’t know . . .”
“Go ahead, Pres. Raise a bunch of pussies. They’ll do great when they start school in a month. You want to send them to school not knowing how to bait a hook?”
Asshole has a point. “Fine. We’ll ask them.” Wyatt clears his throat from the door. “Let me guess . . . you think this is a good idea?”
“Cowgirl, it was my idea.”
I should’ve known.
As Cooper had predicted, the boys were ecstatic. They ran out of my room and were throwing things in bags before I even said yes. I made Cooper promise me a few things before I was fully on board. First, they take experienced horses. Those boys haven’t ridden, and we don’t know the personalities of their new horses. Second, either my father or Wyatt had to go with them too.
My father agreed to ride out, but he said he was too old to sleep out there with the “youngins.” Wyatt said he had plans, but Trent was off this weekend and would be happy to go. When I shot that down, they pointed out he was the sheriff. And my argument was lost. It’s like they’ve all forgotten the stories about Trent.
They left about an hour ago, and Mama left to go play cards with Mrs. Hennington and Mrs. Rooney, which I know she does when she tells Daddy she’s going to practice singing for the church choir. Those women haven’t practiced in thirty years.
Taking my mother’s, well, everyone’s unsolicited advice, I called Grace for a girls’ night. Thanks to my stress, I’ve lost a ton of weight and can wear some pretty cute things. I’d gone online and ordered some clothes that are a little more form fitting than I’ve been able to wear since having twins. Those kids destroyed my body.
Once in my black shorts and one-shoulder shirt, I head over to the mirror and look myself over. Staring at my reflection, I smile and let out a deep breath. I feel beautiful. More than that, I feel like a woman. My curves are smooth, my hair hangs in soft curls, my eyes are bright green thanks to my makeup, and my ass looks fantastic. At least one good thing has come of this. I throw on my cowboy boots and head to the porch.
“You got a hot date or somethin’?” Grace calls from the window of the car.
“You know it.” I laugh and climb in.
She demanded that she drive so I could relax for a little bit. It’s insane for her to think I’m going to need a designated driver, but I’m tired of fighting everyone and everything, so I go with it. That’s my plan for tonight . . . let loose and smile.
Grace puts the car in drive, practically bouncing in her seat. “I’m so glad you called. I needed to get out. Since I ended things with Trent, I haven’t been out.”
I’ve wondered about that. “What happened?”
She snorts. “You know better than anyone about dating a Hennington.”
“I’m sorry, Gracie.”
She grips my hand. “Please, I’m over it. He’s hot and all, but I’m not going to beg a man to love me.”
Grace has had her eyes on that man since we were kids. He was by far the hottest of the three, but he knew it. Looking at him now, he’s definitely not the sexiest anymore. At least not to me. He’s still built and in shape, but there’s something missing. Why couldn’t they be ugly? Have one of their nuts missing or something? Instead, they’re all perfect in their own ways. Wyatt’s humor makes him more attractive, plus his job keeps him fit. Zach has only gotten better with age, plus his heart is still huge. And Trent’s authority is damn right sinful. Stupid Hennington boys.
We park in front of the local bar and my head falls back. “Not here, Grace.”
“Zach isn’t going to be here. And it’s easy if we both drink too much.”
How she knows Zach won’t be here is beyond me. But I look around the parking lot and don’t see his truck. “Let me guess.” I smirk as I think I figure it out. “Another guy will be?”
“Trent is with your boys, isn’t he?” she asks.
“I didn’t say Trent.”
She groans. “Look, there’s a guy I like, but he won’t talk to me when Trent is around. Bastard made it like he owns me or something. So, you can be my wingman-girl-whatever.”
It’s been a really long time since I’ve done this. But if there’s anyone I want to still be close with, it’s Grace. She’s not once pried or made me feel uncomfortable. She’s been here for me without pushing, which is a damn gift in this town.
“Fine, let’s go snag us some country boys.”
We exit the car, and I try to tug my shorts down. “Does this make me look slutty?” I ask her.
Grace lets out a giggle before covering her mouth. “Honey, any shorter and those are panties.”
“Oh, my God.” I start to head toward the car, but she grabs my arm.
“You look amazing, Presley. I was kidding,” she tries to reassure me. “I mean it. I only wish I had your body . . . and I never had kids.”
“Now you’re just lying.”
“Never. Please,” she begs, “if he’s not here we can drive to another town.”
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