Todd grips my arms and tears fall. It’s the first time we’ve touched since he left me. I rip my arms away. “Presley.” His voice cracks.
“No!” I sob. “No, you can’t. You’re gone. You’re not here for me.” Every piece of me breaks inside. He’s a ghost, an illusion, but he feels so real. “In all the years we were together, I was only with you. I loved you. I had children with you.”
He lets out a deep breath. “You and I both know that’s a lie.”
My eyes snap up to meet the sadness in his. “A lie?”
“You and I both know that you never wanted to have children with me. Those boys came by one drunken night when you forgot to take your pill. Let’s not delude ourselves.”
I walk with my fist balled and slam it into his chest. “I hate you.”
“I hate me too! Why do you think I left you?”
I start to shake and fall to the ground. I have no fight left. “I’m not going to live like this.”
“Just tell me why it was so easy to go back to him.” He crouches down and takes my hand. “Why so soon? Why is he so hard for you to let go of? Did you ever let go?”
I gaze at him with tears falling freely. “I don’t know.”
“I do.” He sighs. “Because it was always him.”
I wake and sit up, out of breath. It was only a dream. I would swear it really happened, but know my mind is playing tricks on me. My heart pounds in my chest as his last words play on repeat. “Because it was always him.”
Zach: Come meet me at the barn.
Me: What barn?
Zach: Yours.
I HEAD OUTSIDE IN THE stifling heat. You could fry an egg on the ground with the way the sun is beating down. I didn’t expect to see anyone today, and the office only has a fan so I wore a pair of cut off jeans, a white tank, and my cowboy hat.
“Zach?” I ask, looking around.
I walk forward a little. As soon as I see him, he grabs me.
“Get in here.” Zach’s voice is strained as his hands grip my waist. “You,” he says with a groan.
“What?” I ask, confused about what has him so upset.
His eyes travel down my neck slowly. I watch his chest heave as he continues to the deep scoop of my neckline. Zach drinks me in, and the rate of my breathing increases. I can feel his eyes, the heat from his body, and the grip of his fingers on my back. Everything else around me dissipates.
“Do you know how beautiful you are? How much I want you right now?”
Zach has been extremely patient. It’s been a very slow moving train. One that he hasn’t even tried to make go faster.
“Cowboy,” I murmur. His eyes flash to mine, and I grin.
That’s all it takes.
He looks back quickly as his hands tangle in my hair. Then his lips are on mine. My hat flies off my head from the force of the kiss. My legs wrap around his waist as he carries me back deeper out of view. I grab his neck and my hair veils us, making me feel like only we exist. I kiss him hard. He kisses me harder. When we reach the back of the stall, he uses the wall to keep me up as his hands roam my body.
I never want this to stop.
His rough fingers graze my bare skin and I fight back a moan. His hand grips both of mine, pinning them above my head. I grip harder around his hips but for a different reason now. I want more.
Zach takes his kiss away, and I whimper. “Tell me when you want me to stop, Presley.”
I look in his eyes and shake my head. Right now, the answer is never.
I don’t know if it’s the heat in the air or the heat between us, but I’m burning.
He keeps my hands above my head with one hand as his tongue slinks down my neck. I struggle to breathe as he goes lower. His other hand cups my breast, and my head falls back against the wood.
Zach steps back, causing me to stand on shaky legs. His knee slides between my legs, and I use it for leverage. He doesn’t say a word, just gazes into my eyes as he squeezes and kneads my breast.
“This is okay?” he asks while releasing my hands.
“Yes.”
“Can I touch you more?”
“Yes,” I say without pause.
He slides the strap of my shirt and bra off my shoulder. “You’re so beautiful. You’ve always been, but it’s like seeing you with new eyes.”
Good. God.
He drifts to the other side down but doesn’t expose me. His hands frame my neck and he pulls my lips back to his. We kiss as he barely touches my skin. I’m close to begging, but his mouth is what I want right now.
“Pres?” Wyatt’s voice stops us both.
Zach lifts my straps back into place and puts his finger to my lips.
“Presley?” he calls again. “Where the hell did she go?”
I’m going to get caught making out with Zach in the barn. This is déjà vu all over again. Zach grins, caging me in with his arms. I want to kiss him again. I can’t seem to look at him without craving it.
I hear Wyatt’s footsteps get closer. I close my eyes and wait for him to say something.
Instead, he retreats.
As soon as it sounds like the coast is clear, I breathe a sigh of relief. “That was close.”
“I’m pretty sure he knows.”
“It could’ve been Cooper.”
Zach presses his lips to mine, effectively quieting me. He leans back and runs his fingers through my tresses. “I’ll see you tonight.”
“I’ll be there.”
“Zach.” I smack his chest as we sit tangled in the blanket. He keeps telling me about the tricks he and Trent are playing on the new trainer at his ranch. “You’re so mean. You and Trent need a hobby.”
“I think I’ve found a new one.” He kisses the side of my cheek and tugs me closer.
“I’m a hobby?”
“More like a sport.”
I lean back with my mouth agape. “A sport?”
“Maybe a marathon. But it’s okay, darlin’. I like all the practice time we’re getting.”
I let out a soft giggle and lean back into him. “I might have to make you sit the bench.”
Zach’s lips graze my ear, and I shiver. “I’m not sure you really want that.”
He’s right. I don’t. Each day that we spend together, I fight my feelings for him. When I’m in his arms, it’s impossible to not give in. It’s like falling back where we left off as kids—the good part. I feel the desire pulse through me when we touch, and it scares me. It would be so easy to lose myself to him. Allow the passion to take hold, but that would be a mistake. One that would leave me even more messed up over him. So, for now, we’re taking things slow.
“Watch it,” I warn as his arms tighten.
We’ve met the last eight nights like this. Under the stars, at the creek that separates our properties. I try to remember that we’re not sixteen, but it’s so easy to forget the world when Zach is here.
“Today at the barn was fun,” he reminds me.
The yearning I squashed is back.
“Yeah.” I let out a small laugh and jab him with my elbow. “It was fun. Maybe we’ll do it again sometime.”
Zach groans. “Maybe?”
“You never know.”
We both fall quiet as he holds me close. I want to move things forward with him. At the same time, I’m enjoying the pace we’re at.
“Sun’s coming up. We should get you back home,” he says against my ear. “Don’t want you to turn into a pumpkin.”
“I need to get some sleep too. I’m exhausted.” Mostly because I don’t want to dream and also because I’m staying up all night to meet Zach.
“Me too,” he confesses. “Felicia was asking yesterday why I looked like shit.”
Just her name causes my mood to shift. “Did you tell her it’s because I’m keeping you up all night?” I say half joking, yet half serious.
Zach pulls back a little. I can tell he’s trying to gauge how to answer this. He told me last night how she’s trying to conv
ince him to try again. He’s also not allowed to say we’re together, so he’s backed into a corner. I hate her. I also know she’s relentless. If she wants him back, there’s not a trick she won’t resort to.
“Pres,” he says with an exasperated breath. “I’m doing what you want.”
“I know.” And I do. He is respecting my wishes. It’s way too soon. Right now things are fun, but what happens when we come back down to earth?
Eventually, I’m going to have to face the unresolved issues between us.
And I don’t know where that will leave us.
“Trust me.” He takes my hand. “I would much rather tell everyone, but you’ve made it pretty clear you’re not ready for that.”
I look away, conflicted. I feel like every single thing in my life is some big secret. It’s maddening. The secrets I keep are better left in the dark. When they come to light, they’ll overshadow everything else. I need more time. “Not yet. I hope you understand, but for now, I want to enjoy this. We have a town waiting in the balance, and what if this goes south?”
“You’re worried about the town?” he questions.
“Not really, I just mean that you’ll have people hounding you, and so will I. Right now, there’s no one up our asses. As soon as we’re sure—”
“I’m sure about you, Presley. Make no mistake.”
I hold up a finger to stop him. “I know that I want to try again. I’m sure that right now, this feels good.” I hook my arms under his and watch his reactions. “I’m not saying we have to keep this quiet forever. But for right now, I want to have time for us . Without outside influence.” I finish with a kiss to his lips.
He leans down, allowing his lips to ghost over mine. “I can wait for you. I can wait forever if that’s what it takes.”
I push on my toes closing the tiny gap. His fingers touch the small of my back as I hold myself to him. It’s a sweet kiss. No tongue, no immense passion, but full of confidence that we’re going to make it. If there’s one thing I know, it’s that Zach can make me happy. I just have to let him.
“You look all sorts of tired,” Wyatt says as he pushes the door open to my office. “Kinda like my brother does.”
I knew it wouldn’t take long for him to be onto us. Especially after the almost incident yesterday in the barn. I’m pretty sure he put two and two together.
I lean back, tossing the pen on the desk. “I’ve been having bad dreams.”
“Still?”
I forgot he knows about them. “Yeah, they’re getting worse.”
“Your husband?” he asks with concern.
I’ve mentioned them, but never gotten in too much detail. “It’s like he’s real. We argue, he says a lot of hurtful things . . . it’s all in my head.”
“It is.”
“But I can’t stop them.”
Wyatt comes around the desk and sits in front of me. “What are you battling, Cowgirl?”
Wyatt has always been someone I can trust, but I already feel like too many people know. “Guilt, I guess.”
“Because of you and Zach?”
Knowing how Wyatt feels about me, this feels so wrong. I don’t want to hurt him, especially because he’s one of my best friends. Yet, he’s the only one I trust. “We’re taking things really slow.”
He chuckles. “I doubt that.”
“No.” I stand my ground. “I mean it.”
“You and Zach have only ever had two speeds, Presley. You’re all in or not. I’m not blind or stupid. Neither are the people around you. Hell,” he says, letting out a laugh, “half the town has a bet going on how long it will be. He threw Felicia out slower than I thought he would.”
I groan. “This! This is why I didn’t want people to know. It’s none of y’all’s business.”
He leans in close, a smirk on his face. “Nice to see you found your inner country girl.”
“What?” I ask with annoyance.
“‘Y’all.’ I think that’s the first time you’ve said that and acted like you belong here.”
I look at him with a blank stare. “That’s what you take away from what I said?”
He grins. “Just pointing it out for you.”
“I appreciate it.”
I don’t at all. I actually would like to punch him for his smug grin. Why do people have to invade my life?
Wyatt slaps my leg. “As much as I hate to admit it, I’m going to say this: you and Zach are right. It’s nauseating to be around because you can’t help but watch. Every person in this world should hope for a love like you both share.” He sighs while getting up. “I’m not saying you can’t fuck it up—because you both have proven you’re capable of that already.”
“Asshole.”
“I’m serious. You two don’t know your ass from your elbow when it comes to fixing what you broke. How long have you been sneaking around?” Wyatt questions.
Ugh. I don’t think we’re sneaking around. I think we’re keeping things low key. He’s also missing one very important part to this equation. “And what, my friend, should I tell Cayden and Logan?”
He looks away, shrugs, and grumbles something under his breath. “They’re good kids, Presley. Give them a chance to work through it.”
He’s right. They are good boys. “I want to be sure it’s serious.”
Wyatt laughs so hard he slaps his leg. “Oh, that’s a good one.”
“I don’t know why you’re laughing,” I deadpan.
“You and I both know it’s every bit as serious as it ever was.”
All I know is that I’m hesitant. Not because of Todd or the boys. But because of Zach. If I give my heart to him, will he be able to endure the road ahead? Can he muddle through the parts of me that are so deeply broken that I don’t know where the crack begins? The losses I’ve endured have changed me, left tread marks on my heart, and altered the course of my life.
Then I think about the past.
The mistakes I’ve made along the way. I’ve hurt myself in so many ways. Things I thought were going to bring me happiness that only turned into regret.
I was young, foolish, and thought I knew what I was doing. I was desperate to forget about him, to stop hurting. I wanted to tell him everything I was feeling, but instead . . . I ran.
My gaze latches back on Wyatt’s. “I hope it can be. I just don’t know if I should trust his promises again.”
He comes close and crouches down. “Why are you so sure that he’s going to hurt you?”
“Because the only two men I’ve ever loved left me. Both of them willingly.”
Wyatt’s eyes flash, and I wait for the follow-up question.
I implore him to ask me. If he does, I won’t lie.
He closes his eyes, releasing a breath from his nose, and looks back at me. “One day you’re going to realize how wrong you are, Cowgirl.”
Wyatt doesn’t say another word. He kisses my hand and walks out the door. I really hope that one day comes really soon because I’m pretty damn tired.
I go back to work, thinking that this conversation is done, when a knock comes a minute later. “Dammit, Wyatt.”
“Well,” a voice that is not Wyatt’s says from the door. “I’m not that Hennington, but some say I’m the better looking one.”
I lean back with a grin. “I would agree with them.”
Zach walks forward with a bouquet of flowers. “These are for you.”
I walk around my desk with a big smile. “You’re so charming.” Without a thought, I give him a sweet kiss. “Thank you.”
He nods. “I’m here to meet Cayden and Logan.”
“Oh?”
I didn’t know they were meeting. Usually the boys are anxious to tell me. Zach has been coming a few days a week to show them how to train the horses. He’s been amazing with them, and secretly it’s meant everything to me.
“Why don’t you ride with us?”
I look out the window and gnaw on my lip. I don’t know. It’s all of us together.
“Presley,” Zach says with affection.
My heart accelerates at the thought of the four of us spending time together. “I . . . think . . . ugh!” I say exasperated. “Okay. One condition.”
“What is that?”
“No innuendoes.”
Zach chuckles. “I would never.”
“Liar.”
“Okay, maybe one or two, but I’ll behave.”
I give him a look that says he’s full of shit. He doesn’t know how to behave. None of them do. “We’ll see.”
“Do I get a reward if I’m good?” he asks with a mischievous grin on his lips.
How can I even second guess what I feel when he’s like this? I don’t smile half as much when he’s not around. It’s like Zach takes on the weight of the world so I don’t have to. Or maybe this is what happiness is. Freeing.
“Maybe you’ll have to wait until tonight.” I wink and saunter out the door.
He groans from behind me, and I can’t help but smile.
We head to the corral where the boys are already working with their horses. It’s crazy how in a few months they’ve become so comfortable here. Cayden had a hard time with his horse after getting lost, but Wyatt and Cooper were instrumental in getting him back on. I really am lucky to have the men in my life.
“Mom!” Logan waves as he trots forward. “You going to ride?”
“I am!” I smile, and his smile grows.
“Your mom used to kick my ass in racing,” Zach says with his arm resting on the rail. God he looks hot like that.
His tight jeans, hat, and the way he owns the world. Everything around him seems brighter. It’s as if he’s the sun, bringing warmth and beauty to things that used to feel dark and cold.
“Well.” I try to control my raging hormones as I speak. “You always were slow.”
“I let you win.”
I scoff. “The hell you did.”
“I think you know that boys are better, Mom.” Logan laughs as he says the words.
I look over with my brows raised. “Is that so, little boy?”
“Oh, God,” Cayden grumbles. “Now you’ve done it.”
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