I Am Watching You

by Teresa Driscoll

  ‘Sit down!’

  Henry ignores this. ‘My daughter is still missing. It’s been a whole year, and you still haven’t got a clue what has happened to her. You let the two main suspects do a bunk right at the start, and you think you need to remind me that this is serious.’

  Henry’s solicitor puts a hand on his arm gently, signalling with his other hand to sit down, but Henry is fuming. He has played along with all this incompetent bull long enough.

  ‘If you had told us the truth from the off, Mr Ballard, you could have avoided wasting a lot of our time. Now sit down, please.’

  Finally, Henry obeys. ‘So – has April spoken to you? Given a statement?’ He finds it strange to say her name out loud in company. Does not like to think of the police round there, stirring it all up. Net curtains twitching.

  ‘Yes. She has confirmed your latest version of events. Though you seem to make a habit of asking the women in your life to lie for you. You asked your wife to lie first, of course.’

  ‘None of this is Barbara’s fault. I told her I didn’t want the police to know how drunk I was. That I had planned to drive and had to sleep in the car.’

  ‘And she really believed that?’

  Henry looks down at his bare feet, wondering if he should have changed his mind about the socks. He had assumed they would just let him go now. Why more questions? According to the rules, they had just one more hour to either charge him with something or let him go.

  ‘I shouldn’t need to remind you, Mr Ballard, that I can charge you with breach of the peace or threatening behaviour.’

  ‘I only got so upset at the barn because I wanted to speak to Melanie Sanders. I told you that.’

  ‘And why Melanie Sanders?’ His tone says more than the words.

  Henry tries to read the inspector’s face, and picks up some signal that he needs to tread carefully.

  ‘I found her straight to deal with, that’s all. She’s been good to my family, along with Cathy, the family liaison officer.’

  ‘Right. Well, she’s on leave, as I have told you. And I’m in charge of this case.’

  There is a lot of shuffling of paperwork. Finally, it is Henry’s solicitor who speaks.

  ‘Well, if that’s all and you are now happy with Mr Ballard’s version of events, I must request that he is released. It’s been a very distressing time and he needs to be with his family.’

  The inspector seems to be weighing this up when suddenly the door to the interview room opens.

  ‘What now? Nothing to do with socks I hope?’

  The sergeant moves across to whisper into the inspector’s ear. The senior officer’s expression now changes completely, and Henry is frowning as the DI confirms for the tape that he is leaving the room and needs to pause the interview for a few moments.

  ‘What’s going on?’ Henry turns to his solicitor, who merely shrugs.

  The inspector is gone for several minutes before returning to pick up his jacket from the back of his chair, and to announce that Henry is to be released without charge for now but the police reserve the right to make further inquiries and may need to speak to him again.

  And then the inspector takes a deep breath, looking at Henry very intently. He announces next that there has been an ‘unexpected development’ in the police inquiry. His tone is different, guarded. He says that Henry will be driven home and more will be explained to him on the journey.

  Henry is now completely confused. He had expected to phone Barbara, hoping that the April escapade would not have leaked and she would be prepared to pick him up. He wonders why the police are offering him a taxi service. He glances from face to face in the room; the atmosphere has definitely changed.

  ‘What’s going on? What’s happened?’

  ‘You will be told more on the journey, Mr Ballard.’

  CHAPTER 30

  THE FRIEND

  Sarah sits on the sofa and leans forward to put her head in her hands. She needs to think, think, think.

  She needs to conjure the right words to shake the real Lily out of this distant, unrecognisable stranger. But the words just won’t come, and instead she is thinking, as she does so often at night, of the last words she spoke to Anna. Of the horrible and angry exchange that she has not shared with the police and that she had planned to share here with Lily. The old Lily.

  There are now three people sitting opposite, doing the funny touching-of-the-wrist-bead nonsense while Sarah wills them to get lost and let her speak to her sister. As well as Moon, there is a couple calling themselves Rainbow and Waterfall.

  ‘So, is this a cult?’ Sarah finally blurts out, staring at them and no longer caring if she causes offence. ‘I mean – what’s with all the wrist beads and the weird names?’

  ‘It’s nothing to be upset about, Sarah. It’s a good thing. It’s calming and healing.’ Lily is looking directly at her, and she seems so terribly fragile that Sarah feels suddenly close to tears with frustration.

  ‘OK. So if you don’t ask these people to leave, I am going to say it all in front of them. About Dad, Lily. And unless I have got this completely wrong, then I think you know very well this is not a conversation you want them to hear.’

  Finally, Lily turns to her strange new friends and asks them to leave her and Sarah alone.

  ‘You really sure about this?’ Moon is speaking very softly, staring right into Lily’s eyes, and Sarah is certain now that they are lovers.

  ‘Yes. I’m fine. I’ll come and fetch you if I need you.’

  Once they have all finally left the room, Lily closes the door and returns to sit opposite Sarah.

  ‘What is this place, Lily? The way you dress now. The way you are. I don’t like it and I don’t understand it. I mean, we’re sisters and yet you don’t seem to want anything to do with me anymore.’

  ‘It’s not that.’

  ‘Well – what then? I mean, my best friend disappeared a year ago. She could be dead for all we know. And you’ve hardly been in touch.’

  ‘I’m sorry. I should have done more. You’re right. I am sorry. Look. I was in a bad way when I came here, Sarah. I needed space. I needed to get strong myself and to find a way to stay strong.’

  They sit quietly for a while, and Sarah is thinking back to the scenes just before Lily bolted and her parents split. All the door slamming. The shouting, and worse: the words, spat more than whispered, behind closed doors. No one telling her what was going on. Their mother in such a state.

  And next she is thinking of that awful scene with her father.

  I just need to check if you are grown up enough . . .

  She is trying to remember the timing more precisely. When was that? A few months before it all blew up? Yes. About that. The reason that she felt so very confused about the separation. Missing the dad she had always loved as a small girl, but also glad that he was gone, which made her feel guilty and confused and wretched.

  ‘Why did Dad really leave, Lily?’

  ‘Why do you think he may have had something to do with Anna? Why would you suddenly think that? Why would you say that?’

  ‘Because I’ve had a whole year to worry about it. And I think we both know why the two might be connected.’

  Lily’s hand is shaking now, and Sarah cannot take her eyes off it. Her sister uses the other hand to pull down her sleeve and Sarah is remembering the other scenes at home. When Lily had started to skip school and to hurt herself. Digging at her arms with a compass from her maths set.

  ‘Dad did something funny to me once, Lily. I have never ever told anyone – not Mum, not Anna. No one. And I don’t even know what exactly it was or if I made too much of it. But it wasn’t right what he did, and it’s been going round and round in my head ever since all this business with Anna. And I need to know if you think I am mad, being suspicious about why Dad left. Mum has always point-blank refused to talk to me about it and I just thought he had an affair and hurt her. But I need you to tell me—’

  ‘Oh my G
od, Sarah. Did he really hurt you, too?’ There is complete shock now on Lily’s face, and tears forming in her eyes.

  ‘Not really hurt hurt.’ Sarah pauses and looks away. ‘He touched me. It wasn’t right . . .’

  ‘Oh Jesus. When was this? More than once?’

  ‘No. Just once. A few weeks before he left.’

  Lily stands and paces to the window, turning to look out and then suddenly back at Sarah, her face dark.

  ‘I should have gone to the police. Oh God, I am so very sorry, Sarah.’

  ‘What do you mean, you should have gone to the police? What for?’

  ‘Dad is not a good man, Sarah. He . . .’ Her right hand moves across to grip the beads around her left wrist, turning the larger ones around and around. ‘Look. He did things to me. Often. I was too afraid to tell anyone.’ All agitation, she moves to sit again. Leans forward. ‘But then it got much worse and I was afraid he would hurt you too. I thought I was protecting you. So I told Mum – that he came into my bedroom. After we moved to the new house. But she just wouldn’t believe me.’

  ‘You told Mum? She knew?’

  ‘Yeah. I thought she would go straight to the police, but she just told Dad and he said . . .’ A long pause. Lily is now desperately plucking at the beads around her wrist. ‘He said that I was lying because I was attention-seeking; that I was screwed in the head and that it was all nonsense to distract from me skipping school. That I needed help – to see a shrink maybe.’

  Sarah now has both hands up to her own mouth.

  Lily wipes the tears falling onto her cheeks. ‘So in the end I said that if Dad didn’t leave, I would go to the police myself and report him.’

  Sarah looks at the floor.

  ‘I see now that I should have done that. Gone to the police. I am so, so sorry, Sarah. I just wanted it to end and I honestly thought it would spare you if he just left. I didn’t realise he’d already . . . Anyway, he did go, but Mum still didn’t believe me and wouldn’t forgive me so I came here and I was in this really terrible state.’

  Sarah now looks around the room, narrowing her eyes and thinking of them all. Moon and Rainbow and Waterfall . . .

  ‘So what is this place, Lily? These people?’

  ‘I found out about it through a helpline. Caroline offers it for people who – after this kind of stuff.’

  ‘So all these people – Moon and the others . . .’

  Lily just nods, and Sarah is shocked, regrouping and walking again through the scenes. Moon coming in from the garden. Shaking hands. Worried eyes.

  ‘People do think we’re odd. Some kind of kooky commune. But we don’t care. We find it makes us stronger to be together like this.’

  ‘But why haven’t you been to the police since, Lily?’

  ‘I did want to but I just wasn’t strong enough. And they don’t pressure you here. It’s up to us. Our choice.’

  ‘Is that why they are being so protective? They know?’

  ‘Yeah. They know everything. And they know I tend to spiral down again when I think of you. And home. And Mum. They were worried.’

  Sarah is watching her sister’s hands again, trembling and fidgeting.

  ‘Well, I’m sorry. And I really don’t want to make it worse for you, Lily, but I need to tell you a bit about that night with Anna. It’s why I came here and why I’m so worried now.’

  ‘Go on then.’

  ‘I haven’t told the police this before because . . . Well. I don’t know why I didn’t tell them. I was scared I was being ridiculous. I thought it was Karl and Antony. But I’m more and more afraid that what’s happened to Anna is my fault.’

  ‘Why on earth would you think that?’

  ‘Dad texted me the night Anna disappeared. He knew from Mum that we were in town, and he wanted us to meet him at a hotel in London. Some swanky place he was staying at for his new job. Did you know he’s a manager now – big haulage firm? Anyway. I said no. But I showed Anna the text.’

  ‘You don’t seriously think she met him, do you?’

  ‘That’s the problem. I just don’t know. But we had this big row, me and Anna, and she said something which has played on my mind.’

  ‘I’m not understanding.’

  ‘She said she didn’t feel safe, Lily, because we’d had so much to drink. And she suggested I ask Dad to come to the club and see us back to our hotel . . .’

  CHAPTER 31

  THE WITNESS

  I am in the kitchen with Luke, my mouth dry and my heart racing.

  Tucked in my pocket is the flat piece of plastic I found on the floor outside the shop. A simple piece of plastic that has so confused me. Why would Luke lie to me? Deep down is he cross, with everything going on in his own life, that I’ve been so wrapped up in Anna’s disappearance?

  ‘You know that map-magnifier thing you had for the Ten Tors? The one they gave you with the medal?’ I try to make my voice sound relaxed.

  ‘What?’

  ‘That plastic magnifier. Can I borrow it? Some of the new order lists are in really tiny print and I’m struggling to read them.’

  I watch his face but see nothing that helps me. I wonder if he came down to the shop to check on me. Changed his mind. But why would he do that? Why lie? It makes no sense.

  ‘I lost that ages ago. Why don’t you just buy a magnifying glass. Or reading glasses?’ He sounds irritated. ‘Or are you too embarrassed to wear glasses?’

  ‘When did you lose it?’

  ‘Oh, for God’s sake, Mum. What does it matter?’

  My phone is on the worktop next to the kettle and it vibrates with a text. I ignore it.

  Then my phone starts ringing. I move over and see that it is Matthew and hold the phone to my ear. What he says – speaking very quickly – is such a shock, it is difficult to absorb.

  ‘We need to put the television on.’ I am gesturing towards the shelf above the vegetable rack for the remote control.

  ‘What is it? Who is it on the phone?’

  ‘Put the TV on, Luke. News channel. Any news channel.’

  He is fiddling with the remote for the small flat-screen that is perched on top of a bookcase full of recipe books and files. As the picture finally comes up, Luke scrolls for a news channel; there is no sound as the familiar Facebook photo of Anna fills the screen with words scrolling beneath it. Dear God. Just like in the hotel all that time ago . . .

  ‘Put the sound up, Luke. Quickly.’

  I am reading the ticker tape of breaking news as Matthew tells me the little he knows.

  The scroll of words names Karl Preston as a suspect in the case of missing schoolgirl Anna Ballard. A second headline confirms that the streets around an apartment block in Spain have been sealed off by police after several gunshots were heard about an hour ago.

  As the volume bursts in – much too loud at first – the picture is back to the studio, where the blonde presenter is shuffling bits of paper, holding her right hand up to her earpiece.

  ‘We don’t know any more at the moment, Ella. I’m going to have to go.’ Matthew’s voice in my ear is struggling to compete with the television now. ‘But I will ring you if I hear anything more at all. The police had been hoping for a media blackout, but the neighbour who phoned the police rang the local TV station straight after.’

  I thank him, and lower my voice to ask briefly after his baby. He says he will be back at the hospital in a few hours but I can text if I need him.

  And now Luke and I just stand in shock in the kitchen – the whispered word, baby, hanging between us – as the presenter sums up what they know.

  ‘It’s a confused picture at the moment, but from what we understand so far, police had called at the apartment block on a small development about two miles outside Marbella. They had been tipped off by someone who recognised a man from recent police appeals in the UK looking for two suspects wanted for questioning regarding the disappearance in London a year ago of teenager Anna Ballard . . .’

  The prese
nter now links to a reporter on the telephone, who confirms that she is just beyond the police cordon at the scene.

  ‘Why don’t they link to live pictures of her? The reporter?’ I am glancing at Luke.

  ‘They probably don’t have a camera there yet.’ Luke is perched on the breakfast bar stool, the remote still in his hand.

  Infuriatingly the reporter repeats everything the presenter has just said, but then finally there is more information from a neighbour, an eyewitness . . .

  ‘We heard gunshots about an hour ago and we thought it was a terrorist attack at first. We just lay on the floor, absolutely terrified.’

  ‘Where were the gunshots coming from and what exactly happened next?’ The television screen is now split in two, showing the presenter in London on one side, asking the questions, and a map on the other, showing the location of the apartment block a few miles outside of Marbella. I remain deeply frustrated, badly wanting to see pictures from the scene.

  ‘It sounded as if the gunshots were above us. Maybe the second floor, I don’t know. We lay on the floor for a long time – me and my friend – and then after what felt like hours but was probably ten, maybe fifteen minutes, there were police outside our window at the back. They beckoned us to the window and said they were getting some people out of the block. They sort of shielded us as we moved under a covered walkway behind the apartments to a safe area. That’s where I am now.’

  ‘So are there other people still inside the apartment block?’

  ‘Yes, lots. I think the police only moved a few out. I think it’s mostly too dangerous. I did see a couple of people running out the front, but I think they were mad. I mean – whoever is shooting could just see them from the upstairs window. They could just shoot right at them if they wanted to.’

  ‘And have the police said anything to you about what’s going on now?’

  ‘No, nothing. Just to stay behind the police tapes and that they will tell us when it is safe to go back to our flat.’

  ‘And what can you see now from where you are?’

  ‘A lot of police now – some with rifles, not just their handguns. There are vans everywhere and TV people arriving too, some of them in trucks. I think everyone thought it was terrorists to start with. I mean that’s what you think, isn’t it, these days?’