by Izzy Shows
Maybe he doesn't have the fortitude to kill on his own, so he tricks the other combatants into killing themselves.
I hoped not. That would be a rather depressing end to all of this, especially since I'd made it this far in the tournament. But I didn't want to pass the opportunity by, because I felt like something could happen here, something that could give me hope.
"Everyone knows females are vastly superior to males," I said tentatively, though I felt foolish saying it. Everyone knew that the two were equal, but I was sure that it would anger someone who so fervently enjoyed the sight of females being abused.
Silence.
"He didn't say anything!"
"Because he can't hear you," the male said. "I'm Iten, by the way. What's your name?"
"Xiva," I said. "Thank you for helping me with that. It's been a real pain, always having him know what I'm saying. Not that there's a lot of talking to do in here, but still. It's a matter of privacy."
"I understand. It also means we can talk openly about how we feel about the tournament without your master hitting your kill switch."
I shuddered. "Yes, there is that. I'm curious: how is it that you're forced to be here? I thought all the males in the tournament were given this as an honor, that you don't have to fight one another like the females do."
"That's true. It's considered a great honor to be given a place in the tournament, to be offered the opportunity to kill females openly, but it's also a form of suicide. You either kill everyone else, or you die yourself." He shook his head. "I've never understood it, and not just for that reason. I can't abide violence toward females."
"Really? How is that? That's a very common view where I'm from, but how is it that someone who believes such a thing wound up in here?"
"Let me start at the beginning. I come from a culture where women are revered, worshipped as goddesses in mortal form. I was adopted as a teenager when my mother died, and my adoptive father took me away from my planet and brought me here. I think he hoped I would forget what I'd grown up believing, but I never did. It always sickened me, the way he talked about females when we were alone in our home, but there wasn't anything I could do to stop him from saying such things. It was his home, and he could cast me out at any moment if he wanted to. My father is a member of this club, a rather important member of it, too. As his son, I was 'honored' with the opportunity to hurt females." He grimaced, shaking his head. "But I hate it. I want nothing to do with it. I would give anything to go back to Xengar and be with my mother's people."
My heart hurt for Iten as he told his story, that he should be put through something like this, considering the extreme beliefs he held. I did not agree that females should be revered as goddesses, but I chose not to say anything about that; it was a far kinder belief that males should be valued and females revered, than that only males or only females be valued.
And at that moment, I would much rather be on Xengar, just as much as he would.
"We could do something about this, Iten," I said, leaning forward a little, a fire stirring in my soul. "We could work together to find some of the other slaves and convince them to join us to stop the tournament. If we all band together, we could force them to listen to us."
He made a face. "What about the kill switches? If they knew what you were doing…"
"But they won't. We'll bring them back here, one at a time, and disable their microphones. We'll leave them in here, so that their masters think they're dead, and we'll figure out a way around the kill switches before we make our move."
His eyes gleamed as he looked at me, and I felt the emotions rolling off him.
He was feeling hope, and it seemed that this was the first time in a long time that he'd felt it.
Kaidan
The hatred in my heart had faded, but it wasn't gone. Days had gone by since the degradation party Tavixi had brought me to, and she had since brought me along to several more events, but we hadn't talked about the party since. Some of the events we'd gone to were also parties, but more often, they were political conventions and meetings.
Meetings where I heard her speaking out against slavery and arguing for equality. I hated to admit it, but she made her point very well during those events, and it allowed me to look at her again without feeling a surge of hatred. It left me feeling conflicted inside; I hated that she had put me in a position where neither of us had done anything while a male was whipped and collared, and I didn't understand how she could separate her views the way she did, but I couldn't ignore that she was doing everything she could to put an end to slavery.
Perhaps the hatred in my heart wasn't directed at her, but rather at the situation as a whole. I had never been in a situation like this before, had never been in the heart of such a moral quandary that was so close to my heart, and I didn't like not knowing what to do about any of it. I wanted things to be clear cut, black and white, and it was becoming more and more apparent to me that the world didn't work that way.
You're thirty-eight years old. How is it that you're just now learning this?
I couldn't help but think how stupid that made me seem, that I hadn't ever considered this before, but it had evaded me my entire life. It was as if someone had pulled a veil off the world, and I could see the shades of gray now. The only problem was that I didn't know which shades were acceptable and which could not be tolerated. I didn't know how to take a stand, and I was beginning to wonder if Tavixi might be right.
She'd said there was a time and a place to make a stand, that you had to choose your words and your timing carefully, and that if you weren't careful, you could ruin everything.
I let out a heavy sigh as I sat down on the weight-lifting bench I'd been about to work out on, and tried to put those thoughts out of my mind.
Tavixi had given me much more freedom while we were at her estate, as if she was trying to make amends for the party. Along with the extra freedom, she had also done me the courtesy of being more subdued in her pursuit of me. She hadn't done much of late beyond attempting to say a few words to me, which I had not responded to. I had found flowers—or at least I was fairly certain they were flowers—on the pallet at the foot of her bed. I appreciated that she was giving me the space I dearly needed, but I wished again that she would stop altogether.
I couldn't figure out where I stood as far as her political views were concerned, and I certainly didn't want to bed her, which made the whole thing more of a nuisance than anything else. While it had been cute in the beginning, now it was a constant reminder that she owned me. That she could continue to do as she wanted despite how I felt, and I was powerless to walk away.
Are you entirely powerless?
I was surprised by that thought, but I allowed it to take shape in my mind and give me what I might be able to use. Tavixi was enamored with me, even after the hurtful words I had flung at her; she continued to want me, and that allowed me a certain amount of power in the crude relationship that had formed between us.
She said there is a time and a place to make a stand. Maybe you've been choosing the wrong times. Maybe you should try something else.
I stood up and paced across the room, thinking about that. She had indeed said you had to choose your battles and watch your words, but I had been doing neither of those things, not really. Oh, sure, I had held my tongue throughout the party and had waited to vent my anger towards her until we reached the privacy of her ship, but that didn't mean that had been the right time to give voice to my feelings. And while I had been playing the proper slave up till now, I hadn't really been doing so with a thought toward where it could take me.
Perhaps, as she was manipulating the courts to get what she wanted, I could manipulate her.
If she fell in love with you, she might set you free.
That thought made me a little sick. It was a horrible thing to do, to make someone believe you had feelings for them, when in truth you wanted nothing to do with them. But what other options had she given me? I would never be
content to remain her slave forever, and that was exactly what she wanted.
But if I could get her to see me as a person, as someone deserving of freedom as much as she was, and if I could put her emotions into play instead of just her logic, perhaps I would stand a chance.
That seemed like the best course of action, no matter how distasteful it would be.
For the rest of the day, I went about the few duties she'd assigned me, thinking about that and formulating what little planning I could, which came down to being as attentive toward her as possible, making her think that all was forgiven, and fawning over her until she believed I cared for her, and making her care for me in turn.
Dinnertime arrived sooner than I had thought it would, and it was one of my few remaining duties to serve her at dinner.
"Hello, Kaidan," she murmured as we took our places at the table, me kneeling on the floor beside her cushion. She sounded somewhat withdrawn and resigned, no doubt expecting that I would continue to ignore her as I had been doing so far.
"Good evening, mistress," I said, doing my best to sound as affectionate as possible. "Have you had a pleasant day?"
She looked at me in shock, her eyes wide and her lips parted, before she smiled brilliantly. "It was all right. There's quite a lot I have to do in preparation for one of the upcoming senate sessions, but I'm enjoying the work for the most part."
I bowed my head. "I'm pleased to hear that your work is going well."
"Thank you," she said, touching a hand to my shoulder.
I shivered, leaning into her touch as if it had had some sort of effect on me.
"And have you…what was said…" She started to speak, but was clearly at a loss for words. She didn't know how to address what had been said on the ship. No doubt she was afraid that if she broached the topic, it would bring my anger back up again, and what little ground I'd given her would be taken away.
"Forgiven," I said, smiling. "Let's do our best to put it out of our minds."
"Thank you," she whispered. "I'm so glad you were able to understand."
I didn't appreciate the way her words came off as slightly condescending, but I knew this was not the time to say anything about that. If I wanted her to think I liked her, I couldn't keep starting arguments left and right.
"What would you like to eat, mistress?" I asked, nodding toward the platters that had been laid out for her.
"A ximchin berry would be excellent to start with," she said, beaming.
I plucked one of the berries off the platter and held it up to her lips. When she parted them, I made sure to move slowly as I placed the fruit in her mouth, allowing my fingers to linger as her lips closed, as if I couldn't bear to stop touching her.
Her eyelids lowered halfway, almost hiding her eyes beneath her thick lashes, and she looked at me with clear desire.
I felt something cinch tight in my gut.
What in the hell am I getting myself into?
I couldn't help but worry that in doing what I was doing, I would cause her to expect things of me, things I still wasn't ready to give her. I wasn't willing to whore myself out for my freedom; that was a line I wasn't yet willing to cross. I was going to have to play this carefully, to lead her on without letting it go too far.
The rest of the dinner passed much the same way, and I did my best to be as courteous to her as possible, playing the part of the devoted slave. Her cheeks were flushed and she kept sending me inviting looks, but at last it was time to leave the dining room.
"I think I will retire early this evening," she said as we stood up, her words not quite directed at me but clearly for my benefit.
"Please, allow me the pleasure of assisting you," I said, bowing to her.
"Of course, Kaidan." She smiled at me, and together we walked from the dining room to her bedroom.
I assisted her with undressing, just as I did every night, and allowed my fingers to linger on her skin with every touch, taking note of the way she shivered as I did so.
She really was holding back this whole time, I thought, surprised at how much she allowed herself to respond to my touch now that I was being affectionate with her in the way she had desired.
I took a step back once she was dressed in her nightgown and looked down at the floor, not certain what was going to happen next. It was possible she would make her move now, but I hoped she would want to at least move a little slowly, and I didn't know how I would handle this if she tried to take me to bed.
But I didn't have to worry about that. She slid beneath the covers and snuggled down close to her pillow.
"Won't you give me a goodnight kiss?" she asked softly, with a note of hope in her voice that had been absent for quite a while.
I managed to keep a kind expression on my face, though even that I didn't want to do; I didn't want to give her too much hope, but I needed her to believe my act.
So I walked to her side of the bed and brushed a kiss against her forehead.
"Sleep well, mistress," I said, and then took my place at the foot of her bed.
I could only hope that I would be able to keep this up.
Kaidan
Tavixi practically glowed throughout the next morning as I attended to her at breakfast and stayed at her side while she worked in her office. She was no longer shy about touching me, stroking her hand along my arm, brushing against my body as she walked by. All the subtlety she had worked on during the past few days was gone now.
I knew that was a good thing, that it meant she was allowing the seeds in her heart to grow, but I couldn't help but yearn for the days when I had ignored her and she had given me space. I missed the silence already, missed not having to deal with her overtures.
It wasn't that she was a horrible female. I was beginning to acknowledge that by mid-afternoon. With all the talking she had done today, I had gotten to know quite a bit more about her, and the meetings she had taken me to during the past few days had certainly helped with my opinion of her; no doubt that was exactly why she'd brought me along.
I couldn't deny that she was a good person, or at least that she wanted to be a good person. She cared about her slaves, and went out of her way to make sure they got the medical attention they needed, that none of them went hungry, and that they had proper days off, just as a regular employee might. That was what it really came down to: although she owned slaves, she didn't treat them as slaves. She treated them as employees, and I had already seen that they were all quite fond of her.
I hadn't dared to ask any of them if they were happy with her, if they were all right with the status quo, because I feared that the life they led was so deeply entrenched into who they were that they had never questioned whether or not they should be slaves, and that by forming the question in their minds, I would either ruin the peace they lived with, or would find myself being labeled as an instigator of hatred. Perhaps they all loved her and were perfectly content with their lives, and they would take my prodding as a sign of hatred for their beloved mistress.
So, I hadn't asked any of them, but the way they looked at her, responded to her, and talked about her told me she had a place in their hearts, at the very least, which was a clear indication that she didn't mistreat her slaves. She was good to them, at least as good as she could be without freeing them.
There was that damned shade of gray again. Was she a good person for treating her slaves well, or was she a bad person for owning them in the first place? I was still firmly in the latter camp, but I couldn't help but see that her heart was in the right place.
If she'd been born on a different world, under different circumstances, I thought she would have easily fallen into the category of a good person, without all these confusing situations getting in the way of my making that distinction.
Those weren't the only things I had learned about her during the past few days, and certainly during today's incessant chattering. Though she hadn't come out and said so, she was a lonely woman.
A lonely woman in a world
that stood against her. Her family kept her at arm's length, she had no friends, and it was becoming apparent that she despaired of ever finding love. Perhaps because she was attracted to males in a world where they weren't considered equal, but also because no one would give her the time of day.
I couldn't help but feel sympathy for her, which made me feel like the worst kind of a bastard. It was a cruel thing, what I was doing: making her think I cared for her, making her let go and fall in love with me, but I still couldn't see any way around it.
I had to be free, no matter the cost.
Xiva
I was practically giddy as I stalked the halls of the building. Iten and I had split up earlier that morning, and now I was scouting for other slaves I could sway to our side, to help build a small force so we could stand up to the masters together.
It was right, that feeling I had when I met him. He presented an opportunity I would never have forgiven myself for passing up.
That opportunity he had given me, to find a way out of the tournament without killing the others, was like a balm to my soul. I'd hated killing the females in the proving, and even the death of the male who had attacked me was still causing me guilt. I was a warrior, always had been, but this kind of needless murder would never sit right with me.
And now it didn't have to. Now, I had a way out of the tournament, if I could just get this plan to work. I would have to find as many of the slaves as I possibly could and hope I would be able to convince them to lay down their arms.
As I moved through the building, I kept my senses on high alert, making sure to move away from any area where I scented a male. They would do me no good in this quest, for I didn't think it was likely that I would run into another one like Iten. He was truly unique in this place, a male who didn't want to harm females, and he hadn't spoken of finding a kindred soul in the group of males. If he had known of one, he would have been hiding with that male instead of being on his own.