A Legacy of Love

by Amy Clipston

  “Oh, there’s nothing wrong with you.” Mamm rubbed her shoulder. “You have to follow your heart. What do you think God is telling you to do?”

  “I don’t know.” Even to her own ears, Susie’s voice sounded weak. “I feel as if I should be with Josh because he’s safe, but I can’t stop thinking about Leon.” A sob escaped, and Mamm pulled her into a warm hug.

  “Don’t cry,” Mamm whispered into her headscarf. “You shouldn’t punish yourself for the way you feel.”

  “But I shouldn’t feel this way. Josh is a gut man.”

  “Ya, he is, but he may not be the right man for you. If you have doubts, then maybe God is trying to show you that you belong with someone else. This might have happened even if you hadn’t seen Leon again.”

  “You think so?” Susie looked up at her mother.

  “It’s a possibility. Marriage is for life. If you can’t see yourself with Josh for the rest of your life, then you shouldn’t be with him.”

  Susie crumpled the wad of tissues in her hand. “What would Mammi say if she were here?”

  Mamm pushed another tendril away from Susie’s face. “Your mammi would tell you to pray and listen to what God is telling you.” She paused. “Your mammi took a risk when she married your daadi.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “He didn’t have a secure future. He’d had two bad years on his farm, and he owed a lot of money to relatives who had given him loans. But they were madly in love, and she believed God wanted her to marry him. The chairs he made for her as a wedding gift meant a lot because he spent the last of his money on the wood. They’re a representation of their love. He was so grateful she married him even though her family warned her not to.”

  Susie let her mother’s words marinate in her mind as she considered Josh. “I don’t think I love him enough to marry him.” She sniffed as more tears filled her eyes. “But I don’t know how to tell him how I feel. How did you feel two months before your wedding?”

  “I was elated. I threw myself into the preparations, and I dreamt about how my life would be. Some nights I stared at the ceiling and imagined what your dat and I would name our kinner.” Mamm touched Susie’s cheek. “If you have doubts, then you need to sort through them quickly and let Josh know how you feel.”

  “I don’t want to hurt him, but I also don’t want to marry him if it’s a mistake we’ll both regret the rest of our lives. I can’t imagine being stuck in a loveless marriage.” Susie took a deep breath to try to stop her tears. “What should I do, Mamm?”

  “You should ask God what the right path is for you.”

  “Will you be upset with me if I change my mind and don’t marry Josh? Will you be disappointed in me?”

  “Ach, no, mei liewe. I will not be upset or disappointed. Neither will your dat. You need to do what’s right for you and what’s right in the eyes of God.”

  “Danki.” As Susie hugged her mother, she closed her eyes and prayed. Please, God. Guide my heart and show me the right path, the one You have for me. Amen.

  CHAPTER 8

  May I help you?” Leon asked as the front doorbell dinged the following Wednesday. He looked up from the catalog he’d been perusing as Josh came down the center aisle with a hard glare on his face.

  “Ya, you can.” Josh came to a stop at the sales counter in the center of the showroom.

  Leon gritted his teeth and then took a deep breath. Get hold of yourself. He’s Susie’s fiancé, the one she chose. “How may I help you?”

  “Could I possibly speak to you in private?” Josh gestured toward the front door. “Maybe outside?”

  “Ya. Let me just get mei bruder to take over the desk. I’ll meet you out back in the parking lot.”

  “Danki.” Josh gave him a curt nod and turned to leave the way he’d come in.

  Leon headed into the back room, where Ben was making an end table. Dat was working on the books in his office at the far end of the room. “Ben, could you take over out front for me?”

  Ben removed his mask. “Sure. Why?” He closed the can of stain.

  “Josh Chupp is here and wants to talk to me. I need to go out to the parking lot to meet him.”

  “Who’s Josh Chupp?”

  Leon scowled. “Susie’s fiancé.”

  Ben’s eyes widened. “Really?”

  “Ya.” Leon started for the back door. “Danki.”

  Ben called after him, “Hey, Leon!”

  Leon spun to face his older brother, who wagged a finger his way. “I said you were treading on dangerous territory.”

  “Thanks, bruder, for pointing that out,” Leon quipped before going outside. He found Josh standing on the gravel lot with his arms folded over his wide chest.

  Despite the tension building in his own chest, Leon mustered all the patience he could and tried to adopt a pleasant expression as he walked over to face him. “What’s on your mind, Josh?”

  Josh stepped close to Leon and scowled. “I’d like to know what your intentions are with my Susie.”

  “My intentions?” Leon took a step back. “I have none, other than to be her freind.”

  Josh responded with a wry smile. “I find that hard to believe. I think you have romantic feelings for her.”

  Leon’s jaw worked, but no words passed his lips. While he couldn’t allow himself to lie, the truth would only incense Josh.

  “I thought so.” Josh poked Leon in the chest. “You need to stay away from her. She’s my fiancée.”

  “I know that, and I respect that.” Leon ground out the words as anger boiled through his veins. “But she keeps coming to see me.”

  “You have no right to take her out to lunch or talk to her even if she does.” Josh’s eyes smoldered. “You’re confusing her.”

  “Confusing her?” White-hot rage seemed to burn through Leon’s every muscle. “How am I confusing her if she’s engaged to you?”

  “You’re too close, and she needs to stay focused on her future with me.” Josh glowered as he stepped forward and jabbed a finger in Leon’s face. “Stay away from her.”

  “Josh, what are you doing here?” Susie appeared without warning, the building’s back door slamming in her wake. “You said you were going to the hardware store.”

  “I could ask you the same question,” Josh retorted. “You said you were going to the farmers market.”

  “I did go to the farmers market.” She lifted the plastic grocery bag she held. “You didn’t meet me in the parking lot, so I went looking for you. When I didn’t find you at the hardware store, I thought maybe you came here to check on the chairs for me. Ben told me you two were out here.” She set the bag on the ground and walked between them, holding up a hand to each of them as if to stop a fistfight. “Why are you arguing? Stop acting like gegisch kinner!”

  “I’m sure you want to talk to Leon—alone. I’ll be waiting for you at the buggy.” Josh glowered and then marched toward the far end of the parking lot.

  Susie’s cheeks flushed bright pink as she looked up at Leon. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know Josh planned to come here today. He said he needed to run a few errands, and I asked to go with him. I didn’t know he only came to see you.”

  Leon balled his hands into fists as he looked to where Josh had disappeared around the corner of another store. His body shook with anger. Then he looked back at Susie. “Why are you with him? What do you see in him?”

  Her eyes narrowed, reflecting the emotion he knew she’d seen in his eyes. “Do you really think that’s any of your business? Josh is a loyal—” She stopped, as though on some level she was giving up. On him? On Josh?

  “Never mind, Leon,” she said, controlled anger spiking every word. “You wouldn’t understand. You don’t know what it’s like to stick with a relationship. But Josh does. He’d never give me up like you did.”

  Leon flinched as if she’d struck him, and then he stepped away from her as his own fury flared once again. “Well, now I really do know what you think of me.�
��

  With betrayal and anguish pressing down on him, he headed inside. “I’ll see you when your chairs are ready,” he tossed over his shoulder.

  “Leon! Leon!” Susie called after him as regret crawled up her spine and dug its sharp claws into her shoulders. “Wait!” She rushed into the workroom and past his father’s office to his workstation, where her grandfather’s rocking chair lay on the floor. With his shoulders hunched, Leon stood staring at his workbench.

  “Please look at me,” she pleaded with her heart caught in her throat. “Leon, please.” She took a step toward him and fingered the hem of her apron. “You have no right to be angry when you’re the one who broke up with me!” Her words shook with the weight of her anger.

  Leon spun around, and his dark eyes glistened as his face reddened. “I broke up with you?” He pointed a shaky finger at her. “You were the one who decided we should break up! You made it clear it was over between us when I said I wasn’t ready to get married. I said we could be freinden instead because that’s what I thought you wanted. Maybe you need to think about what really happened.”

  Leon took a step toward her and tripped over her grandfather’s chair, shattering the spindles as he fell to the floor.

  She quaked inside, clutching her hands as she took a step backward. Tears stung her eyes as she shook her head. “How could you?”

  “I’m sorry, Susie! I didn’t mean to break it.” His face crumpled. “Please forgive me.”

  “You’ve ruined everything!” She hurried out of the shop through the back door, tears pouring down her burning cheeks. When her shoes hit the gravel lot, she ran as heaving sobs overtook her.

  “Leon?” Dat stepped into the shop and walked to where Leon sat on the floor, staring at the broken treasure.

  Leon covered his face with his hands and groaned as humiliation and despair became his burden. “I guess you heard everything.”

  “I did.” Leon looked up to see Dat frowning as he sat down on Leon’s stool.

  “I really made a mess of things.” Leon picked up a splintered piece of wood and shook his head. “Now she’ll never talk to me again. And to make matters worse, I destroyed her daadi’s chair. These chairs mean everything to her, and they were my only link to her.”

  “I think we can fix the chair.”

  Leon raised an eyebrow. “This is an antique.”

  “I have some antique hickory to match it.” Dat pointed to a few of the pieces. “And some of those are salvageable.” Then he tilted his head. “Do you love Susie?”

  “With all my heart.” Leon blew out a deep sigh. “But she’s going to marry someone else. I never should have let her go.” He fingered another piece of wood as a suffocating dread clogged his throat.

  “Do you still want her to know how you feel?”

  “Ya. I do. Even if she’s going to marry Josh, I need her to know.”

  “Then repair the chairs and take them to her.” Dat stood. “Stand up. I’ll help you cut the pieces of wood you’ll need.”

  Hope ignited in Leon’s soul as he stood and started assessing the damage. Maybe, just maybe, the chairs would be the legacy of love he needed to ask for her forgiveness and prove just how much he cared for her—even though Josh had won her heart.

  Susie stared at the road in front of her as Josh guided his horse down the road toward their farms. After she left the furniture store, she rushed to his waiting buggy, but so far they hadn’t spoken at all. The tense silence had hung over them like a thick, unforgiving fog, choking back her words. The only sounds came from the clip-clop of Josh’s horse and the rumble of passing cars.

  She glanced at him and took in his handsome profile. He sat rigid in the seat, gripping the reins with such force that his knuckles had turned white.

  As she considered his set jaw and hard frown, a full realization took hold of her. I’m not supposed to marry him. I don’t love him, and I can’t tie him down for the rest of his life. He deserves someone who loves him for who he is, not who I wish he was.

  Josh wasn’t the one God had chosen for her. She was certain of it, and she could feel it to the very marrow of her bones. The notion shook her, and she took in a ragged breath as tears filled her eyes and fear squeezed her lungs.

  Then as quickly as the shock of her realization had hit, a calm settled over her, replacing her anxiety. She had to tell Josh she wasn’t going to marry him, and she had to do it now. She bit her lower lip and contemplated what words would be right as he guided the horse up her driveway and to her back porch.

  When he halted the horse, he turned toward her with little expression in his voice or on his face. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was going to see Leon. You have every right to be angry with me.”

  “I’m not angry.” Her voice was steady and even, and she felt calm, as if her heart was not about to break for Josh because of what she was about to say.

  He gave a sarcastic snort. “You certainly seemed angry earlier.”

  “I was angry, but I’m not now.” She fiddled with the door handle as she took a steadying breath, and then she looked into his eyes. “Josh, I’ve realized something, and I need to be honest with you.”

  “What is it?” He swallowed.

  “I can’t marry you. You’re a gut freind, but I’m not in love with you. It’s not fair for me to trap you in a loveless marriage.”

  His eyes narrowed. “This is about Leon, isn’t it?”

  “No, it’s not.” She reached for his hand, but he pulled it away. “This is about what I want and what you deserve. I want a marriage like my grandparents had, where they were deeply in love. They also teased each other and made each other laugh. I thought those feelings would grow between us over time, but I’ve realized that probably won’t happen, and I can’t make myself feel what I don’t. You deserve someone who will love you completely, and I’m sorry I can’t be that person.” She sniffed as tears streamed down her cheeks.

  His expression was pained, and it splintered her heart. “What can I do to make this better?” he said.

  “Nothing. I’ve prayed about it, and this is the answer I feel is coming from God. We don’t belong together.” She wiped away her tears and cleared her throat against a swelling tangle of emotion. “I’m sorry you’ve invested so much in our relationship. I hope someday you can forgive me.” She leaned over to kiss his cheek, but he shifted away and faced the windshield.

  “I need to go.” His voice sounded strange to her, and he stared straight ahead. “Good-bye.”

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered before picking up her grocery bag, climbing out of the buggy, and running up the porch steps and into the house. She found her mother and sister making supper in the kitchen.

  “Susie!” Betty called when she turned and saw her face. “What happened?”

  “Josh and I broke up.” Susie set the bag on the table and dropped into the closest chair. She yanked a paper napkin from the holder in the center of the table and wiped her eyes and nose. Guilt twisted a heavy knot in her stomach.

  Mamm sat down beside her and rubbed her shoulder. “I’m so sorry. I know this is painful for you.”

  Betty sat on the other side of her and touched her hand. “Can you talk about it?”

  “It was terrible.” Susie told them everything. “I know in my heart God doesn’t want me to marry Josh. I prayed about it, and the answer came to me clearly today. But I still feel terrible for breaking his heart. The pain in his eyes nearly tore me in two.” Susie’s lip quivered. “Why does it hurt so much when I know I did the right thing?”

  “Because you care about Josh.” Mamm patted her arm. “I promise you the pain will subside over time.”

  “Ach, Susie. It will be okay,” Betty said.

  “I don’t know if it will.” She shook her head. “Josh built me a haus, and he planned his whole life around marrying me. What if he doesn’t recover?”

  “He will,” Dat said.

  Susie turned her head toward the doorway leading
to the family room. “Dat? I didn’t know you were standing there. How much did you hear?”

  “Enough.” Her father joined them at the table, sitting down across from her before taking her hands in his. “I know you’re worried about Josh, but do you believe you’re following God’s path for you?”

  “Ya.” Susie wiped at her eyes. “I’m sure of it. I had a sense of calm as soon as I made the decision to break up with him.”

  “Then trust God to take care of Josh. And you.” Dat squeezed her hand. “He has the perfect plan for all of us.”

  Susie looked at her mother. “Do you think God could give me a marriage like Mammi and Daadi had, and like you and Dat have?”

  Mamm’s lips turned up in a watery smile. “Ya, I do. Have faith.” As she pulled Susie in for a warm hug, Susie wanted to believe God would do that for her.

  But as far as she could tell, God hadn’t chosen Leon any more than He’d chosen Josh.

  CHAPTER 9

  This is your best work.”

  Leon spun toward his father as they both stood in the workshop. “I didn’t know you were standing there.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sneak up on you.” Dat nodded toward Susie’s rocking chairs, now fully restored. “You’re one talented carpenter. You’ve surpassed both your bruder and me in skill.”

  “No, I’m not even close to you.” Leon shook his head as he studied the chairs. He’d spent every free moment of the past month finishing the grandmother’s chair and rebuilding the grandfather’s chair. He’d poured his heart and soul into them, coming to work early in the morning and staying late into the evening. He prayed his effort would be enough to show Susie how much he cared for her, and he hoped she would forgive him for all the mistakes he’d made, both in the past and more recently.

  “You taught me everything I know, Dat. I could never surpass you.”

  Ben appeared in the doorway. “I don’t know. I think that’s the best carpentry I’ve ever seen.”