I Speak...Love (A Different Road #3)

by Annalisa Nicole

  Before she puts her hand down, she swats me across the gut and says, “Don’t you ever do that to me again!”

  “Ouch! Man in a hospital bed here,” I tease. She quickly leans down again and squeezes my chest in a tight hug, then sits back up. “Kate, I’m so sorry,” I tell her, honestly.

  “I’m mad as hell at you!” she says, loudly. “But, I love you,” she softly whispers, then there’s a long pause. “Even though I’m not . . .” she starts.

  Oh, hell no!

  “Nothing! And I do mean nothing will ever . . . ever change the fact that you are my sister. Mason blood runs through your veins just as much as it runs through mine. I love you. Do you hear me?”

  For the second time today, I’ve said those three words out loud, and I meant them. To say them is one thing, but to feel them wash over and heal every fractured surface, every ugly secret, every fiber of my being, is another. Kate’s eyes go wide having never heard me say them to her or anyone else for that matter. It breaks my heart that I never said them to her every single day of her life. She deserves nothing less. I will never let another day go by without telling her I love her. You never know how many more days you have to say it to them. Her face slowly turns from shocked to inquisitive.

  “When things calm down, do you think I can . . . can I see the paperwork?” she asks, picking at my hospital gown.

  “I’d like you to come to the house. We’ll sit down and look at them together,” I tell her.

  “I’d like that,” she says, laying back down on my chest, hugging me.

  Cooper walks in the room and extends his hand to me. I place mine in his, as I hold my sister tight.

  I empty my camera fund and purchase a one-way bus ticket to as far away from Malibu as I can afford. Well, I did purchase a pair of sunglasses from the dollar store first to hide my red and swollen eyes, but everything else went to the bus ticket in my hand. Nothing has ever, and I do mean ever, come close to hurting as much as all of this hurts right now. I never had a family, but of all the dreams I ever had of having one, the Mason’s far exceeded even my wildest dreams. I had no right in the first place to ever wish to be a part of something so beautiful, so pure and so wonderful.

  In the dark of night, wearing sunglasses, I sit on a stiff, metal bench just outside the bus station, clutching a ticket to a new life I don’t even want. Instead of fairy dust, I once again got the crap end of the wand with absolutely no end in sight.

  A car beeps its horn next to me, and I jump out of my skin. My hand immediately goes to my heart, then I look to my right and see Cooper’s convertible stopped at the curb. Sitting in the driver seat, waiting patiently is Joss. She leans over the center console, opens the passenger door, then sits back up straight in her seat.

  I lower my sunglasses, then stare at the open car door as she taps her thumbs on the steering wheel. I look at the bus ticket in my hand, then I look back at Joss. In my left hand is a ticket to yet another city and another guaranteed craptastic life. To my right is a woman and her family of which I have destroyed because I got greedy and selfish, and I let them get close. Her eyes come to mine, and she smiles a cheesy smile at me.

  I slip my sunglasses back up my nose and turn my head away.

  “Just hear me out. Give me twenty-four hours. That’s all I’m asking. You owe me, at least, that,” she says. I slightly turn my head back toward her and look at her out of the corner of my eyes. “I promise if you still want to leave town after twenty-four hours, I’ll drive you back here myself, no questions asked. Just get in . . . please,” she says, fanning her fingers in the air.

  I do owe her that, but she’s wrong, that’s not the least I owe her or Nina. I owe them things they could never possibly begin to imagine. They gave me a chance when no one else in this world, even saw me as a human being. They gave me a job I didn’t deserve, a home I’m unworthy of, and they always gave me their unconditional love. They opened their hearts, and they gave me the tiniest glimpse of what it feels like to belong to a family. I had that amazing gift in my hand for a fraction of a second and Lord Almighty was it amazing, but it too slipped from my fingers. Nina . . . oh God, Nina. I don’t know if I can ever face her again . . . or Kate for that matter.

  Joss gets out of the car, walks over to the bench, picks up my backpack by my feet, turns and flings it in the back seat of the car, then she walks back to the car and gets in.

  “If you’re still leaving, you’re leaving without whatever is in the backpack,” she says, pointing her thumb over her shoulder.

  That’s not exactly a threat. Everything in there all added up doesn’t equal the price of a box of tampons from the dollar store. She looks at me then realizes I don’t give a damn. She sighs, gets back out of the car, walks back over to me and stands in front of me. She quickly snatches the bus ticket out of my hand, runs back to the car, then looks at me with a winning smirk on her face.

  “You didn’t need to get back out of the car again. I had already made up my mind to come with you. I just needed a few minutes to think,” I tell her.

  This is definitely not going to be easy, but no matter what I have coming my way, I do owe her and everyone else in the family the twenty-four hours she’s asking for. I get up, walk over to the open door, get in, then close the door. She hands me back my bus ticket, then takes off and drives out of Malibu. The warm, late evening wind whips through my hair as my heart sinks to my feet. Joss pulls the car into her and Nina’s old house, then she shuts off the engine and raises the roof of the car. She reaches into her purse and removes a set of keys to the house . . . my keys, the ones with the kickass camera keychain. She opens the door, then walks inside. I follow closely behind her, but I don’t pause at the door. The questions and the answers to the three questions don’t matter anymore.

  In the hallway are several suitcases and bags. There are also three large laundry baskets piled full of Joss’s clothes. It looks like she hastily threw everything she had at River’s house inside them. I look at everything and my heart sinks again. I caused that. I destroyed Joss and River’s relationship.

  “I took Nina’s old room. You can still sleep in your room . . . your old room, I mean,” she says, looking at me.

  My backpack falls from my shoulder, the muscles in my chest constrict, and I start to cry. I close my eyes, lift my head, and mourn the pain my tortured life has caused this beautiful family.

  After a few minutes, I tip my head back down and open my eyes. Joss is standing directly in front of me with her own tears in her eyes. Her arms gently wrap around me, and I don’t even flinch. Aside from Stephen’s arms around me, I’ve never wanted a hug so bad in my life. I wrap my arms around her as we both continue to cry.

  “I’ve ruined everything. I’m so sorry, Joss,” I whisper in her ear.

  Joss pulls slightly away, looks into my eyes, then she raises her hand and wipes away my tears with her thumbs.

  “You . . .” she says, searching my eyes. “You haven’t ruined anything,” she replies. I look down the hall at her bags, then back at her. “That . . .” she says. “That has been a long time coming,” she finishes.

  “Nina and . . . and her baby,” I say, choked.

  My fingers come to my lips as they twist with the unbearable truth. I wrap my arm around my waist and feel sick to my stomach. Josh and Nina can never forgive something so heartbreaking. They lost not only an emotional piece of their heart, but a physical piece from each of them as well. I upset her so much to the point she had a miscarriage. I can never look her in the eyes again. They will always see me as the person who killed their unborn child.

  “Oh, Maddy . . . God, no . . . Nina and the baby are just fine,” Joss assures me.

  “What?” I whisper as snot runs down my upper lip.

  “The doctor wants her to take it easy, but both momma and baby are perfectly healthy. Honey, you didn’t think you . . .” she asks, bending down to catch my eyes.

  Instant relief fills my soul. I can live with my
self for a lot of things, but being the reason Josh and Nina lost their baby was one I could never forgive myself for.

  “Kate,” I say.

  Kate is the first best friend I’ve ever had. I’ve hurt her, and she has every right to hate me.

  “Kate’s fine. She’s not mad. She’s hurt by Stephen and rightfully so, but she understands that’s not on you. She realizes Stephen should never have put you in that position in the first place. Even though Stephen hurt her by keeping something from her that she had every right to know, she’s not mad at Stephen either,” she says.

  “She’s not?” I ask.

  “They’re family. Families fight, they do things, they say things, but they always . . . always come back to each other no matter what. That’s the best part of being in a family. You, honey, you’re a part of that family too. When a family is in crisis, it brings them closer together,” she says, running her hand down my arm to my hand.

  None of these people can possibly think of me as family after everything I’ve done.

  “What about you?” I ask.

  She’s been a part of this family longer than I’ve been in this town.

  “When Kate still lived in River’s pool house, he said and did a lot of things that upset me. He acted like a complete ass at times. Like family, when Kate forgave him, I did too. We talked about it, and he assured me his family meant everything to him, including me. When he attacked Stephen, I saw a side of him I’ve never seen before, and it scares me. When Stephen started seizing, and I still saw that rage in River’s eyes, it killed me. I don’t know what the future holds for him and me,” she says, twisting the engagement ring on her finger. “It’s late, and I’m exhausted. Promise me you’ll still be here in the morning?” she asks.

  “I promise,” I assure her.

  Joss walks down the hall, grabs a bag on the way to Nina’s old bedroom, opens the door, then closes it behind her. I look around the dark house I’ve called my home, and I don’t recognize the life I had only two days ago.

  I walk into the bedroom I once called mine, climb into bed with my clothes still on and like Joss in the room next to me, I cry myself to sleep.

  The next morning, I’m woken by loud noises coming from the family room. It’s not just Joss either. It’s a lot of noise and commotion. I climb out of bed, open the door, and see everyone fluttering from the kitchen to the dining room table. The entire family is here, except I don’t see River or Stephen. The second my foot hits the hallway, everyone stops moving and talking. All eyes come to me, then they all shift directions and look to my right. They all looked like a bunch of kittens watching a beam of light move from one end of the room to the other. Before I can process the situation, Stephen steps out from around the corner. A ton of conflicting emotions hit me all at once, then relief completely fills me when I see how good he looks. Aside from a nasty bruise on the side of his head, you would never know he was in the hospital just yesterday. I can’t help it when my eyes start to sting, and they fill with tears. A beautiful, crooked smile slowly climbs up his lips, then he places one foot in front of the other until he’s standing directly in front of me. He smells like earthy cologne, and my right hand begs to touch the rough stubble low on his jawline. He takes my hand in his, then leans forward and brushes his chin against my cheek. His rough stubble scrapes against my smooth skin, and I close my eyes.

  He buries his nose in my hair, inhales deeply, then his lips whisper, “Sweetness,” in my ear.

  That nickname . . . God, it’s like heaven in my ears, and I was so sure I’d never hear it again. Chills race from the bottom of my feet, up my spine, to the top of my head.

  “Come on you guys, breakfast is getting cold,” Nina calls with a smile.

  Stephen gently rests his forehead on mine, then he looks into my eyes and smiles. He places a soft kiss on my cheek, then he whispers in my ear again, “Two wrongs don’t make a right, but two broken people do. I love you, Maddy Malone.”

  No one has ever said those words to me. No one has ever loved me before. My chameleon is broken. Even though all my painful, disgusting colors are spilled at my feet, he still wants to love me.

  Stephen backs away, but looks deep into my eyes, smiles at me, then leans down and softly presses his lips to mine. My hand finally gets its wish. I raise it to his cheek and scrape my palm down his cheek as his lips warmly move over mine.

  “Can I talk to Maddy before we eat, Lover Boy?” Nina asks, standing next to us.

  Stephen winks at me, then squeezes my hand. He continues to hold on to my hand as he starts to back away, but before my fingertips leave his, my face falls, and I stare at our joined hands. He stops and grips them firmly. The vision of my camera and everything else good in my life always slipping from my fingertips crashes through my thoughts like a runaway freight train. Before his fingertips can leave mine, he pulls me toward him making me take a few steps forward. My body crashes into his, then he gently takes my chin in his hand and watches as my thoughts swirl around in my eyes.

  “I told you I wasn’t good for you. I wasn’t lying. I’m not. You have nothing to worry about though, because I have every intention of not being good for you for the rest of your life. I want to steal your breath every time you feel me looking at you. I want to hijack your heart and keep it all to myself. I want to rob you of every single one of those insecurities running around behind that beautiful, freckled forehead. I want to bum a ride on your emotions as they wildly churn in your green eyes. I want to be the brick wall you crash into when your chameleon needs to change colors. I have every bad intention toward you. So you see, there’s nothing good for you here. You can stay. Maddy, I want you to stay,” he says, closing the distance, placing his lips on mine.

  He pulls away, lets go of my hand, smiles that crooked, sexy smile, then walks to the table. I’ve never heard anything so romantic in my life. I look away from Stephen to Nina. She’s looking at me with her mouth hanging open and a dumbfounded expression plastered all over her face. The chills racing over my skin are quickly replaced by goosebumps.

  “I’ve never heard Stephen say so many words at one time before, but holy shit that was the hottest, strangest, most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard,” she says, then she gets a serious look on her face. “Maddy, I need to apologize to you. I’m so very sorry. I said some pretty horrible things to you yesterday that I didn’t mean. I don’t know where they came from or what made me say them. I’d like to blame pregnancy, but . . .” she starts.

  “No, Nina . . . I’m sorry,” I interrupt.

  She starts giggling, and I’m not quite sure why she’s giggling, but it’s contagious, so I start giggling too.

  “We’re both sorry,” she says, then she leans in and gives me a hug.

  And just like that, her hug doesn’t kill me either. I pull away and look down at her beautiful baby bump. I missed it at the hospital because she had a pillow in her lap. Nina takes my hand and places it on her belly with a huge smile. At that exact moment, her very much alive and healthy baby kicks my hand.

  Nina walks to the table with a peaceful look on her face while she takes her seat next to Josh. He wraps his arm around her shoulders, then he places a kiss on the side of her head. He gently rests his hand on her round belly, then he looks at her adoringly. I remember that look. It’s the same look my dad had for my mom when she was pregnant.

  Kate is sitting to my right while Sadie sits slouched, resting her body against the back of her chair. Cooper firmly pats Sadie’s side, then her loyal, chocolate brown eyes connect with his. Joss comes out of the kitchen with one final plate, sets it on the table, then has a seat. Kate reaches over and takes my hand, threading her fingers through mine. I look down at our hands while I experience something I was so very jealous of for far too long. That connection with Kate that I never thought I was worthy of feeling fills my chest as Kate smiles at me.

  Maddy silently slips into the chair next to me, then she looks at the empty chair next to Joss where R
iver should be sitting. I know she blames herself for his absence, but River has no one to blame but himself for his actions. I don’t know where he is, but with Josh here, he has no ride. I lace my other hand through Maddy’s fingers and offer her a supportive smile. My heart is full. In each of my hands, I hold the two most important women in my life.

  “Let’s eat. The baby is hungry,” Nina says.

  “So, I’ll be seeing you at my yoga classes from now on, right?” Kate asks, squeezing my hand, then she lets go. “Doctor’s orders,” she says, as she takes a plate of fruit from Josh.

  “Yep, I think I booked all of your six AM beginner classes,” I say, glancing at Maddy out of the corner of my eye.

  Maddy’s eyes immediately come to me when she realizes what I just said. If I have it my way, that bus ticket sitting on the kitchen counter will go in the trash, and she’ll be joining me tomorrow morning and every morning after that for yoga classes together.

  I take the fruit from Kate, then all eyes go to the front door as it suddenly swings open. River takes a step inside the house, and Maddy immediately smiles. Josh’s chair scrapes against the hardwood floor as he quickly gets up, then he walks over to him. Josh takes his elbow, guides him to the empty chair at the table, then he sits back down next to Nina.

  “River,” Kate whispers.

  “How did you get here?” Josh asks.

  “I took a cab,” River answers.

  “You took a cab?” Joss asks, shocked.

  “I’d move heaven and earth to be with my family for breakfast,” he replies, placing his hand on the table palm up next to Joss.

  Joss looks down at his hand, then her eyes come up and connect with Maddy, and they begin to fill with tears.

  “Will you all excuse me, please? I’m not hungry,” Joss says, then places her napkin on the table and stands up.

  River’s right hand quickly comes off the table, and he gently wraps his fingers around Joss’s wrist before she can walk away.