Midnight Sins

by Lora Leigh

  “If I lost you, Cami, it would destroy me.”

  She blinked back at him.

  He said it so seriously, as though the words were torn from a place so deep inside himself that he wasn’t certain where they came from either.

  Cami swallowed tightly. “What do you want me to say?” She was suddenly terrified. Terrified of herself and the emotions she suddenly felt being torn from deep inside her.

  She’d kept parts of her locked down for as long as she could remember, definitely since she had lost their child. But even before that, there were hopes, dreams, needs, and desires that she’d refused to allow herself.

  “You seem so surprised,” he murmured as he stopped in front of her. “Why do you think I arranged to meet you in Denver all those years ago? Why do you think I tried so hard to give you the time you needed to make that first move, to come to me, to be sure you wanted me, Cami? To be sure you’d tasted freedom and were ready to accept everything I felt for you? Everything I need to be with you?”

  She shook her head, staring up at him, at the blaze of emotion in his eyes, at the truth of everything he was saying.

  “We can talk about this later,” she forced the words past her lips.

  “Because you’re terrified to hear the words? Tell me, kitten.” His hands cupped her cheeks, forced her to keep her gaze locked with his. “Has anyone ever told you they loved you?”

  Had they?

  She’d known Jaymi had loved her, but had she ever said the words?

  She hadn’t, Cami realized.

  “Mother,” she whispered.

  When she had been younger. Before Mark had decided she was such a threat.

  “I love you, Cami.”

  She flinched.

  Something seemed to shatter in her chest. A wash of fear, followed by a blaze of heat and an outpouring of emotion that dragged a sob from her chest and left her trembling in front of him.

  “Don’t lie to me,” she burst out, her voice as shaky as her knees now. “Please, Rafe. Please don’t lie to me. I couldn’t survive it.”

  “Have I ever lied to you?”

  He never had, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t. It didn’t mean he couldn’t change his mind later.

  “No, you haven’t lied to me,” she whispered as she felt that first tear ease from her eyes. “I couldn’t bear it if you lied to me now, Rafe.”

  His head lowered, his eyes locked with hers.

  “I love you, Cambria Flannigan,” he whispered. “To the very depths of my soul. You’ve bound my heart since you were seventeen years old and didn’t have a date for the prom, and I’ve only grown to love you more each year.”

  Her breathing hitched. Another sob shook her.

  “Cami?” he questioned her gently as his lips touched hers. “We both know you feel it. Aren’t you going to tell me you love me too?”

  Her lips trembled.

  “I love you,” she suddenly cried, feeling the tears as they began to run down her face, the love as it finally broke free inside her, pouring into the light, refusing to allow her to ignore it any longer. “Oh God, Rafe, I love you so much.”

  His arms wrapped around her as he jerked her closer. His lips covered hers, his body surrounded her, and the warmth and strength that was so much a part of him encompassed her. She felt warm, heated.

  For the first time in her life, Cami felt warm from the inside out.

  CHAPTER 25

  The day seemed to fly by.

  For the first time in her life, Cami felt as though she were walking on air. There was no fear that dawn would come and force her to leave the man she loved. There was no fear that if she stared into his eyes too long, then she would see the same lack of emotion that she had seen in the eyes of the man who had called himself her father.

  For the first time, Cami felt loved.

  She felt wanted.

  And for the first time the love she had carried so carefully inside her heart, kept wrapped and hidden away from harm, could emerge, be free, and she did not have to worry that the emotions that drew it free would turn on her and destroy her.

  She’d lived her life in the shadow of Mark’s hatred, her mother’s inability to deal with reality, and her sister’s death. Still, Cami had held that dream inside her, that hope, and an endless well of love for one man. That love had always remained steadfast, living, breathing, and waiting for the day it could emerge.

  But there was also the knowledge that there was no true security, not yet.

  There was still that unseen threat that made no sense and the shadow that haunted her, no matter how she trusted in Rafe’s ability to protect her. As she had said, even the Callahan cousins had to blink eventually. Returning from the grocery store that evening, she couldn’t help but fear the day the other shoe would drop.

  When that unseen threat would make its move and destroy the life she had dreamed of having.

  If that threat hadn’t reared its head, then neither had Amelia. That was another worry that followed Cami through the day, as she wondered why her friend hadn’t slipped into the house yet and why she hadn’t found a way to contact Cami and let her know what was going on.

  It had to be important or Amelia wouldn’t have taken the risk she took the day before.

  “I’m going to go shower,” Cami told Rafe as he put away the bacon, eggs, and other items his cousins seemed to thrive on.

  It was growing dark, and Cami knew if she didn’t try to keep her nerves at bay, and her fears from taking over, then she would end up going after Amelia herself.

  Making her way up the stairs, Cami wished she’d been smarter, perhaps not so willing to ignore the fact that Sorenson was such an asshole.

  She simply hadn’t expected him to search through her things, though. Even more, she hadn’t expected him to read that particular journal. It was almost as though he had known exactly where to look for it.

  Sighing at the futility of her thoughts, she pushed her bedroom door open, stepped in, then as the door cracked closed whirled around in shock and fear.

  Dark brown eyes that watched her carefully, short brown hair, a tattoo on the back of his hand, and extending from the grip he had on it a weapon lifted and aimed for her heart.

  Lowry Berry.

  “Didn’t expect to see me, did you, Cami?”

  That was the voice. Low, evil, rasping with dangerous intent as he stepped from the wall, reached over, and locked the door securely. Cami stared at the weapon.

  “How did you get in?” She could feel terror rising inside her.

  “I have my ways.” His smile was soft, hesitant. That boyish, apologetic charm that had fooled so many for so long.

  “Don’t do this, Lowry,” she whispered as the teacher stared back at her, the dark brown of his eyes heavy with remorse. “Why did you even come here? Whatever you’re involved in, I didn’t know anything about it and I don’t care.”

  “And you wouldn’t have recognized my voice either, would you?” he asked regretfully, the little Texas twang in his voice sounding dark and sinister now rather than friendly and a bit shy as it had the night he had asked her to dance at the Spring Fling Social.

  “You were calling?” She knew it was him. The minute she had swung around and seen him, she had known.

  “Your sister knew too.” His voice dropped further as Cami felt her heart fall to her stomach.

  She could see it in his eyes. That silent admission that he was the reason Thomas Jones had managed to take Jaymi.

  “What did you say?” No, this couldn’t be true. Lowry had been Jaymi’s friend. She would have trusted him. She would have felt safe with him.“I didn’t have a choice, Cami, just as I don’t have a choice now.” He took a step toward her as she stepped back.

  “You’ll never get me out of this house, Lowry,” she warned him roughly, tears thickening her voice. “Rafe will be up here any minute. And even if he isn’t—”

  “I got into the house, didn’t I? I got in, and I slipped rig
ht up the stairs while y’all sat in the kitchen chitchattin’ about your whys and your whens. And all these years, those boys never figured Jaymi was given to Thomas for the sole purpose of framin’ them just enough to get their asses thrown in prison.”

  She was going to throw up.

  She could feel it roiling in her stomach, thickening in her throat.

  “How did you get in?” Her entire body was shaking, trembling in fear and in anger.

  His smile was gentle as he looked around her bedroom.

  “I like your room,” he said, staring around. “The soft cream and smoke color of the walls with the heavy, dark brown winter curtains.” He tilted his head and looked at the furnishings, the bedcovering. “Feminine softness without the prissiness,” he sighed. “Jaymi wasn’t like that, was she?”

  Cami shook her head. The delay would give her more time, and it would give Rafe more time to get upstairs.

  “She was girly to the bone.” Lowry smiled in reminiscence.

  “What did you do, Lowry?” Cami whispered tearfully.

  She couldn’t believe he had done something so cruel. That he could have been involved in Jaymi’s death.

  He had been her friend. She had dated him a few times. They had always laughed that he was the brother fate had taken from her.

  “What do you think I did?” he asked Cami softly.

  A sob jerked at her body, stealing her breath for a precious moment. “You helped Thomas Jones kill her, didn’t you?”

  There was no hiding from it. And there was no denying it.

  He nodded slowly. “I picked her up. Jones was waiting for me. I was to take her to him, just like I did the other girl. The one Crowe was fucking. That lobbyist’s daughter that he met at a party the week she died.”

  “I didn’t know about her.” Keep him talking. She had to keep him talking.

  “Not many people did know about her. But once they were on trial for murder, then she would have been brought up.”

  “By who?” And why? There were so many questions, but she wanted to keep him talking, right here, right now. She was not leaving the house with him.

  “Now see, I don’t know that.” He shook his head as he moved to the dresser next to the door and leaned casually against it, as though it were simply a casual conversation as he kept the weapon trained on her. “I get a picture and my orders and I do what I’m told.”

  “But why, Lowry?” she whispered again, this time desperation shadowing her voice. “Why would you betray your friends this way? Who could possibly make you hurt the people who care about you?”

  “The person who knows that even though I can’t kill my friends, I won’t take the chance of going to prison if the cops find out that I’m the one that raped those three teenagers in Aspen the year Jaymi died, and at least two a year ever since. And I can tell you, Cami, I wouldn’t survive prison.” He straightened and waved the gun toward the door before coming back to her. “Now, you be quiet. Real quiet. There’s this little bug in the kitchen, and I listen through here.” He pulled an earbud free before tucking it back into his ear. “Your friends are still in there, but I’m not betting they’ll stay for long and we need to get out of here.”

  “Why?” Her breathing hitched. “Where are you taking me, Lowry?”

  “Because I don’t have a choice,” he sighed. “It’s what I was ordered to do, and I can’t ignore the order.”

  “Why?” she whispered desperately. “Who has such a hold on you that you would do something so evil?”

  Sorrow darkened his eyes. “I don’t know who he is,” he said regretfully. “I just know he was Jones’ partner. He’s the man that’s going to kill you, Cami.”

  Like hell he was.

  Did he think she was going to give in without a fight? That she would just lie down and die for him with a warning like that?

  “Was Jaymi that easy, Lowry?” Cami asked, confused by his demeanor and the fact that he had managed to kidnap her sister.

  “She missed her husband an awful lot, you know,” Lowry commented softly. “I think she knew. And I think preferred dying to living without him. But she didn’t know who would kill her until we arrived at the clearing and I had to help Thomas tie her down.”

  He blinked quickly.

  “Tears from a murderer?” Cami sneered suddenly. “From a child rapist without a conscience?”

  His lips trembled. “I lose sleep.” It was a whine. It was a childish attempt to make himself look better, though he knew that wasn’t possible. “I feel guilt, Cami. I hear her telling me, though, that she was happier in his arms. In her husband’s arms.”

  “You’re hearing your own demented wishes,” Cami cried out as he flinched, then looked around wildly as though expecting Rafe to suddenly materialize.

  “Shut up,” he hissed, fury blazing in his eyes.

  “Shut up?” She laughed, a broken, hollow sound. “Why, Lowry? Why should I shut up? Why should I obey you when you’re going to kill me anyway?”

  Her lips parted to scream.

  “Lowry?” Cami swung around as Amelia stepped from the bathroom.

  There were tears on Amelia’s cheeks; her emerald eyes were filled with pain and with betrayal.

  Lowry hadn’t been just Cami and Jaymi’s friend. He had been Amelia’s as well. He had helped her and Cami evade curfews when they were younger and slip out when they were grounded.

  Since Jaymi’s death, he had been too distant to aid in anything. He’d withdrawn, and now Cami knew why.

  Lowry stepped back, shocked, as Cami watched the gun in his hand carefully.

  He didn’t know whether to aim it at Amelia or aim it at Cami. It swung wildly between the two of them as his dark brown eyes grew even wilder and a sense of helpless bafflement tightened his face.

  “You’re not supposed to be here,” he hissed.

  “But I am here.”

  Staid, buttoned-down. This was the Amelia who had broken Cami’s heart for the past three years.

  Amelia’s long hair was bound at the back of her head, a thick bun that gave her a schoolmarmish appearance. Sensible shoes, no jewelry. Strangely, she wasn’t even wearing her wedding band.

  “You’re not supposed to be here.” Lowry gave his head a quick shake, his lips tightening as anger began to burn in his gaze.

  No, that wasn’t just anger. It was demented rage.

  Cami stepped back farther, her intent to get to the door on the wall closest to her.

  It looked like a closet, but the door led instead into another bedroom and then out into the hall.

  “If you fire that gun, Rafe and his cousins will hear it,” Amelia pointed out. “Is that what you want?”

  “Do I have a choice?” he asked as something akin to resignation flashed in his eyes. “We could have done it the easy way.” He turned his attention back to Cami now. “Now, we’ll just have to do it my way.”

  His finger began to tighten.

  Cami felt the scream that tore from her throat as the bedroom door crashed inward in that second and Rafe came hurtling into the other man. His body much taller, heavily muscled and controlled, Rafe took the other man down as the first shot rang out.

  Cami looked around, desperate, terrified of where that bullet had gone and whom it had struck.

  Amelia was thrown back against the wall, eyes wide, her palms flat against the wall. Logan and Crowe were running a second late behind Rafe.

  It was as though hell had opened up and poured a crazed strength into Lowry. He should haven’t been strong enough to resist Rafe’s pure, possessive fury. Yet Lowry was. He fought back, kicking and screaming and pouring out his hatred of Cami as he fought the man determined to save her.

  At first, it looked as though they had to pull Rafe off, that for whatever reason, he was unable to get to his feet on his own. Then, Cami saw the damage.

  She stepped forward, one foot, one step, a sob tearing from her throat as Rafe rushed for her, pulling her into his arms as his hand went
to the back of her head to hold her against his heart.

  “Ah God, Cami.”

  “How did you know?” she cried, her arms locked around his neck as she fought to hold on as tight as possible, to pull him into her skin if there was any way she could do it.

  “Crowe had a receiver up here, baby,” Rafe answered, his voice raw, torn. “Thank God. He put the receiver up here earlier. The minute I saw the voice activation was blinking I knew—” His hold tightened on her. “Oh God. Baby. I was almost too late. I was almost too late.”

  She held on to him, certain that if she let him go, if she let her arms release him, let him out of her sight, then she would find out it was all a dream and once again she would be alone.

  So alone.

  Her hold tightened.

  She couldn’t be without him again.

  She couldn’t allow herself to waste so much as a single moment that they could be together.

  She had lost so much time. She had nearly lost him.

  “I love you,” the words tore from her lips as the sobs finally escaped.

  More than twelve years of holding them inside, of telling herself it didn’t hurt so she could survive. Seven years of loving him, of aching for him, of realizing that nothing, that no one, could ever touch her, hold her, kiss her as Rafer did.

  And she could never love anyone as she loved him.

  “Ah, Cami.” Pulling his head back, he rested his forehead against hers, staring down at her, his gaze so dark, so filled with emotion.

  And that emotion had always bound them.

  That bond she hadn’t been able to decipher hadn’t been so hard to figure out; she just had to allow herself to get past the denial. The denial that she had lost their child, that she had lost her dearest friend, and the knowledge that if she lost Rafe again, then like Jaymi, she wouldn’t want to live.

  She believed that. How many times had she heard Jaymi whisper that she didn’t know if she could wake up another morning without her heart?

  And now, Cami understood. She knew what her sister had felt, how she had loved, and knew that if she had nothing left of Rafe to hold on to, no reason to get up every morning, then she too would wonder just how much longer she had to wait.