by Kelsie Rae
“Yeah.” I take a deep breath, slightly nodding my head. “Or at least, I think I’m getting there.” Luke sends a small smile across the table, encouraging me to continue.
“It’s hard, you know? And I’m sure it won’t stop being hard, but I’m okay.” I shrug one shoulder. “I’m having a baby and, even though I’m terrified, I’m excited too. I’ve always wanted to be a mom, and now I have the opportunity. It was like Adam’s last gift to me, or something. At first I thought it was a curse, but…” I shake my head slightly, “I can’t wait to find out if it’s a boy or girl.”
Luke’s smile begins to grow, until it’s covering his whole face. He squeezes my hand tightly.
“You’re going to be the best mom, Liv. Seriously. I’ve never seen a more incredible woman, and I can’t wait to see you in action.”
I blush at his compliment, lost in his intense gaze.
“I’m here for you, Liv. Always.” Luke squeezes my hand reassuringly.
I nod my head again. “I know.”
Luke
Last night was incredible. It couldn’t have been more perfect. The show was awesome, and the company was even better.
It almost felt like a date.
And that is the problem.
We’re not dating. At. All. This girl has more baggage than most people can carry, but that’s not the problem. The problem is how much I want to help her hold all of it. I can’t let myself get tangled up in her again. I can’t.
I don’t think I’d survive a second time. Scratch that. I know I wouldn’t. This girl broke my heart and doesn’t even have a clue.
I need to go see my girlfriend and forget all about the girl of my dreams. I need to leave those feelings in the past. Where they belong.
She doesn’t need me to make her life any more complicated than it already is.
We’re just friends. That’s all she’s ever seen me as, and that’s all she ever will.
I definitely need to call Trish.
Chapter Eight
Liv
I lied.
When I said I was cool with Trisha spending the night in the room across the hall, I definitely lied.
It’s been two weeks since our night out, and I guess Trisha got sick of being banned from the apartment. Or maybe Luke finally took my awful advice and invited her over.
Regardless, I’m lying awake in bed, and I can’t help but hear them going at it like rabbits.
Seriously, with squealing, and thumping, and squeaking. Ok, maybe not exactly like rabbits. It’s more moaning than squealing, and the squeaking is from the bed, not them. But you get the idea.
I’m pretty sure my cheeks couldn’t get any redder. And these damn pregnancy hormones are not helping the situation. It’s not like I’m getting laid anytime soon, and I’ve been pretty okay about it until I can hear what I’m missing out on from across the hall.
I can’t help but notice the time, giving Luke a mental high-five for his stamina. And then, after realizing I just mentally high-fived my best friend for his bedroom prowess, I throw the covers over my head, even more embarrassed.
How am I going to face them in the morning? Do I ignore the situation? Comment on their performance? Maybe make a few suggestions that might enhance their experience? Uh…never mind. It sounds like I won’t need to make many of those.
Gah.
I throw the covers off of me. This is ridiculous. It’s 3:00 am, and I need to sleep. Luke needs to sleep. I feel like his mother. “Sorry honey! Curfew! Time to finish up and go to bed now.” I laugh dryly, knowing his mother has no idea how sexy her son is.
Wait.
Did I just say Luke is sexy? Nope. Not at all. These hormones are seriously messing with my brain.
I put the pillow over my head and try not to think about my not-sexy best friend doing it down the hallway.
--
The next morning I stumble into the kitchen in my sleep shorts and tank top, my hair a disheveled mess, and grab a glass of orange juice. My baby belly is finally starting to show now that I’m about halfway through my pregnancy. While gulping down my OJ, I hear giggling coming from down the hall.
Seriously? Again?
I roll my eyes as Luke’s bedroom door opens and Trisha walks out.
Oh. Apparently, there’s no round three for today after all.
Bummer.
She sees me at the kitchen counter and smiles. It almost looks genuine. “Morning, Liv. How was your night?” She’s definitely not as hostile as when we first met. I have to give her points for trying. I know it can’t be easy sharing your sexy boyfriend with his high school best friend.
See? There’s that word again. I have got to stop describing him that way.
“Just lovely,” I say, as I try to maintain eye contact and not look too uncomfortable.
Her olive skin tinges with pink. “Oh no! I am so sorry if we made you uncomfortable!”
Well, so much for trying to look laid back.
I open my mouth to reply as Luke walks into the room, his hair still damp from a shower. He must not have had time to shave. I can still see his scruff from yesterday. He has a white t-shirt on and dark jeans that hang low on his hips.
He looks good. Really good. Apparently, sex is great for his beauty regimen.
I’m caught with my mouth hanging open as Luke smirks at me.
“Morning, Liv.” He gives me a little head nod before turning to Trisha. “Ready to go, Babe? I don’t want you to be late.”
I have no idea what she’s late for, but I suddenly hope her car breaks down on the way.
“Yeah, let me just get my stuff. Bye Liv!”
I wave awkwardly in the open kitchen. She grabs her purse and heads toward the front door as Luke trails behind. I try to stay focused on my orange juice, but I see Luke’s strong arms wrap around her waist from the corner of my eye. She giggles again as Luke buries his face in her hair and kisses her neck. Trisha tilts her head to the side, granting him more access. I find myself staring for what feels like an hour, but surely must’ve only been a minute.
I think I might be sick.
Turning all the way around, I face the hallway instead of the make-out session by the front door.
I can feel my cheeks heating and decide to go hide out in my room. I pause mid-step, hearing the front door close. I’m not sure if Luke decided to walk Trisha to her car or not until I hear his footsteps on the dark hardwood floors.
I don’t know why I feel like I just got caught doing something I shouldn’t have. It’s not like I was spying on them or anything, but I suddenly have a strong desire to blend into the cabinetry. Unfortunately, my hot pink tank top makes for horrible camouflage.
“Whatcha doin’?” Luke asks with a sly grin.
I’ve been caught. Doing what? I’m not exactly sure, but my cherry-red face is back with a vengeance.
“Nothing. I was just going to go take a shower,” I say, speaking into my OJ glass, refusing to look at him. As I move to walk past him, he gently grabs my arm, preventing my escape.
“What’s going on, Liv? You were the one who wanted me to invite her over here.” His voice is teasing, but his eyes aren’t. I can tell his question isn’t rhetorical. Why am I struggling with this? It’s not a big deal. He’s never been one to shy away from PDA.
While Adam and I were together, Luke always had a revolving door of girls joining us for movies, date nights, high school dances, and the list goes on. I’d caught him, on multiple occasions, in compromising positions. It had never really bothered me then. Why is it bothering me now?
It must be those damn pregnancy hormones. That’s the only conclusion I can come up with.
I shrug the shoulder he’s still gripping, but he doesn’t remove his warm grasp. I hold his stare before licking my lips and whispering, “It feels different than before.”
His eyes zero in on my mouth, neither of us moving. I suddenly recognize how close we’re standing. I can feel his warm breath on my face and can
practically taste the mint from his toothpaste on his lips. His other hand gently slides over my hip, turning me to face him more fully, our eyes never breaking contact. His thumb slips under the hem of my shirt and slowly glides across the sliver of exposed skin.
I know I should feel embarrassed for my proclamation, and I do. I have no idea where that came from, but I can’t make myself break the spell that’s come over us. I feel as though a dam is about to burst, and I’m not sure I’ll survive the wreckage.
There’s a knock on the door, causing us both to jump. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one enraptured.
He clears his throat, releasing my arm before opening the door. Goosebumps erupt on my body from the loss of his heat.
“Hey Baby. I forgot my cell.” Trisha walks over to the mocha coffee table and grabs her phone, her heels clicking on the floor. She turns around and pulls Luke in for another steamy kiss before walking out the door.
I squeeze my eyes together tightly, then rush down the hall to the sanctuary of the bathroom.
A hot shower is exactly what I need.
Or maybe a cold one.
Luke
Why do I feel guilty right now? Especially when it’s for all the wrong reasons. I wasn’t trying to shove Trisha in Liv’s face.
I wasn’t.
I was trying to put Liv back in the “friend” box, which is where she needs to stay.
The problem was how Liv looked when I walked in the kitchen after Trisha exited my bedroom. And the look on Liv’s face when she saw me kiss her goodbye. That wasn’t a friendly, ew, kissing is gross, face. That was an, I’m jealous that wasn’t me, face.
And her confession? I felt as though she’d punched me in the stomach with her fragile little fists. What did she mean by that? “It feels different than before?” I wish I could read her mind, though I’d probably just be even more confused.
And that thing that almost happened afterward? That wasn’t when I felt guilty. That was when all felt right in my world. She felt so perfect in my hands, her bare skin warm beneath my fingers.
Until I remembered the simple fact that she isn’t mine.
And she never will be.
Chapter Nine
Liv
“Would you like to know the gender?” the ultrasound technician asks kindly.
Luke and I are at my 20-week appointment. I’m officially halfway through my pregnancy, and the baby is measuring perfectly healthy. I’ve been debating through the entire pregnancy so far whether I want to find out if my little bun is a he or a she. I don’t know why I’ve been so hesitant to find out. Maybe it’s because it will make my situation more real.
I’m also not sure what gender I’m hoping for. If I have a baby boy, will I just see Adam every time I look at him? And if I do, is that a bad thing? Or will it prevent me from ever moving on? Who will teach him to throw a ball or tie a tie? I don’t know how to tie a tie! How do I not know how to do that? I’m sure there’s a video on YouTube, right?
But what if it’s a girl? She’ll never know her father. She’ll never have someone to threaten her boyfriends with a shotgun, or teach her how to drive. I mean, I know how to drive, but isn’t that a dad thing? What if she turns out like my mother-in-law?
Shit. I think I’m hyperventilating.
Luke squeezes my hand and brings me back to the present. I look around the sterile room and at the black-and-white picture of my unborn child on the screen. I listen to my baby’s thumping heartbeat echo across the otherwise silent room as the ultrasound technician waits for my decision.
Once again, I look to Luke for answers. He always knows what I need.
He’s The Liv Whisperer, remember?
I’m overwhelmed, and I’m sure Luke can feel my anxiety rolling off me in waves, as well as seeing it on my face.
Luke slightly nods his head at me, silently acknowledging my indecision, before turning to the technician. “Could you write it on a piece of paper, and she can decide later if she wants to read it or not?”
I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding.
See? The man is a genius.
“That’s a brilliant idea,” I say, smiling at him.
--
Luke guides me out of the doctor’s office after insisting on two copies of every ultrasound picture. I asked him why, and he just shrugged it off like it was no big deal, changing the subject like he always does.
He guides me out the exit with his left hand on my lower back, and holds out his arm for me to grasp once we step into the chilly air. It’s cold for October, and the leaves are changing. It’s one of my most favorite times of the year. I can feel the cool breeze through my coat as I cling to Luke’s bicep for warmth, resting my head on his shoulder.
It’s nice having someone to lean on, both figuratively and literally.
The last few years were hard on Adam and me as he was finishing up school. I often went to bed and woke up alone. He was always studying for a test, a quiz, or an exam, or working on a paper, midterms, finals… you get the idea. I knew it wouldn’t always be that way, but it was draining. Sometimes, late at night, I would lie awake wondering if the loneliness would ever end.
We were so close to finishing and moving forward to a happier time. It feels like my dreams slipped through my fingers.
I cling to Luke harder, praying he doesn’t slip away, too.
--
The next morning I’m sitting at the kitchen table eating Captain Crunch while wasting time on Facebook. Trisha exits Luke’s room, saying goodbye as she grabs her purse.
I wave my spoon in her direction, unable to verbalize my goodbye with my mouth full of cereal.
I look back at my phone before Luke pulls out the chair beside me, the legs scraping against the floor. He grabs the Captain Crunch box and sticks his hand inside, grabbing a handful and shoving it in his mouth.
“I sure hope you washed your hands after last night’s activities,” I tell him sardonically.
He rolls his eyes before talking with his mouth full, “I don’t know why you don’t just buy the Oops! All Berries kind. Who likes the yellow squares, anyway?”
I grab the box back from him, pouring myself another bowl. “I like the yellow squares,” I tell him. “And why don’t you learn to buy your own damn cereal?” I ask with a cheeky grin, letting him know I’m teasing.
He grabs it back from me, pouring cereal straight from the box into his mouth. A few pieces land on his shirt. After chewing for a few seconds, he says, “I do buy my own cereal. It’s just not as good as yours.” Luke smiles, his teeth covered in breakfast cereal. He picks up a piece from his shirt, throwing it in my direction.
I catch the cereal in my mouth, crunching it loudly. “Touché.”
“So, what are your plans for tonight?” Luke asks after swallowing his Captain Crunch.
“Not much. Maybe Hocus Pocus if I’m feeling extra spooky.” I wink at him.
It’s Halloween, and I obviously don’t have any plans.
“You want to come hang out with Trish and me?” Luke asks as he kicks his feet up on the chair opposite him.
I snort. “Yeah, I’m sure Trisha would love me being the third wheel.”
He bounces his eyebrows up and down. “Well, she’s always wanted to try a threesome.”
I choke on my bite of cereal, unable to stop coughing.
I’m sorry…can you repeat that?
“Geez, Liv. I was kidding! If I knew you were that into it, I would’ve mentioned it sooner!” Luke teases, patting my back as I continue wheezing.
I take a swig of milk from the carton, then gasp for air. It’s usually one of my pet peeves, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
Once I catch my breath, I hit Luke in the shoulder. “That’s disgusting, Luke! And I’m pretty sure my belly would just get in the way, anyway.” I start rubbing it playfully, while giving him a saucy grin.
Luke and I used to play a game kind of like “chicken” in high school. We
would always try to embarrass the other one by flirting and making inappropriate jokes. The first one to blush or cave to the uncomfortableness was the loser.
Luke has always been the dirtier one, so I almost never won, but sometimes the stars would align, and I would get the best of him. I feel like today might be one of those times.
His eyes narrow, and he licks his lips. “I’m sure we could get creative.”
I bite my lower lip, trying to contain my laughter as I take it a little further. “Let’s try some right now. If you’re not too busy.” I give him a smoldering look, making sure my voice is breathy.
“Sweetheart, I got all morning,” Luke says with a cocky grin.
I place my hand on his thigh, leaning in. I look up at him through my long upper lashes before licking my lips. “Good. Let’s get started,” I whisper, closing in on him.
His right hand grasps the side of my jaw, his fingers tangling in my hair. His left hand lands on the arm of the chair, leaning on it as his face inches closer.
My eyelids start to get heavy as I glance at his luscious lips.
We’re so close I can practically taste the sweet cereal on his tongue. I notice I’m holding my breath.
I forget the game we’re playing, silently begging Luke to lean a little closer. I bite my lower lip, unable to handle any more torture. His thumb gently pulls it from between my teeth, inching closer until our lips are nearly touching.
Is it hot in here? I feel like I just might catch fire from his molten gaze alone.
That is, until Luke smirks once more, dropping his hand from my face. “I win,” he says, grabbing a yellow square from my bowl and popping it into his mouth. He acts as though he didn’t just turn my entire world on its axis in a few short minutes.
I swallow loudly. A blush creeping up my face.
Dammit.
Luke
My morning conversation with Liv definitely brings back memories. The best kind of memories. I love being able to flirt with her, hiding my true feelings behind a sorry excuse of a game of chicken.
That girl has no idea.
I’m freaking proud of my self-discipline though. Resisting the urge to kiss Liv when I feel like that’s exactly what I was made to do. I can still feel her silky skin in my hands. I can taste her breath on my tongue. She would taste so sweet, and she looked ripe for the picking.