Never Hold Back (First Responders #2)

by JA Essen

  Sitting down on the back of the open surveillance van, I watch as members of the FBI team assist the other three captive girls from the building. The one that was brought in tonight seems shaken, but none the worse for her short time there. The other two, however, look even worse than Rachel. There’s no telling how much longer they were held.

  After they are checked out by the team medic, he looks back at me and points. Slowly, I watch the two girls rise up from their seated positions, each take an arm, and start walking very gingerly on shaky limbs toward me. When they make it to our position, they both smile weakly at me before the brunette speaks.

  “You’re Zander?” Her eyes are sunken and dark, the toll of her captivity heartbreakingly obvious.

  I nod my head, “Yes ma’am.”

  She slips off the FBI member’s assist and places her arms around my neck. I wrap my right arm around her back as she starts to sob. In a whisper, she begins, “She never stopped believing. Never once gave up hope. She knew you would come for her, for all of us. Thank you.” With a small peck on the cheek, she releases the hold on my neck and walks away again with the help of the FBI member.

  As I watch her and her companion load up into the waiting SUV, I look up to the sky wondering if it is about to rain when I feel the wetness on my face. The night is clear and the moon is bright. Weird. When I feel Rachel using her thumbs to wipe at my face and I hear her sweet voice, I finally understand.

  “Don’t cry, Zander. It’s all over.” Taking my face between her cool hands, she kisses each of my closed eyes. “Take me home, baby.”

  Fifteen

  Rachel

  “Who are you? What do you want? No! Don’t touch me! Zander help…” I struggle against the two men, kicking and squirming with all my strength. It just isn’t enough. Suddenly, a hand flashes across my face, holding a rag to my nose and mouth. It smells funny, like sweet red wine and newspaper. My head starts to spin and…

  “NO!” I holler as I sit up in bed, arms flailing and pulse racing. I take a swing at whoever is trying to hold me down.

  “Rachel, it’s okay. Calm down. You’re safe. It’s me, Zander.” My heart is still racing and my eyes are wild with fear, but seeing his face, even as tired as he is, placates me and brings me back to reality.

  “Zander, I’m so sorry.” That all too familiar sensation of heat and water fills my eyes as it does nearly every night. “I’m so sorry I woke you again.”

  “Baby it’s fine. You need me here by your side more than I need sleep. I’ll never leave you unprotected again.”

  I slowly sink back down into the bed, my bed, as the surroundings become more familiar with each passing second. Zander and I have been back home in Santa Barbara for about ten days now I think. The IV’s and absolutely repulsing nose feeding tube were removed two days, ago and I was allowed to leave the hospital. I’ve been transferred home under private care and psychological supervision.

  That last part is what really gets to me. I mean, I understand the need for it, but reliving it over and over again to get past it, to me at least, seems like it’s doing more damage. The nightmares come every night, whether it be the initial abduction as happened tonight, or the fear of the rescue before we knew that that’s what it was. I’m utterly broken. I don’t know how Zander stays by me every night.

  I can only imagine the stress he is under and the guilt he feels. He still apologizes to me every day for not being there, for not hearing my cries for help. We both have so much to work through.

  The true saving grace has been my parents. I was worried to death at how they were going to treat Zander. They’ve been nothing but understanding and caring, so grateful to him for everything that he did to bring me back safely to California. To bring their only child home in one piece. Or at least as close to it as possible.

  I have my second meeting with the psychologist late this morning. At least I think it’s this morning. Glancing over at the clock I see that it is indeed three in the morning.

  Feeling this way is by far the worst part of it. I was only held captive by the members of the Sinalon Cartel for less than a week, but being home now for a week and a half and seeing no end in sight for the fear and nightmares…

  They tell me it will get better with time, counseling, and support from loved ones. Right now I’m taking it day by day.

  ZANDER

  These nights with Rachel are killing me, but no matter how much she begs and her parents plead, I’m not leaving her side. I let my guard down once, and it nearly cost me everything.

  I’ve temporarily moved into Rachel’s house, more specifically her room, and I’m not leaving until the nightmares cease. She has her second meeting with the psychologist this morning and…

  “Rachel, it’s okay. Calm down. You’re safe. It’s me, Zander.” Another nightmare.

  I do my best to control her flailing arms and nearly get decked in the process. It’s easier to deal with when I’m already awake and semi-cognizant. Two nights ago, when we were first released from the hospital and came back to her home, I took a shot to the jaw when she was struggling to regain consciousness from her nightmare.

  “Zander, I’m so sorry.” I can see the hurt in her eyes. She’s struggling to hold on, but she knows it’s no walk in the park for me either. I hide it all deep down inside as best I can, but it still seeps through from time to time.

  “Baby it’s fine. You need me here by your side more than I need sleep. I’ll never leave you unprotected again.”

  Later today, when she’s gone to her psychologist, I’ve agreed to start seeing a grief counselor to work through my issues with the situation. We both have a long road ahead of us, but I know, I have faith that we can get through it so long as we do it together.

  The one silver lining, shining light, whatever you want to call it, is that when I put in my leave of absence from the force, the Chief gave me my notification letter that when I come back, there is a brand new desk position waiting for me. My hard work finally paid off, and I have been made a detective with the Santa Barbara PD.

  I thank God every night for Alex, Special Agent Eads, and the entire FBI team. Without their combined efforts, well, I don’t even like to think about that what-if. I’m eternally in their debt and grateful for their help.

  Sixteen

  Zander

  August

  “Dammit woman, how many more trips in and out of this condo am I going to have to make?” I’ve been unloading the supersized U-Haul van for what seems like an eternity as I struggle through the door with a heavy as hell footlocker type of thing. “What did you do, pack up half of your house in here?”

  “Oh hush! I swear you act like such a baby when you have to do some actual work.” She licks the ice cream off her spoon and sticks her tongue out at me as I drop the behemoth in the living room.

  “And where would your highness like her chest of treasures?” I cut my eyes to slits as I mock her.

  “There,” she points to our bedroom, “will be fine lowly servant.” She waves me away with a flourish.

  Grumbling as I walk away, the chest gets added to several other similar ones on the far side of the room. Placing my hands on my lower back, I stretch and pop out all of the stiffness. When I walk back out to our living area, she’s accepting the last bag from one of the movers and tipping them.

  Walking ceremoniously back to the couch, she lays her garment bag across the arm of the chair, “See, I helped.” She cocks her head, looking very coy.

  “What the hell am I going to do with you?” I run my hand over my face and across my beard.

  “I don’t know,” she pulls her lacy tank top up and over her head, revealing her breasts and perky nipples, “but if you’ll come over here, I’ll show you what I’m going to do to you.”

  Kicking my shoes off, I saunter across the room in my bare feet, “Isn’t it improper for commoners to mingle with royalty?”

  “You know, you’re right. Get on your knees!”


  Oh boy.

  “Kiss my feet.” She points at her wiggling toes.

  I do as commanded.

  “Now here,” she makes a mark on her right inner thigh.

  I drag my nose up her leg and nip at the tender flesh.

  “And here,” she repeats the mark on the other leg.

  I draw my face up and over the bottom of her extremely short shorts and take another nibble with my teeth on the opposite thigh, earning a small yelp.

  Grabbing a handful of my hair, she pulls my head back, and makes a no-no shake with her finger.

  “Behave, or I may not let you come.”

  Okay, that’s enough.

  “Fat fucking chance of that.” I grab her jeans, undo the snap and remove them briskly. Running the width of my tongue up her core, I flick her clit with the tip, causing a shiver, and I watch as her legs are covered in goosebumps.

  “I thought I was…”

  I cut her off short as I spin her around and land a solid smack with my hand across her ass. “I think I’ve had enough orders from her highness. Now, quiet,” I press her forward, hands on the arm of the couch, and bring my palm up between her legs with a light smack on her pussy, “or I’ll ball gag you… again.”

  Not removing my hand from the impact, I curve two fingers upward and easily slide into her slickness. There’s a sweet intake of breath from her as I begin to slowly glide in and out of her, my other palm planted firmly across her back, keeping her bent in place.

  I begin to pick up the pace. “You like that baby?”

  “Oooh,” and a head roll is all I get.

  “Well if two fingers leaves you speechless,” I undo the tie on my workout pants and drop them to the floor, “then I can’t imagine what this is going to do to you.”

  Grabbing my cock, I line up from behind her and slide the head up and down her burning core, spreading her wetness before I punch inside.

  She arches her back up, “Holy fuck, Zander!”

  “That’s more like it.” I press her back down again and begin a punishing rhythm, drawing nearly all the way out before slamming back in; over and over again. It only takes seconds before I feel her quivering begin.

  “You son of a bitch!” Her body clamps down on me, betraying her desire to hold out. “Oh fuck me, I’m coming!”

  “Yeah baby, come all over that big cock.” I thrust hard and fast, causing her to lift up onto her tip toes. When her body finally concedes and she’s flat footed on the floor again, I pull out. “Okay, my turn.”

  Settling onto the couch, I pat my legs for her to come and sit down. Facing me, Rachel climbs up and I have to hold her by the hips to keep her shaking limbs from buckling under her. Grabbing my throbbing cock, she centers it up and sinks balls deep onto me; my eyes roll from the intense heat and wetness now engulfing it.

  She does her best to try and ride me, but her orgasmic high has her still feeling like Jell-O. “Zander, baby, I just can’t.”

  “Don’t even worry about it.” Placing a hand under each side of her ass, I slowly raise and lower her on my aching cock. “Lean into me. I want those tender tits in my face.”

  Sliding my hands up her back, I grab her by the shoulders, nuzzling my face in between her breasts. Using my hips, I rock in and out of her tight pussy, my balls painfully needing to find a release, and me denying them as I continue to edge myself.

  “You smell so fucking good babe. I could just stay like this for hours.”

  “You think so, huh?” She eyeballs me, realizing what I’m doing. “Un-uh. You didn’t let me play for long, so you sure as hell don’t get to hold out.”

  Planting her knees on either side of my legs, she puts her palms on my chest and begins bouncing up and down on my cock.

  “Mm, that’s nice.”

  “Shut up and grab my tits dammit!” She smacks me playfully across the cheek.

  Not one to argue, I take a nipple with each hand and twist.

  “Fuck that hurts so good, Zander.” Her pace increases and so do her mewls of pleasure.

  She clamps down on me with her hot pussy. “You’re still taking the pill, right?”

  She nods her head while biting her lip with her eyes closed.

  “Good thing,” I groan deeply, “cause I’m coming!”

  “Yes, Zander. Fuck, yes. I’m coming again.”

  She stills on my cock as her orgasm floods through her, and my cum fills her. The two of us flop over sideways onto the couch, a tangled mess of arms, legs, and sweat covered bodies. “Should we…”

  “Shh, don’t ruin the moment.” She puts her fingertips to my lips. “Just lay here and hold me.” She wiggles around, putting her back to my front. I drape my arm over her and pull her deep into me, filling any void there might have been between our bodies.

  I can’t believe how lucky I am, and how deeply this woman loves me; something that I was sure was a one-time only find in life. Boy was I wrong, and I couldn’t be happier about it. Now, I just hope I don’t do anything to fuck it up.

  As the afternoon begins to fade, I can feel my body begin to drift away toward slumber. Before I lose the moment, I whisper into her ear I hope one day you’ll marry me, even though I know she’s already asleep.

  Shifting her hips against me, she whispers back, good luck trying to stop me.

  Epilogue

  Rachel

  Why the fuck did Macy and Seth think that a beach wedding in October was such a great idea? It’s so unbelievably humid, Zander is going to have to peel me out of this damn bridesmaid dress.

  I look across the aisle at my beautiful, perfect man, looking sinfully sexy in his black and white tux. I run my tongue along my upper teeth behind my lips, wishing I was running it along the underside of the head of his cock instead. Damn how I love to tease that man; and how he teases me.

  It’s been a long row to hoe, but Zander and I have made leaps and bounds over the past four months. When that quack of a psychologist finally released me with a clean bill of health, the first thing I did was move into the condo with Zander. That was two months ago, back in August. I still get the shakes every once in a while, but I know Zander is lying there in bed with me, every night, and there is nothing he won’t do to keep me safe.

  As I’m playing googly eyes with Zander, Raven, his sister, elbows me from behind. “Hey, who’s that beautiful, long haired, blue-eyed guy standing in front of Zander?”

  “That’s Seth’s best friend, Sebastian. He and Seth went to college together. I think he’s a paramedic up in the San Francisco area. Why?”

  “He’s really dreamy. I may be all about the ‘V’, but I’m not gonna lie. I’m kinda curious how all the soft blonde stubble on his face would feel between my thighs while I held all that man-bun up, wrapped around my fist.”

  “Raven!” I say louder than I should, drawing attention to us. I slant my eyes from side to side, waiting for all the eyes on me to relax. “You are completely, and totally hopeless.”

  “Sorry. It’s the moonshine talking.”

  I look at her like are you fucking kidding me? “Seriously?”

  “All the bridesmaids were passing a mason jar around before the ceremony. Well, all but one.” Raven cuts her eyes, accusatorily at me.

  I point across the aisle at Zander. “Do you really think I could pass up an opportunity to shag ‘Detective James Bond’ over there?”

  “Eew, that’s my brother you’re talking about.” She shivers over exaggeratedly.

  “Next time, save a swig for me.”

  She gives me a wink. Lowering her voice and leaning into me, she continues. “So, is it really that big of a deal?”

  “What are you talking about, Raven?”

  “Dick. Cock. Pecker. Cum-gun. The heat seeking moisture missle.”

  I hold up my hand to stop her before I split a gut at her choice of descriptions. “Wait. So you’ve never even tried it?”

  Slowly and deliberately, Raven shakes her head side to side.

  “F
uck, sweetheart, you have no idea what you’re missing out on. Dildos and vibrators are no substitution for the real thing. I don’t care how talented your girlfriends have been with their strap-ons.” I keep my voice as low as possible. The last thing I need is a scene between me and Raven before the Wedding March begins to play.

  “Well,” Raven continues, “I think I may just be drunk enough to find out. Looks like I’m making a new friend after the ceremony.” Whispering once more she finishes, “I’m gonna need the keys to your Audi. You know, since the back seats lay flat and all.”

  “Jesus, Raven.” I shake my head, but reach into the cleavage of my dress and pull the remote of from my bra. “You know those things squirt, right? I better not find any evidence left later.”

  Handing over the remote to my future husband’s baby sister, she grins a mischievous smile, much like I do when teasing Zander. “Thanks, sis. I think things are about to kick off.” She stuffs the remote down between her ample breasts, and as I turn back to Zander, looking very quizzically at me, the trumpets begin the tell-tale introduction sounds of the Wedding March. Seth’s brow is sweating as I give him a smile and as we both look down the aisle, Macy, my best friend forever is waiting to become Mrs. Avery.

  I’ll give Zander until the end of the year. IF he hasn’t put a ring on my finger by then, I’ll turn the tables and ask HIM to marry me. If the past several months have taught me anything, it’s to never hold back on anything. You want something? Go get it. No one else on this planet is going to do it for you.

  About the Author

  I’m 35 and live in Texas where I run a restaurant 5 days a week. I have been married to my amazing wife for going on 12 years and have two great little boys who keep us on our toes. I started writing last year after my wife, Author Marie James, had been doing so for a year. I enjoyed writing short stories in middle school and high school, so I thought I’d give it a whirl. After reading her books, along with three of my other favorite authors, MNever, CJ Roberts, and JA Huss, I began writing romance and erotica.