Say I'm Yours

by Michaels, Corinne

  “I don’t need you. I don’t need this. I’m movin’ on, and you should, too. You had all the time in the world to make me yours. You pushed me away like you always do, and givin’ you another chance won’t change who you are, Trent. It won’t make this work, because if we haven’t been able to fix it by now, we never will.”

  Trent’s eyes fill with hurt and then it shifts to resolve. “You love me. I see it. I feel it.”

  “I do love you. But I love myself more. I’ll see you around.”

  * * *

  “D o you even remember why you love him?” Emily asks from the couch.

  She’s been living in Nashville the last three years, and I miss her terribly. I’m happy for her, she’s doing amazing things and is a fantastic singer. After Presley left Bell Buckle, Emily and I grew very close. Now, she’s so busy with the country music scene, I barely ever see her. Emily has been there through it all, though.

  She knows the answers to her question, but I know what she wants me to do.

  “Because he’s a good guy. I know it’s easy to forget with all the crap over the years, but it’s more about how he made me feel when things were good. And then today!”

  “Today?”

  I told her a little about the store, but I left some parts out.

  “Yes, he knows me, Em. He knows all the stupid little things, and then he said all this stuff . . .”

  “Like what? What does he know that makes him so hard for you to walk away from?”

  “He knows I love black licorice. He knows I hate funny words. He knows my heart!” I sound desperate, even to my own ears.

  “I think I just threw up in my mouth. Who the hell likes black licorice?”

  I lift my head and stare at her. “You know I eat a bag a week!”

  “I never knew you liked that. It’s gross. No one likes black licorice. It’s the Halloween candy Mr. Meyer gave out and we all threw away.”

  I groan and grab the bag, popping my favorite candy in my mouth. “How have you known me since I was seven and not know my favorite candy?”

  She shrugs. “I might have tried to block it out because . . . eww?”

  “You’re ridiculous.”

  “And you like nasty candy!”

  “Not the point.” I trade the bag of candy for my glass of wine. “My point is that Trent knows these things. He isn’t all bad. There was a lot of good. I miss the good. He’s the only man I’ve ever seen by my side.”

  She grabs her beer and shakes her head. “Look, I know there’s always one guy that makes us stupid. Hell, I think if Bobby ever came back to town, I’d marry him because I’m that dumb, but Trent has hurt you, Grace. A lot. He’s also failed you in ways that left you broken.”

  The need to defend him is still strong. “And I’ve hurt him!”

  She slowly places the bottle on the table. “How? By makin’ him be an adult?”

  Emily is always on my side, and if I’m honest, I did things to hurt him. I would ignore him, push him, fight with him for no reason because he wouldn’t give in. More than that, I let him treat me the way he has.

  “I’m just saying he wasn’t the only one doing the hurtin’. Plus, he does this stuff because I let him for so long.”

  “Okay, sure, but tell me why it’s worth all the hurt? Why the hell do you let yourself go back? Because I’ve seen the tears. I know that you love him, and I know he loves you, even if his foolish pride won’t let himself say it. But why? Why do you love him?”

  This isn’t the first time Emily has tried to get me to see the writing on the wall. It isn’t the first time that I actually have. I’m not sure how to explain what it is about him. It’s deep inside me.

  “Because when he allows himself to let me in, it’s beautiful. He has the greatest capacity for love. He does the most selfless gestures. Trent would run through a burning building to save someone.”

  “I know that. All the Hennington boys are good deep down, but tell me why you think you keep holdin’ on,” she pushes.

  I take a moment to let all the good things that I’ve shoved so deep, rise to the top. The things I try so hard to forget because they make it easier to overlook the bad. Over the course of almost twenty years, there have been some fantastic moments with him.

  “When I was fourteen and didn’t have a date to the dance, remember when Johnnie stood me up?” Emily nods. “Trent didn’t hesitate to run upstairs and put on his suit. His mama didn’t have to urge him. He went because he saw I was cryin’. There was the time that my horse died, and he stayed in that stall with me for twelve hours as I cried. He never complained once, he held me in his arms as I fell asleep. The first time we made love, he made sure I was comfortable, safe, and took care of me.” I shift in my seat and rest my head back. “I know it sounds so dumb, but I remember how he held my eyes as we connected. We were just barely adults, but it felt like something else completely.”

  “And recently?”

  I close my eyes and try to hold back the tears. “When my sister died, do you know that Trent stayed with me for two weeks? He took time off, drove me out to Baileyton, helped with the arrangements, he was by my side every step. I didn’t have to worry, because he was there.”

  “I remember.” Emily’s eyes grow sad. “I know he held you together.”

  “He did more than that. He took care of everything. Not once did he complain when I was a mess. Not one single word was said that wasn’t to support me,” a tear falls. “I lost my world that day, and Trent made it a little easier. He held my hand, kissed my tears away, he gave me everything I needed, and I never had to ask. He knows me inside and out.”

  It feels like a long time ago, but it wasn’t. Five years ago, my sister was taken from us. She could’ve had it all. She should’ve, but she married a man who I begged her to stay away from. William spoke with his fists, and he talked a lot. He broke the beautiful girl I played dolls with and turned her into a shell of a woman.

  Scarlett was almost defiant when it came to him, though. She saw only what she wanted and ran off as fast as she could. We begged her to listen. Daddy hated William the minute he laid eyes on him. Said he could see the anger in his eyes and that, one day, it would boil over. Scarlett thought she could save him. In the end, he killed her.

  “Do you know that Trent was the one who found William?” I ask.

  “I do.” She grabs my hand and holds it tight. “I remember that even though he wasn’t the sheriff there, he got in touch with his friends and made sure they found him.”

  “He promised me that he’d find a way to fix it if he could. He was so sure. I fell so deeply in love with him that week.”

  “Scarlett chose Bill. She loved a man who was all wrong for her. Maybe—”

  My blood pressure spikes as my eyes snap to hers. “Trent has never raised a hand to me!”

  “I know! I never said that, honey. Calm down. I’m saying that while Trent has never physically hurt you, he hasn’t been gentle with your heart.”

  I take a calming breath and slow my heart rate. I know what she’s trying to say, but comparing Trent to Bill isn’t even close to okay. He may have hurt me but never in that way. He would rather die than raise a hand to me.

  “I’m sorry I freaked out,” I say to Emily.

  “I didn’t mean for it to come out like that. I was just sayin’ that sometimes our hearts lie to us about what’s really goin’ on. I think we want to see the good in everyone, and it can cloud our judgment.”

  “I don’t know what changed inside him, but he became so angry at everything. The fun, sweet, sexy man I knew disappeared. The more I tried to push him to talk to me, the more he pushed me away. The more space I gave him, the more he took until it felt like there were oceans between us.”

  I would break things off only to find him on my porch, begging me to give him another chance. I would give in. I know the real Trent Hennington. The guy who sits on the dirty ground while his girlfriend cries. The man who drives four and a half ho
urs to identify your sister’s body and then creates a manhunt for the husband who beat her to death. He stands by your side when you need him. He’s tender, strong, sweet, broody, and so much more.

  He was just never fully mine.

  We’d have good runs where he would be the guy I love. We’d laugh, watch television, ride horses, and make love for hours. Then something would shift when we got too comfortable again. His entire attitude would eclipse the sun that was in his eyes and leave only darkness. I could almost watch the change happen.

  No matter what I gave him, it wasn’t enough to pull him out.

  I swipe the tears that fall as I remember the bad times. “I wish I could save him. I wish I was enough for him to want to be saved.”

  Emily takes a long sip of her drink. “I think Trent is in a lot of pain. I don’t know why. I don’t even think his brothers know, but until that man comes to some kind of epiphany, he’s only going to hurt you, honey. Who knows, maybe you goin’ out with Cooper Townsend will be the thing that drives him to wake the hell up.”

  Which brings me back to my emergency text that I needed Emily to come here for a girl’s night in. Angie and Presley are great, but they’re all family . . . to everyone. Presley is obviously going to be on her brother’s side, well, I’m not sure which brother now. Angie is going to side with Trent because that’s the side Wyatt will land on. I’m like the lone wolf here. I need a pack. I need Emily and her advice in my life more than ever.

  “I should cancel that date. It isn’t fair,” I say, thinking about Cooper.

  “Hell no you shouldn’t! Look, Cooper knows damn well how you feel about Trent. Don’t be fooled, Grace. There isn’t a living person in this town that doesn’t. If he wants to test the waters, I say give it a chance.”

  “It’s just dumb! I am clearly still all messed up inside.”

  Her voice rings of disbelief. “I think you’re makin’ up any excuse you can.”

  “And what about when Trent finds out?” I push.

  Emily’s grin spreads across her face. “Well, won’t that be too bad for him.”

  He’s going to lose his mind. Full-on nuclear attack will ensue.

  “I don’t know . . . I feel like it’s a slap in his face.”

  Emily rolls her eyes. “We come from a small ass town. There aren’t many men floatin’ around Bell Buckle. He has to expect this, and if he doesn’t, that sucks for him. As for your other lame bullshit about hurting Cooper? He’s a grown ass man and fully capable of decidin’ for himself if he can handle it. A very fine grown man, I might add. I guess it’s really a matter of if you’re willin’ to take a chance.”

  * * *

  “G race ! Your phone is ringing!” Mama calls from the kitchen where my purse is sitting.

  She dragged me shopping all over Tennessee for the day. Now, I’m carrying in all the bags and antiques she found. I don’t mind doing things like this with my parents. They’re both getting older and if my helping with shopping and driving makes her life a little easier, I’ll do it.

  Plus, I know the more I’m around, the happier she is. My mother having to bury her baby was the hardest thing she ever did. Scarlett’s death broke my parents’ hearts. I want to help mend them a little. Scarlett was who wanted to own the store in town. I think it’s why my mother refuses to part with it.

  “Grace!” she calls again.

  “I’m bringing the bags in! Give me a second, Mama!”

  “Trent was over by Macie’s when I was visiting with her yesterday,” she informs me as I set the last bag on the counter.

  “Okay.” I’m not sure where this is going. She practically shoved me over to the Townsend’s house a few weeks ago. Now she wants to talk about the Henningtons?”

  “I’m just sayin’ is all. Trent was there.”

  “I’m not with Trent, so what he does is really none of my business.”

  I should’ve known that her not mentioning this wasn’t going to last long. She removes a few things from the bags as she smiles. “I know, sugar. Cooper and his mama talked when we got back from Mexico. He said you two were going out.”

  And there it is. The reason there’s no such thing as a secret in this town. Cooper told his mother, who told my mother, who told Macie, who probably told Trent, and we go down the list. I’m pretty sure the mayor two towns over knows.

  “As friends,” I inform her.

  “I always thought Cooper grew into a fine man. I didn’t know you two had feelings for each other.”

  My mother and her crew are brilliant at finding out what they want. They’re able to twist you up so you say whatever you didn’t realize you were holding in. I’ve learned, as have all the children of their group, to offer nothing. I don’t know what Cooper and I are, which is technically nothing since I haven’t even been on a date with him yet. The only thing I know is that if I do tell her, we’ll be talking for eight hours and I’ll never be ready for tomorrow.

  “It’s new, Mama.”

  She looks at me with a grin. “Vivienne said he’s had thoughts about you for a while now but didn’t want to cause a stir.”

  “Mrs. Townsend said that?” I ask.

  “She sure did.”

  Great. My mother and Presley’s mother are thick as thieves. If these two are scheming, I’m in so much trouble. It’s not like I haven’t fallen victim to my mother and her posse before. Plenty of times, Presley or I would get caught in the middle. I hoped to avoid it, but it seems clear the town busy bodies are going to be in the epicenter of my relationship. I need to move the topic along.

  “Mama?” I draw her attention. “Why do you think Trent and I couldn’t ever make it work?” Macie Hennington tells my mother everything. If there is something, maybe she will finally tell me. “Because I want to not love him anymore. I want to find a way through all this hurt and be happy. I’m not sayin’ it’s with Cooper.” I look her in the eyes. “I thought I’d be settled by now. I’m tired of the back and forth with Trent. So, if you know something . . .” I pause and drop my gaze to the counter. “I’m beggin’ you to tell me.”

  She walks around the counter and touches my cheek. “There are some things love can’t fix. Trent is a good man. He has a good heart and a kind soul. You know I think nothing but the best of him.”

  I nod. “I do.”

  “I also think it’s time you let him go, baby. I think you’ve loved him for a long time, and if he loves you like I think he does . . .”

  “You think he loves me?” I ask with a twinge of unwelcome hope.

  Her hand drops from my face and her fingers twine with mine. “I think you know he does, which is what keeps you hangin’ on. I also think you know that he ain’t ever going to change his ways. You have options, sugar. Choose wisely.”

  Chapter 4

  Trent

  “T he fuck she is !” I scream at my brother.

  “Relax!” Zach pushes against my chest as I try to get out the door. “You need to calm the hell down.”

  “Relax?” I huff and move his hand. “You’re telling me to relax? I didn’t see you calming the hell down when Presley returned to town. I don’t think you’d be sayin’ anything close to that if she were dating someone else!”

  It’s only been a few weeks, and she’s already going out with another guy? I just saw her in the damn store, and she failed to mention it. Bullshit. It’s total fucking bullshit.

  On top of that, it’s not just any guy. No, it has to be someone I grew up with. One of my friends. Unreal. And what the fuck is Cooper thinking? He knows my and Grace’s history. He knows that Grace is mine. “I’m going to kick his fucking ass!”

  This is how it’s always been with us. We break up because I’m being an idiot and then I win her back. Never has she dated someone else. And neither have I. There is no way I’m going to stand idly by and allow this shit to happen.

  “Trent.” Zach tries again to break through my internal rage. “You can’t expect her to wait around for you. You
fucked this up too many times. We all tried to tell you to get your head out of your ass. She has a right to be happy.”

  “Are you tryin’ to help me or piss me off?”

  “Neither. I’m being honest.” He grabs his beer and takes a swig. I hope he chokes on it.

  “Take your honesty and get the hell out of my house.”

  I swear to Christ. My brothers may be my best friends, but they’re also assholes. Whatever happened to brothers being on each other’s sides? When did we decide that we were going to take the enemy’s side? Mama didn’t mess around when we were kids. She taught us to always have each other’s backs. No one messed with the three of us. I always felt being a Hennington was the greatest gift I received, but right now, I want to strangle my brother.

  “I’m fine right here.” He leans back farther. “I think you need to hear it. You’ve been stringing that girl along since she was in high school.”

  We may not be together right now, but Grace is the only girl I’ve ever cared about. She’s the only one who gets me. I can’t lose her, and I sure as fuck can’t watch her date another man—not in my town where they will be in my face every day.

  I grunt and move around the room. “How can she date Cooper of all people? My fucking friend? They both had to know this would be way over the line.”

  “It’s good to see you care so much.”

  “What the hell does that mean?”

  “It means you had your chance, and you blew it. It means that you don’t get a say in who she moves on with. If you wanted a say, you should’ve listened to her. I’m surprised that you’re so surprised.”

  He’s right. I know that, but it doesn’t help me at all. I know she thinks it was all a game to me, but it never was. I loved her the minute I kissed her. Grace saw my demons and never looked away. She wanted me to let her in. She begged me to try, but I couldn’t. I still can’t. There’s something deep inside me that doesn’t allow me to go forward. I tried to move past it. I even thought about marrying her and raisin’ a family, but each time I got close . . . I couldn’t.