by Sarah Hoss
“When I arrived on the scene and saw the woman lying on the ground, the only thing I could picture was my mother laying there. The hair was the same color and length. They were about the same size.” She shrugged her shaking shoulders and swallowed, her throat becoming tight, “I couldn’t help myself.”
Mr. Walker steepled his fingers together and pressed them against his lips as he listened.
“I don’t know what came over me and I’m sorry.” Tenlee waited for him to speak.
“You know as well as I do what came over you. Guilt. You still wonder if it had been you who had arrived with the flight crew at the scene of your mother’s accident, if you could have saved her. Am I right?” He arched a bushy eyebrow at her for emphasis.
“I don’t know.” She lied. She did know. Those exact same words played over and over in her mind for almost a year now.
Tenlee watched him drop his hands on the desk. He looked at her for a moment before getting out of his chair and walking over to a small fridge in the corner of the office. The severe cut of his brown tailored suit framed an older athletic body and oppositional attitude. She always thought it made him seem standoffish. Everyone who knew him well though, knew better. Mr. Walker was more of a father figure to anyone who worked for him. He bent down to retrieve two root beers.
“Hawkins, you are one of my best nurses. I have always been able to count on you to perform your job and do it well. But I cannot excuse today. Every second is precious when it comes to dealing with life and death.” He sat back down in his chair and handed her the soda.
He thought for a moment and paused on his next words. “Do you want to know what I think?”
Tenlee nodded. The cold feel of the can soothed her, a complete contrast to the way she felt sitting in the chair.
“I think you feel guilty for switching shifts and not working Christmas day—for arriving too late to help your mother. We’ve seen the reports and both of us know that no matter who had been there, your mother would not have lived.”
Tenlee paused opening her root beer. Tears filled her eyes, and she looked away from him. Her throat closed and her heart ached at his words. He spoke the truth and she knew it. But that didn’t make the pain any less or the guilt go away. Having someone voice out loud what she knew to be true in her heart felt like a slap in the face, and Tenlee’s cheeks heated and stung. Guilt rippled through her like waves on an ocean.
An uncomfortable silence filled the room for a moment before he spoke.
“I am placing you on paid administrative leave for one month. During this time, I suggest you set up an appointment with the hospital’s counselor. You need to speak to someone.”
She took the tissue he handed her and wiped away her tears. “Please don’t,” she pleaded. “I need to keep working.”
“I’m sorry, Hawkins. I really am. I think this is something you need to do. Call me in a month, and we’ll see what steps to take next.”
Tenlee stood and thanked him. Her chest ached with the inability to take it all in. It was hard enough to deal with her mother’s death, now she had to deal with the fact that she couldn’t work. A feeling of inadequacy washed over her.
Walking out of Mr. Walker’s office were the hardest steps she had ever taken.
Her life felt like it was falling apart, and she didn’t have the strength to stop it.
Chapter Four
Returning to the hospital a few days later, Tenlee sighed. She needed a few things from her locker. She also wanted to know how the handsome stranger was doing. Thoughts of him plagued her. Who was this mystery man and how did he end up in her woods, injured and coatless?
Co-workers greeted her as she passed them by. She smiled and nodded her head in response, but her mind was on one thing and that was the patient on the third floor.
The nurse at the front desk had asked her all the pertinent questions, but Tenlee had nothing to add. She had no idea who he was, didn’t know about insurance, and had already explained to everyone how she’d come to find him. She harbored a few questions of her own, but couldn’t ask them until he woke.
Standing outside his door on the third floor, she paused. She reached for the door handle, but she let her hand fall to her side.
She should go home and let the hospital deal with him. But something tugged at her conscience, and she couldn’t leave him alone—at least not until his family had been located.
Pulling the door open quietly, hoping not to disturb him, Tenlee peeked in. The man slept, and his chart hung on the end of the bed. She picked it up and looked it over. Finding his vitals were good, she was satisfied that all the tests had come back clean. Someone had been watching out for him, that’s for sure.
Gently placing the chart back, she turned and went to find a nurse.
“Janine, are you tending to the patient in room three-twenty-six?”
Janine stopped. “Hi, Tenlee. Umm, number three-twenty-six? Yes, he’s mine.” She put the clipboard under her arm as she spoke.
“What can you tell me?”
Janine looked at the door to the room where the mysterious man lay sleeping. “Well, he had dangerously low body temperature when he was brought in, but we were able to get that under control. He’s slept most of the time he has been here, and the CT scans we just did show a concussion. He’s a little bruised here and there, but other than that, he’s okay. Isn’t able to give us many answers though.”
“Thanks, I appreciate the info.” She smiled at her friend before Janine turned and walked into the nurse’s station.
The smell of the hospital got to Tenlee, and even though she’d been gone for only a couple of days, she missed the atmosphere, the smell. She rolled her head trying to loosen the muscles in her neck and shoulders. Another tension headache threatened. A strand of her red hair fell into her eyes and she tucked it behind her ear.
Standing rooted in place for a few minutes, unsure of what to do, Tenlee sighed. The nurse in her wanted to go back and be with the patient—to stay until something conclusive was determined. The realist in her wanted to head back home. She had enough on her plate to deal with. She didn’t need to add the stranger’s problems to her list.
****
The curtain around the bed was closed for privacy, when she let the door close behind her. A ruffling sound caught her attention. It sounded like a flag in the wind.
“Sam, it’s me, Tenlee. Can I come in?”
She heard the sound again, but it stopped so quickly she wasn’t sure what she’d heard. What could it be? Stepping further into the room, she called out again.
“Come in please.” A sleepy coated voice spoke to her, and Tenlee pushed back a wave of guilt for waking him.
Peering around the curtain, she smiled. “Hi, how are you?” The gentleman on the bed just stared causing her unwanted nerves, but when recognition softened his features, she relaxed.
“I remember you. The nurse who saved me.”
‘Yes, that’s right.” Sticking out her right hand in greeting, she introduced herself.
He smiled. “Tenlee, what a pretty name.”
“Thank you.” An awkward silence fell over the room. “Well, I must go. I don’t want to keep you awake too long. I only wanted to see how you were doing. “
“Thank you, I appreciate it.”
Tenlee smiled and left, quietly closing the door behind her. She walked down the hall trying to explain away the butterflies in her stomach.
****
“There isn’t any reason for him to stay any longer Tenlee. We’ve treated him as well as we can, and we’ve had no success finding out anything about him—no family or information. He has no insurance so the hospital can’t keep him.”
“So, you’re just going to put him out on the street with a concussion and possible amnesia?” Tenlee knew how hospitals worked, but something about this seemed wrong to her. She hated the thought of the man being kicked to the curb in his current state. Where would he go? What would happen to him?
Emotion squeezed her heart at the thought of the handsome stranger alone and injured.
“What would you have us do? There are counselors at the homeless shelter who will help him.” Mr. Walker stood before her, his arms crossed in front of him. She knew him well enough to know the conversation was over. Hospital protocol required he do his duty, and that was the end of the story. He wouldn’t budge.
Tenlee thought for a moment and then came to a conclusion. She was the one who found him and because of that, she felt somewhat responsible for him. “He’ll have to come home with me for the time being—until he either heals or we find his family.”
As she started to pass by her boss, he snaked out a hand and grabbed her by the arm.
“Now, you know I can’t let you do that. You know nothing about him. He could be a wanted criminal for all we know.”
“Well, unless you can come up with a better idea, this is the plan.” She laid her hand on his and smiled. “I appreciate your concern. I do. I know how to handle myself though. Plus, I have Nannook there, and Dad stops by to check in on me often.”
When he didn’t let go, she squeezed his hand and then removed it from her arm. “It will be okay. It isn’t like he’s moving in permanently. I’ll be back in two days to pick him up when you discharge him.” She patted his arm and headed to the room to see her new roommate. Uncertainty filled her, and she wondered if she was making the right decision.
Chapter Five
Nannook barked and jumped onto the couch to see who arrived, scaring Tenlee half to death. The dog wagged her tail in excitement while Tenlee gripped the fabric of the curtains and peered outside. In her heart, she knew who her guest was. It was early morning and snow danced in the light of the front porch. She peered out at the familiar navy blue truck sitting in her driveway.
“Peaches, I know you’re in there.”
Tenlee let go of the curtains and watched them fall back into place. Although she loved her father, she didn’t want to see him today.
The day after Thanksgiving was a day she dreaded. It was the day her family hung their Christmas decorations.
The tradition started when her parent’s had married. Her mother loved Christmas. Well, to say it like that was an understatement. Tenlee always thought if her mother could get away with it, she would have kept the Christmas tree up and the Christmas spirit going all year long.
Her mother made all the kids promise that when they grew up and moved away, they would still put their trees up the day after Thanksgiving. Then she would know, at least on that one day, they would all share something special, no matter how far apart they were.
She didn’t want to do this. She wasn’t in the mood to celebrate Christmas. How could she get him to leave and be polite about it? Since her mother died on Christmas day last year, Christmas wasn’t her favorite time of year anymore.
Another knock sounded on the door, and she knew she couldn’t keep her father standing outside on the stoop. Winters in the mountains started early and it was already chilly.
With her hand on the knob, she glanced back toward the hallway leading to the bedrooms. Sam still slept, and she hoped Nannook’s barking hadn’t woken him. The door creaked open and a brisk wind blew in wrapping itself around Tenlee as if the chill breeze gave her a hug in greeting.
“Hi, Papa. I was in the bathroom, sorry.”
“I’ll let you have that one, Peaches.”
Damn, he knew she’d lied. He looked at her for a moment, a knowing twinkle shining in his moss green eyes. He always could read her like a book. She stepped aside to allow him in, and then closed the door. Shivering against the chill, she briskly rubbed her hands together to generate heat.
“Would you like a cup of coffee?” She started for the kitchen before he had a chance to answer. He followed.
“That would be great. Thank you.” Her father eyed her for a moment before taking off his hat, jacket, and gloves. “How’s Sam feeling? Are you all right here?”
Concern laced his voice causing Tenlee to pause in getting the coffee mugs out of the cupboard.
“His recovery will be slow, but in general, he’s doing well. And yes, I’m all right. Nannook never leaves my side, and for the most part, Sam stays in his room.”
“Learn anything more about him?” He reached down and petted Nannook on the head.
“Not really. He doesn’t remember anything, but he tries to answer my questions.”
When her father nodded, she returned to pouring herself a cup of coffee. Out of the corner of her eye she watched him, waiting for more—for other words—the ones she didn’t want to hear. His red hair stood on end from the static in his hat, and after laying the hat down, he tried to do the same to his hair.
“Have you gotten the boxes out yet?”
She passed his coffee cup to him. Reaching back for her own cup, she shook her head to indicate that she hadn’t. Then she found a spot on the opposite wall to stare at. She never was good at confrontation.
“Tenlee, look at me,” His best father’s tone should have been enough to get her to look up.
When she didn’t budge, he continued to talk.
“I know how you feel about this subject. I have dreaded today—willing it not to come, myself. There isn’t a single person in this family who wants to put their Christmas tree up. We all miss her.”
Tears rolled down her cheeks in large drops. Tenlee’s eyes were so full of them, she couldn’t see any longer. Pain swept through her like a strong wind.
She heard him sigh before he continued.
“You know your mother would be upset if we didn’t do this. It’s so hard to have the one day that was so special for her, be the last day we want to remember. To have a day that we all loved so much, a day when everyone should be rejoicing, become a day marred by tragedy. The last thing we want to do is celebrate. ”
She turned angry eyes on her father without bothering to wipe away her tears. “Why?” she said accusingly. “I want to know why you let her go to the store that day.”
Her father’s stunned look took her back, and she realized the words she’d spoken.
“Peaches, do you blame me for your mother’s death?”
Did she? She knew deep down in her heart she didn’t. The pained look on his face as he turned to look out the window gripped her heart and squeezed. She didn’t mean to hurt him. She hadn’t meant to add to his pain. After almost a year, she realized she still hadn’t made sense of the whole ordeal. Why did her mother feel the need to go to the store that day? She could’ve called one of her children to bring the items she needed since no one had arrived yet. Why did the other man have to start drinking so damn early?
Tenlee quietly placed her cup down on the table and walked over to her father. She gently laid her hand on his shoulder.
She swallowed. “Papa, you know I don’t blame you and I’m sorry. In my mind, I’ve blamed everyone I could think of—including her. Only one person is at fault and that is Jim Mahoney. He’s the one who got drunk. He’s the one who drove drunk, and he’s the one who hit Mom’s car.”
Her father’s hand came up and squeezed hers.
“It’s all right. I understand. Sometimes, I blame myself, too.” He stood from his chair then pulled Tenlee into a hug.
A deep sigh escaped her, and she let the rest of her tears fall. There was nothing else either one of them could say.
Pulling back, but not letting go, her father looked into her eyes.
“So, what do you say?” He asked, chucking Tenlee under her chin. “Let’s go put up a Christmas tree.”
Tenlee wiped at her cheeks and smiled for her father. Though her heart wasn’t in it, she knew he was right. They needed to do it for her mother. If she didn’t put the tree up, then Jim would have killed more than just her mother that day. He would have killed her soul, and she wasn’t going to let him take everything from her.
She watched her father smile then turn to grab his coat. Even if this didn’t make her feel
better, it made her father feel better, and maybe sometimes doing things to please other people was more important than how she felt.
“Okay Papa, let’s do it.”
Chapter Six
The engine of her SUV roared to life, and Tenlee put it in gear. Backing out of her driveway, she drove down the mountain and headed to the local drug store. Acutely aware of the man sitting next to her, she turned the radio on. The atmosphere in the vehicle was awkward. Should she say something? Maybe make small talk to break the silence? If he continued to live in her home, they should really get to know each other.
They both spoke at the same time. Then the silence grew again.
“What did you want to say?” she asked. She looked at him from the corner of her eye.
Sam stared out the window but swiveled in the seat toward her to speak.
“Are you still sure about me living with you? I mean, seriously, you could drop me off at the nearest motel. I’ll be fine.”
“Ha,” she said and focused her full attention on him after she pulled her vehicle into a parking spot at the drug store. “You have no wallet, no money, and I have to help you dress each morning, so you don’t topple over to the floor.”
Sam looked at her for a moment before his eyebrows furrowed. “I’m happy to provide you with some amusement.”
“I’m sorry.” Tenlee’s hands worked the steering wheel as she tried to find the right words to sooth his wounded pride. “I didn’t mean for that to come out sounding as bad as it did. Please accept my apology.”
“Apology accepted.”
She glanced at him. “Let’s be real for a moment, shall we? You need help. You can’t be left alone with a concussion, no memory, and no money. Now, unless you can tell me who your family is, it looks like we are stuck with each other.”
“I wish I could.”
Aggravation etched his voice, and she decided that it was better to drop the subject for now.
“Did you have a job that you can remember?”
Sam shook his head. “Jack of all trades and master of none?”