by Sarah Hoss
Tenlee sighed. “Fine.” After grabbing her purse and taking the keys out of the ignition, she reached for the door handle. “I am going to run in here really quick and grab your prescription.” Looking him over she added, “Maybe a few other things for you as well.”
****
Tenlee had given Sam the guest bedroom on the main floor at the back of the house. Checking on her new patient, she found him asleep. She walked softly to the bed and pulled an afghan off the hope chest that sat at the end. As gently and quietly as she could, she covered Sam with it. She stood staring at him for a moment.
Though his eyes were closed, she knew they were brown as chocolate sitting under dark eyebrows. His hair was as black as a moonless night and his dark complexion made her try and guess his genealogy. He looked long lying on her bed, accentuating his six-foot plus frame.
His shoulders were broad and his waist trimmed. He had soft hands, which made her think he must have had a desk job, whatever that may have been. She tried to picture him as a lawyer or the owner of a business. The thought of him in a business suit brought a smile to her face and made her heart flutter. She took a small step forward.
He looked perfect lying there, very handsome and almost angelic, yet he still oozed sex. Her eyes darted back to his full mouth and she shifted her stance. When his head rolled to the side and he mumbled in his sleep, Tenlee spooked and began to ease back out of his room. How embarrassing to be caught ogling him while he slept.
Stopping at the front door, Tenlee grabbed her coat and gloves to head outside. She breathed in deeply of the cold air and let it cleanse her mood. The last thing she needed in her life was to have feelings for her injured guest.
Chapter Seven
“Do it again.”
“What?” Sam stationed himself with his back against the bedroom wall. His chest rose and fell with each labored breath. Sweat rolled down his forehead in little streams.
“You heard me. I said, “Do it again.” He watched Tenlee shift her feet and place her hands on her hips. She waited for him to obey.
“No.”
“Yes.”
“Why? I’ve done it twelve times now.” His breathing eased but not his irritation. His head swam with dizziness.
“You need to gain your strength. This therapy is good for you.”
Sam ran his hand over his face and gave Tenlee a look of annoyance. “I am supposed to be injured here. Taking it easy kind of thing.” He put a hand up to his head and closed his eyes.
He could hear Tenlee jog over to him and felt one hand rest on his arm and while the other touched his forehead. He could sense worry in the way she touched him. If he had been any other man, he would use this trick often to gain her attentions. But he was not that type of man and he would not worry her needlessly.
“Tell me what you are feeling, Sam.” Concern laced her voice.
He opened his eyes and gazed into hers. Putting his hand on her cheek he answered, “It’s all right. I am just a little dizzy.” He smiled at her, hoping to comfort her. He didn’t like seeing her in distress. His heart squeezed with emotion.
“That’s normal with a head injury like yours.” Tenlee grabbed his wrist and counted heartbeats with her watch. “You have to tell me what you are feeling. I don’t want to push you too much.” She bent slightly to put herself in his view since he looked down again. “Please.”
“I will, I promise. I won’t go around acting all macho on you.”
Tenlee laughed and he relaxed a little, letting her usher him to the bed. When she had him tucked in like a small child, he had to smile. She promised to be back with a drink and his medicine while he sank deeper into the covers. As his eyelids became heavier and drifted closed, Sam smiled as one thought entered his mind. His dream from last night.
Her hands looked small against the broad plane of his chest. Porcelain white against his darker coloring. Something about the difference in color made her seem dainty and fragile.
She looked up at him adoringly with wide, blue eyes full of love and he couldn’t help but think himself a lucky man. He bent his head down and kissed the tip of her nose. She was beautiful. Red hair hung to her chin. When he picked her up and cradled her in his arms, she snuggled against him. He liked how well she fit. Fit into his arms; fit into his life. He yearned for this woman in all ways. He wanted to love her, marry her, father her children, and grow old with her.
He smiled at the thought of sitting in rockers on the cabin’s front porch, watching time pass them by.
He leaned his head down and took her mouth fully. Yes, he was falling in love with her.
Sam jerked awake and looked around. His heart beat heavy in his chest as he remembered the kiss from the dream. Then a voice whispered, startling him. “This is not your life.” His hand came up to brush at his ear. It sounded so familiar. He closed his eyes for a moment to concentrate, trying to remember but nothing came to him.
Searching the room, he saw no one. He called out, but only silence answered. His eyes darted to the corner where Nannook lay undisturbed. If someone had broken into the house, she would have barked and growled. A yellow pill and a green pill lay on his bedside table next to a glass of water. Earlier, Tenlee had been in the room but it wasn’t her voice he’d heard. Shifting his eyes heavenward, he sighed.
Sam rubbed a hand over his unshaven face and glanced at the clock. He realized he’d been asleep for a few hours. Life felt comfortable here in the little cabin in the woods. He and Tenlee carried on a routine and were becoming more familiar with each other as the days passed. It felt homey, something he’d never experienced before.
Nannook lifted her head. Her ears shifted as she listened. Her tail began to wag, and she let out a whine, anxious to greet her mistress. Sam smiled. Tenlee was home.
Home.
Chapter Eight
“Turn it off.”
He turned around to find Tenlee standing in the doorway connecting the kitchen with the living room. Her arms were crossed over her chest and though her voice displayed nothing of her emotions, her face gave everything away. Her brow furrowed in anger, and he wondered why. His gaze shifted to the twinkling multi-colored lights. The arms of the angel held little candles and they swayed back and forth. Sam stared at the angel, a light smile on his face. He jabbed his thumb in the tree’s direction and looked back at her. “Do you mean the...tree?”
“I do. Turn it off please.”
He shrugged his shoulders. “Why? It’s almost Christmas. It should be on.”
“My reasons and my house.” She took a step into the room then paused.
Sam’s head tilted to one side as he frowned. “If you don’t want to turn it on then why did you put it up?” Tenlee was tense. Sam had felt strange around her all day and wondered, was she picking a fight?
“If you must know, I didn’t want it up. My father wanted me to put up the damn thing so I did it for him. But that doesn’t mean I have to turn it on.”
His mouth opened and closed, but nothing came out. She started to go back into the kitchen.
He didn’t want her to leave. He took a step forward. “Tenlee.”
She paused in the doorway, keeping her back to him. What could he say that might make her open up? Before she’d turned away, he caught a glimpse of sadness in her eyes. This both intrigued him and upset him.
“Tell me why you won’t light the tree. Please?” Sam’s stomach twisted into a knot as he waited for her to answer. Everything they’d ever spoken about up to this point had been congenial and pleasant, but there had always been something hidden. Maybe now he’d learn about her secret. For a brief moment, guilt flooded him because he could never reveal his own secret.
She continued to keep her back to him. “Why are you making a federal issue out of this?”
Her question pulled him from his thoughts. “Why are you avoiding the question?”
Tenlee spun around, glanced at the tree, and noted it was still lit. Walking toward him, anger
in her steps, she moved to unplug it herself.
“I am not discussing this with you and if you won’t do it, I will.” Tenlee stalked around the couch toward the tree and paused. “You know, just because you’re here, doesn’t mean you have the right to know everything about me. You’re here to recuperate, not to become my psychiatrist.”
Sam let out a heavy sigh, frustrated at her unwillingness to talk. His eyes never left her as she briskly walked over to the tree. But as she began to kneel down to turn it off, he pulled her up into his embrace. She avoided his eyes, and he felt her begin to shake. Placing a finger under her chin, he tilted her head up to look at her face.
Her eyes filled with tears. He watched one let go and take the plunge. A tight grip on his heart squeezed. He hated to see her in such turmoil. He wanted to erase all her sadness. He cupped her cheek, while his thumb reached out to swipe gently at the tear’s trail.
“It’s going to be ok. I’m here for you.”
With his words spoken, he watched as the last of her resolve let go and she broke down. He pulled her into him and wrapped his arms around her, letting her cry.
Chapter Nine
The warmth from his body permeated through his shirt and soaked into her skin. Tenlee closed her eyes as the last tear fell. She felt safe in his arms and thankful for the support he offered when she couldn’t contain her grief any longer. The last two weeks had kept her strung as tight as a bow, trying to hide her grief from Sam. Could she keep doing it?
His hands stroked up and down her back, almost putting Tenlee into a trance. The contact comforted her, and she took a deep breath, the air shuddering in her chest. She leaned slightly away and looked for a tissue.
Sam bent down to gaze into her eyes. “Come and sit.”
Tenlee let him lead her to the couch, and thanked him when he handed her a tissue.
“Will you talk to me? Let me take care of you for a while.”
She sighed and smiled, but never looked him in the eyes. What did she have to lose by telling him her secrets? How much longer could she go through this holiday as if nothing was wrong?
The soothing glow from the fireplace and Christmas lights comforted her despite her sorrow. The strong scent of pine from the Christmas tree tickled her nose.
“My mom was my best friend.” Tenlee wrung the tissue, over and over, through her fingers, her eyes focused on the task as she spoke. “I’m not saying I didn’t get along with my dad, but I’m the only girl, and I’m the youngest, so Mom spoiled me. We did everything together, went everywhere together.”
A tear trailed down her cheek as images of her mother played across her mind. She closed her eyes and let her memories take over.
“I look a lot like my dad, but my spirit comes from her.”
Tenlee raised her head and watched as the arms of the angel at the top of the tree swayed quietly.
“Christmas was my mother’s favorite holiday. She would have left the tree up all year if Dad let her.”
A half smile tugged at her lips as she pointed to the angel.
“She gave me the angel when I bought this house four years ago. She said to put it on the tree and then I would have an angel watching over me at Christmas.”
Sam smiled and glanced at the angel, then turned his attention back to her. He sat still, listening, obviously not wanting to interrupt and cause her to quit talking.
“We used to put up the tree and decorations the day after Thanksgiving. When we grew up and moved out of the house, Mom made us promise to keep the tradition going so she’d know at least one day a year we were all doing the same thing.”
Tenlee turned to look at Sam. “We did too.” She smiled bravely. “We all decorated our trees, and I know it made her so happy.” Tears flowed freely and she let them run their course.
“I know it did Tenlee.”
The sincerity and softness in his voice soothed her aching heart.
“Tell me how it happened.”
She swallowed and tried to speak, but fear and a broken heart stopped her. Her throat felt thick and constricted. How could she tell this man about her feelings? How could she relay the story that has played so vividly in her mind for a year? She lost herself in the twinkle of lights.
“I didn’t wake up until nine-thirty on Christmas morning, after having worked the night shift in the ER. I remember Christmas morning was beautiful. It had snowed overnight so everything was a white wonderland. When I looked out the window, the ground looked like God had sprinkled diamonds all over it. The snow was perfect and untouched.”
Tenlee rose from the couch and walked to the window mesmerized by her memories.
“I think I stood in the window for something like fifteen minutes staring out at the splendor of it. When I let Nannook out, I took a deep breath and the chill of the air stung my nose, but the fresh, crisp smell was refreshing. There’s just something about Christmas morning, you know?” She turned to him and he nodded.
Tenlee came back to the couch and sat down facing Sam, with her back to the fireplace. The fire jumped, casting shadows on the wall, dancing along with the angel, whose arms moved in and out in a silent rhythm.
“I thought to call Mom and see if she needed anything before I headed over to their house, but I didn’t. I took a shower instead and got ready.”
She reached for another tissue and blew her nose then swallowed thickly. The gates opened wide as memories and emotions flooded her, compelling her to keep talking. It felt good to release the burden she carried.
“We were supposed to be at my parent’s house by noon. I loaded up my truck and started on my way. Christmas songs played on the radio, and I sang along.” She looked him in the eye. “I remember being happy that morning.”
When Sam tugged her arm, she scooted over, resting her cheek on his chest as he embraced her. They sat a moment, his hand rubbing small circles over her shoulder and arm.
“Go on.”
Tenlee sniffed and wiped her eyes.
“I arrived at the house and carried my gifts in, sitting them under the tree. My brothers and their families hadn’t arrived yet.”
She took a deep breath.
“Dad said Mom forgot the cranberry sauce and she wouldn’t have Christmas without it. That stupid sauce was a tradition at her Christmas dinners ever since she was a child. So she ran to the store.”
Sam smoothed the hair off her cheek then reached out to hold her hands. The contact he offered was like a lifeline. She desperately grabbed hold, thankful to have it.
“Dad and I were sitting in the kitchen when the phone rang.”
“What was your mother’s name?”
“Margaret.” Tenlee smiled weakly. “A drunk driver hit her. She was turning right, and the driver blew through his light, T-boning Mom’s car on her side. As soon as we received the call, I got in my vehicle and raced straight there. They already had her out of the car and were working on her when I arrived. I remember seeing her blonde hair spilled out over the ground, red with her blood.”
Images flashed quickly through her mind, one scene after another becoming a jumbled mess. Tenlee closed her eyes to still the memories. She wiped her nose with the back of her hand.
“She died at the hospital. They said there was nothing...”
Looking up at him, she swallowed. “It was my fault.”
****
Sam had never seen such grief etched on anyone’s face before, but looking at Tenlee took his breath away. This beautiful, gentle woman who sat before him believed she was to blame. None of this was her fault and somehow he must make her see that.
“Why do you believe it’s your fault?”
“I should have called and asked if she needed anything from the store. I was going to, but I didn’t. I took a stupid shower instead.”
When Sam started to speak in protest, Tenlee interrupted him.
“That’s not all.” She got up and began to pace in front of the coffee table. “I was supposed to work Christmas morn
ing, but I switched with another nurse who had no plans for Christmas. I took her shift at the ER Christmas Eve.”
Sam watched as she paced. Did she really believe what she was saying? As she told her story, images of the scene flashed in Sam’s mind, confusing him.
“If I hadn’t switched shifts, I would have been there to help her. I would have arrived before it was too late. I would have saved her.” Tenlee stopped pacing and began to cry again, her body shaking with emotion.
Sam stood and came around to her. Pulling her into his arms, he held her close with one hand firmly on her head as the other stroked up and down her back. Her story was familiar, and yet he couldn’t remember why.
“Shhh. Tenlee dear, you can’t take blame for having any part in this. None of this was your fault.” When he felt her stiffen and start to pull back he held her in place. “Tenlee, if you had worked Christmas morning, you still wouldn’t have been there to run the errand for her. She was meant to go to the store that morning. Don’t you see?”
He pulled back to search her eyes.
“There was nothing you could have done to change that. And as for you working that morning, I think you were supposed to switch shifts. That way, you wouldn’t have to be the one to help her. God spared you that extra bit of sorrow, because I believe that if you had been the one there and she still had passed away, your grief and guilt would be even worse than it is now. It was her time. I’m sorry.”
He pulled slightly away, but didn’t let her go. “It’s okay to grieve for her, to miss her, to even wish you had her back.”
His hand came up to grip her chin gently and he made her look him in the eye. “But don’t you, for one second, believe you had anything to do with it. Do you hear me? I won’t let you go on any longer carrying this burden that isn’t yours. Tonight, here and now, it lies in a jail cell with its rightful owner.”
Tenlee stared up at him with such trust it stole his breath. She was so beautiful, and it crushed him to see her in pain. He hadn’t known her for very long, but he’d grown to care about her in the past few weeks.