Just Say Yes (Escape to New Zealand Book 10)

by Rosalind James

  “I c-c-can’t get out,” Zavy said through his sobs. “And it’s hot and there’s a bad tiger. And the tiger says he’ll eat me, and I want Mummy, and she doesn’t come ever and ever.”

  “Aw, no, mate,” Kevin said. “No tiger. And your mum’s here. She’s holding on, and she won’t let you go.”

  Chloe said, “You’re wet, love. Let’s go get you dry clothes, and you’ll feel better.”

  “Nooo,” Zavy wailed, his clutching hands frantic now. “I don’t want to go with the man. Don’t go away, Mummy. The man said I had to stay and be quiet, and you didn’t come.”

  The guilt was a leaden lump in her stomach, but that wasn’t what mattered now. Zavy was still nearly hysterical, and the acrid stench of urine was everywhere. “I’m going to put him in the shower,” she told Kevin, beginning to strip off Zavy’s wet clothes.

  “I’ll put these things in the wash, get clean ones on,” he said, helping her with Zavy’s pj bottoms, since Zavy didn’t want to let go of her neck.

  “I haven’t been ... I don’t do my washing in your machine anymore. Not since the... not since you came. And he doesn’t wet the bed anymore, either. Ever.” She barely knew what she was saying, and only realized afterwards how irrelevant it was.

  “Never mind,” he said. “I’ve got it.”

  She was standing, swaying with Zavy in her arms, naked and clinging to her. “Uh ...” She tried to think. “Sheets in the bottom drawer there. Pj’s as well, if you could bring me a pair, and some undies for him. Um ... blankets in the cupboard in the passage.”

  “Right.” He was stripping the bed now, gathering up the sodden bedding. “You go on. It’s done.”

  When Chloe had taken Zavy away, Kevin gathered up the mess of bedding, blankets and all, ran downstairs, threw the whole thing into the washer and started it up, then ran up again and made up the bed. He could hear the shower running, and Chloe’s voice coming to him in light snatches.

  He was going to kill the bastard.

  He shoved the thought down, found another pair of pj’s and some Batman underwear, and went in search of them.

  They were both in the shower. Chloe was still holding Zavy, skin to skin, the water streaming over both of them. She had her arms wrapped around him tight, she was rocking from foot to foot, and she was singing. A lullaby Kevin recognized, one his own mum had sung.

  “Lavender’s blue, dilly dilly, lavender’s green,

  When I am queen, dilly dilly, you’ll be my king.”

  Zavy wasn’t crying anymore. He was snuggling close as a baby koala, his eyes closed, as if the comfort could come straight through his mother’s body and into his own. Which it could.

  “Who told me so, dilly dilly, who told me so?

  I told myself, dilly dilly, I told me so.”

  She turned and saw him, and she smiled. A smile that was pain, and apology, and thanks. And every bit of her was telling him about the kind of love that only a mum could know, and maybe a father, too, if he was lucky. A love that would wake up every time, as many times as it took. A love that would weigh any dream, any sacrifice, and would always return the same answer.

  He’d always thought he understood that love, and he’d been wrong. He hadn’t understood a thing.

  He didn’t know how long he stood there before she turned off the taps and whispered to Zavy, “Come on, my darling. Kevin’s brought you clean clothes, and you’re so sleepy and safe.”

  She kissed his wet head, then stepped out of the bath, and Kevin wrapped the towels around both of them and patted them down. He told Chloe, who was shivering now from cold and emotion, “Get your nightie on and get warm, baby. I’ve got him.” And then he lifted Zavy out of her arms, sat on the toilet seat, and got him dressed, talking about Batman and Robin, about the Batmobile. Talking about anything.

  Zavy said sleepily, “Batman is very strong.”

  “So strong,” Kevin agreed, pulling the pj top over his head. “And you’re strong too.”

  “’Cause I’ve got Batman underwear.”

  “Nah. Because you’re a strong boy. Strong as Batman. You had a scary time, and you got through it, and now the scary time’s over.”

  “I don’t like the man. I don’t like his car.”

  “Nah, mate. I don’t like it either.”

  “And you broke his car, ’cause you’re very strong too.”

  “Yeh. I did. I broke his windscreen right out.”

  Chloe came back wearing her own dressing gown, handing him his shirt and warmup jacket without a word, and he stayed with her while she put Zavy back to bed. He leaned against the wall, listened to her sing the lullaby again, and watched as she dropped a kiss on Zavy’s forehead, smoothed his hair one last time, and finally turned out the light.

  She stopped, her hand on the doorknob, when she’d pulled the door partly closed behind her. “He may wake up again, and I shouldn’t have ... I mean ...” She ran a hand through her still-damp hair and sighed. “Thank you for your help. I appreciate it so much. But I don’t think it’s good for you to stay.”

  Unfortunately, this was another thing he didn’t get to choose about, so he said, “Right,” kissed her on the cheek, and then, softly, on the mouth. Her arms went around him, and for just a moment, she laid her head on his chest, exactly the way she’d done that afternoon at Eden Park. Like he was her resting place.

  He said, “If you need me, all you have to do is call. I’ll leave my phone on.”

  She stepped back and tried to smile, and he said, “Get some sleep,” kissed her once more, and left her.

  Standing there in front of her son’s door, ready to guard him from everything that would hurt him, anything that would scare him.

  Strong as Batman.

  It took Chloe what felt like an hour to fall asleep again. Her feet were cold, and they wouldn’t get warm. Finally, she got up, felt her way across the room, and grabbed a pair of socks from her drawer. It helped, but she was still cold, even with her arms wrapped around herself and the duvet pulled tight.

  She did her best to push her thoughts aside. Middle-of-the-night ruminations were nothing but treachery, Night Ninjas that invaded your brain and stole your peace, whispering to you that they spoke the truth you hid from yourself during the day.

  She must have slept at last, though, because when she sat bolt upright again, she knew she’d been asleep.

  “Mummy!”

  She stumbled to Zavy’s room again, held him close once more while he cried. At least he hadn’t wet the bed this time, and she lay down beside him, as much of her body as she could get onto the toddler bed, and rubbed his back until he fell asleep, or she did. All she knew was, she was awakened by the cold.

  Back to her bed. Asleep straight away this time, and awakened again, too. One more time, out of bed and to Zavy’s room, wondering whether she should take him into her bed. Was that right, though? She didn’t know. She couldn’t think.

  Finally, she was in her own bed again, drifting into the sleep she craved in a way she couldn’t have imagined before she’d become a mother. Sinking down, then down some more, spinning into the welcome darkness.

  She was in the sea, and it was black. Murky. She knew Zavy was under there, too, but she couldn’t see him, and she couldn’t find him. She swam and swam, and she couldn’t see him, and she couldn’t breathe.

  All of a sudden, he was there. In a car, his face a white blur against the window, his brown eyes wide and terrified, his mouth open in a scream she couldn’t hear.

  She was tugging at the car door with all her strength, but it was locked. She tried to break the window, but she couldn’t do it. She was centimeters away from her boy, and she couldn’t get him. She couldn’t save him.

  Tap tap tap. He was knocking on the window, his face frantic. Tap tap tap. His mouth still open, screaming something, and she could see what it was.

  “Mummy!”

  She rose from sleep and black water, surfacing with a gasp, clutching her heart as
if that would slow it.

  Tap tap tap.

  Oh. Dream. And somebody was knocking at the door. She got out of bed, grabbed her dressing gown, and made her way down the hall, still groggy, feeling clumsy.

  Zavy. The tapping was still going on, the voice saying, “Chloe?” Kevin’s voice, but all the same, she detoured into Zavy’s room.

  He was on his back, Walter under one hand and Rainbow Dash beside him. He was fast asleep—and, yes, his chest was rising and falling, because he was breathing. She felt silly for checking, and she checked anyway. The dream had seemed so real. It had felt so real.

  Kevin’s voice was closer now, saying, “Chloe? Baby? Everything all right?” She turned, saw him at the bedroom door, and jumped.

  He looked from her to Zavy, whispered, “Sorry,” and backed away.

  She went to join him, pulling the door closed behind her. “Sorry,” he said again. “I didn’t get an answer, and I started to worry.”

  “Oh.” She smoothed a hand over her hair, but she had a feeling the effort was fruitless. “What time is it?” Full morning, obviously. She always woke before six, but somehow, today, she hadn’t.

  “Eight-fifteen. I was coming to get you for breakfast, thinking you might be feeling a bit shy. Quite the crowd down there, I know.”

  “Oh. No. Just, uh, not awake yet.”

  His eyes softened. “Bad night? Still?”

  “Oh, you know,” she said with a sigh. “Not if you don’t like sleep.”

  “Want to miss it out, then? Breakfast?”

  “No. Sorry. We’ll come down soon as I can manage it and do our best to be, ah, charming neighbors, I guess. And I’m sorry myself. Whatever this thing is we’re doing, it’s been a one-way street so far, hasn’t it? Kevin to the rescue, that’s been the flavor.” Sounded good. Breezy, even. And most of all, neither fragile nor needy. A woman who maintained her equilibrium rather than one who was going to weep all over his chest.

  “What do you mean, ‘Whatever it is?’ What do you think it is?” Kevin had stopped looking concerned. He was back to narky, but maybe that was better. More real, or something. More equal.

  She abandoned the effort to think it through, because it was much too hard. Besides, the bedroom door was opening.

  Zavy came out, looking as fuzzy as Chloe felt. She put her arm around him and said, “Morning, darling. Go to the toilet and brush your teeth, please, and we’ll get ourselves dressed. We’re going to have breakfast downstairs with all of Kevin’s family.” He needed to get back to normal, the same way she did, and for that? Brisk was best.

  “Oh,” Zavy said. “OK.”

  “We’ll be down as soon as we can,” Chloe promised Kevin. “Normal behavior. No alarming your parents, and no rescue required.”

  He looked like he wanted to argue some more, but he didn’t. He just frowned at her, the eyebrows and nose winning, and said, “Right. Whenever you’re ready. “

  She looked too fragile even after she came through the sliders with Zavy fifteen minutes later. Kevin could see where she’d applied makeup to conceal the dark circles under her eyes. He wasn’t meant to say anything about that? Why the hell not?

  He didn’t say anything, though, and he didn’t kiss her in front of his family, either. He wanted that statement. He wasn’t so sure about her. Instead, he asked Zavy, “All right there, mate?”

  “Yeh,” Zavy said. “’Cause I have my Batman underwear on so it can make me strong.”

  “That’s good, then,” Kevin said. “That’ll do you.” Zavy appreciated his help. Why did Chloe feel so ambivalent?

  She rose to the occasion, however vulnerable she was feeling underneath. And as always, he admired the strength it took to do that even as he hated seeing her vanish behind her shield. Introductions, chat about the match the night before, and Chloe asking about Connor and Brenna’s son Timothy. Age, teeth, all that. So far, so good.

  Of course, when they were sitting down and eating breakfast, Brenna had to say, “Let’s put it out there, eh. It’s awkward out, but it’s more awkward keeping it in. I’m rapt about getting our new place, Chloe, but sorry we have to chuck you out to do it.”

  “Oh, well,” Chloe said, with a lightness Kevin could see straight through. “These things happen. If the house doesn’t belong to you, you don’t get a say.”

  “Any luck finding someplace new?” Brenna asked.

  “Geez, Bren,” Kevin said. “She’s working on it.”

  “Just asking,” she said. “Nothing wrong with asking.”

  “Ah ... not so far,” Chloe said. “Kevin’s right, though. I’m working hard on it, no worries.”

  “Only because we do need it,” Brenna said.

  “Yeh, thanks,” Kevin said. “I think Chloe’s got that.”

  A silence fell, and it was awkward until Noelle said, “I wanted to ask you, Chloe, if you wanted to go with me to see Giselle next weekend. I saw it was the opening night for the winter season, and I’ve never actually seen a ballet, other than bits of the Nutcracker. Did you ever do that part when you were there? Chloe used to be a dancer,” she told Brenna.

  Used to be. “Yes,” Chloe said, still keeping it light, even though Kevin could tell that wasn’t how she felt. Too much tension in her arms, and he’d bet her feet were moving under the table, too. “Yonks ago. Giselle, I mean. I don’t think I can manage it next weekend, sorry. Noelle’s making grand strides,” she told the rest of them. Diversion, it looked like to him.

  “I noticed,” Brenna said. “I’d say you’ve gone down a dress size, Noelle. How many kg’s is it now? Very impressive, love.”

  Chloe said more calmly, “I was talking about her strides in ballet, actually. I tell my students to focus more on what their body’s able to do than on how it looks. Gets better results, I find. Healthier focus, all that.”

  Ah. They weren’t talking about that ballet anymore, then. The one Chloe wouldn’t be in, and the part she didn’t have.

  “That sounds wise,” Kevin’s mum said. “I wish somebody’d told me that after I started having the babies. If you focus on the looks you used to have and don’t anymore, you’ll do nothing but weep. Gravity’s a cruel thing.”

  His dad said, “Oh, now,” and his mum patted his hand, then did some diversion of her own, asking Zavy, “What does your truck do, darling?”

  Zavy, who had as usual released the vehicle clutched in his fist only with reluctance in order to eat his breakfast, said, “It’s a fire engine, ’cause the fireman has a big axe. And he can chop things open with his axe.”

  “Does he chop down doors, then, if there’s a fire?” Kevin’s mum asked.

  “Yes,” Zavy said. “And he can chop a car open. He can break the car like Kevin. He can do it with his axe.”

  “I don’t think Kevin breaks cars,” Holly said. “He’s too perfect for that.”

  Oh, brilliant. This was going especially well. Chloe hadn’t shared the details, he guessed.

  “Yes, he does,” Zavy insisted. “He broke that man’s car. He kicked it very, very hard, and it broke in lots of pieces, and the pieces were all over. And a fireman can break a car too.”

  “Zavy got in a wee spot of trouble yesterday,” Kevin decided to explain. “Chloe and I got him out of a car. Apparently I was impressive. Nice for me, eh.”

  “The man was very angry,” Zavy said. “’Cause you’re s’posed to wait and not cry, but I cried ’cause I was very scared, and then Kevin came and broke the car and I could get out. And then Kevin was angry at the man.”

  “Kevin angry?” Holly said. “Doesn’t happen. The media might hear, and then the team would hear, and then the All Blacks would hear, and before you know it? He’d have done something wrong.”

  “Holly,” her mother said warningly.

  “Well,” Brenna said, “I can see it’s going to be interesting living here. Maybe Chloe has the best of it after all, getting out. Could be you’re having second thoughts about us, even,” she told Kevin. “I
live with Connor myself, and it’s not always a picnic. How hard is it to put the seat down? That’s the question I ask myself at two in the morning, when I’ve fallen through the hole. I could go on, but in the interest of public decency, I won’t.”

  “Oi,” Connor protested, but he was laughing. “Maybe that’s Kevin’s fault as well. Maybe he didn’t train me well enough, did you think of that? All us boys together, and I don’t remember anybody putting the seat down. Clearly his fault. If we’re piling on today, let’s pile on in that direction, far away from me.”

  “Rubbish,” Kevin’s mum said. “Of course boys get into bad habits by themselves, and why should they put the seat down anyway, the three of them? A nice topic for the breakfast table, I must say, and never mind what Chloe must be thinking of all this teasing. I’m sure she’s just happy Kevin was there yesterday.”

  “Once a big brother, always a big brother, eh,” Brenna said. “Face it, Kevin. It’s who you are, mate. All you need is your superhero cape.”

  Holly looked like she wanted to say something and didn’t, and Chloe rose from her chair, helped Zavy climb down from his stack of phone directories, and said, “Well, thank you for breakfast, Katherine. I’ve got heaps to do today, though. Sunday’s always a busy one. I’ll let you all get back to your family time.”

  “Hang on,” Kevin said. “Maybe we should take advantage of all these minders and go for a wee walk.” He asked Zavy, “Want to stay with Noelle and Holly for a bit, mate?”

  “Nice job asking,” Holly said. “My point?”

  Kevin turned to look at her, and he must’ve been effective, because she actually shrank back. He said, “Try again.”

  Noelle said, “Zavy, d’you want to play puzzles with Timothy and me?”

  “Yeh,” Zavy said.

  “Yes, please,” Chloe prompted. “And thank you, Noelle.”