by Zi'ere
“I don’t know if you’re looking at the same chicks that I’m looking at but the whole table is full of busted up birds. He wants a stunner not a hummer! Do you see her big ass, the one in the gold shirt especially?”
I am laughing so hard that tears are coming out of my eyes. Handsome spots my smile and his eyes brighten in return. My cousin is a straight up fool. No one will ever guess that the sister holds a master’s degree by the way that she acts sometimes.
“Your only self-proclaimed enemy in the world is pissed with life right now. And it’s all because that man passed her like he didn’t even see her in that dress with her ass hanging out of the bottom. Instead he decided to come over here and sit with you! One thing that I know about my half-white, pretty ass, prissy cousin is that Neka can’t beat her at a damn thing. Is you down or nah?” Jai seals the deal.
6
I roll my eyes at her because I hate when she wins me over with peer pressure. The woman is smart. I have to give her credit when it’s due.
The man saw Neka when she strolled past him yet he isn’t interested in her?
He is across the room but I can feel his eyes glued to my forehead. Don’t get me wrong, Neka is a beautiful woman. She doesn’t have the natural beauty that I have but she can easily pull her pick of men. I’ve seen her plenty of times pull some heavy shot callers that she turned into baby daddies. I am a small five foot five inches of biracial genes. My long hair has to be flat ironed to keep it from being kinky untamable spiral curls, which is its natural state. Neka has to see Su Wong at the Beauty Hair Plus store to get the same sixteen inches of bone straight hair that I have.
I work out in my apartment complex’s gym religiously, doing squats to have an ass worth mentioning and planks to obtain my flat stomach. Jai feeds me lima beans with ham bones in them, smothered pork chops and gravy, homemade macaroni and cheese and cornbread. So I’m not all skin and bone because she prides herself in keeping some weight on my hips. She always makes the statement that I can’t hang out with her and NaNa if I don’t have ass and hips.
Carla, my Caucasian mother is a petite woman with no butt or hips but plenty of breasts running in with the likes of Dolly Parton. I have Jai to dye my hair a dark mix between brunette and auburn colors. I have no desire to be a blonde like my mother. My hater wouldn’t get any sleep at night, if I was anymore different than she is. Neka was born with a fat ass and it doesn’t matter if her stomach is flat or not in her world of being a real black woman.
She doesn’t know that I have gotten word, but she thinks less of me because I am bi-racial. That is another reason why I don’t like her ass. As long as Keith Foster, was my black daddy with his dark chocolate self- last I checked…I am black too! Neka is a hater of all things Kam. I know that because I’m not even twenty one but I’ve accomplished way more than she’s ever thought of. And that is an issue for her. She doesn’t think that I have to fight for everything that I have. From what I’ve heard, she has a great relationship with her mom. I can only catch up with mine one day a week.
Neka has beautiful children, lives in a nice home, and buys anything that she wants. My uniform work scrubs come from Wal-Mart because I can’t afford to spend the stipend Doc gives us in one of the nicer specialty uniform stores. She has no idea who I really am.
I sit sipping and going over my life in my head. For some reason my eyes keep shifting to the space where I feel heat radiating from, in two totally different directions. Neka has her eyes glued on me. I am positive that she sees me cut my eyes at her, after I catch her.
Damn heifer! What the hell you checking for me like that for? Focus on you and not me!
Even though he has loaned his ear to another woman, the handsome man is making eyes at me the whole time. After he gets tired of listening to the chick he walks off without a word. Now he is right back at my table and this time he takes a seat. It’s like I am in the middle of a basketball court and everyone’s’ eyes are all on me, making me uncomfortable and angry. Out of nowhere Jai, NaNa, and Neka stand on the side of the table. They are blocking the view of ole boy’s lady friends, while still talking to the men that they are interested in.
“First I want to apologize, my manners were horrible earlier. Let’s start over, my name is Gavin Brown. If it is okay with you, I would like to get to know you.”
“What would you like to know Mr. Brown?”
“How about a lovely name to go with your beautiful face?”
I blush but still hit him with a jab.
“Is that all you’re interested in is a pretty face? There is so much more to a woman like me you know.”
“I can tell that off the top. I’m no fool. You’re shining brighter than any other woman in the building. Don’t be mean. I just need a name so I can get some sleep tonight.”
“My name is Kamille.”
“Just Kamille- like Prince, Oprah, or Shaq? Just one name?”
I laugh.
“Kamille Foster.”
“Nice to meet you Kamille Foster. What is a woman like you doing in a hole like this?”
“I’m here celebrating with those ladies.” I point my crew out.
“It seems that they are doing way more celebrating than you.”
“I’m cool with that. I’m not a woman that’s in love with the club.”
He laughs this time.
“All of ya’ll say that at first!”
“Nah, I think that has to do with the type of women that you deal with. You might want to do something about the company you keep.”
I wink my long, natural lashes at the good smelling specimen sitting beside me.
“Aite Kamille, I heard that. I’m going to definitely change up some things in my future. I feel honored that you are even having a conversation with a guy like me.”
“I don’t think that your girlfriend is too happy about it though.”
I nod towards the table of women.
“Nah, I’m single and ready to mingle Sweetheart. She is a friend wanting more but I am unable to give her what she is looking for.”
“And what is that?”
“My undivided attention, it has been snatched by someone else whether she likes it or not.”
“Are you flirting with me?
“How about you let me buy you ladies a drink and we can talk about whether or not I’m flirting?”
7
Neka is already all up in Gavin’s grill. Jai and Nana have to catch up, when they turn around at the same time to put in their drink orders:
“Ciroc and cranberry juice.”
I close my eyes and shake my head in embarrassment.
“Okay, what about you, Ms. Lady?”
“Peach Ciroc and pineapple juice, please.”
I watch as Gavin flags down a club waitress whom he calls by first name, Lucille, who is also a senior citizen. She has on a black t-shirt, blue jean shorts that stop at her knees, diabetic socks, and Sketchers tennis shoes on her feet.
As soon as I’m able to be in the private company of the trio that has led me to this place, I am definitely going to tell them a thing or two about themselves. Half of the folks in the club look as though they should have been in bed about four hours ago. The other half is our age group and look as if they just woke up three hours ago. My quiet thoughts make me smile on the outside. Gavin stares at me, as he orders a few set ups for our table.
I catch the ‘seal the deal eye’ confirmation from Jai a total of four times. Gavin and I continue to small talk, making each other laugh a lot. Time ends up passing over into a new day. We dance to a couple of songs together: slow and fast. I realize during the dances that Gavin is extremely skilled with his hands and hips. I realize I don’t need the type of distraction a man like Gavin can give a low key person like me. I need to run in the other direction as fast as I can. More time passes and I am now ready for my bed. I’ve had a few more drinks than I intended to and now I’m even thinking about getting my feet wet. Just for the night, a quick hop
on and hop off kind of deal. I try to remember the last time that I’ve had a man playing in my cookie jar.
What if I fuck around and get a dependency on his ass? He doesn’t look like he can walk away from an argument, let alone a quiet house mouse like me…..he should have a got damn stalker alert on his forehead. He’s showing all the classic signs!
Jai, NaNa, and Neka’s fast asses are ready to do whatever it is they do with the men that they meet in clubs on the very first night. Gavin walks me to my car and his four female friends from earlier all have sour looks on their faces. I put an extra sway in my hips, since Gavin is walking behind me. The view of my perfect onion shaped ass, along with the sexiness of my entire high yellow skinned back being exposed, shuts them completely down.
Gavin thinks that he and I are exchanging numbers at my car but I only pretend to store his number in my phone. After another wink of his eye, we then part ways. I am prepared to never hear from him because I know that I’m not as outgoing as the other ladies. If Gavin wants this woman, he is going to have to pursue her. I’m not going to fall at his feet like other women always do. I check my rearview mirror. I need to see whether he goes back into the club to entertain or if his night out is complete like he says that it is. He is now on the side of a big truck. I smile.
8
I go through my weekend as the normal single woman does that’s without any kids. Saturday is a ‘stay in bed all weekend’ according to the Lifetime channel and I simply cannot turn down such an offer.
Chilling in a short night set, eating ice cream straight from the carton and ordering in Chinese food has Kamille very content. It isn’t until Sunday morning that I get offended that I have yet to receive a call from Gavin at all on Saturday. I am now boiling in my feelings.
You don’t even know this man, so why in the hell are your feelings hurt? Because you want his ass in this bed, that’s why? Kam you feenin’ girl!
I tussle with my feelings all morning, as I got myself ready for church. I am no holy-roller, but I’m not a heathen either. In my young life, I have learned that the relationship with my mother is contingent on me making into one.
If I don’t go to her church, I will never get to see her. So I decide to surprise her and pop up there. I make my arrival early enough to suggest that I’ve attended Sunday school, even though I really haven’t.
After service is over, my normal routine is to head on over to Jai’s for a righteous Sunday dinner, soul food style. She is the mother of a six foot one high school senior named RJ and a five foot eleven foot tall sophomore named Ian. Her baby is a girl named Joi, who is only in the eighth grade.
But it is a must that Jai has homemade food cooked for her kids at all times. Jai’s husband was killed in Iraq, as a casualty of a road side bomb. She deals with the pain by having as many new men on top of her as possible.
The best part is that the men never make it to her home. And, the men never obtain the number to her ‘real’ cell phone. To her children and family she is a respectable widow and no one can prove differently except her three closest friends. We aren’t a group of snitches though, obviously.
The battery in my cell phone should be dead from the one million times that I’ve checked it for a missed call. Not only didn’t Gavin call, no one had been interested in talking to me at all today.
I quickly have to remind myself that I wasn’t the one sweating the hunk of chocolate, who I knew had to have females by the herd that graze up behind him. But on the other hand, rejection with no call, after I’d given a man my number doesn’t happen to me, ever. I regret fake storing his number in my phone now.
When I pull into Jai’s garage, I have decided that it is my pride that has issues with the no call, not me as a person. I check myself out in the visor mirror and my skin is flawless. No one can guess my age- high or low.
I have taken after my mother’s skin tone and am sun kissed like a Georgia peach. I am small for my height of five foot six. I barely fill out a size four to six, no matter what Jai feeds me.
I get out of my car sulking.
You’re tripping over a man that you swear you don’t even want! Where they do that at Kam? Just left church and you’re lying already!
“Okay . . . First of all, don’t walk into my house on this beautiful Sunday, looking like you are about to jump off of a damn bridge! I already know what’s wrong with your suicidal ass! Sweet chocolate ain’t called your prissy ass yet, huh?”
Sometimes, I believe that Jai’s main goal in life is to bust my balls.
“I do not look depressed. I look tired. I mean I am tired. Reverend Curtis needs to do something about the length of his services. I’m one first Sunday service away from converting to Catholic!” I rant, as I make my way down the hall to the half bathroom to change my clothes.
“I don’t hear any noise, where are the kids?”
“I let RJ drive them to Best Buy for some new DVD’s, games, and CD’s. Their report cards came out Friday and they all did really good, so I had to reward.”
“Aww, I’m too late! I would have given them some more reward money.”
My heart is in the right place, even though giving all three of my God children money will throw off my budget for the month.
“Kam, you don’t have any extra money to give to your spoiled behind God-children! Remember, they have four grandparents competing to out- spend the other. Keep your money in your pocket, Girl!”
“I know but I still want to do things for them too, you know.”
Since the kids are away, I leave the bathroom door open, as Jai sits in a nook that’s built into the wall beside the door.
“We all know that, don’t worry about it. Most importantly, you are doing the duties that I need for you to do the most. The duties that nobody can do but you- helping RJ maintain that four point zero grade average, helping Ian get over the death of his father, and taking Joi to dance class for me. The kids don’t expect money or material things from you.
Which brings me to another subject, I want to talk to you about how you are doing financially right now.”
I stick my head from around the corner to look her in the face.
“I’m fine, why would you ask me something like that?”
“I saw on the news that they have increased college tuition and fees again. Then NaNa said you only get half of the food stamps that you usually get. So as your ace-boon-koon, your left hand, and older cousin- I’m asking if you need help? Don’t be too ashamed to ask me- well, technically you aren’t even doing that- I’m asking you if you need anything?”
“I’m fine. I promise.”
I come out of the bathroom in a light, airy, white linen shirt and khaki shorts. Comfortable white Ked thong flip-flops are on my feet. I am now ready to get my grub on.
9
Jai is still sitting and staring at me. She knows that I can tell that she doesn’t believe me, when I say that I am financially okay. I’m a professional liar, so I have to avoid her eyes. I walk right on past her and out of the house to go and put my church suit into my car.
As I hang the suit on the hook in the back seat, I do a rough draft of my checking account balance. If I give the kids money today, I won’t be able to eat lunch out for two weeks. That is the harsh reality.
I can bring food from home but the women that I work with like to eat out, modestly and affordably, but out of the office still nonetheless. I can’t tell anyone that my money is that tight. Sometimes I eat at Jai’s during the week and other times I eat my leftovers from lunch for dinner.
As I am making my way back inside of the house, I hear NaNa and her rug rats pull up. Then the garage door lifts for the family’s truck to pull into the garage. Jai let her oldest son have his father’s truck after all of the funeral specifics were complete, the will was read, and all monies were acquired.
Even though I am positive that Jai would rather have her man with her and their kids, the man has not left her with a care in the world financiall
y. I pray that God will send me a man just as special, who cares for only one woman, his wife.
Men are becoming dead to their kids by prison sentences, while Ryan has done the ultimate and sacrificed to make sure that his family didn’t have to live off of veteran’s benefits alone.
Pleasantries are exchanged as I kiss all three of my God-kids, even though I always see them during the week. The circus tent goes up when NaNa’s five join into the mix. We all have plates of food spread out all over the huge home, which is the norm for everyone here.
Laughs, kids playing, food, good music, and friends is what it takes to get Gavin off of my mind this Sunday. I am grateful for the distraction. The ladies all sip Moscato, as the three of us clean the kitchen. Hearing about their night, after they all coupled off Friday night has me in tears, I’m laughing so hard.
“First of all, I would like to know how in the hell did ya’ll find that club with all of those old ass folk working in there until four am?”
“Neka said your ass was going to be trouble!” NaNa hollers out, in her usual speaking tone.
“Her opinion of me means what?”
“NaNa, please don’t get her started! We will be in here all damn day!”
“Check yourself before you wreck ya self!” I give them both the side eye.
“Girl, you ain’t gone pop a pimple!”
“ANYWAY! I was like damn, these old folk going to be asleep if they sit down for five minutes in here!” I am in no mood to be toyed with.
“Shut up! You got your yellow ass out of the house, you didn’t spend one dime and you got all of the drinks to last you another four months, when we can do it again…..and something else happened? Damn, what was it?”
“Oh yeah! Some chocolate sexiness of a man held her ass up all night! That’s what happened!”
I hate NaNa’s voice sometimes.
“What did ya’ll talk about when he called?”