by Zi'ere
“I know damned well that you have gotten further than just some jeans and a bra! Damn, why do you always have to take forever getting dressed?”
“Shit! Hey to you too first of all! Second, I don’t really want to go anyways, so I can take off my jeans and my bra and get my yellow ass back in my bed! You decide?”
I politely flip her off, as I make my way on back to my bedroom.
“That’s my fault, I apologize Family. You know that I’m just playing with you! I’m just stressed that’s all. This muthafucka at work is about to make me lose my damn job! I need a drink as soon as possible though. And I know this is a dry estab- uh-oh, this girl has some wine in the fridge! I have officially seen it all!” Jai is jumping up and down on the tile in the kitchen.
“Get your ass out of my refrigerator! You can wait thirty minutes! Drink some water and give your liver a surprise!” I step into the hallway, as I take my bra off.
“Always with the jokes and shit. It’s cool though. That’s why I’m putting you on the same side of the table as your bestie! Take that!”
“Do it and see if my car won’t be navigated straight back here after I eat and get mellow on your tab to pay! Why do ya’ll keep on inviting that girl to the shit that we do? You know damn well that she doesn’t want to go. Hell…her attitude is worse than mine! Plus I don’t feel like looking at her lil perfect ass all night! Why doesn’t she have her own friends to put up with her snooty ass?”
“Kamille Trinae Foster, please tell the court how you really feel.”
“I told ya’ll to keep that heifer away from me but nope. Nobody listens to me. I’m the youngest but ya’ll have got to wait until fireworks start before you’ll listen to me!” I continue to fuss, as I finish getting myself together.
“Both of ya’ll are prissy and neither one of ya’ll can fight sleep. Ain’t nothing gone pop off. Now with your other bestie, I will need security and police if she pops off.”
I click my teeth and roll my eyes behind my cousins back. I’d never have had a reason to fist fight in the past. But in reality, I have been fighting my entire life. Jai knows that better than anyone.
I decide to wear a cute backless shirt, cute comfortable tight jeans, and cute heels. If Jai isn’t dressed for a fashion show, we might be at risk to fight tonight for all I know. There is no telling where we are going for her to be in a pair of jeans. No matter what though, I need to hurry up and get out of the door. The quicker the night gets started, the quicker I can be back in my serenity. I grab my fake ID, cash from my wallet, and lip gloss from my big bag. I find an outfit matching clutch bag in my closet and I am ready to go in ten minutes.
3
Never one to be caught up in their shenanigans without a way home, I drive my own 2014 Nissan Altima. I follow Jai’s black on black Audi to the gas station just a block away from my apartment complex. It’s also doubled as the meet up spot. I gas up and then follow the three crazy women to Applebee’s for dinner. We’re going to eat before we go out to wherever their idea of the party will be on this Friday night.
There is no telling how the night will end based on past experiences. One thing is always guaranteed though…..Kamille isn’t going to forget this night for the rest of her life. The four of us are seated fairly quickly, even though NaNa’s favorite restaurant is jam packed. We sit at a high rise table by the bar. Drinks are delivered by text message and it lets us all know the deal. We have the hook-up at the bar and in the kitchen.
“Girl, how didn’t you know that you had a plate up there today? Dr. Adams must’ve been going in on ya’lls asses today?” Jai starts the conversation off.
“Uh- yes Ma’am, he was clowning! He drug tested everybody that came in today. Taniha was pissed!”
Jai laughs and Neka and NaNa are too busy into their phones.
“I’m surprised he didn’t put ya’ll thru a random too!”
“Tani’s baby daddy just got out, so they just had a smoke fest. I had already sent Alissa for a random Monday!”
“Good looking out for your people!”
I give myself finger snaps of praise, as I start to get in her business.
“What’s going on with you at work?”
“You know how men hit it and then jump off the ride real quick like ain’t nothing happened? Well when a woman does that shit to them, they can’t handle it!”
“In other words, Jeff the ad man is clowning with her ass!” NaNa speaks up.
“Thank you for telling the whole restaurant that I fucked Jeff the ad man!” Jai rolls her eyes, as she covers her face.
Neka giggles.
“I’m trying to get better ya’ll! Don’t do me like that,” NaNa actually lowers her voice this time.
We all break out into tears of laughter. She has no ability to control that loud ass hood microphone that she speaks with. Conversation flows and drinks follow as we chop it up with each other for ole time’s sake. It is kind of a sad moment for me because I only have one more semester, which will prevent me from being able to turn them down like I normally do. I will have no excuses left after I’ve graduated.
Besides, I am the only one with no kids. These heifers won’t accept any excuse that I can ever come up with. My attention flies to Neka. She is dressed as if she is hitting the Grammy’s after Applebee’s. Unsure of how much she’s spent on her outfit for the night, is not a factor of importance to me. I cannot identify with her choice of clothing, especially if no one of importance is going to see her in it.
“Miss Neka, where are you going tonight? You must be leaving us when you’re done eating?” I just can’t seem to help myself.
I have to know her reasoning for being the only one dressed for a separate occasion. She is in what can be considered as a too short mini prom dress. I can see its purpose…it shows off her tiny waist and big boobs.
“No, I’m down with the ladies for the night. You know how I do though- I dress to impress no matter what,” she replies with salt in her voice.
“I can understand that, Girl.”
My smile is plastic it’s so fake.
Was that supposed to mean that the other three women at the table aren’t dressed to impress? This the reason that I don’t talk to this heifer!
The wheels are turning in my head. I am about to investigate her choice of words even further but Jai hits me in my side and NaNa kicks me in the shin under the table. I roll my beautiful eyes at both of them. I’m not going to spend my time discussing anything with Neka.
“Where are we going anyway, nobody told me yet?” I am talking more to Jai and NaNa than her.
She would have known that had she been making eye contact with me while she was talking to me.
“Fun over cuteness wins tonight! We are going to dance all of our blues away, going to swing out, do the electric slide, we’ gone party like back in the day!”
Of course NaNa knows the plans for the night.
“Party like who back in the day? Kam ain’t even old enough to have that drink, the fuck outta here.” Neka decides to add to the conversation.
“I kn………” Jai puts her hand over my mouth.
I catch the daggers that she shoots at me. Everyone knows that I can do without Neka in my life. I’m not even sure how she ended up still being a part of our circle when no one likes her ass. I am the only one bold enough to let it be known how I really feel about her.
“Come on now, that wasn’t even called for Neka. This is a grown woman. She goes to work every day. She wears panties and she puts her pants on one leg at a time just like you do. All things considered she is the one most worthy of that drink in front of her than any of us!” Jai scolds her.
“We all agreed a long time ago that we weren’t going to bring up Kam’s age. Hell, we all know how old she is, but so the fuck what? You kill me with that shit!” NaNa isn’t scolding her now she is ready to pass out an ass whipping.
I have to pull the conversation out of the ditch.
“I’m not
staying out all night with ya’lls hot asses…..this is what I do know for sure!” I try to protest.
“You will be at our side until it’s time for the lights to be turned out and you will love every minute of it!” Jai adds.
“Ya’ll better have your damn keys in your hands because if you leave them with me you’re going to have problems and situations when you finally do get ready to leave. Keep on like you don’t know that I won’t leave your asses!”
“Damn sholl will! Ya’ll remember when we were at the strip club in Atlanta?” Neka decides to join in more pleasant talk about me now with her shady ass.
“This chick right here cuts up without scissors! How are you gone act like you didn’t know what was about to go down, after we got in there? Dude gave her one velvet covered dick to the face and she storms out!”
I look around as the entire table delighted in my uncomfortable feelings about that night. I throw my part of the tip onto the table and then I carry my bag right on out of the door, without saying another word. They really get on my nerves sometimes! What respectable woman wants to be in a standing sixty-nine with a man, who was a complete stranger, in front of hundreds of witnesses? They will never have a pic to post on Facebook of me in my shame. That is the stuff Neka lives on.
By the time I make it to my car, the bad azz crew is coming out of the doors.
I hear NaNa say, “Kam needs some dick in her life! There is no way she can still be that damn stuck up after three Long Island iced teas, with double shots in all of them! That’s six drinks and she still walked out on us with an attitude!”
I know damn well that the community harlot is not talking about me needing dick? You would be the one to know, Trick! The nerve of that skank!
I am laughing my ass off the whole time. They know that I mean what I say and I don’t say shit that I don’t mean.
4
As we travel from a nice area in the city to a shady area, I try to reach both of my parents who were now divorced, by cell phone. It’s still early enough for both of them to be awake but neither one of them accept my call day or night. It is a sad situation and Jai will kill me if I let it ruin my night. The things that my parents have put me through are so emotionally damaging they should be in prison.
This is the kind of shit that makes you drink, murder, or become a cat lady. Fuck ya’ll…you don’t want me so I won’t want you. End of discussion.
I am talking to myself, as I toss my phone into my purse. I assume that we are getting close to some action because cars are parked on both sides of the street, in front of and around what looks to be a single story brick house. More cars are parked on the grass. I can only shake my head.
So much for being high class tonight! Neka’s weave and Gucci dress are finna be smoked out in fifteen minutes! Ha! That’s what her ass gets!
I follow the lead of the professional club hoppers and park my car on the curb. I am pissed that I have to hop a curb with brand new tires and a new sports kit on my car. I need another drink and I need one bad. At this point, I don’t give two shits about who is behind the bar, I just need a bartender. The loud TK Soul blues song beat flows into the street and I know that it has to be a nuisance to the homes that surround it.
I guess it’s time for these heifers to get new sugar daddies since we’re at the hole in the wall tonight. I need to start betting money on these chick’s routines! I will be one rich woman.
I will get my drinks true enough. Even though I was complaining about the age group that’s inside of the club I know that I won’t have to spend a dime tonight. That is the benefit of hanging out in the old man clubs. The money I’d saved to drink twelve dollar, top shelf liquor in small cups all night like everyone else will make it back into my piggy bank. I could choose bottom shelf liquor and be wasted for twenty bucks by the time the night is over on my own. Instead a man would send over a top shelf set up and I would be wasted for free. I giggle to myself, these chicks are something else.
At the door, I am eyed up and down but never asked for my ID. I feel like I that I should ask for the older man’s ID. That way I can press charges on him for raping me with those beady ass eyes of his. I am still laughing to myself. He isn’t even trying to hide his satisfaction in what he sees at all. I need to lighten up. Apparently being up to code on keeping minors out of their club isn’t a big issue at all. The real issue was if the supposed to be bouncer had actually asked for ID like he was supposed to, he wouldn’t have been able to do the math anyway. He has to be damn near eighty years old, seventy five at the least. The only thing he can see well is ass and titties. Since there is four of us at one time standing in front of him, he is hella distracted and excited. I assume that as long as a female didn’t have braces in her mouth, she was all set to get in. In a matter of seconds so am I because there is no cover charge.
No cover charge and drinking off of my good looks is always my kind of night. I make a note to remember this spot for future reference. Who knows when a broke college student is going to need an expenses free night again, especially when she wanted to be all alone.
The four of us are led to a table by a club employee who is all of sixty years old. It isn’t a good sixty seconds that have gone by before men old enough to be my grand-daddy are sending us all drinks to our table. An hour later each woman is on a high level alcohol induced buzz and has set out to hook the fish they want to catch. Kicking it with a man old enough to be my daddy or grand-daddy isn’t my style just yet. I remain at the table on purse duty. Which means with the other ladies gone I am an open target for any and every man around me. I am not happy about it either.
I don’t have a smile on my face but I’m not frowning either as I am mentally trying to decide how I am going to spend my Saturday. I was mellow but I wouldn’t allow myself to get drunk. So it isn’t like I am going to be nursing a hangover or putting some strange man out of my house, so the possibilities are endless. My stuck up mood changes when I notice a tall chocolate brother staring me down from across the room. I can’t stop myself from doing a minute to win it assessment, which was taught to me by none other than Jai.
5
He has brand new all white Air Force One’s on his feet. The rapper Nelly has taught us all how to spot and respect those within in a matter of seconds. His blue jeans are hanging grown man low, not tacky sagging but straight from the cleaners. He has on a crispy white long tee that is brand new as well. Diamonds sparkle in the watch on his left wrist. No wedding band on that hand either. There is a white gold chain around his neck, not too flashy but with a cross as the charm. His low fade looks as if he has just left the barber’s chair a minute ago. Because he is smiling at me, I notice he has white perfect teeth.
I begin to get hot as I gaze back at him. His skin is so dark and smooth he has no razor bumps or stubble. He is put together simple but I’d be a fool not to notice that he has the stature of someone important. He looks like he runs shit everywhere he goes. I quickly look away when he catches me staring. I’m not one to drool over any man so I have to recover just as fast. I take out my cell phone and pretend to be engrossed in a new texting conversation. A new song is now being played and Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome uses it for motivation as he walks his sexy ass to my table. I freeze in place when his cocky ass winks at me as if he is in a tooth paste commercial.
I don’t need this shit…I just need my drink and a couple of songs. Can I just enjoy my drink in peace without being rubbed up on? Please keep going…don’t stop…don’t stop…keep going….damn!
“Hey Ms. Lady, how are you doing tonight?”
I give a smile with no teeth and a quick answer, “I’m good.”
Dry as hell, just the way I intend for it to be.
“So, you’re just going to sit here looking bored all night? Your girls are having a ball! You shouldn’t be sitting here all alone.”
“All alone never hurt anyone. I’m good, I promise.”
“Oh, okay.”
“Can
I buy you a drink?”
I raise the plastic cup in front of me. “Nah, I’m good. Thanks though.”
“So let me get this right: you’re not talking to any of these muthafuckas in here, you’re sitting here looking mean as hell, and I can’t buy you a drink? Damn! I think my feelings are hurt.”
Before I can control myself, my face responds to the handsome stranger before me. By the sharp movement of shock in my neck, the buck of my eyes, the wrinkles in my forehead, and the tilt of my head- ole boy gets my message loud and clear.
“Let me get my ass on before you stomp me into the ground in here. I ain’t got back up or nothing. Okay, well enjoy your night Lil Mama, be easy. OK?”
Kamille, well I be damned with your mean ass! You know what- I don’t even care! He is going to have to do better than that. I don’t care how handsome he is! I bet if I pull Mr. Charlie from out the corner with his lime green gator’s on- he would have better game than that fool!
I only have a head nod for a response. I watch the stranger walk away from my table to another table across the room with four other women sitting at it. One of the women grabs him by the arm, pulls him down, and talks into his ear. I can see her neck rolling and his look of boredom. I start a new game of Candy Crush on my phone.
How you in the club tryna holla and your girl is in here too any damn way? That’s why I wasn’t feeling your flirting ass! Think he too damn cute anyway!
“While you’re bullshitting, you don’t need to let that one get away and that is some real talk for your ass! Get your fuckin nose out of the air, with your stuck up ass!”
I nearly jump out of my skin as Jai sneaks up behind me, hollering in my ear.
“Why you cussing at me and he is the one coming over here being a damn clown! Cuss him out because it looks like his hands are full. So what am I supposed to do, boo? Go over there and sit in the middle of the damn table?”